Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

I don't really care what you think of me. That's what I mean by inconsequential. Your opinions don't matter to me. Because I'm not at the school to make friends with you.

This is anti-social behavior and should concern you.

Actually, being so advanced in age and still hard-up for friends should concern you. Successful middle aged persons with thriving social lives aren't bothered by this. It is so weird, creepy and frankly delusional to think you as a parent get to level up and social climb because of the school your kid attends.

I am not the person you’re responding to but I find your cynicism so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

I don't really care what you think of me. That's what I mean by inconsequential. Your opinions don't matter to me. Because I'm not at the school to make friends with you.

This is anti-social behavior and should concern you.

Actually, being so advanced in age and still hard-up for friends should concern you. Successful middle aged persons with thriving social lives aren't bothered by this. It is so weird, creepy and frankly delusional to think you as a parent get to level up and social climb because of the school your kid attends.

I am not the person you’re responding to but I find your cynicism so sad.

The salty iced out parents on here are not trying to chat up the school janitor and other blue collar parents at their kids' school. No, you're trying to orbit successful, high status, white collar parents like creepy social climbers. And because your low stock and grubby nature is sniffed out and these parents don't deem you on their rung, you're on here whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

Omg YES. So tired of creepers at work events, etc. who try to invade my space and catch my eye and attention. I am not obligated to be your captive audience while you try to break the touch barrier. And it’s not cocktail reception, polite small talk they seek. It is an oozing desperation while they hover nearby. Dude, read the freaking room.

[Anonymous]

Social climber small talk in DC quickly devolves into a pushy and invasive quest to size someone up. Which kid is yours, where do you work, where does your spouse work, where do you live, where did you go to prep school and college, what ECs is your kid in.

The socially savvy nip that in the bud before you obnoxious creeps can even get started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have the status or the look or whatever where they would deign to make small talk with you.

It takes all of two minutes to use the school directory or parent Facebook group to see the mutual friends we have if any on social media, see where you vacation, scan your academic credentials and career on LinkedIn, and learn the value of your house on Zillow.

[Anonymous]

I have social anxiety so just being there was very difficult for me. I will definitely smile at people, but talking is hard for me unless I already know the person prior, or they have a super warm and sunny personality in which case I am more able to get in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert, but I don't see how that has anything to do with polite small talk with a stranger. Even at the end of a busy workday, I still have enough battery to have a 2-3 minute conversation with another parent at pickup.

As for the OP I think there are many reasons.

Snobby
Entitled
Exteme shyness
Social anxiety
Selective Mutism
Other mental health conditions that make social interaction extremly difficult


I've come across parents like this, and I just take a cue and steer clear. I don't know if it's snobbery or a different kind of challenge, but I don't care to force it. There are plenty of other parents to interact with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

[Anonymous]

I can absolutely be “pleasant for a few moments,” but a lot of times, clingy or overly extroverted people want more, more, more. In your post, you say “a few moments,” but if I start giving you one-word answers and start putting up very heavy-handed social cues, it’s because it’s been at least a solid 5 minutes, and after I’ve dropped subtle social cues and you are still coming at me, I need to freeze you out.

I’m friendly and engaged…to a point. But if we’re not friends, maybe I just want a little peace and quiet after a long day, and I’m just not into a long conversation.

To be honest, I’m also not looking to make new friends at this point in my life. Friendly acquaintances? Sure. New friends, no. I barely have time for my friends and family and I simply don’t have the capacity right now.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and my oldest is now 17 and finishing up his junior year of high school. Youngest is in elementary school.

I am sometimes the super social one and sometimes I feel antisocial and don’t feel like talking and don’t want to be at the event.

I would not take it personally.

[Anonymous]

DC strivers literally cyberstalk other parents at their kid's school and then pretend they're spontaneously engaging in innocuous small talk, when they're actually trying to orbit and social climb.

Even if it's a genuine spontaneous occurrence, they're pushy and fishing for what you and your spouse do, where you live, where'd you go to college, our kids should hang, let's exchange contact info. (Um... let's not!)

Random strivers here on average are freaking nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people think acting like that is a sign of status.

If you were worth knowing, we'd know you. Sorry to say but it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.