DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Advice for all younger women.
Do what you like and want and do it on regular basis. Nothing worse than a resentful spouse who is nasty, biting, but never actually goes to do things that they want.
Do you know how your male partner does this? Doesn't ask your permission for a simple thing as a zoom call? Do the same.
I go skiing on my own. I used to go to the movies, on my own. I go shopping on my own. I go on 2 hours walks, on my own(ok there is the dog too!).
I travel to Europe, on my own. I go on beach vacations on my own. I am also a great mom and a wife, and I do not resent my DH when he does things on his own.
You are welcome.

This all of this.

Again, who is taking care of the kids? Dh is at work. I can’t exactly jet off to Europe so your advice is lost on me and probably 99% of the rest of the world and 90% of DCUM. But thanks for playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is mom the boss?

^^^That’s the issue. Marriages won’t last if one party dictates how the other party must behave.

We don’t know that mom is the boss. We know that there was a recent conflict in this relationship.

Mom clearly thinks her bedtime routine cannot be deviated from.

She isn’t sympathetic at all and her insistence that DH follow her routine and live up to her standards suggests both that she’s actually resentful that DH has any time when he’s not subject to her demands and why he so clearly needs time to get away from her and talk with his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

So now we’re inserting bedtimes into Op? Cool.

[Anonymous]

Frat guys have always been the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

I do too.
I also didn’t read this as OP leaving her call early. I read it that after her call she went to get ready for bed, assuming that the kids were asleep, and she found her older child in her bed playing on the iPad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is mom the boss?

^^^That’s the issue. Marriages won’t last if one party dictates how the other party must behave.

We don’t know that mom is the boss. We know that there was a recent conflict in this relationship.

Mom clearly thinks her bedtime routine cannot be deviated from.

She isn’t sympathetic at all and her insistence that DH follow her routine and live up to her standards suggests both that she’s actually resentful that DH has any time when he’s not subject to her demands and why he so clearly needs time to get away from her and talk with his friends.

You have no basis for this assertion. What we know from the OP is that she is objecting to DH handing his phone to a kid at bedtime. Anyone with a brain knows that is a bad idea.

You are making all kinds of unfounded assumptions so that you can vilify the OP. Typical DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

Come off it. You are insufferably smug. You do fancy yourself a parenting expert just because you have 4 kids.

Laid back moms can be lousy moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

Nothing you just projected is supported by the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

So now we’re inserting bedtimes into Op? Cool.

+1
Just make shit up to support your parenting “expertise”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is mom the boss?

^^^That’s the issue. Marriages won’t last if one party dictates how the other party must behave.

We don’t know that mom is the boss. We know that there was a recent conflict in this relationship.

Yup, a conflict when the DH went back on his word.

Why does the DH get to break trust? Marriages won't last if one party doesn't live up to their word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

And what is the DH, since you’re into profiling?

DP.

The DH is laid back, and perhaps more sympathetic to the kid mom has labeled “difficult.”

This whole thread has become DCUM fan fiction for bad parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

So now we’re inserting bedtimes into Op? Cool.

?

If mom didn’t set a rigid bedtime, then she wouldn’t have cared that the kid was still up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

So I do have almost double (seven) and pretty laid back by most peoples standards and certainly DCUM. I would not be OK with “bedtime” being a screen and YouTube. Your definition of rigidity is not the same as mine. Rigid is those people who need bedtime to be exactly at 8 pm. Not 8:30. That follow a certain seven point routine. There is rigidity and then there is this....laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

I have 4 kids. I’ve never fancied myself a parenting expert, but I do have btdt experience. Let’s face it: any rational person realizes that an older kid who can’t fall asleep at 7pm simply doesn’t need to go down that early. You don’t make bedtime a battle. That’s the one thing kids have control over: you can’t physically make them fall asleep.

The post clearly demonstrates rigidity.

A laid back mom would have handled the situation much differently.

So I do have almost double (seven) and pretty laid back by most peoples standards and certainly DCUM. I would not be OK with “bedtime” being a screen and YouTube. Your definition of rigidity is not the same as mine. Rigid is those people who need bedtime to be exactly at 8 pm. Not 8:30. That follow a certain seven point routine. There is rigidity and then there is this....laziness.

Also, though I do have seven I realize I don’t have experience with her particular child. I wouldn’t dream of telling her that her bedtime routine is wrong and she just needs to loosen up. You may have experience with your own children as do I, but she is the expert on HER children.