How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have traditionally been the first to cry outrage when kids are excluded from parties. However, this year as my kids rise in elementary school it's more and more difficult to deal with
kids who are out of bounds all the time. Both my kids (I have twins who are now in second grade) have kids in their classes who hit, kick, swear at the teacher, tell sports coaches "make me!" when asked to do things, etc.
And this is in upper NW DC. These are kids from "good families".
I assume that some of these behaviors arise out of special needs. In some cases the parents are very involved and in others they are not.
I am guilty of excluding these kids from my kids' parties. I excluded the second grader who taught my kid the word "bitch". I excluded another child who defies me every single time I've had the kid over to my house.
He has told me repeatedly "no, I don't have to listen to you".
If your child is being repeatedly excluded, perhaps its time to take a long, hard look at their behavior.

I'm not sure what motivates people to post all about poorly-behaved children they know in this thread, and explain why they exclude them. *OP's child does not have issues with birthday parties*. Is it just open season on SN kids now and any thread is a chance to pile on?

Not the PP you quoted, but where does OP say this?

Did you read the thread? OP posted that her DS is always well-behaved at birthday parties.

I did read the thread, but don't see that quote from the OP.

3/13 at 1800.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This even happened to me as an adult. One of the parents at my childs school invited some of the parents from the class over to a "wine and cheese night" and didn't invite me. Later, she 'forgot' she didn't invite me and was talking about how stress she was about the party - and then got very red in the face when she remembered I wasn't invited.

People are assholes OP. Let it go.

I hope she cringes every time she sees you!

[Anonymous]

It's definitely a co-ed party and my friend didn't check the entire list against the class list but she said it looked like most of the class plus some friends from the other 1st grade classes.

If your friend is invested enough to check the list to see what percentage of the class was invited, maybe she would bring it up on your behalf - she could just say, "hey, I saw that Larlo wasn't on the list. If this is a party where not all of the class is invited that's totally cool, but just wanted to let you know in case he was left off by accident."

[Anonymous]

I'm late to this dance and haven't read more than three pages, so sorry if I'm repeating. Suggestion:

Email the mother, explain that Larla, sweet girl that she is, has been talking about her exciting bday party that's coming up and now your son is under the impression that he is invited. You know kids bday parties are tricky and assure her not to feel conflicted over not having invited your son. But you'd like to propose having Larla join your son for a playdate or a movie in order to celebrate her birthday.

[Anonymous]

This even happened to me as an adult. One of the parents at my childs school invited some of the parents from the class over to a "wine and cheese night" and didn't invite me. Later, she 'forgot' she didn't invite me and was talking about how stress she was about the party - and then got very red in the face when she remembered I wasn't invited.

People are assholes OP. Let it go.


I hope she cringes every time she sees you!

I'm sorry, but I honestly don't get why this makes her an asshole. It's a faux pax and thoughtless, but she obviously had a brain blip and messed up and said something she shouldn't have and was embarrassed. It was a mistake. And before people pile on and say I must constantly be excluding others from invites, my husband has a chronic illness so I don't host and don't go out.

[Anonymous]

Op - what did you decide to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This even happened to me as an adult. One of the parents at my childs school invited some of the parents from the class over to a "wine and cheese night" and didn't invite me. Later, she 'forgot' she didn't invite me and was talking about how stress she was about the party - and then got very red in the face when she remembered I wasn't invited.

People are assholes OP. Let it go.


I hope she cringes every time she sees you!

I'm sorry, but I honestly don't get why this makes her an asshole. It's a faux pax and thoughtless, but she obviously had a brain blip and messed up and said something she shouldn't have and was embarrassed. It was a mistake. And before people pile on and say I must constantly be excluding others from invites, my husband has a chronic illness so I don't host and don't go out.

Really? You don't see why?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but I honestly don't get why this makes her an asshole. It's a faux pax and thoughtless, but she obviously had a brain blip and messed up and said something she shouldn't have and was embarrassed. It was a mistake. And before people pile on and say I must constantly be excluding others from invites, my husband has a chronic illness so I don't host and don't go out.


Really? You don't see why?

