Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship

[Anonymous]

My aunt never dated and never married. She was a knock out well into her 50’s. Really - everyone comments about her good looks if I post photos of her and her siblings from back in the day. Still looks great in her 80’s. She had a fab career, very successful.

I once asked my mom how come Auntie never married and she told me maybe because she was a bit prudish about sex. She is very religious. Maybe she was asexual, maybe a repressed lesbian (doesn’t give off a vibe for that tho), who knows. She used to say she didn’t ever meet the right man. I halfway remember her once claiming the Marlborough man was her type.

Anyway, she’s had an awesome life, with a job she loved, lifelong friends, traveled all over, and is all her nieces and nephew’s favorite aunt.

So it never really occurred to me to feel there was something lacking in her life. She certainly doesn’t feel that way.

If you go back through your family tree you’ll find plenty of relatives who never married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends was like this. We were friends for 17 years. She often talked about how much this depressed her and she wanted to find a nice man.

Then the pandemic happened, we didn't see each other for about a year, and now she has a girlfriend.

I'm very happy that she finally figured that out. Now I don't have to listen to her whine about men any longer.

A lot of people came out as LGBT during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends was like this. We were friends for 17 years. She often talked about how much this depressed her and she wanted to find a nice man.

Then the pandemic happened, we didn't see each other for about a year, and now she has a girlfriend.

I'm very happy that she finally figured that out. Now I don't have to listen to her whine about men any longer.

A lot of people came out as LGBT during the pandemic.

Really? why?

[Anonymous]

As a 45 years old divorced dad I found women in the 30-35 age bracket the most difficult to date. In my opinion and experience, I felt like they were walking around with a clipboard making sure all their ideals were checked. Nothing wrong with being selective it’s just the experience I have had. The easiest ones to date have been women over 35 and those over 30 that are divorced and/or have kids. But single women with no kids between 30 and 35 good luck guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt never dated and never married. She was a knock out well into her 50’s. Really - everyone comments about her good looks if I post photos of her and her siblings from back in the day. Still looks great in her 80’s. She had a fab career, very successful.

I once asked my mom how come Auntie never married and she told me maybe because she was a bit prudish about sex. She is very religious. Maybe she was asexual, maybe a repressed lesbian (doesn’t give off a vibe for that tho), who knows. She used to say she didn’t ever meet the right man. I halfway remember her once claiming the Marlborough man was her type.

Anyway, she’s had an awesome life, with a job she loved, lifelong friends, traveled all over, and is all her nieces and nephew’s favorite aunt.

So it never really occurred to me to feel there was something lacking in her life. She certainly doesn’t feel that way.

If you go back through your family tree you’ll find plenty of relatives who never married.

I have friends and family like this, too.

For some, they experienced (sexual) trauma as children/teens.

For some, they contracted herpes as teens during a time when there was so much stigma it was easier to just not date. (Know any women in their 50s/60s who are fabulous but never dated?)

For some, asexual and comfortable with a solitary life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt never dated and never married. She was a knock out well into her 50’s. Really - everyone comments about her good looks if I post photos of her and her siblings from back in the day. Still looks great in her 80’s. She had a fab career, very successful.

I once asked my mom how come Auntie never married and she told me maybe because she was a bit prudish about sex. She is very religious. Maybe she was asexual, maybe a repressed lesbian (doesn’t give off a vibe for that tho), who knows. She used to say she didn’t ever meet the right man. I halfway remember her once claiming the Marlborough man was her type.

Anyway, she’s had an awesome life, with a job she loved, lifelong friends, traveled all over, and is all her nieces and nephew’s favorite aunt.

So it never really occurred to me to feel there was something lacking in her life. She certainly doesn’t feel that way.

If you go back through your family tree you’ll find plenty of relatives who never married.

I have friends and family like this, too.

For some, they experienced (sexual) trauma as children/teens.

For some, they contracted herpes as teens during a time when there was so much stigma it was easier to just not date (Know any women in their 50s/60s who are fabulous but never dated?)

For some, asexual and comfortable with a solitary life.

You are definitely right about the stigma (not that it’s completely gone), I joined a HSV2 support group in the early 80s at 21 (I am 61)and we all sat in circles talking about when and how to tell prospective partners and looking for dates within the group.. Obviously heaps of people chose not to divulge (remember this is pre Valacyclovir.) but I didn’t know anyone who just dropped out of dating- guessing these women had secondary issues. HIV coverage started in the media and maybe the concern was just too much for some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt never dated and never married. She was a knock out well into her 50’s. Really - everyone comments about her good looks if I post photos of her and her siblings from back in the day. Still looks great in her 80’s. She had a fab career, very successful.

