DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

Yikes! Why don't you just get her an apartment of her own since she is basically raising herself. These comments are so depressing.

Not OP but the daughter is 16 and clearly has been raised right to make such responsible decisions about her own life. You do not become the top ranked student in your class by making wrong decisions.

You raised her right, OP, now you have to trust her and let her continue to grow up.

+1. Sounds like she is just done with childhood. Some teens really are responsible early, and ready for the adult world before the adult world is ready for them. She sounds like a great young lady who is just ready to move into the next phase of her life, including a mature relationship. How long have they been together? If the relationship is a healthy and positive influence in her life I would not worry about this or let it change much of anything. The only thing I would do is make sure to verify the laws about age of consent. I would encourage them to tell the other parents, but it's really their business to do so or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you presumably know your daughter's physician, correct? I am trying hard to picture how a 16 year-old girl who is in ballet class 3 hours a day, plus school, has time to take her boyfriend with her to her gynecologist to not only get birth control pills, but to have STD testing. That story doesn't hang together for me.

Don't forget the girl is a top scholar and a ballerina who is very popular at school and very savvy beyond her years. The boyfriend is being uplifted to a 4.0 and more maturity because of the daughter. They planned a joint trip to the gynecologist, discussed birth control, were joint tested for STDs and then split the bills 50-50.

The story doesn't hang together for me either.

You honestly don't think that's possible? I know couples who definitely could've handled that at 16. There's no reason a 16 year old is necessarily incapable of handling things in an adult manner. Not every 16 year old will, of course, but then I know people who are adults based on their legal age but act less mature than many teenagers. At this point, age is just a number.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I don't see the big deal. I just don't. The girl is 16, in a relationship and all other areas of her life sound like they are in place especially academically. She and the boy were very responsible and equal in their approach to BC and STDs. She went on the pill, he pays for half of her prescription and it all sounds very responsible.

What possible difference does geography make? In her bedroom or in a car? Do parents really think it is better for her to be sneaking around?

Get a grip, Ladies. The girl will be at some fantastic college in a year and a half and always have an open and good relationship with her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you presumably know your daughter's physician, correct? I am trying hard to picture how a 16 year-old girl who is in ballet class 3 hours a day, plus school, has time to take her boyfriend with her to her gynecologist to not only get birth control pills, but to have STD testing. That story doesn't hang together for me.

Don't forget the girl is a top scholar and a ballerina who is very popular at school and very savvy beyond her years. The boyfriend is being uplifted to a 4.0 and more maturity because of the daughter. They planned a joint trip to the gynecologist, discussed birth control, were joint tested for STDs and then split the bills 50-50.

The story doesn't hang together for me either.

I actually don't find it all that difficult to believe. Daughter is in school from 8-2 or 3, ballet from 3 or 4-6 or 7, and then home for dinner. Maybe the boyfriend comes over to study over dinner and stays til 8:30 or 9. As for the uplifting of his GPA, perhaps that can be attributed to them ACTUALLY STUDYING in her room?

As for the trip to the doctor, maybe she didn't go to ballet that day. Maybe they had the conversations about what to do while they were AT school. I don't know when the last time you got a STD test, but it's not like they take a ton of time to collect samples for. Can literally be done in the same appointment as the pelvic exam/birth control prescription.

I don't know why you guys have such a problem with this story. It sounds like at least one girl I actually went to high school with (though she went to the doctor and got on the pill by herself) and very similar to several other girls in my high school, including myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you presumably know your daughter's physician, correct? I am trying hard to picture how a 16 year-old girl who is in ballet class 3 hours a day, plus school, has time to take her boyfriend with her to her gynecologist to not only get birth control pills, but to have STD testing. That story doesn't hang together for me.

Don't forget the girl is a top scholar and a ballerina who is very popular at school and very savvy beyond her years. The boyfriend is being uplifted to a 4.0 and more maturity because of the daughter. They planned a joint trip to the gynecologist, discussed birth control, were joint tested for STDs and then split the bills 50-50.

The story doesn't hang together for me either.

You honestly don't think that's possible? I know couples who definitely could've handled that at 16. There's no reason a 16 year old is necessarily incapable of handling things in an adult manner. Not every 16 year old will, of course, but then I know people who are adults based on their legal age but act less mature than many teenagers. At this point, age is just a number.

I graduated valedictorian of my class, practiced the violin three hours a day and was having sex with my boyfriend (after we made a trip to Planned Parenthood together). But he paid for all of it (wasn't much). I was mature and responsible at 16. I look back on my first sexual experience as being very sweet and loving. I still see him at reunions and we are still friends.

