Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

I've gone upstairs uninvited to get my toddler, who zoomed up before I could stop her. I also think it's weird to be so turfy with guests. Close or lock the door if you want to keep people out.

Right--again, some more, that's already been covered. But why you can't give a quick word to your hosts before you go after your child is a mystery. Also, watch your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

Sorry, already been covered--if your health is compromised (and we all know how quickly that can happen), then of course you do what you need to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

Sorry, already been covered--if your health is compromised (and we all know how quickly that can happen), then of course you do what you need to do.

Ok, then. Time to reach out to Jeff and tell him to lock the thread. According to PP, we've covered everything. See you later, everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

Sorry, already been covered--if your health is compromised (and we all know how quickly that can happen), then of course you do what you need to do.

Ok, then. Time to reach out to Jeff and tell him to lock the thread. According to PP, we've covered everything. See you later, everyone!

If you have something *new* to add, that would be most welcome.

Who goes on a 10+ page thread and assumes they are going to add anything that hasn't already been covered? At least READ THE THREAD before adding something.

[Anonymous]

This even drives me crazy when kids come over. We have all our toys DOWNSTAIRS in the basement which is the kids' playroom. EVERY. SINGLE. KID. comes over and immediately asks mine, "I want to see your room!" Kid (age 6) looks at me expectantly and I sing-song, "All our toys are downstairs in our house! Let's go down to the playroom!"

I don't get this obsession of wanting to see kids' bedrooms. I really don't.

NB We had the same rules growing up (kids and guests stay downstairs) so I guess it's been ingrained in me for quite a long time: there are public parts of the house and parts that are just for those who live there. I have invited you over to the public part of the house. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This even drives me crazy when kids come over. We have all our toys DOWNSTAIRS in the basement which is the kids' playroom. EVERY. SINGLE. KID. comes over and immediately asks mine, "I want to see your room!" Kid (age 6) looks at me expectantly and I sing-song, "All our toys are downstairs in our house! Let's go down to the playroom!"

I don't get this obsession of wanting to see kids' bedrooms. I really don't.

NB We had the same rules growing up (kids and guests stay downstairs) so I guess it's been ingrained in me for quite a long time: there are public parts of the house and parts that are just for those who live there. I have invited you over to the public part of the house. That's it.

My kids love to show off their room. It's more than toys...my daughter picked the color of her walls (purple) loves her "big-girl" bed and bed spread (rainbow) and likes to have pretend sleepovers on the pull-out couch in her room. As long as they ask permission/are invited first, I have no problem with kids (or adults) wanting to see our kids' rooms. I totally understand that our kids feel a sense of pride and ownership and autonomy and like to share that with family and friends.

I'd definitely respect your wishes, PP, but I hope you realize you have an outlier view. Um, your kid is looking at you "expectantly" for a reason. He or she is definitely allowed to at least see his or her friends' rooms, and he or she wants to be a part of that dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

... and there we have it, ladies and gentlemen... “Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout.” As if that gives them a reason or a right to go into someone’s home where they haven’t been invited. But that’s their mentality - it’s okay because they wanted to look at the layout. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I host a lot and have overnight guests pretty frequently.

1. Please realize that not everyone has the same relationship with their family or in laws that you do. I am absolutely not comfortable with my MIL coming into our master bedroom.

2. I am little concerned that so many posters think it is normal to intrude on others personal space during a party. Bathrooms are fine, but if a door is closed, good God do not open it.

Seriously, We were having a (rather large) dinner party and I spilled something on myself. I decided to quietly and quickly run upstairs to change. Mid-change one of the guests opens the door to my master bedroom. It was embarrassing and rude. She just said sorry and closed the door quickly but I still wonder what she was doing wandering upstairs. All we have upstairs are bedrooms and bathrooms. And the upstairs bathroom door was open to the hallway (so I know she wasn't looking to use the upstairs bathroom - I checked).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

Sorry, already been covered--if your health is compromised (and we all know how quickly that can happen), then of course you do what you need to do.

Ok, then. Time to reach out to Jeff and tell him to lock the thread. According to PP, we've covered everything. See you later, everyone!

If you have something *new* to add, that would be most welcome.

Who goes on a 10+ page thread and assumes they are going to add anything that hasn't already been covered? At least READ THE THREAD before adding something.

Who has time to read the entirety of a 10 page thread on an inane topic. Most people who invite guests don't sequester them in certain rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

... and there we have it, ladies and gentlemen... “Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout.” As if that gives them a reason or a right to go into someone’s home where they haven’t been invited. But that’s their mentality - it’s okay because they wanted to look at the layout. Unbelievable.

But they have been invited to the home. Not just the first floor. If you want to be so ridiculously anal, don't host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

... and there we have it, ladies and gentlemen... “Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout.” As if that gives them a reason or a right to go into someone’s home where they haven’t been invited. But that’s their mentality - it’s okay because they wanted to look at the layout. Unbelievable.

But they have been invited to the home. Not just the first floor. If you want to be so ridiculously anal, don't host.

They were invited to the home to socialize with the hosts and other guests. They were not invited to examine the home and its layout. They were invited for their company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very strange.

We usually give people “the tour” when they come over, if we know them well, and then they see upstairs is bedrooms / offices. When we have overnight guests, they stay upstairs and I want them to feel at home.

