DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet dad leaves his kids in the car to grab some thing at the store.

I bet mom belittles her husband all the time.

[Anonymous]

Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

And what is the DH, since you’re into profiling?

[Anonymous]

Why is mom the boss?

^^^That’s the issue. Marriages won’t last if one party dictates how the other party must behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is mom the boss?

^^^That’s the issue. Marriages won’t last if one party dictates how the other party must behave.

We don’t know that mom is the boss. We know that there was a recent conflict in this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

And what is the DH, since you’re into profiling?

DP.

The DH is laid back, and perhaps more sympathetic to the kid mom has labeled “difficult.”

[Anonymous]

I find that when DH does something infuriating the first, he learns the next time not to do it again. So yes, get mad at him this time. Let him know that it was unfair to you, that you sacrificed every Friday night since the pandemic began, and would also like to be able to chat with your girlfriends and trust that he will handle bedtime. Talk it out. And then the next time the situation occurs, make sure he is clear what is expected of him. I often don’t do things right the first time, I may not do things right the second time either, so it may take a couple of fights along the way. But he’ll get it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is mom the boss?

^^^That’s the issue. Marriages won’t last if one party dictates how the other party must behave.

We don’t know that mom is the boss. We know that there was a recent conflict in this relationship.

Mom clearly thinks her bedtime routine cannot be deviated from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

And what is the DH, since you’re into profiling?

DP.

The DH is laid back, and perhaps more sympathetic to the kid mom has labeled “difficult.”

And how did you come to this conclusion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if I know you irl?

I know a mom who set very rigid bedtimes for her kids. They’re older now, but still have rigid bedtimes. One time when we were chatting as a group, she commented how difficult her one child was with bedtime (struggling to fall asleep). As a veteran mom with twice the number of kids and real world experience, I gently commented that it’s counterproductive to force a bedtime when the older kid clearly doesn’t need to go down that early. Her response? The bedtimes were for her sanity and downtime. I get it, but that’s not cool.

She also told her DH what to do/how to handle the kids. Again: not cool.

My advice: take a deep breath, calm down, and step back. Your DH can handle the kids just fine. Apologize for the outburst, and explain your frustration—then promise to let go when he’s in charge.

I don’t read OP as rigid with bedtimes. I do see a kid left in parents bedroom with a phone instead of their own room in bed. Because daddy needed to get his drink on with his boyfriends.

+1
There are people who are rigid on bedtimes. There is a whole lot between being rigid and tossing a phone at a kid.
The bolded is a whole other debate (and I probably have almost double the number of kids as you but certainly don’t claim to have the rules to parent “correctly”).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enough with the mutual “you’re projecting” posts. We’re all projecting. We don’t know OP and come to this with our own similar experiences.

That said, OP is a typical hyper-controlling, wound too tight martyr of a wife, prone to emotional disregulation and abusive behavior. DH does something she doesn’t like, or in a way she doesn’t like, here comes the wrath!!

And what is the DH, since you’re into profiling?

DH sounds like a chill dude capable of maintaining long term friendships, and taking a reasonable and laid back approach with his kids. I’ll bet the like him better. Hard to get a read on much else, though I’ll bet he’s fairly handsome and doesn’t get enough sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that when DH does something infuriating the first, he learns the next time not to do it again. So yes, get mad at him this time. Let him know that it was unfair to you, that you sacrificed every Friday night since the pandemic began, and would also like to be able to chat with your girlfriends and trust that he will handle bedtime. Talk it out. And then the next time the situation occurs, make sure he is clear what is expected of him. I often don’t do things right the first time, I may not do things right the second time either, so it may take a couple of fights along the way. But he’ll get it. Good luck!

Make clear what is expected of him?

SMDH.

Question for the ladies: do you like it when your DH makes clear what is expected of you?

This is a recipe for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like people that keep their word. Especially when I’m married to them.

this is it in a nutshell.

DH broke trust. All the rest of the rationalizing by some of you PPs on his behalf is nonsense.

+1. If you say you can handle bedtime so I can do a call with my friends, do it. And I will do the same for you.

Also, putting the child in bed with an iPhone is not putting them to bed in most households. And, while one late night won’t kill them, I’m not really understanding how dad putting the kids to bed is being discussed as a special occasion. Doing the bedtime routine differently is fine but just not doing it is lazy.

YES!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that when DH does something infuriating the first, he learns the next time not to do it again. So yes, get mad at him this time. Let him know that it was unfair to you, that you sacrificed every Friday night since the pandemic began, and would also like to be able to chat with your girlfriends and trust that he will handle bedtime. Talk it out. And then the next time the situation occurs, make sure he is clear what is expected of him. I often don’t do things right the first time, I may not do things right the second time either, so it may take a couple of fights along the way. But he’ll get it. Good luck!

Make clear what is expected of him?

SMDH.

Question for the ladies: do you like it when your DH makes clear what is expected of you?

This is a recipe for divorce.

Same person is answer every post. Either sitting next to his wife pretending to read the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that when DH does something infuriating the first, he learns the next time not to do it again. So yes, get mad at him this time. Let him know that it was unfair to you, that you sacrificed every Friday night since the pandemic began, and would also like to be able to chat with your girlfriends and trust that he will handle bedtime. Talk it out. And then the next time the situation occurs, make sure he is clear what is expected of him. I often don’t do things right the first time, I may not do things right the second time either, so it may take a couple of fights along the way. But he’ll get it. Good luck!

Make clear what is expected of him?

SMDH.

Question for the ladies: do you like it when your DH makes clear what is expected of you?

This is a recipe for divorce.

LOL, seriously. “What’s expected of him”? He’s a grown man. You can expect deez nuts.