Is it normal for sibling not to tell you they are having a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Again, for those of you who don’t get it, in normal families where the siblings talk the news that a baby was on the way would have been shared prior to the birth. So being told that a baby arrived could absolutely lead to the first response being “you’re kidding”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

Leaving a family chat is pretty dramatic. They may have thought (correctly or incorrectly) that you would react similarly to a pregnancy announcement, and decided they didn’t want months of drama. If that IS what they thought, you proved them right and they’re patting themselves on the back for not telling you.

You didn’t put a damper on their day though, don’t worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Again, for those of you who don’t get it, in normal families where the siblings talk the news that a baby was on the way would have been shared prior to the birth. So being told that a baby arrived could absolutely lead to the first response being “you’re kidding”.

“You’re kidding” is totally understandable but leaving a family group chat is just being dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

Leaving a family chat is pretty dramatic. They may have thought (correctly or incorrectly) that you would react similarly to a pregnancy announcement, and decided they didn’t want months of drama. If that IS what they thought, you proved them right and they’re patting themselves on the back for not telling you.

You didn’t put a damper on their day though, don’t worry.

OP here. Not sure I follow. I would have been very happy to receive the news anytime prior to the birth. Receiving it on the actual day felt like some sort of “gotcha” and I was blindsided to the point of not believing it. My first reaction was “is it April Fools’ Day?”. Sadly it was not. At that point I did not wish to receive an endless slew of baby pictures from a couple who apparently didn’t care enough about our relationship to inform me in advance, and so leaving the family chat seemed the most prudent option. I hope I didn’t put a damper on their day, but I have to wonder what reaction they possibly expected with such truly bizarre behavior. Thanks to all those who understand my position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Right! Sounds like the sibling made the right call. Op is a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

Leaving a family chat is pretty dramatic. They may have thought (correctly or incorrectly) that you would react similarly to a pregnancy announcement, and decided they didn’t want months of drama. If that IS what they thought, you proved them right and they’re patting themselves on the back for not telling you.

You didn’t put a damper on their day though, don’t worry.

OP here. Not sure I follow. I would have been very happy to receive the news anytime prior to the birth. Receiving it on the actual day felt like some sort of “gotcha” and I was blindsided to the point of not believing it. My first reaction was “is it April Fools’ Day?”. Sadly it was not. At that point I did not wish to receive an endless slew of baby pictures from a couple who apparently didn’t care enough about our relationship to inform me in advance, and so leaving the family chat seemed the most prudent option. I hope I didn’t put a damper on their day, but I have to wonder what reaction they possibly expected with such truly bizarre behavior. Thanks to all those who understand my position.

“Sadly” it was not? Your sibling had a baby and is happy. Thats…happy news. If you’re not happy about it why on earth would they have told you sooner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

Yeah, I really wonder what your dynamic is like with your sibling if you say something like this. It sounds like there's underlying resentment or distrust.

I mean, it's valid to feel confused by not knowing about her baby, but it's another thing to let it become a moral judgment. You're attacking her character instead of addressing the behavior (you left the chat, apparently?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

Leaving a family chat is pretty dramatic. They may have thought (correctly or incorrectly) that you would react similarly to a pregnancy announcement, and decided they didn’t want months of drama. If that IS what they thought, you proved them right and they’re patting themselves on the back for not telling you.

You didn’t put a damper on their day though, don’t worry.

OP here. Not sure I follow. I would have been very happy to receive the news anytime prior to the birth. Receiving it on the actual day felt like some sort of “gotcha” and I was blindsided to the point of not believing it. My first reaction was “is it April Fools’ Day?”. Sadly it was not. At that point I did not wish to receive an endless slew of baby pictures from a couple who apparently didn’t care enough about our relationship to inform me in advance, and so leaving the family chat seemed the most prudent option. I hope I didn’t put a damper on their day, but I have to wonder what reaction they possibly expected with such truly bizarre behavior. Thanks to all those who understand my position.

So you would rather cut off your sister and nibling than be kind and bide your time until it's appropriate to gently ask if you did anything to cause it, or perhaps just live with the fact that they didn't tell you? What does that say about how you feel about your sibling? It looks like you are putting yourself in the middle of the circle and you don't belong there. I don't know what happened, but your responses here, showing no ability to see a possibly point of view other than your own, labeling your sibling as narcissistic, none of that reflects well on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”

. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

It sure is.

A co-worker keeping their pregnancy secret would be quite a feat, given that people see them every day.

Most people didn’t know I was pregnant until my 7th month when my stomach just popped. I also had a teacher who was a rather tall woman like 5’10” range and she didn’t show all the way to the end.

And then you “popped” and your co-workers knew. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

Leaving a family chat is pretty dramatic. They may have thought (correctly or incorrectly) that you would react similarly to a pregnancy announcement, and decided they didn’t want months of drama. If that IS what they thought, you proved them right and they’re patting themselves on the back for not telling you.

