Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your dad about getting it moved into a trust now. I trusted my family and got completely shafted. Trust no one. Except a funded trust. Getting an irrevocable trust doc isn't enough either. Need to deed home to the trust too.

Wow. Why would dad do that now? Don't you think if he wanted to, he would have already set that up?

No. 100% of people with a trust previously had no trust until they decided to get one.

Hmmm, you would think that when the mother was alive the two of them who have discussed this...so odd that they just left all of this chance. Give me a break. The old man knows exactly what he is doing and he maybe HE DOESN'T WANT one child to control everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op has a right to be concerned. I've often seen the favorite child get the vacation house to keep it in the family. Also parents also think an unsuccessful child should be given more money. I'd assume this is what her dad is planning. But is all of that worth losing a sibling over? Life isn't fair.

Op should be more concerned over her dad remarrying and a step mom really getting 100% and then only leaving it to her kids. Then op would really have something to complain about. Happened on both sides of my family.

Beat me to it. Actually rooting for this to happen.
- someone who has had two stepmothers so far

[Anonymous]

My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op has a right to be concerned. I've often seen the favorite child get the vacation house to keep it in the family. Also parents also think an unsuccessful child should be given more money. I'd assume this is what her dad is planning. But is all of that worth losing a sibling over? Life isn't fair.

Op should be more concerned over her dad remarrying and a step mom really getting 100% and then only leaving it to her kids. Then op would really have something to complain about. Happened on both sides of my family.

Beat me to it. Actually rooting for this to happen.
- someone who has had two stepmothers so far

Dad, to 40 year old divorcee he met on Tinder: "I've got one son and two daughters. One is a total deadbeat with a dipsh*t husband. The other is 'successful' and also has a dipsh*t husband. Both think they're getting control of my estate. More wine, Gail? And tell me again about your trick jaw."

[Anonymous]

OP keeps mentioning that the sister is grifting and paying a cent, but isn’t this normal in most families? Parents have a property and when adult children visit, they are not expected to pay for things.

Also, OP keeps calling sister and her spouse broke layabouts. This may be true, but it’s possible to be a broke layabout who is a loving child whose company Dad enjoys as a widow. It’s hard to tell what’s really going here due OPs flagrant disdain of her sis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

So?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

Irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

It's my dad's house, it's his money, he has a sharp mind. Where would I get off telling him how to renovate his house? Where does my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband get off bossing or guilt-tripping my dad around to fix or renovate things how they want? They aren't paying for it.

Well, if your of sound mind father doesn’t like it, he can address it with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

Nobody “stole” anything from OP. She is entitled to ZERO dollars of her father’s money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

You are not an adult in this conversation. You do not understand money.

We understand that it’s her father’s money and not OP’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

She didn't do that.

(and way to use some overblown rhetoric. A "shabby" house is now a multi-million estate.)

Are you ESL? An "estate" is the totality of the father's assets. Beach house, primary house, life insurance, cash, annuity, investment accounts, etc.

"es-tate (noun) all the money and property owned by a particular person, especially at death"

So wait, now sister is not just after the beach house, she is after every last dime? Where are you getting this?

You think some shyster who may wrangle a $1M-plus beach house away from the dad's other two heirs will stop at the beach house? Yes, I would consider the entire estate, which is presumably at least a couple million dollars in assets, to be at risk.

Are you OP? If not, do you have some sort of history that may be influencing you here?
You continue to use an awful lot of charged words to describe this sister, with near zero facts to support any of those conclusions.

And you know “shyster” is a slur, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there done that in our extended family. In hindsight it would have been a far better strategy to sell the beach house you own OP. Explain it is due to financial hardships and go back to staying in your dad's house when you visit.

Your dad is going to be convinced by your sister that it would be so great if the sisters each have a house by the beach so they can stay close. So yours will be paid for by you, while your sister will inherit the beach house. Guarantee this will happen if you keep your house.

Yes.

And what nobody has mentioned yet on this post is that there is a certain ratio at play here. Old men and (not so old?) women. Your sister's presence may be helping everybody's inheritance a lot more than you realize. Do you really think Dad wants to do his own laundry and eat at the diner alone? That could be a $2M problem.

Your post is forcing me to disclose my sister is in fact a lazy slob. She is not his caretaker by any stretch. And another thing, she’s not there more than us, we actually have a home nearby. It’s just her visits are more frequent and now sometimes secretive. And again, her and BIL’s demeanor is that they own the joint. Even if the inheritance is split equally it’s bothersome that she and broke BIL think and act like they own it.

How are they secretive if you live nearby, and imply that you go by to see your dad a lot and that he is freely telling you that they are there?
And can you say more about this "demeanor'? What exactly are they doing?

[Anonymous]

IME, widowers and widows like it when someone comes to the their house and stays over night. They sleep better and things feel more normal, especially if they had a long and relatively happy marriage. Your sister may be helping your Dad by just showing up and being there.

Having a project or two also helps.

I suspect you have made a negative comment or two in the past about how frequent your sister's visits are and therefore, your sister doesn't tell you about all of them.

Just because your father is still of sound mind, doesn't mean that he isn't lonely. More frequent visits are usually better than fewer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IME, widowers and widows like it when someone comes to the their house and stays over night. They sleep better and things feel more normal, especially if they had a long and relatively happy marriage. Your sister may be helping your Dad by just showing up and being there.

Having a project or two also helps.

I suspect you have made a negative comment or two in the past about how frequent your sister's visits are and therefore, your sister doesn't tell you about all of them.

Just because your father is still of sound mind, doesn't mean that he isn't lonely. More frequent visits are usually better than fewer.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

What’s your plan if your sister doesn’t cover her share of the upkeep and taxes, but refuses to sell?