Do you sometimes wish you were widowed

[Anonymous]

This was my fear, too: XDH's awful behavior working on the kids without me to protect them.

Perhaps you can count down the days until your kids go off to college and you can divorce. I stuck it out until DD was in college and DS was a junior in HS. At which point XDH asked for a divorce (not me, I was waiting until DS was also safely in college). But come to find that DS saw right through XDH and chose to live with me full-time for the rest of his high school. I guess my point is, there's an end in sight, even though it might be five or a dozen years away.

This is me. I am counting down the years. I am trying to stick it out until kids are able to drive. I believe they will want to stay with me full-time too, and I don't want the courts to mandate 50/50 without me being there for them. I am detached from DH at this point.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

Yes. I wish he would move to a foreign country with a new wife and family and just forget us. Or die.

Amen. Good riddance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's clarify it. You are okay with your kids losing their dad?

Define “dad”

[Anonymous]

Every day.

[Anonymous]

If your ex is such a toxic person that they are a net negative for your kids, then it makes sense to wish this, at least sometimes. Because everyone except the ex (but particularly you and your new or future partner) would be better off with them dead, including financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your ex is such a toxic person that they are a net negative for your kids, then it makes sense to wish this, at least sometimes. Because everyone except the ex (but particularly you and your new or future partner) would be better off with them dead, including financially.

You mean the kids. The kids would be better off.
Instead they are in therapy for life, learning how to set boundaries with a narcissistic, manipulative “father” who neglects them, parentifies them, and alienates them. They also know not to let him near any grandchildren, too many “accidents” happen.

[Anonymous]

I fantasize about my own…disappearance…frequently. Like if I could be zapped out of existence and my DH and children wouldn’t remember or be sad, he is such a good dad and I think he would be a good single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow - since kids were young- and I do not wish this life on anyone.

You would if you had an abusive marriage: would love nothing better than living life with just me and my kids. That is far better than a horrible marriage or having to coparent with someone you never want to speak to again.

Can you please not say this to a widow? We are traumatized enough as it is without your projections. I am sorry for anyone's trauma about an abusive marriage, but please extend kindness to others' situations without inserting a different narrative. Being in an abusive marriage is terrible. Being a widow is terrible. Leave it at that, please.

Can you please not bring up your widow-hood to those who wish they were widowed? It is triggering. We are traumatized enough without your self-righteous feelings. I'm sorry for your loss, but stop flaunting your happy marriage and devestating loss. How about you just don't read the threads that don't seem relevant to you?

Ain't that right? Why were these self-righteous women in their high horses even reading this thread in the first place?? And just newsflash, we do not outright wish death upon our spouses, NO! we just simply daydream of becoming alone and be rid of the shackles of marriage with awful husbands! Divorce you say?? Well, do you guarantee that it will all be rainbows and sunshine after you go separate ways? didn't think so.. You do not know how I walk in these shoes same way I don't in yours and sorry for your loss but, again this thread and this question is not meant for you people who are in fact grieving and is irrelevant to what you are going through

NP here. Maybe you can explain to people how you reside with someone, in the same house, whom you so clearly despise. Surely it would be worse to be apart, and to start your life over? What are your fears? That no one will want you? That you will be alone? Broke? Both? Something else? Trying to imagine feeling this way, yet refusing to take steps to change the situation, and live a healthier, more fulfilling life. Why did you marry? To check a box?

The fantasy is to be apart and start over.
I mean, you could say that I wish for him to disappear or to move away and forget about me and the kids.

Yes. I wish he would move to a foreign country with a new wife and family and just forget us. Or die.

I used to wish my ex would have an affair and leave us alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your ex is such a toxic person that they are a net negative for your kids, then it makes sense to wish this, at least sometimes. Because everyone except the ex (but particularly you and your new or future partner) would be better off with them dead, including financially.

You mean the kids. The kids would be better off.
Instead they are in therapy for life, learning how to set boundaries with a narcissistic, manipulative “father” who neglects them, parentifies them, and alienates them. They also know not to let him near any grandchildren, too many “accidents” happen.

PP here. I’m a guy. Not sure what gave you license to assume that a toxic ex must be the father.