Reply to I was an AP and now I'm a wife, AMA

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Reply to "I was an AP and now I'm a wife, AMA"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He won't have to worry about that because I love to cook and clean. Plus I believe in keeping my husband satisfied.[/quote]

Well, good luck with that. I don't think you have any understanding of the way that marriages change after children are born. I'm not saying that this is why your husband's first marriage failed, but when you have an infant child to care for, things like cooking and cleaning and prioritizing blowjobs becomes harder. Many women - myself included - have "slacked" on those fronts at various points post-children.

The reality is that his ex's behavior is only part of the issue here. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. I'm told that it's easier to justify cheating once you've already done it. [/quote]

He said she was like that prior to kids. If he didn't get her pregnant, he never would've married her for those reasons.[/quote]

That's nice. I was talking about what happens when YOU do those things. Apparently they were enough reason for him to have an affair once. Why would he stop short of an affair when you "slip" from "keeping him satisfied"?[/quote]

I would never stop.[/quote]

I see. Since you have not actually had to experience the situation I described above, I have a hard time taking your assurances that you will never change seriously. I also notice that you didn't answer my question, but instead dismissed the premise. So I'll ask again, if a time should come when you are not able to maintain whatever level of oral sex, housecleaning and cooking keeps your husband satisfied and he steps out on you the same way he did before, will that be your fault?[/quote]

Yes it would. If it's something he constantly asked for and I wasn't fulfilling that then I would be at fault.[/quote]

No, it wouldn't. Because you know what? You don't actually have to give your husband everything he wants all the time.

You clearly do not know very much about what a healthy relationship is like. Based on your description, your husband's first marriage sounds bad for a lot of reasons, but it really sounds like you are overcorrecting. Please keep in mind that the things he has told you about his first marriage are filtered through his perception. So she was not into cooking, cleaning, or blowjobs - he married her anyway. He married her because she had a kid? Great. So you're having a kid now, and you know that with this man, that's not an inoculation against infidelity or divorce. He has already shown you that those vows are breakable, provided that he can justify it to himself.

Those of us who have been through the first years of marriage and childrearing have been offering you perspective into experiences that you have not had. Not all of our marriages imploded because we were too exhausted to give blowjobs or clean the kitchen. With every post you write, it sounds more and more like you are in a very subservient role. When you do conceive a child, will you continue to work, or will you be expected to stay home and raise the children? [/quote]

Uh, believe me, ain't no way he'll let her quit working![/quote]

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