[Anonymous]

Is you daughter an only child, OP? You mentioned that your husband/her father passed away when she was young. Only children are generally more mature and responsible.

I was an only child and shockingly responsible (in hindsight) and raised by a single mother. I was a good student, involved in activities and talked to my mother about going on the pill when I was 16 and in a relationship. She took me to her doctor and I went on the pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you presumably know your daughter's physician, correct? I am trying hard to picture how a 16 year-old girl who is in ballet class 3 hours a day, plus school, has time to take her boyfriend with her to her gynecologist to not only get birth control pills, but to have STD testing. That story doesn't hang together for me.

Don't forget the girl is a top scholar and a ballerina who is very popular at school and very savvy beyond her years. The boyfriend is being uplifted to a 4.0 and more maturity because of the daughter. They planned a joint trip to the gynecologist, discussed birth control, were joint tested for STDs and then split the bills 50-50.

The story doesn't hang together for me either.

I actually don't find it all that difficult to believe. Daughter is in school from 8-2 or 3, ballet from 3 or 4-6 or 7, and then home for dinner. Maybe the boyfriend comes over to study over dinner and stays til 8:30 or 9. As for the uplifting of his GPA, perhaps that can be attributed to them ACTUALLY STUDYING in her room?

As for the trip to the doctor, maybe she didn't go to ballet that day. Maybe they had the conversations about what to do while they were AT school. I don't know when the last time you got a STD test, but it's not like they take a ton of time to collect samples for. Can literally be done in the same appointment as the pelvic exam/birth control prescription.

I don't know why you guys have such a problem with this story. It sounds like at least one girl I actually went to high school with (though she went to the doctor and got on the pill by herself) and very similar to several other girls in my high school, including myself.

This doesn't sound like a far-fetched story to me; it sounds like a responsible young lady running her life. Education, hobbies, a relationship, taking care of her health, etc. As long as there aren't any red flags in the relationship I personally wouldn't worry about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP is operating along a set of values that i can't even fathom so no need for me to comment - EXCEPT I do wonder what Step-Dad might think if this should blow up in their faces somehow about being left completely in the dark as to what was happening. I also question the entire layout of a home where a 16 year old was allowed to have a completely separate entrance to and from the home. It sounds like Mom wanted an adult ASAP in many ways.

However, for any parent of a boy, I think in this day and age they can't be any too trusting with any girl. And absolutely once a boy is 18, there ought to be no sex at all with an underage girl - just way too dangerous for the fellow. Relationships of teenagers are very fickle and then in college right now you add in the binge drinking and/or possibly drugs and it is a recipe for disaster on so many fronts. The "R" word is all to easy to use on the part of disgruntled teenage girl with or without birth control. Parents of teen girl encouraging them to have sex are no help to parents of boys who may be out there looking for 'experience."

Yup, mom did want an adult asap. She had a new husband she had to spend her attention on instead of some kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the way through the thread, but you might want to double check dd's story. Did she cover the co pay at the doc? Who covered boyfriend's testing costs? (And I'm pretty sure OBs don't do STD testing on males)

I agree, OP either lying or really gullible.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure they are using condoms? I would be very concerned that they are not. I have spent a lot of times in the ob/gyn office through 4 pregnancies and I have never seen a teenage couple. Ever.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 16 and 18 and aren't allowed to have friends upstairs in the bedrooms. Friends stay downstairs in the living room, family room, or basement rec room. If they're going to have sex, let them work for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 16 and 18 and aren't allowed to have friends upstairs in the bedrooms. Friends stay downstairs in the living room, family room, or basement rec room. If they're going to have sex, let them work for it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 16 and 18 and aren't allowed to have friends upstairs in the bedrooms. Friends stay downstairs in the living room, family room, or basement rec room. If they're going to have sex, let them work for it.

+1

Pretty much everyone I knew in high school had sex in someone's basement rec room.

So ridiculous that "geography" matters.

[Anonymous]

ugh that is awful. i at least waited til freshman year! lol
but really you can't do anything about it now. she isn't going to stop. let her do it there where she's safe and +1 on the condoms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 16 and 18 and aren't allowed to have friends upstairs in the bedrooms. Friends stay downstairs in the living room, family room, or basement rec room. If they're going to have sex, let them work for it.

+1

Pretty much everyone I knew in high school had sex in someone's basement rec room.

So ridiculous that "geography" matters.

Except the rec room is open to everyone so no one needs to knock.