Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, don’t invite them. How incredibly rude

Oh no! They’ll be so disappointed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

Nope. That’s how she (and likely you) WANT to see yourselves, but nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

Spoiled Boomer ILs is more like it. What they want, they get!

*thunderous applause*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

So what if they don't want to go. OP is the glue that is keeping this family together. Of all the things someone has to "suck up" to participate in family, I think a "trip" to a beach house once a year with family members is a pretty easy one to swallow.

Such spoiled brats on DCUM.

Spoiled Boomer ILs is more like it. What they want, they get!

Anyone who criticizes "boomers" is not worth listening to. That got old and dropped out of fashion a long time ago, dork.

“Dork” is from the 80s and Boomers gonna Boom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

You should have saved them the money and stayed home. I’m so glad my kids and their spouses speak up if they aren’t interested in something we are offering to pay for. I’ll save the money and do something they prefer next time. Just be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your annual beach house time is the summer version of Christmas at your house. Everyone travel to you and they are your 'guests' with strings. So because they are under your 'roof', they should show gratitude and they owe you. So they buy food and cook to show gratitude. That's not enough, they must act happy for the opportunity to do this for you. They are just actors in the play authored by you.

So do a test OP. Next year ask everyone if they want you to get a beach house before you rent it. If they would rather spend their vacations elsewhere, don't rent it. Just go do your own thing.

She absolutely won’t do this, because she knows they’ll say no.

And you’ve nailed it — parents like OP have a terrible case of Main Character Syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

This is the ridiculous thin-skinned behavior of the “older generation.” It is not OP’s house and to say complaining about things like curtains that someone else bought is “being ripped a new one” is asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

Such insufferable people here.
OP said that she asked, and they declined due to covid, then they asked again and they accepted.
She said of they declined, they would have been ok with that too.

Yet here you are, writing some weird, projected narrative about guilting her son & DIL.

Go make up stories on your own time weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

We rent beach houses quite a bit. No one cooks every day. We eat out quite a bit and use food delivery. Or, god forbid, make a sandwich for lunch. Almost all rentals provide a cleaning service so no cleaning is required. Sometimes we even use paper plates (gasp).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

This is the ridiculous thin-skinned behavior of the “older generation.” It is not OP’s house and to say complaining about things like curtains that someone else bought is “being ripped a new one” is asinine.

I am the poster who said that and if you had read further I admitted I made a mistake. However, if son and dil are getting a free vacation and could have done less whining( something you are accusing the older generation btw)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The complaining is rude and wrong. Period.

But we have no clue if DIL and Son received a guilt trip to come since apparently they “haven’t come since before Covid.”

Maybe op was just explaining that this is the first time in a while that they went on vacation? If I were op I would suggest that if son/dil want to join them in the future they should get their own place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

Such insufferable people here.
OP said that she asked, and they declined due to covid, then they asked again and they accepted.
She said of they declined, they would have been ok with that too.

Yet here you are, writing some weird, projected narrative about guilting her son & DIL.

Go make up stories on your own time weirdo.

“Dork?” “Weirdo?” Who are you people? You’re dismissed. The adults are talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's your kid, you can correct him. "Sorry this free house at the beach doesn't meet your expectations!" is mild but still pointed enough. Or just tell him he's being rude.

No, the vacation was not free for your son and his spouse as they had to provide groceries and meals.

Your son and spouse may think that they are offering constructive criticism, but they are doing so to excess. Just tell them that you understand their criticism and would prefer that any further discussion focus on positive thoughts about the vacation.

But wouldn't they have to eat anyway? At least they aren't paying for the rental

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone that the comments sound very rude. Just in case, is it possible some of the “it’s a trip not a vacation” comments ah e to do with vacationing with kids? This is a popular trope right now on the parenting instagrams and blogs or whatever that you don’t go on “vacation” with kids, it’s a trip. Just wondering if that could have been part of some of the comments and maybe less related to the house and more related to the stress they feel continuing to parent on vacation. The specifics about the curtains definitely sound rude AND I wonder if it has to do a little bit with kids not sleeping well due to light coming in (again still rude and they can solve that problem themselves like most parents do, it’s a problem in every rental)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

Such insufferable people here.
OP said that she asked, and they declined due to covid, then they asked again and they accepted.
She said of they declined, they would have been ok with that too.

Yet here you are, writing some weird, projected narrative about guilting her son & DIL.

Go make up stories on your own time weirdo.

Not that PP, but often the whole “oh, I’m totally OK if you don’t go!” is total BS and communicated in several months of passive-aggressive guilt trips. OP may very well be different, but that dynamic is common enough that I don’t blame PPs for suggesting it.