Do you sometimes wish you were widowed

[Anonymous]

This is a really eye opening and depressing thread. I'm sorry I stopped in.

[Anonymous]

I think thoughts and feelings can run the absolute gamut in a typical marriage and one snapshot in time does not mean you are bad, the marriage is bad, etc.

[Anonymous]

Every day. I’m divorced from DH, yet he continues to make our lives miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every day. I’m divorced from DH, yet he continues to make our lives miserable.

+1

[Anonymous]

It’s just a fantasy everyone ! Jeez. Divorce is messy and hard. Maybe we just fantasize because we want it all to be over with. I have divorced my monster of an ex husband and he is worse to me now than before and drags our kids in the middle. Death would’ve been easier. Plain and simple. If not his - well then, maybe mine. I wish I had a partner who I loved so much and who treated me so wonderfully that the thought of losing them was heart breaking. “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” Someone once said. But I don’t know what that feels like because I never had it with this person. I thought I did for a period of time and then it all unraveled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

Yes. I wish he would move to a foreign country with a new wife and family and just forget us. Or die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

But why is it only a fantasy, when it could be a reality? You could get a mediator, split everything in half, and be done with it? Why not? It must be money, yet they are good enough to provide money, and you hate them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

But why is it only a fantasy, when it could be a reality? You could get a mediator, split everything in half, and be done with it? Why not? It must be money, yet they are good enough to provide money, and you hate them?

King Solomon…is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

But why is it only a fantasy, when it could be a reality? You could get a mediator, split everything in half, and be done with it? Why not? It must be money, yet they are good enough to provide money, and you hate them?

I don’t want any of his money. I don’t care what he does with it.
I just don’t think he would give up the kids and leave me alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just a fantasy everyone ! Jeez. Divorce is messy and hard. Maybe we just fantasize because we want it all to be over with. I have divorced my monster of an ex husband and he is worse to me now than before and drags our kids in the middle. Death would’ve been easier. Plain and simple. If not his - well then, maybe mine. I wish I had a partner who I loved so much and who treated me so wonderfully that the thought of losing them was heart breaking. “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” Someone once said. But I don’t know what that feels like because I never had it with this person. I thought I did for a period of time and then it all unraveled.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

Newsflash: divorce is hard. Coparenting is often harder than being in the same house with someone you despise. I know from personal experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

But why is it only a fantasy, when it could be a reality? You could get a mediator, split everything in half, and be done with it? Why not? It must be money, yet they are good enough to provide money, and you hate them?

NP. You don't get it. If you coparent you are never done with them. They won't leave you alone. It's worse than marriage. Really. This is why people fantasize about being widows. It is the only way you can raise your kids alone in peace. Divorce is often worse than the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Let's clarify it. You are okay with your kids losing their dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

But why is it only a fantasy, when it could be a reality? You could get a mediator, split everything in half, and be done with it? Why not? It must be money, yet they are good enough to provide money, and you hate them?

NP. You don't get it. If you coparent you are never done with them. They won't leave you alone. It's worse than marriage. Really. This is why people fantasize about being widows. It is the only way you can raise your kids alone in peace. Divorce is often worse than the marriage.

I’ve come to this realization. Probably easier to live an a loveless and emotionally unfulfilling existence, with a man I can’t stand, and be able to protect my kids/control some of the situations that come from his drinking, passive aggressive behavior etc. It’s awful. Sometimes I wish it were me who would just die because it’s a pretty exhausting and sad way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

But why is it only a fantasy, when it could be a reality? You could get a mediator, split everything in half, and be done with it? Why not? It must be money, yet they are good enough to provide money, and you hate them?

NP. You don't get it. If you coparent you are never done with them. They won't leave you alone. It's worse than marriage. Really. This is why people fantasize about being widows. It is the only way you can raise your kids alone in peace. Divorce is often worse than the marriage.

I’ve come to this realization. Probably easier to live an a loveless and emotionally unfulfilling existence, with a man I can’t stand, and be able to protect my kids/control some of the situations that come from his drinking, passive aggressive behavior etc. It’s awful. Sometimes I wish it were me who would just die because it’s a pretty exhausting and sad way to live.

This was my fear, too: XDH's awful behavior working on the kids without me to protect them.

Perhaps you can count down the days until your kids go off to college and you can divorce. I stuck it out until DD was in college and DS was a junior in HS. At which point XDH asked for a divorce (not me, I was waiting until DS was also safely in college). But come to find that DS saw right through XDH and chose to live with me full-time for the rest of his high school. I guess my point is, there's an end in sight, even though it might be five or a dozen years away.