No. She unintentionally said something dumb because she wasn't thinking and then felt bad about it, per the poster's description. She's not obligated to invite you, she didn't mention it on purpose to make you feel bad. Why is this a big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

Who would want the hassle of having to console a parent who disregards party invitation do's and don'ts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry, but I honestly don't get why this makes her an asshole. It's a faux pax and thoughtless, but she obviously had a brain blip and messed up and said something she shouldn't have and was embarrassed. It was a mistake. And before people pile on and say I must constantly be excluding others from invites, my husband has a chronic illness so I don't host and don't go out.


Really? You don't see why?

No. She unintentionally said something dumb because she wasn't thinking and then felt bad about it, per the poster's description. She's not obligated to invite you, she didn't mention it on purpose to make you feel bad. Why is this a big deal?

A 6 year old may not remember who he/she invited to a party, an adult should know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

Who would want the hassle of having to console a parent who disregards party invitation do's and don'ts?

What do's and don'ts are we talking about here?

More importantly, who would want to tell a child they aren't invited to a party that they were told they were invited to? Probably even fewer people. But per the above thread, the bizarre focus on the adults' feelings here is completely out of place. If people want to be protected from every uncomfortable situation, they wouldn't/shouldn't become parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

Who would want the hassle of having to console a parent who disregards party invitation do's and don'ts?

Anther party invitation do and don't is that if you're not inviting everyone, instruct your child about the importance of not talking about the party at school. If your kid can't follow basic party etiquette, your butthurt over having to admit that you are kind of an exclusive bitch is no one's problem but your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

Indeed, well said on all counts.

If this boy was excluded, I get that the mom probably doesn't want to be asked about it. But that is a real low-priority concern here given the context. She'll get over it a lot faster than the 6-year-old will the disappointment of a withdrawn expectation of going to a party. Being a mother is long past time to put the big girl panties on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This thread has been very eye opening.

I now have more sympathy for parents who can't invite everyone and have to deal with the awkwardness of moms who call or e-mail them to ask if they forgot to invite their kid. Awkward...

I can't really blame them if they don't respond to those phone calls or e-mails because the other parent put them on the spot--even though the inquiring parent emphasizes that they will understand if their kid really wasn't invited.

While it might be OK to double check with friends and family, it is distasteful to poke social acquaintances.

This misrepresents the situation here. This isn't a mom just calling/emailing out of the blue -- this is the result of a child having been told by the birthday girl that he is invited.

Yeah, it's distasteful -- for everyone. But guess what, sometimes adults have to step up and be adults and deal with situations kids create. If you don't want to get the occasional call about a situation your kid created, don't have kids.

It's weird that so many people are focused on the host mother's feelings much more than the 6-year-old boy's. A invitation to a boy can be ignored without consequences, but a mom can't handle a phone call? Good grief.

Yes this is the issue for me. You want to exclude six year olds from Larla's amazing party, fine be a bitch, but when Larla invites the unpopular kid herself and creates confusion on her own, it's up to you to put on your big girl panties and explain the lack of invitation.

I think people are just pushing back against this because if you only exclude a few kids from a six year old's party, it is obvious you are kind of just being a jerk, and people do not like to be confronted out in the open with the fact that they are being jerks.

There are people on here saying a six year old doesn't have the power to issue an invitation, but to another six year old, they obviously do. Moreover, emails get typed in wrong all the time and as lots of people here have reported, it could just be a legitimate mistake.

My kid was excluded from a K party and I didn't check with the host or make a fuss. But I think all the people crying that the excluding mom can't be asked to answer a simple question -- because it wouldn't be polite!!! -- are just wrong. Hey if you want to be a bitch over Larla's party, fine, but you're not so above it all that you cannot be asked a simple question. Sheesh.

Who would want the hassle of having to console a parent who disregards party invitation do's and don'ts?

Anther party invitation do and don't is that if you're not inviting everyone, instruct your child about the importance of not talking about the party at school. If your kid can't follow basic party etiquette, your butthurt over having to admit that you are kind of an exclusive bitch is no one's problem but your own.

I don't go so far as to assume the host mother is a B---. She might have perfectly legitimate reasons for limiting the size of the party, none of us know.

But I agree with the thrust of the above post, it's pretty rich to lecture OP on violating party invitation "do's and don'ts" when the host family's child is telling her son he's invited.

Parenting ain't beanbag. It often involves sorting through awkward situations to do right by children. In fact, that's a big part of the job. The idea that a 6-year-old SN boy should have his expectations dashed because a grown woman can't be disturbed with a socially delicate question is just absurd and offensive.