I was an AP and now I'm a wife, AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you providing financial support for him?

I'm not, but because I have a decent paying job, I'm not hurting him financially like his ex wife did. She didn't work and would max out credit cards and spend money out of their savings and checking shopping for herself. He had to get a separate bank account to put a stop to that.

Let me get this straight...
Your DH left his AA wife because she was ghetto and now he is financially supported by his white wife? I think I saw that movie!

He isn't financially supported by me. Both of us have jobs and neither of us are spending money we don't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't have to worry about that because I love to cook and clean. Plus I believe in keeping my husband satisfied.

Well, good luck with that. I don't think you have any understanding of the way that marriages change after children are born. I'm not saying that this is why your husband's first marriage failed, but when you have an infant child to care for, things like cooking and cleaning and prioritizing blowjobs becomes harder. Many women - myself included - have "slacked" on those fronts at various points post-children.

The reality is that his ex's behavior is only part of the issue here. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. I'm told that it's easier to justify cheating once you've already done it.

He said she was like that prior to kids. If he didn't get her pregnant, he never would've married her for those reasons.

That's nice. I was talking about what happens when YOU do those things. Apparently they were enough reason for him to have an affair once. Why would he stop short of an affair when you "slip" from "keeping him satisfied"?

I would never stop.

I see. Since you have not actually had to experience the situation I described above, I have a hard time taking your assurances that you will never change seriously. I also notice that you didn't answer my question, but instead dismissed the premise. So I'll ask again, if a time should come when you are not able to maintain whatever level of oral sex, housecleaning and cooking keeps your husband satisfied and he steps out on you the same way he did before, will that be your fault?

Yes it would. If it's something he constantly asked for and I wasn't fulfilling that then I would be at fault.

[Anonymous]

I've seen affairs turn into long term relationships. If one person is lonely and and is really searching for something their spouse will not provide its almost inevitable. In the case I saw it was the man who was single and she had an affair. Her husband just ignored her. No time, no sex, he came home and just sat on his computer and Xbox. She was dying for attention and someone gave it to her and they worked out well. I've also seen men get into relationships with their AP but no marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't have to worry about that because I love to cook and clean. Plus I believe in keeping my husband satisfied.

Well, good luck with that. I don't think you have any understanding of the way that marriages change after children are born. I'm not saying that this is why your husband's first marriage failed, but when you have an infant child to care for, things like cooking and cleaning and prioritizing blowjobs becomes harder. Many women - myself included - have "slacked" on those fronts at various points post-children.

The reality is that his ex's behavior is only part of the issue here. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. I'm told that it's easier to justify cheating once you've already done it.

He said she was like that prior to kids. If he didn't get her pregnant, he never would've married her for those reasons.

That's nice. I was talking about what happens when YOU do those things. Apparently they were enough reason for him to have an affair once. Why would he stop short of an affair when you "slip" from "keeping him satisfied"?

I would never stop.

I see. Since you have not actually had to experience the situation I described above, I have a hard time taking your assurances that you will never change seriously. I also notice that you didn't answer my question, but instead dismissed the premise. So I'll ask again, if a time should come when you are not able to maintain whatever level of oral sex, housecleaning and cooking keeps your husband satisfied and he steps out on you the same way he did before, will that be your fault?

Yes it would. If it's something he constantly asked for and I wasn't fulfilling that then I would be at fault.

No, it wouldn't. Because you know what? You don't actually have to give your husband everything he wants all the time.

You clearly do not know very much about what a healthy relationship is like. Based on your description, your husband's first marriage sounds bad for a lot of reasons, but it really sounds like you are overcorrecting. Please keep in mind that the things he has told you about his first marriage are filtered through his perception. So she was not into cooking, cleaning, or blowjobs - he married her anyway. He married her because she had a kid? Great. So you're having a kid now, and you know that with this man, that's not an inoculation against infidelity or divorce. He has already shown you that those vows are breakable, provided that he can justify it to himself.

Those of us who have been through the first years of marriage and childrearing have been offering you perspective into experiences that you have not had. Not all of our marriages imploded because we were too exhausted to give blowjobs or clean the kitchen. With every post you write, it sounds more and more like you are in a very subservient role. When you do conceive a child, will you continue to work, or will you be expected to stay home and raise the children?

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. Wait til you get pregnant/give birth. He'll be back out there in no time. You're very naïve. But I guess you know better. I guess we're all just haters. BTW, I am a second wife whose husband had the decency to try and make his marriage work then end it before he began dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't have to worry about that because I love to cook and clean. Plus I believe in keeping my husband satisfied.

Well, good luck with that. I don't think you have any understanding of the way that marriages change after children are born. I'm not saying that this is why your husband's first marriage failed, but when you have an infant child to care for, things like cooking and cleaning and prioritizing blowjobs becomes harder. Many women - myself included - have "slacked" on those fronts at various points post-children.

The reality is that his ex's behavior is only part of the issue here. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. I'm told that it's easier to justify cheating once you've already done it.

He said she was like that prior to kids. If he didn't get her pregnant, he never would've married her for those reasons.

That's nice. I was talking about what happens when YOU do those things. Apparently they were enough reason for him to have an affair once. Why would he stop short of an affair when you "slip" from "keeping him satisfied"?

I would never stop.

