I went to visit a swingers club for the first time. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- People were as attractive as the average population. There were some smoking hot young people, and some older or bigger people, the women generally dress to impress.

- There were more women then men there. At the club we went to, the woman holds the membership, and can bring a male guest. Only a handful of single men are allowed on any given night, so there were for sure more women than men there.

- For demographics, we hit it off with a couple of couples, both were similar in age to us (40s) and professionals.

More men than women? So, what about the women who don't find partners? That doesn't seem fair.

Are you reality surprised that there are more men than women? Most women find this repulsive.

OP said it was the opposite. More women than men.

It’s because of the structure of the membership. I also wouldn’t be surprised if some women were there seeking financial arrangements with the couples

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

I don’t even need “gender nonconforming” but I think it would be pretty irritating and not a turn-on if the event just reprised mainstream pr0n scenarios. It’s supposed to be “swinging” but just for the edification of the men or for women like OP who specifically enjoy that?

DP. I always hate the vibe where women have to go all out to be sexy and men wear a clean shirt too. But I’m not quite sure what you are saying above. What other type of swingers club were you imagining?

Women enjoy going all out to be sexy. They don’t “have” to do it. I’m guessing that’s tje motivating factor for most of the women who go. They enjoy being admired and listed after. Honestly I would enjoy that aspect as well. However the thought of having random sex with some anonymous dude is in no way appealing.

[Anonymous]

How often do men actually end up hooking up with a woman at these places? I would imagine that most of the women are there mainly because they enjoy being sexy/desired or they are bi-curious. I really think it’s rather rare that these women actually enjoy sexual encounters with random dudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha. I guessed OP was in her 40s as soon as I saw the post.

Why? Because this is the time when the hormones go berserk for women and they become randy like a teenage boy. It lasts for a decade.

Apart from that...the dark path you may walk now for sex will bite you in a big way when the haze gets over.

So look, but don't touch. Be monogamous with your spouse and use toys if you need to.

I am in 40s and don't get my hormones like this and also none of my friends either, lol. I would like to know what is causing women in 40s to be like this.

Well, your hormones are different, your experiences are different. And your friends might not tell you. I don't go around talking about how sexually charged I am. I'm happily married -- but have a FWB on the side. My friends don't know. The only person who knows is my FWB. Right? But hormones are CRAZY.

Wait so your spouse doesn’t know? Keep it classy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Performing femininity, or actually feminine? I am generally a feminine woman. I mean, today I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but if I leave the house, I'm generally in feminine presenting clothing. Would you have this same thought if I told you that I was wearing a dress and heels to work, which I do?

There were women there in longer dresses, jeans and a sweater, and other items that didn't show of their bodies. I don't think anyone would bat an eye if a woman showed up in a more neutral outfit. I chose to show up in a short dress.

But were any of the men showing skin or were they just standing around on the dance floor in khakis watching the “ladies” dance with their boobs out?

They were in their slacks. Most women did not have their boobs out- they were wearing club-y dresses, boobs tucked in. Of 60 people on the dance floor, maybe 4 women had their boobs out?

Would you want a bunch of guys with no pants hanging around? No judgement from me, but if that was your thing, I'm sure you could find a club that has more that type of vibe!

I don't necessarily want men with no pants on, but I most definitely do not want an atmosphere where women are there to be sexy and gawked at while men stand around in their "slacks."

I guess my question to you is- what do you define as sexy for a man? When I close my eyes and picture a sexy man he is typically wearing a well cut dark suit, a tight shirt that shows off his muscles, and nice shoes. So, for me, a bunch of well dressed men aren't a problem. I would probably be a bit uncomfortable if I walked in and all the guys were wearing just jock straps

You're not quite getting it. Yes that does sound nice (albeit not what you described) but the issue is that this club seems entirely designed for the, sorry to be hackneyed, "male gaze." That is not sexy to me in the slightest.

A significant percentage of the women in the community are bi-sexual so it's not just men who are looking. It doesn't sound like this atmosphere would be for you regardless of people's attire.

Bisexual or “bisexual”? You don’t really know that do you? So far what you described doesn’t sound the slightest bit queer. Or even anything departing from mainstream porny.

You don”t need to worry about a lack of “queer-friendly” sex dens. There’s a plethora of opportunities for gay people to have random, anonymous sex. They make up almost the entire market of people who are into this stuff.

