Women 35+ who have never been in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL who is 45 and never been in a relationship. I have no explanation and I have wondered what is going on in her head for years. She is Ivy League educated, great athlete, lots of friends, great family, well traveled, interesting career, and attractive. Are men intimidated by her? Are her standards too high? Or does she simply have no idea how to date? I am mystified by it.

I have a friend like this (late 30s) and I have long thought that she was not interested in men, but is not honest with herself and so would rather be alone than explore dating women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

In the dmv? Where you need a car to get anywhere? Where might these suitors be for a work from home person? At the chicfila? The costco where men keep their gaze to the ceiling and many are with kids? And no dog parks for me after a pit attacked my pup.

What!! The DMV is full of bars, lounges, cultural events, social activities, church groups, volunteer orgs for single women to attend. In fact a lot of events are sausage fests where you have more than your fair pick of professional men. Now that I live in flyover country I realize it really was a land of milk and honey for dating compared to here!

I'm not in a church group. So basically you're saying I have to go and find these men that I have to fend off with a stick. Find another single over 35 yr old friend to go with and if we are hot enough we will get an army of suitors to fend off. Sounds like work.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this. She dates occasionally, but has never been in a LTR. She's pretty, smart, and kind, but she has impossible standards. Like the guy can't just be a high earner because those guys "work all the time;" he has to come from money, and of course has has to be tall and handsome too.
She says she would rather stay single than settle, even if that means not having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

In the dmv? Where you need a car to get anywhere? Where might these suitors be for a work from home person? At the chicfila? The costco where men keep their gaze to the ceiling and many are with kids? And no dog parks for me after a pit attacked my pup.

What!! The DMV is full of bars, lounges, cultural events, social activities, church groups, volunteer orgs for single women to attend. In fact a lot of events are sausage fests where you have more than your fair pick of professional men. Now that I live in flyover country I realize it really was a land of milk and honey for dating compared to here!

I'm not in a church group. So basically you're saying I have to go and find these men that I have to fend off with a stick. Find another single over 35 yr old friend to go with and if we are hot enough we will get an army of suitors to fend off. Sounds like work.

Yes, you have to leave your home to go outside to places besides Costco and Chic Fil A. A positively herculean task, I know, but most very pretty women actually do manage to have social lives somehow???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of female acquaintances who are 35+ but have never been in a relationship. They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies. I understand if someone was unlucky in love and hasn’t met the right person, but it’s hard for me to understand never even trying. They might go on the occasional first date but have never had anyone they introduce as a partner or SO and never talk about looking for it. I’m so curious about how this happened but don’t want to be rude and ask them.

I also know men 35+ who have never been in relationships but it seems a bit different — for them it seems more related to social awkwardness, fear of rejection, or laziness. But who knows.

Like how many? I don’t think I know a single adult woman who has never dated someone. Where are you finding all these people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL who is 45 and never been in a relationship. I have no explanation and I have wondered what is going on in her head for years. She is Ivy League educated, great athlete, lots of friends, great family, well traveled, interesting career, and attractive. Are men intimidated by her? Are her standards too high? Or does she simply have no idea how to date? I am mystified by it.

I have a friend like this (late 30s) and I have long thought that she was not interested in men, but is not honest with herself and so would rather be alone than explore dating women.

I have one friend like this. In her case, I think it had to do with her family. She started dating women once her father passed away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

How do you spend your free time? Can you talk about pets, hobbies, travel? Unless you come home from work on Friday and don't do anything until you leave for work MOnday morning, you have to be occupying your time somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

PP here, well, now that I'm in my early 50s, I have my kids, my house, summer plans, some traveling I've done, to talk about. When I was 30, I didn't have any kids, hadn't traveled much, and was apartment hopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

PP here, well, now that I'm in my early 50s, I have my kids, my house, summer plans, some traveling I've done, to talk about. When I was 30, I didn't have any kids, hadn't traveled much, and was apartment hopping.

Did you watch movies? Television shows? Listen to music? Read books?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

A lot of them don’t want to be scooped up and they’re sick of fending off suitors. I’ve been told I’m beautiful objectively and I’m 45 and I always have male attention and I can’t stand it and I’m single because I want to be single because I’m sick of men. They have nothing to offer. They’re always fawning over me and they’re annoying.

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of accomplished, attractive single women in their 40s. They have high standards (as they should) but they also just aren't that interested in pairing up. They have busy fulfilling lives and don't want kids / don't want them much, so they don't really need a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of female acquaintances who are 35+ but have never been in a relationship. They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies. I understand if someone was unlucky in love and hasn’t met the right person, but it’s hard for me to understand never even trying. They might go on the occasional first date but have never had anyone they introduce as a partner or SO and never talk about looking for it. I’m so curious about how this happened but don’t want to be rude and ask them.

I also know men 35+ who have never been in relationships but it seems a bit different — for them it seems more related to social awkwardness, fear of rejection, or laziness. But who knows.

Like how many? I don’t think I know a single adult woman who has never dated someone. Where are you finding all these people?

I went on my first date at 20 in college, then went on my second one at 24. In first LTR at 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

PP here, well, now that I'm in my early 50s, I have my kids, my house, summer plans, some traveling I've done, to talk about. When I was 30, I didn't have any kids, hadn't traveled much, and was apartment hopping.

Did you watch movies? Television shows? Listen to music? Read books?

Yea, movies and tv are somewhat safe topics, and I did talk about those, but it was also about feeling comfortable with the other person to talk about things like that because what you watch is kind of personal, IMO, but I guess it would show how compatible you might be.

Like when I was 30, if a guy talked about watching jack@ass, I'd be completely turned off. I'd feel the same about women who watched The Real Housewives, too.