Never have I had a guest just wandering around in my house, and we have hosted lots of big get-togethers. Even my 6-yo nephew has the common sense to ask if he can go upstairs and watch TV in the den/office.

That said, there is some weird privacy defensiveness here as well. If someone goes into our bedrooms, they’d see: beds. There’s nothing truly private or sacred about that space.

If they wanted to dig around in our dressers to find dildos or bongs or whatever, that’s weird. But also very unlikely.

They go into your private bed/bath...why? What reason do they have to be there?

You do not owe anyone a tour of your private space. If you want to give a tour, fine. But a guest that takes it upon themselves to go into your bedroom for a look around is just being nosy. There really is no innocent explanation for it.

Maybe you don't want someone wandering in there to see your laundry basket full of dirty clothes or whatever. It's not a public space and it's not a space that guests should wander in and out of like it is a public space.

I don't think you get it. My bedroom and bath aren't "private," but even so, nobody has ever wandered up there. My bedroom has: a bed, two nightstands, two dressers, and some decorations. That's it. Nothing private. My upstairs bathroom is a hall bath with, again, nothing private. It's not a big deal. Go on up. Have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very strange.

We usually give people “the tour” when they come over, if we know them well, and then they see upstairs is bedrooms / offices. When we have overnight guests, they stay upstairs and I want them to feel at home.

Never have I had a guest just wandering around in my house, and we have hosted lots of big get-togethers. Even my 6-yo nephew has the common sense to ask if he can go upstairs and watch TV in the den/office.

That said, there is some weird privacy defensiveness here as well. If someone goes into our bedrooms, they’d see: beds. There’s nothing truly private or sacred about that space.

If they wanted to dig around in our dressers to find dildos or bongs or whatever, that’s weird. But also very unlikely.

They go into your private bed/bath...why? What reason do they have to be there?

You do not owe anyone a tour of your private space. If you want to give a tour, fine. But a guest that takes it upon themselves to go into your bedroom for a look around is just being nosy. There really is no innocent explanation for it.

Maybe you don't want someone wandering in there to see your laundry basket full of dirty clothes or whatever. It's not a public space and it's not a space that guests should wander in and out of like it is a public space.

I don't think you get it. My bedroom and bath aren't "private," but even so, nobody has ever wandered up there. My bedroom has: a bed, two nightstands, two dressers, and some decorations. That's it. Nothing private. My upstairs bathroom is a hall bath with, again, nothing private. It's not a big deal. Go on up. Have fun.

+1 If I've closed a door it's only because it's messy.

[Anonymous]

None of our upstairs was "off limits" for the first 2-3 years we lived there. House was brand new at the time and DS was quite young, so he'd excitedly offer, to just about anyone coming to the house, "would you like to have a tour of my room (2nd floor) and playroom (3rd floor)??"

Fortunately, I was only caught off guard the first time. Startled guests, who might have actually been curious and interested in what was then a new house, would usually look my way for a sense of "it's ok" or "oh my, please don't." Worked out fine. For overnight guests, I don't have any set "stick to floor x" rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very strange.

We usually give people “the tour” when they come over, if we know them well, and then they see upstairs is bedrooms / offices. When we have overnight guests, they stay upstairs and I want them to feel at home.

Never have I had a guest just wandering around in my house, and we have hosted lots of big get-togethers. Even my 6-yo nephew has the common sense to ask if he can go upstairs and watch TV in the den/office.

That said, there is some weird privacy defensiveness here as well. If someone goes into our bedrooms, they’d see: beds. There’s nothing truly private or sacred about that space.

If they wanted to dig around in our dressers to find dildos or bongs or whatever, that’s weird. But also very unlikely.

They go into your private bed/bath...why? What reason do they have to be there?

You do not owe anyone a tour of your private space. If you want to give a tour, fine. But a guest that takes it upon themselves to go into your bedroom for a look around is just being nosy. There really is no innocent explanation for it.

Maybe you don't want someone wandering in there to see your laundry basket full of dirty clothes or whatever. It's not a public space and it's not a space that guests should wander in and out of like it is a public space.

I don't think you get it. My bedroom and bath aren't "private," but even so, nobody has ever wandered up there. My bedroom has: a bed, two nightstands, two dressers, and some decorations. That's it. Nothing private. My upstairs bathroom is a hall bath with, again, nothing private. It's not a big deal. Go on up. Have fun.

No, I don't think YOU get it. YOUR bedroom and bathrooms might not be private. But the rest of us have lives. We actually live in our houses. They aren't museums. We don't keep all areas of our house "guest ready" like a showroom with every private thing put away at all times. We assume that if we invite respectful adults into our home for a dinner party then they'll stay where the dinner party is.

There are any number of things that people could have in their homes that they don't want the entire world to know about. Financial documents showing that they have a lot of money. Financial documents showing that they don't have a lot of money, and are in trouble. For that matter, financial documents about someone else whose finances they're looking after. Private writings and diaries. Sex toys. Documents or other indications about divorce or possible divorce. Indications that may suggest divorce to someone but aren't necessarily the case (e.g. husband and wife sleeping separately). Business information that shouldn't be in the public domain. Medication for serious (e.g. cancer) and/or embarrassing issues. Medical devices. Dirty clothes and/or underwear. Random piles of mess. I could go on.