[Anonymous]

🤮🤮

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I am a woman in my 40s, white, petite.

So the bi guy bangs both you and your husband?

Sometimes both of us, sometimes I get all the attention. It actually opened my eyes how many men are bisexual.

This is confusing. Didn’t you just say your husband was straight ? Or it’s a different poster ?
OP - are you both straight ?

I am not the topic starter. I am the one who got dissapointed in group meetings. I am F straight, my partner M bi.

In your experience, men who enjoy both types of threesomes MFM and FMF - are they more commonly bisexual ? I can’t imagine being ok watching my partner having sex with someone else unless I was getting engaged with that 3rd person, too

I have never done FMF as I am as straight as can be. My partner is bisexual and I knew that from when we just began dating (15 years ago.) With 2 men there is no watching, you always participate. At least in my experience. I never feel left out.

So in these encounters do you watch your man getting pounded in the rear or giving a BJ to some dude? If so, is this enjoyable for you to watch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

I don’t even need “gender nonconforming” but I think it would be pretty irritating and not a turn-on if the event just reprised mainstream pr0n scenarios. It’s supposed to be “swinging” but just for the edification of the men or for women like OP who specifically enjoy that?

DP. I always hate the vibe where women have to go all out to be sexy and men wear a clean shirt too. But I’m not quite sure what you are saying above. What other type of swingers club were you imagining?

Women enjoy going all out to be sexy. They don’t “have” to do it. I’m guessing that’s tje motivating factor for most of the women who go. They enjoy being admired and listed after. Honestly I would enjoy that aspect as well. However the thought of having random sex with some anonymous dude is in no way appealing.

Not all women enjoy this. And the few who are frankly exhibitionist like OP don’t represent the majority. And it is more the disparity and the seemingly rigid divide that OP describes that bugs me. I am a bi woman so of course I would enjoy looking at a beautiful woman scantily clad. But a club that is designed purely for men to gawk at women, no thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do men actually end up hooking up with a woman at these places? I would imagine that most of the women are there mainly because they enjoy being sexy/desired or they are bi-curious. I really think it’s rather rare that these women actually enjoy sexual encounters with random dudes.

Why can’t the men be bi curious and also interested in being desired by men or women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Performing femininity, or actually feminine? I am generally a feminine woman. I mean, today I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but if I leave the house, I'm generally in feminine presenting clothing. Would you have this same thought if I told you that I was wearing a dress and heels to work, which I do?

There were women there in longer dresses, jeans and a sweater, and other items that didn't show of their bodies. I don't think anyone would bat an eye if a woman showed up in a more neutral outfit. I chose to show up in a short dress.

But were any of the men showing skin or were they just standing around on the dance floor in khakis watching the “ladies” dance with their boobs out?

They were in their slacks. Most women did not have their boobs out- they were wearing club-y dresses, boobs tucked in. Of 60 people on the dance floor, maybe 4 women had their boobs out?

Would you want a bunch of guys with no pants hanging around? No judgement from me, but if that was your thing, I'm sure you could find a club that has more that type of vibe!

I don't necessarily want men with no pants on, but I most definitely do not want an atmosphere where women are there to be sexy and gawked at while men stand around in their "slacks."

I guess my question to you is- what do you define as sexy for a man? When I close my eyes and picture a sexy man he is typically wearing a well cut dark suit, a tight shirt that shows off his muscles, and nice shoes. So, for me, a bunch of well dressed men aren't a problem. I would probably be a bit uncomfortable if I walked in and all the guys were wearing just jock straps

You're not quite getting it. Yes that does sound nice (albeit not what you described) but the issue is that this club seems entirely designed for the, sorry to be hackneyed, "male gaze." That is not sexy to me in the slightest.

A significant percentage of the women in the community are bi-sexual so it's not just men who are looking. It doesn't sound like this atmosphere would be for you regardless of people's attire.

Bisexual or “bisexual”? You don’t really know that do you? So far what you described doesn’t sound the slightest bit queer. Or even anything departing from mainstream porny.

You don”t need to worry about a lack of “queer-friendly” sex dens. There’s a plethora of opportunities for gay people to have random, anonymous sex. They make up almost the entire market of people who are into this stuff.

