Do you sometimes wish you were widowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, especially on days that I am so angry at him.. I often dream of myself living with just me and the kids.. I have come to resent him over the years for being so controlling which led to really falling out of love.. on the other hand, I don't want to divorce for the sake of my children as they don't really see us being unhappy and miserable.. but I am, have been for a good few years.. so yeah sometimes I daydream about it only because he is also very unhealthy.. his doctor even said he might not reach 50 if he does not change his ways (he is only 42 now)

Are you sure your kids don’t pick up on the unhappiness in your marriage?
If your husband is unhealthy, watch out that he doesn’t have a debilitating stroke or heart attack which would result in you getting stuck taking care of him. Leave while you can.

I have had to master the act of pretending.. sure there maybe days that my oldest will pick up a tension but it's not always the case.. I always try not to show when we fight or ague around our kids.. to be fair I am still working and hoping that things will fall back in to place once again for our marriage, but at the same time I can't help but wonder and daydream on not having to consult to anyone and being controlled as well.. I have never been to a mall by myself! always with him or with a child because he prefers it that way! so yes, I dream about being able to do mundane things just by myself and make all the decisions for me and my children.. and honestly, the children are closer to me than him and relies on me more.. he does not do sh*t at home at all.. and my kids can see that.. as for him being unhealthy, we've always talked about death between us.. it's not a sore subject for us.. we've told each other how we want it in the unfortunate event that we get really sick and in his case if he gets a heart attack or stroke.. he never wanted to live a vegetable so he always told me if I had a choice to pull the plug, then I must do it..

[Anonymous]

I know two widows with kids. Their husbands were awful. One was an alcoholic who couldn't hold it together and lived separately. The other had some sort of severe ASD or something and they lived separately because of it. In neither situation was the family worse off without him around. In fact, from what I can see they're better off. And the mom/wife no longer has to take care of him on top of caring for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Terrible OP terrible. You need to leave this relationship and get mental help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Being a widow w kids at a young age (like my grandmother was) must be totally different from being stuck in an abusive marriage with kids for decades.

Don’t bother comparing them or saying Please don’t tell me your problems.

Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I never wished to be a widow but I did wish he would have an affair so he'd be happy and I could think say and do things without all the effing scrutiny/criticism.

[Anonymous]

Another bizarre post Pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

The thread was absolutely relevant to me. Who said anything about a happy marriage? His severe depression and the way I held up him and the family before and after he took his life was all devastating. Just try to be kind is all I was saying.

[Anonymous]

My DH was in a plane crash (survived, but the notification process was traumatic). Hell, no I don't wish I was a widow. I came close enough.

[Anonymous]

Time to move on OP

[Anonymous]

If I were a widow and had been happily married etc etc I wouldn’t click on this thread. This thread is for unhappy married people. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

I can only hope and pray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can only hope and pray.

And actually the statistics are in my favor.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s normal to wish your spouse were dead. I would be devastated if my DH died and my children too! Are the posters serious?