You didn’t put a damper on their day though, don’t worry.

OP here. Not sure I follow. I would have been very happy to receive the news anytime prior to the birth. Receiving it on the actual day felt like some sort of “gotcha” and I was blindsided to the point of not believing it. My first reaction was “is it April Fools’ Day?”. Sadly it was not. At that point I did not wish to receive an endless slew of baby pictures from a couple who apparently didn’t care enough about our relationship to inform me in advance, and so leaving the family chat seemed the most prudent option. I hope I didn’t put a damper on their day, but I have to wonder what reaction they possibly expected with such truly bizarre behavior. Thanks to all those who understand my position.

Why was it "sad" - knowing the news about the baby was real. Why was this sad?

[Anonymous]

You and sibling set each other up to fail and seem so skilled at it, I wonder how long you've practiced this dynamic. Have either of you ever stepped up to be the bigger person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and sibling set each other up to fail and seem so skilled at it, I wonder how long you've practiced this dynamic. Have either of you ever stepped up to be the bigger person?

If this was a set up, sibling sure did get the best of OP. The solution to attention-seeking behavior is not to do anything that implies you’re giving it attention— she should have said “oh, yay!!” and muted the family chat if it annoyed her.

Now the family is saying OP is a drama queen and the new parents are nodding along and saying “yeah, we thought she would react badly and we didn’t want the extra stress during pregnancy” and no one is siding with OP or telling the parents they were wrong because the new baby is more interesting.

This all assumes it was a setup. If they kept this private due to prior loss or late decision making timelines for adoption, then OP is just a jerk but has no way to know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

PP

I agree with several posters saying it would be cause for concern or raised awareness. The relationship could be under heightened examination. That sounds reasonable.

I don’t understand the immediate reaction to be hurt and personally insulted.

Right. If one of my sisters announced a birth, out of the blue, I'd be flabbergasted, but my immediate reaction would be intense concern. I'm asking "are you okay? Is baby okay? What can I do? I love you"

Same - I too would be surprised but wouldn’t make a thing out of that. It isn’t about me. It’s about a baby and a new mom, hopefully both healthy.

In fairness, OP's post expresses confusion more than anything else. I too would be confused because this would be unusual in my family- it's one thing to wait until several months in to tell people, particularly if there is a history of loss, it's another for this never to come up during regular communication until the baby is born. WHile it sounds like this is very family dependent and this would be normal in some families, if it's outside the norm I would tread carefully because clearly there is a reason they didn't share earlier. I would send them some meals / gift cards but probably wait for an invitation to visit to to as not bring germs or overstep boundaries.

OP here. Thank you. Yes, confusion is the best way to describe my thoughts on this. I am so confused why they waited until the baby was born, and then informed me on that very day. Like “surprise!”. And then they expected me to be happy? I would have preferred if they waited a few weeks after the birth to inform me, because now I think my reaction put a damper on their day. But what did they really expect? I think it’s a form of narcissism on their parts and an attempt to somehow be more interesting, quirky, or whatever than they actually are. But yes, I am very much confused by it all.

What was your reaction?

Well they presented it to me in a way that implied it could be a joke so at first I told them I didn’t believe it. Then they sent additional verifying pics, in attempt to shock me I suppose, so I exited the group chat. Haven’t heard from them since.

This gives some idea of why they might not have wanted to share their news sooner.

Why’s that?

Leaving a family chat is pretty dramatic. They may have thought (correctly or incorrectly) that you would react similarly to a pregnancy announcement, and decided they didn’t want months of drama. If that IS what they thought, you proved them right and they’re patting themselves on the back for not telling you.

You didn’t put a damper on their day though, don’t worry.

OP here. Not sure I follow. I would have been very happy to receive the news anytime prior to the birth. Receiving it on the actual day felt like some sort of “gotcha” and I was blindsided to the point of not believing it. My first reaction was “is it April Fools’ Day?”. Sadly it was not. At that point I did not wish to receive an endless slew of baby pictures from a couple who apparently didn’t care enough about our relationship to inform me in advance, and so leaving the family chat seemed the most prudent option. I hope I didn’t put a damper on their day, but I have to wonder what reaction they possibly expected with such truly bizarre behavior. Thanks to all those who understand my position.

I think your initial reaction (that it was a joke) is normal and I probably would have thought the same. Did anyone else in your group chat know- e.g., other siblings, parents, etc.?

My sister is a bit like this- I don't think she would ever go this far, but we have a cousins group chat and I often find out news when she tells the whole group, whereas to my other sibling she tells individually. She has a history of hurtful behavior and trying to turn other family members against me though, and I try my best just not to react and be light about the whole thing. I don't want to giver her the satisfaction that she thinks she "got" to me.