I see. Since you have not actually had to experience the situation I described above, I have a hard time taking your assurances that you will never change seriously. I also notice that you didn't answer my question, but instead dismissed the premise. So I'll ask again, if a time should come when you are not able to maintain whatever level of oral sex, housecleaning and cooking keeps your husband satisfied and he steps out on you the same way he did before, will that be your fault?

Yes it would. If it's something he constantly asked for and I wasn't fulfilling that then I would be at fault.

No, it wouldn't. Because you know what? You don't actually have to give your husband everything he wants all the time.

You clearly do not know very much about what a healthy relationship is like. Based on your description, your husband's first marriage sounds bad for a lot of reasons, but it really sounds like you are overcorrecting. Please keep in mind that the things he has told you about his first marriage are filtered through his perception. So she was not into cooking, cleaning, or blowjobs - he married her anyway. He married her because she had a kid? Great. So you're having a kid now, and you know that with this man, that's not an inoculation against infidelity or divorce. He has already shown you that those vows are breakable, provided that he can justify it to himself.

Those of us who have been through the first years of marriage and childrearing have been offering you perspective into experiences that you have not had. Not all of our marriages imploded because we were too exhausted to give blowjobs or clean the kitchen. With every post you write, it sounds more and more like you are in a very subservient role. When you do conceive a child, will you continue to work, or will you be expected to stay home and raise the children?

Uh, believe me, ain't no way he'll let her quit working!

[Anonymous]

16:00, my plan is to continue working. There's no way we can afford child care on one salary.

[Anonymous]

You have the nerve to call his ex ghetto, yet you were screwing a married man? Uh, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't have to worry about that because I love to cook and clean. Plus I believe in keeping my husband satisfied.

Well, good luck with that. I don't think you have any understanding of the way that marriages change after children are born. I'm not saying that this is why your husband's first marriage failed, but when you have an infant child to care for, things like cooking and cleaning and prioritizing blowjobs becomes harder. Many women - myself included - have "slacked" on those fronts at various points post-children.

The reality is that his ex's behavior is only part of the issue here. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. I'm told that it's easier to justify cheating once you've already done it.

He said she was like that prior to kids. If he didn't get her pregnant, he never would've married her for those reasons.

That's nice. I was talking about what happens when YOU do those things. Apparently they were enough reason for him to have an affair once. Why would he stop short of an affair when you "slip" from "keeping him satisfied"?

I would never stop.

I see. Since you have not actually had to experience the situation I described above, I have a hard time taking your assurances that you will never change seriously. I also notice that you didn't answer my question, but instead dismissed the premise. So I'll ask again, if a time should come when you are not able to maintain whatever level of oral sex, housecleaning and cooking keeps your husband satisfied and he steps out on you the same way he did before, will that be your fault?

Yes it would. If it's something he constantly asked for and I wasn't fulfilling that then I would be at fault.

No, it wouldn't. Because you know what? You don't actually have to give your husband everything he wants all the time.

You clearly do not know very much about what a healthy relationship is like. Based on your description, your husband's first marriage sounds bad for a lot of reasons, but it really sounds like you are overcorrecting. Please keep in mind that the things he has told you about his first marriage are filtered through his perception. So she was not into cooking, cleaning, or blowjobs - he married her anyway. He married her because she had a kid? Great. So you're having a kid now, and you know that with this man, that's not an inoculation against infidelity or divorce. He has already shown you that those vows are breakable, provided that he can justify it to himself.

Those of us who have been through the first years of marriage and childrearing have been offering you perspective into experiences that you have not had. Not all of our marriages imploded because we were too exhausted to give blowjobs or clean the kitchen. With every post you write, it sounds more and more like you are in a very subservient role. When you do conceive a child, will you continue to work, or will you be expected to stay home and raise the children?

+1

OP - how old are you? You sound quite naive and young, and maybe too much of a pleaser? That doesn't bode well for you.

If he asks for a 3 way, and he really wants it, I guess you would give it to him? If you don't give it to him, and goes and seeks it elsewhere, you would seriously consider it your fault? I think you have some issues and an unhealthy view of marriage.

If/when you have a child, and you want him to contribute 50% of childcare/household chores (and if you read this forum, many a DH's don't even do 30%), and he doesn't, will you divorce him because he's not giving you what you want? I hope for your sake that you have expectations, and he is more than willing to meet those expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:00, my plan is to continue working. There's no way we can afford child care on one salary.

So you're going to work, have a baby, and continue to do all the cooking and cleaning? Do I understand that correctly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:00, my plan is to continue working. There's no way we can afford child care on one salary.

You wouldn't need childcare of one of you was a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

You were an AP and now a wife to a complete loser, OP. Your smug tone is completely unwarranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:00, my plan is to continue working. There's no way we can afford child care on one salary.

You wouldn't need childcare of one of you was a SAHP.

We would have our child enrolled in preschool part time when he/she turns 2. Plus don't forget about other expenses such as diapers, formula (in case I can't breastfeed), clothes, doctor bills. We need two incomes to afford all of that plus our other bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:00, my plan is to continue working. There's no way we can afford child care on one salary.

You wouldn't need childcare of one of you was a SAHP.

We would have our child enrolled in preschool part time when he/she turns 2. Plus don't forget about other expenses such as diapers, formula (in case I can't breastfeed), clothes, doctor bills. We need two incomes to afford all of that plus our other bills.

Okay, so you both work, and you do all the housework right now? Does he contribute at all to the housework?

Did his first wife work?

[Anonymous]

OP lost me when she called the first wife ghetto despite being a nasty hobag herself.