Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nosy people want to find your secrets- meds you are on, if you’re a slob, house decor curiosity.

Who has these types of friends? Yikes!

Exactly! Friends don't intrude upon their friends' personal space like that.

Who wants to allow a person into their home that they can not trust? How stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a townhouse where the entry floor is the foyer and our bedroom and office, the main level is the living and dining rooms, and the upper floor is guest room and kid room. For all the posters saying “dear god no I would never go upstairs,” how would you conduct yourself in my home? This universal “upstairs is off limits” is so weird. It sounds like a cultural thing that you’re all assuming you know the shape and use of every home.

You're being too literal. In your home, I would stick to the main living areas. I live in a ranch style house, and expect guests to stay out of the bedrooms.

+1 & Obviously we would not hang out in your foyer and office. YOUR living room is where I assume you would host and that is where we would stay.

[Anonymous]

I host a lot and have overnight guests pretty frequently.

1. Please realize that not everyone has the same relationship with their family or in laws that you do. I am absolutely not comfortable with my MIL coming into our master bedroom.

2. I am little concerned that so many posters think it is normal to intrude on others personal space during a party. Bathrooms are fine, but if a door is closed, good God do not open it.

[Anonymous]

As long as they understand that the beds may or may not be made, I don't really care if people wander around my house. But I don't know why they would need to. There is nothing on our upper level other than bedrooms and my office.

[Anonymous]

It's not even that I have anything to hide. It's more the level of disrespect that is involved in such intrusiveness.

Everyone has the right to privacy in their own home. And you should be able to leave your purse out when you run to the bathroom w/o worrying about some nosy nelly rummaging it through it.

I truly think that people like that are mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as they understand that the beds may or may not be made, I don't really care if people wander around my house. But I don't know why they would need to. There is nothing on our upper level other than bedrooms and my office.

eh, if I catch a guest wandering around in my master bedroom without express permission to be there I am not going to be happy about it. Nor would I readily welcome them back into my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

Nope, sorry. It is entirely possible to be a welcoming and gracious host while still valuing your privacy.

If you are opening your home, and welcoming people in, and people feel entitled to yet more of your personal space and access to your personal life? That's on THEM, not on you.

I hope this thread at least makes people see that there is a broad spectrum of ideas of comfort and access here, and one should always, ALWAYS err on the side of respecting privacy, space and personal property.

Better to ask to use a different bathroom and get a semi-confused, "Of course, go right ahead, no need to ask!" than to stomp on boundaries and offend your host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

Nope, sorry. It is entirely possible to be a welcoming and gracious host while still valuing your privacy.

If you are opening your home, and welcoming people in, and people feel entitled to yet more of your personal space and access to your personal life? That's on THEM, not on you.

I hope this thread at least makes people see that there is a broad spectrum of ideas of comfort and access here, and one should always, ALWAYS err on the side of respecting privacy, space and personal property.

Better to ask to use a different bathroom and get a semi-confused, "Of course, go right ahead, no need to ask!" than to stomp on boundaries and offend your host.

X1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.

I don’t know why people as tightly wound as OP bother to host. Maybe the guests had a good reason, maybe they just wanted to see what your upstairs looked like but if you have such an inhospitable attitude just don’t bother.

This thread is bizarre to me. My kids' bedrooms are upstairs. They want to show their friends and relatives their toys and books, and sometimes to play away from the rest of the crowd. We don't have rooms that are inaccessible to guests (although I occasionally will close a door to a room if I didn't have time to clean it.) Hide your meds in a cabinet if you're that worried about what people will find.

What was the good reason? Still waiting.

I'd love to see the inner workings of Jose Andres' kitchens. I suppose the next time I'm being hosted in one of his restaurants or one of the hotels in which has a restaurant, I should just wander right on back? Hey, I have more of a claim on that than I do when you host me at your house; I'm a paying customer!

Maybe they need to retrieve a kid who went upstairs without permission. Maybe they thought their coat was left in an upstairs bedroom and didn't want to bother the host. Maybe they just wanted to look at the layout. But if you're that suspicious of the people you're inviting over, don't invite them. Homes aren't fortresses, and I feel sorry for people who feel like someone entering a room constitutes a deleterious invasion of privacy. They shouldn't be hosting.

Nope, sorry. It is entirely possible to be a welcoming and gracious host while still valuing your privacy.

If you are opening your home, and welcoming people in, and people feel entitled to yet more of your personal space and access to your personal life? That's on THEM, not on you.

I hope this thread at least makes people see that there is a broad spectrum of ideas of comfort and access here, and one should always, ALWAYS err on the side of respecting privacy, space and personal property.

Better to ask to use a different bathroom and get a semi-confused, "Of course, go right ahead, no need to ask!" than to stomp on boundaries and offend your host.

X1000

[Anonymous]

This thread is bizarre to me. My kids' bedrooms are upstairs. They want to show their friends and relatives their toys and books, and sometimes to play away from the rest of the crowd. We don't have rooms that are inaccessible to guests (although I occasionally will close a door to a room if I didn't have time to clean it.) Hide your meds in a cabinet if you're that worried about what people will find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre to me. My kids' bedrooms are upstairs. They want to show their friends and relatives their toys and books, and sometimes to play away from the rest of the crowd. We don't have rooms that are inaccessible to guests (although I occasionally will close a door to a room if I didn't have time to clean it.) Hide your meds in a cabinet if you're that worried about what people will find.

Several times, people said that if a kid invites someone up, then of course it is fine. Or if your host/hostess says it's OK to go up, of course it is fine.

But if guests just go wandering upstairs, without asking and with no invitation? That's incredibly rude. (And yes, it happens.)

It's great that you dno't have rooms that are inaccessible to guests. Some of us do. Realize this, and don't go poking around other people's homes without express permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bizarre to me. My kids' bedrooms are upstairs. They want to show their friends and relatives their toys and books, and sometimes to play away from the rest of the crowd. We don't have rooms that are inaccessible to guests (although I occasionally will close a door to a room if I didn't have time to clean it.) Hide your meds in a cabinet if you're that worried about what people will find.

Several times, people said that if a kid invites someone up, then of course it is fine. Or if your host/hostess says it's OK to go up, of course it is fine.

But if guests just go wandering upstairs, without asking and with no invitation? That's incredibly rude. (And yes, it happens.)

It's great that you dno't have rooms that are inaccessible to guests. Some of us do. Realize this, and don't go poking around other people's homes without express permission.

Translation: PP doesn't want you to find her unmentionables.

[Anonymous]

OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'll tell you of a time I needed to do this. The dinner that the hostess served didn't agree with me - at all. Everyone else was having a grand old time with after-dinner drinks/dessert, but the urge to go hit me like a ton of bricks. The powder room was located right next to the kitchen, where everyone was standing and hanging out. I knew that the situation was going to be rough and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the others.

So, I high-tailed it upstairs and found the main "kids bathroom." Believe me, I was in no position to judge if it was clean or dirty. I had to take care of business. It was a crappy affair and took a few flushes to make sure things were left in a polite way.

The hostess barely noticed I was gone and I returned to everyone still laughing and carrying on in the kitchen. I can only imagine everyone's attitude if I had decided to stay down there... So, yes, I invaded her privacy, I guess, but it was for the greater good.

I've gone upstairs uninvited to get my toddler, who zoomed up before I could stop her. I also think it's weird to be so turfy with guests. Close or lock the door if you want to keep people out.