Is it normal for sibling not to tell you they are having a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP but if it were me, I'd start by explaining. I wouldn't just send a text and then get offended if they assumed it was a joke. I'd probably call and say "hey, this is going to sound crazy, I have huge news, I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you, but (I was on bedrest under a lot of stress/had prior losses/adopted/surrogate etc)... and now you're an aunt!" And then hopefully my sister and I would have a good cry together and she'd be thrilled. It's objectively unusual behavior to be on speaking terms with a sibling and not tell them of a pregnancy despite regular contact, so I'd want to soften the blow, not just send a text with a picture of me and my new baby and leave people confused.

How is this helpful? You do not share any sibling history with the OP. It's not "objectively unusual" without fully knowing the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

OP had a poor reaction to finding out about the baby. If siblings history suggested that reaction, it makes it more likely she wouldn’t have shared issues of loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

OP had a poor reaction to finding out about the baby. If siblings history suggested that reaction, it makes it more likely she wouldn’t have shared issues of loss.

Exactly, they thought it was a joke that her sibling had a baby instead of congratulating like a proper human being would have. Says it all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

OP had a poor reaction to finding out about the baby. If siblings history suggested that reaction, it makes it more likely she wouldn’t have shared issues of loss.

+1

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

OP had a poor reaction to finding out about the baby. If siblings history suggested that reaction, it makes it more likely she wouldn’t have shared issues of loss.

+1

Well said.

Well said? Really? I can’t even figure out what this poster is trying to convey. It’s odd to say something is well said by someone who doesn’t know the difference between a plural and possessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

PP you are way too rational for DCUM. You should find a new website because your line of thinking won’t work here. Admitting you don’t know something is not really done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Come on, people. Anyone who says they would have responded gracefully to a sibling announcing their child’s birth with no prior notice, on a group text to boot, is just trying to needle the OP. Of course both the timing and method are unusual ways to have announced news of this magnitude to one’s sibling.

That said, OP, this is now your new niece or nephew. Be glad for the family, properly fawn over the new little one, and once the dust settles I’d have a one to one chat with my sibling explaining that you were hurt to have learned of the news this way, I’d emphasize their importance to me, and then I’d move on.

Of course it's possible to respond gracefully to the initial announcement. Afterward, how you respond to the prior notice issue depends on the circumstances, which of course will take time to unpack. Just because you cannot fathom a graceful response in this situation does not mean everyone else is bound to your mindset.

If I announced news of my new baby in a text (without any prior notice of a pregnancy or surrogacy or desire to adopt), I think every human in my life - sibling, parent, BFF - would respond with, “whachutalkinboutwillis.”

What about after learning the news was real. Would you expect every human in your life to assume malice on your part, prior to them making an attempt to understand your decisions?

DP. In my family I would expect a lot of confusion, questions, and hurt feelings. Keeping something like this a secret from my parents and siblings (whom I'm in regular contact with) until the birth would be 100% more work than telling them at some point during the pregancy and asking for privacy.

We don’t know that this was kept a secret from anyone other than OP. Keeping news from someone you don’t see for a year — and who clearly dislikes you and thinks badly of you— wouldn’t actually be very difricult.

I mean it goes both ways, right? If the sibling only kept this from the OP, then that is even weirder and has nothing to do with previous losses that many on here have been speculating. Sibling clearly don't like OP, doesn't visit, and thinks badly of them, otherwise why play this weird game. Maybe their dislike of OP is justified, maybe not, I don't think any of us has the info to really know.

OP had a poor reaction to finding out about the baby. If siblings history suggested that reaction, it makes it more likely she wouldn’t have shared issues of loss.

+1

Well said.

Well said? Really? I can’t even figure out what this poster is trying to convey. It’s odd to say something is well said by someone who doesn’t know the difference between a plural and possessive.

This is where we are. We can't defend OP and the indefensible OP apologists, so now we're squabbling over whether a statement that omits an apostrophe can be subjectively qualified as "well said".

[Anonymous]

OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”

. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

It sure is.

A co-worker keeping their pregnancy secret would be quite a feat, given that people see them every day.

Most people didn’t know I was pregnant until my 7th month when my stomach just popped. I also had a teacher who was a rather tall woman like 5’10” range and she didn’t show all the way to the end.

And then you “popped” and your co-workers knew. What is your point?

Scroll up and read the conversation again.

I wrote the post that she responded to. My point is that strangers and random acquaintances know that people are pregnant before they give birth, and her story tried to refute that, but instead verified it. So, what is the point that she was trying to make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

Obviously not very sad, since she’s chosen to end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

Yeah, leaving the chat is just buying into the drama and reflecting it back on OP. There were no doubt others who were also surprised?

I have a sister who can be passive aggressive with information and I've given up trying to figure out what I "did" to make her treat me in that way. But the sequence is more like: 1) she tells everyone else the news (except me), 2) posts it on social media, 3) I then wish her well and congratulations, and 4) with faux surprise she says she thought our mom would have told me. SHe doesn't like to talk on the phone so mainly texts and doesn't visit to I see her in person only at family events or when I visit (she lives in the same city as my parents). She's kind of like the queen bee of the family is the way I'd phrase it. I admit the relationship bothers me and I wish it was better but me getting outwardly huffy would only make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

You are the one who is obtuse. She is not sad about the baby; she is sad about the poor state of her relationship with her sibling, which she thought was fine until that moment.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly it. I wasn’t sad the baby was born of course, but sad that my sister didn’t think to tell me before it happened. Because of that choice, I have sadly realized that the relationship I thought we had is nonexistent, and I will no longer be in touch with this person. I will redirect the energy and resources into the other children in my life whose parents value our relationship. Thank you for understanding the situation as I described it and not misconstruing my words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is excused for asking at first if it was a joke. But once she realized it wasn't, removing herself from the group chat/facetime was rude. And describing here that she "sadly" realized it wasn't a joke, is all we need to hear to figure out why the sister didn't share her pregnancy news in the first place.

Removing herself from the chat confirms that the sister (who OP says is prone to "drama") made the right call to keep OP at a distance.

It also sounds like OP and the sibling being in "regular contact" the last 6 months was probably both being on the group chat, not them calling each other weekly, or texting each other every few days about what the kids are up to.

Yeah, leaving the chat is just buying into the drama and reflecting it back on OP. There were no doubt others who were also surprised?

I have a sister who can be passive aggressive with information and I've given up trying to figure out what I "did" to make her treat me in that way. But the sequence is more like: 1) she tells everyone else the news (except me), 2) posts it on social media, 3) I then wish her well and congratulations, and 4) with faux surprise she says she thought our mom would have told me. SHe doesn't like to talk on the phone so mainly texts and doesn't visit to I see her in person only at family events or when I visit (she lives in the same city as my parents). She's kind of like the queen bee of the family is the way I'd phrase it. I admit the relationship bothers me and I wish it was better but me getting outwardly huffy would only make things worse.

OP here. I don’t think I could suffer that level of abuse. No thanks.