So you really cannot envision anything in between a gay men’s bathhouse scene, and a club where the men wear “slacks” and stand around looking at sexy women dancing for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad there's so much kink-shaming. At lot of you people in sex-starved, lonely marriages should look within and consider why you have so much shame and guilt over something so human

There is absolutely nothing natural about watching your partner engage in intimacy with another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

I don’t even need “gender nonconforming” but I think it would be pretty irritating and not a turn-on if the event just reprised mainstream pr0n scenarios. It’s supposed to be “swinging” but just for the edification of the men or for women like OP who specifically enjoy that?

DP. I always hate the vibe where women have to go all out to be sexy and men wear a clean shirt too. But I’m not quite sure what you are saying above. What other type of swingers club were you imagining?

Women enjoy going all out to be sexy. They don’t “have” to do it. I’m guessing that’s tje motivating factor for most of the women who go. They enjoy being admired and listed after. Honestly I would enjoy that aspect as well. However the thought of having random sex with some anonymous dude is in no way appealing.

Not all women enjoy this. And the few who are frankly exhibitionist like OP don’t represent the majority. And it is more the disparity and the seemingly rigid divide that OP describes that bugs me. I am a bi woman so of course I would enjoy looking at a beautiful woman scantily clad. But a club that is designed purely for men to gawk at women, no thanks.

Honestly I think the women enjoy gawking at the beautiful scantily clad women as well. I can think of no other reason a woman would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I am a woman in my 40s, white, petite.

So the bi guy bangs both you and your husband?

Sometimes both of us, sometimes I get all the attention. It actually opened my eyes how many men are bisexual.

This is confusing. Didn’t you just say your husband was straight ? Or it’s a different poster ?
OP - are you both straight ?

I am not the topic starter. I am the one who got dissapointed in group meetings. I am F straight, my partner M bi.

In your experience, men who enjoy both types of threesomes MFM and FMF - are they more commonly bisexual ? I can’t imagine being ok watching my partner having sex with someone else unless I was getting engaged with that 3rd person, too

I have never done FMF as I am as straight as can be. My partner is bisexual and I knew that from when we just began dating (15 years ago.) With 2 men there is no watching, you always participate. At least in my experience. I never feel left out.

So in these encounters do you watch your man getting pounded in the rear or giving a BJ to some dude? If so, is this enjoyable for you to watch?

Yes to both. Me and my partner can please another man, then both men please me. Its a dynamic, not something set in stone (aka two guys just giving bjs to each other.) Its very liberating to not have limits with 2 men that are not afraid to touch each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Most people in the lifestyle, like most people not in it, are into mainstream gender stuff. But I’m sure you can find subgroups in the lifestyle for gender non conforming people. (Not OP here, but I’m pretty sure I know where she went).

I don’t even need “gender nonconforming” but I think it would be pretty irritating and not a turn-on if the event just reprised mainstream pr0n scenarios. It’s supposed to be “swinging” but just for the edification of the men or for women like OP who specifically enjoy that?

DP. I always hate the vibe where women have to go all out to be sexy and men wear a clean shirt too. But I’m not quite sure what you are saying above. What other type of swingers club were you imagining?

Women enjoy going all out to be sexy. They don’t “have” to do it. I’m guessing that’s tje motivating factor for most of the women who go. They enjoy being admired and listed after. Honestly I would enjoy that aspect as well. However the thought of having random sex with some anonymous dude is in no way appealing.

Not all women enjoy this. And the few who are frankly exhibitionist like OP don’t represent the majority. And it is more the disparity and the seemingly rigid divide that OP describes that bugs me. I am a bi woman so of course I would enjoy looking at a beautiful woman scantily clad. But a club that is designed purely for men to gawk at women, no thanks.

I too enjoy dressing up for this kind of events. I have a lot of lingerie and costumes. But I agree those men that go to such events are oftentimes not the alphamales that I have in my fantasies. I remember there was a vip club in NYC with pretty high membership and men had to hold the ownership . That was a red flag as it smelled like escort service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad there's so much kink-shaming. At lot of you people in sex-starved, lonely marriages should look within and consider why you have so much shame and guilt over something so human

There is absolutely nothing natural about watching your partner engage in intimacy with another person.

We have a lot a social constructs that are absolutely not natural (hint - pronouns) and yet we still embrace them.