Is it normal for sibling not to tell you they are having a baby?

[Anonymous]

If later today my sibling announced to me that she had a child over a family group chat, I’d also be 💯 certain it was a (bad) joke. It’s inconceiveable to me to learn this kind of news this way if I have any kind of even only moderately close sibling relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

This is great advice, but would only work if the OP hadn’t left the family chat in a dramatic huff. She’s going to have to eat some crow before anyone lets her fawn over the new little one, and from her portrayal of her sibling as “narcissistic” I have a feeling OP can’t recognize that she is in the wrong.

OP here, I have no intention of backpedaling on this one. Several days out and I am more confident than ever that I did the right thing. I am done with this sibling, she has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest. The only thing I feel now is a massive sense of relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

OP here, this is not bad advice and I thank you for it. But honestly it sounds like way too much work. Going forward I will put my energy and resources into the children in my life whose parents value my presence. Anything else just seems like a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If later today my sibling announced to me that she had a child over a family group chat, I’d also be 💯 certain it was a (bad) joke. It’s inconceiveable to me to learn this kind of news this way if I have any kind of even only moderately close sibling relationship.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how I felt so I appreciate the validation. For what it’s worth my BFF also thought it was a joke and wouldn’t even entertain it at first because she didn’t believe it was real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

This is great advice, but would only work if the OP hadn’t left the family chat in a dramatic huff. She’s going to have to eat some crow before anyone lets her fawn over the new little one, and from her portrayal of her sibling as “narcissistic” I have a feeling OP can’t recognize that she is in the wrong.

OP here, I have no intention of backpedaling on this one. Several days out and I am more confident than ever that I did the right thing. I am done with this sibling, she has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest. The only thing I feel now is a massive sense of relief.

Never understood why people like this go nuclear when they never liked the person all along. You clearly cared enough to keep up with a 17-page thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

This is great advice, but would only work if the OP hadn’t left the family chat in a dramatic huff. She’s going to have to eat some crow before anyone lets her fawn over the new little one, and from her portrayal of her sibling as “narcissistic” I have a feeling OP can’t recognize that she is in the wrong.

OP here, I have no intention of backpedaling on this one. Several days out and I am more confident than ever that I did the right thing. I am done with this sibling, she has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest. The only thing I feel now is a massive sense of relief.

Never understood why people like this go nuclear when they never liked the person all along. You clearly cared enough to keep
up with a 17-page thread.

+1 OP wouldn’t be here for all this validation if they were confident about how they behaved. OP is conflicted because deep down they know they have not handled things properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

This is great advice, but would only work if the OP hadn’t left the family chat in a dramatic huff. She’s going to have to eat some crow before anyone lets her fawn over the new little one, and from her portrayal of her sibling as “narcissistic” I have a feeling OP can’t recognize that she is in the wrong.

OP here, I have no intention of backpedaling on this one. Several days out and I am more confident than ever that I did the right thing. I am done with this sibling, she has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest. The only thing I feel now is a massive sense of relief.

So….you were looking for a reason to cut off your sister and now you have one. Why bother with the pretense of a 17 page thread that you were on good terms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

This is great advice, but would only work if the OP hadn’t left the family chat in a dramatic huff. She’s going to have to eat some crow before anyone lets her fawn over the new little one, and from her portrayal of her sibling as “narcissistic” I have a feeling OP can’t recognize that she is in the wrong.

OP here, I have no intention of backpedaling on this one. Several days out and I am more confident than ever that I did the right thing. I am done with this sibling, she has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest. The only thing I feel now is a massive sense of relief.

So….you were looking for a reason to cut off your sister and now you have one. Why bother with the pretense of a 17 page thread that you were on good terms?

+1 This was premeditated drama and leaves no doubt the sibling was justified in not sharing the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

This is great advice, but would only work if the OP hadn’t left the family chat in a dramatic huff. She’s going to have to eat some crow before anyone lets her fawn over the new little one, and from her portrayal of her sibling as “narcissistic” I have a feeling OP can’t recognize that she is in the wrong.

OP here, I have no intention of backpedaling on this one. Several days out and I am more confident than ever that I did the right thing. I am done with this sibling, she has always been nothing but drama and I should have done it long ago to be honest. The only thing I feel now is a massive sense of relief.

Why? From the reactions here, or did sibling do something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP but if it were me, I'd start by explaining. I wouldn't just send a text and then get offended if they assumed it was a joke. I'd probably call and say "hey, this is going to sound crazy, I have huge news, I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you, but (I was on bedrest under a lot of stress/had prior losses/adopted/surrogate etc)... and now you're an aunt!" And then hopefully my sister and I would have a good cry together and she'd be thrilled. It's objectively unusual behavior to be on speaking terms with a sibling and not tell them of a pregnancy despite regular contact, so I'd want to soften the blow, not just send a text with a picture of me and my new baby and leave people confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP but if it were me, I'd start by explaining. I wouldn't just send a text and then get offended if they assumed it was a joke. I'd probably call and say "hey, this is going to sound crazy, I have huge news, I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you, but (I was on bedrest under a lot of stress/had prior losses/adopted/surrogate etc)... and now you're an aunt!" And then hopefully my sister and I would have a good cry together and she'd be thrilled. It's objectively unusual behavior to be on speaking terms with a sibling and not tell them of a pregnancy despite regular contact, so I'd want to soften the blow, not just send a text with a picture of me and my new baby and leave people confused.

OP here. Thank you. You described the situation perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.