I once asked my mom how come Auntie never married and she told me maybe because she was a bit prudish about sex. She is very religious. Maybe she was asexual, maybe a repressed lesbian (doesn’t give off a vibe for that tho), who knows. She used to say she didn’t ever meet the right man. I halfway remember her once claiming the Marlborough man was her type.

Anyway, she’s had an awesome life, with a job she loved, lifelong friends, traveled all over, and is all her nieces and nephew’s favorite aunt.

So it never really occurred to me to feel there was something lacking in her life. She certainly doesn’t feel that way.

If you go back through your family tree you’ll find plenty of relatives who never married.

I tend to believe that a lot of women like this were choosing to be confirmed bachelorettes in time periods when it just wasn’t socially acceptable- heck it still isn’t, long term single women are almost always talked about as somehow deficient or broken.

But I truly believe that some women just don’t want the limitations and massive sacrifices required of becoming a wife and mother and they choose singledom by taking up the myth of the forlorn spinster who never met her man - or met him young and lost him somehow.

I did a bunch of research on this a few decades ago when I realized I probably wasn’t ever going to take up the yoke. It’s a limited area of research but there is some evidence suggesting that a good percentage of women have made this willful choice for themselves for centuries, when circumstances allowed for it. That typically meant having a father or brother willing to support them or in more recent times being capable of self support.

[Anonymous]

I know that people whisper about why I've never really been in a relationship, especially because I'm fairly "normal" and have never had issues attracting men.
It's really just that I've always been very comfortable doing things by myself and don't care very much what people think. AND I'm quite particular about the kind of man I'm attracted to and want to be with. For me, it's a simple equation of "Will I be happier with him or by myself" and so far, the latter has always won out.

[Anonymous]

I think this will become more a norm. The truth is we are in a hook up culture. Our economy is slowly drifting toward single people and single households. Very soon it will be strange to see a 35+ man or woman who is in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends was like this. We were friends for 17 years. She often talked about how much this depressed her and she wanted to find a nice man.

Then the pandemic happened, we didn't see each other for about a year, and now she has a girlfriend.

I'm very happy that she finally figured that out. Now I don't have to listen to her whine about men any longer.

A lot of people came out as LGBT during the pandemic.

Really? why?

I'm shocked you're asking this but I guess because I've become so en embedded in the queer community that I just assumed that this was common knowledge. People spent a lot of time by themselves inside of their homes not doing things. A lot of us were taught to repress ourselves. Especially people with religious families. Part of that repression often involved staying busy to keep your mind off of things. Then suddenly you've got long periods of time where you have no one to spend time with, nothing to do, and you're along with your thoughts. You start thinking about all the feelings you've had that you desperately pushed to the back of your mind.

https://mashable.com/article/covid-coming-out-queer-lgbtq-pandemic

[Anonymous]

Found these other articles:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9286013/Meet-29-year-old-Married-Sight-bride-NEVER-boyfriend.html

https://www.mamamia.com.au/single-at-45/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL who is 45 and never been in a relationship. I have no explanation and I have wondered what is going on in her head for years. She is Ivy League educated, great athlete, lots of friends, great family, well traveled, interesting career, and attractive. Are men intimidated by her? Are her standards too high? Or does she simply have no idea how to date? I am mystified by it.

I have a friend like this (late 30s) and I have long thought that she was not interested in men, but is not honest with herself and so would rather be alone than explore dating women.

This is one of my sils. It was pretty obvious from her 20s. She’s almost 60 now and had always hated men and hated any man who tried to talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

There are plenty of gorgeous African American women that are single.

That’s a different issue though isn’t it ?It would need its own thread but would probably end up being offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

This is untrue. A lot of the prettiest women I know are single while some of the dumpiest women are paired up.

Right. They felt they had better settle.

[Anonymous]

There is something sexist and dated about your question.

You sound SO perplexed that a woman might choose this lifestyle.

Don’t you dare raise it with them because it implies that they owe society an explanation for being aberrant.

They may just be independent and self confident and not terribly motivated to get married. It is not like married people are all deliriously happy. Would you consider interviewing them about how they wound up in their current status??