Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This whole thing is ridiculous. 12 pages on this?? I don't see sports as more important than family. I grew up in a very close family and no way could I have missed an aunt's wedding.


+1 I can't believe there are people who are saying the commitment to a team trumps a commitment to your family. This explains to much about what is bad about our society.

Please the only person making this a choice between family and a sport team is the bridezilla. This says a lot about the wedding industrial complex in this country. How many of his 14 birthdays has the OP made an appearance at? What was sooo important that she could not make such an important family event. LOL

[Anonymous]

I agree that there's been a lot said on this, but there is no way that I would let my son - who plays sports at a competitive level now as a freshman in HS but earlier in league play - miss a family wedding for a tournament. And who cares if he's bored - what message does it send?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This whole thing is ridiculous. 12 pages on this?? I don't see sports as more important than family. I grew up in a very close family and no way could I have missed an aunt's wedding.


+1 I can't believe there are people who are saying the commitment to a team trumps a commitment to your family. This explains to much about what is bad about our society.

Please the only person making this a choice between family and a sport team is the bridezilla. This says a lot about the wedding industrial complex in this country. How many of his 14 birthdays has the OP made an appearance at? What was sooo important that she could not make such an important family event. LOL

Are you drunk?

[Anonymous]

Whatever your values are in this situation, it's incredibly disappointing that the aunt carves out the only participants in her ceremony as her niece and nephew and then a sports tourney comes into play and it's a no go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever your values are in this situation, it's incredibly disappointing that the aunt carves out the only participants in her ceremony as her niece and nephew and then a sports tourney comes into play and it's a no go.

I know - her sister is just as crazy as these competitive mom and dads. They all need to take it down a notch on the sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next week, my 7yr old is going to miss her Aunt's wedding because she "made a commitment" to her rec basketball team. And I want to be sure she understands what commitment means. Her team mates need her and the coach expects here there.

Does it sound insane? Yeah, so does the 14yr old although you all keep talking about "commitment." It is total bullshit. The sister is teaching the kid to be selfish.

It actually is not the same thing and some of you are so "anti-sports" that you do not see it. Another PP asked whether people would feel different if was youth travel orchestra or youth ballet company. No one responded.

Please enlighten me on what the difference is than? All you keep talking about it commitment. We all know it is really not about that.

[Anonymous]

There is no extra-curricular commitment I would let my kids attend. Family first and weddings and funerals are #1 and #2.

And really people. If you honestly think a freshman missing one early season tournament will end his high school career are just trying to rationalize why sports are more important to you than family. Do you think he will be on the bench for the next 4 years. He is a freshman!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, I wouldn't have missed a tournament for a family wedding either. I made a commitment to my team when I signed up and it would've been pretty unheard of for a player to miss a tournament. His schedule was set first and your wedding was set after. It was your sister's mistake. Also, he is just 14, but if he were even a little older, that tournament could be the difference between being recruited to play in college and not. I think it's important to teach kids the value of commitment. I do understand that family is important, but c'mon, it's not like he's missing the chance to say goodbye before you die, it's just your wedding.

This is nuts. Parent of multiple soccer players here, Varsity HS and beyond. If this one tournament (a high school not a club tournament, which means ZERO college coaches would be in attendance) makes the difference between the kid getting recruited or not, the kid isn't good enough. Trust me, the coaches know about the good kids and watch them for years.

Silly rationalization to make crazy sports parents feel better about their ludicrous choices.

+1. If one tournament is make or break re him getting a shot as a starter on his HS team or him getting a shot at D1 -- guess what, he's no where near good enough. For the kids that truly excel, high school coaches make exceptions; even if the HS coach has a rule of "you miss one tournament, you're not starting" -- if DN is SO fantastic and is otherwise a hard worker at practice and a good all around kid, I can guarantee any coach will want that kind of kid starting, so he'll make an exception for a family event -- maybe the kid would be benched for one game or run extra laps or whatever, but no way a coach is shooting himself in the foot by benching the star player who gave him adequate notice re a family event.

If this is about D1 recruiting -- coaches look out for the right kids for YEARS. Whether or not you play in any one HS tournament will make no different whatsoever -- coaches won't even be there; and they likely won't even care to see film as they'll see you live and in person at many other club tournaments throughout the year, camps that they invite you too etc.

Way too much priority being placed on what a 14 yr old wants. And to the PP who says he'll be surly and angry -- um, welcome to being a teenager son. Teens need to learn they don't run the family and sometimes they need to put on a tie and show up bc it'll make mom and dad and aunt and grandparents happy.

[Anonymous]

wow. what an interesting debate. my kid is in KG, so i have no idea, but I thought that the OBVIOUS answer would have been that he skip the game.

[Anonymous]

I was a varsity athlete and I wouldn't have missed an aunt's wedding for a sporting event.

I don't understand how a child is somehow indentured to a sport's team... yeah, yeah, even a competitive sports team. That don't make no sense to me. No no no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This whole thing is ridiculous. 12 pages on this?? I don't see sports as more important than family. I grew up in a very close family and no way could I have missed an aunt's wedding.


+1 I can't believe there are people who are saying the commitment to a team trumps a commitment to your family. This explains to much about what is bad about our society.

Please the only person making this a choice between family and a sport team is the bridezilla. This says a lot about the wedding industrial complex in this country. How many of his 14 birthdays has the OP made an appearance at? What was sooo important that she could not make such an important family event. LOL

Are you drunk?

To be fair, the OP did chime in something about finally having her moment which suggests she's being a bit too precious with herself.

One thing to think about is that a teammate missing a game may be the difference between winning and losing or forfeiture. If everybody missed games for every family event, the consequences could be pretty huge for the team and remaining players. Maybe this kid is the goalie. That's a pretty irreplaceable position. Maybe he's the only fullback sub or the one that actually gives them the numbers to not have to forfeit. You just don't know. He could be letting down 15 of his friends and teammates and, to some extent, their families.

Anyway, I think the fact that the sister didn't check means he gets a pass and can choose whether he wants to go to the party or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow. what an interesting debate. my kid is in KG, so i have no idea, but I thought that the OBVIOUS answer would have been that he skip the game.

Everything becomes less obvious as your children start to become their own people. If it isn't a soccer game it is something else. In the end, it is just a wedding. The bride got to decide when to have it and where to have it, and her guests get to decide if they can come. Her day won't be diminished by the loss of the kid. This answer goes for all kinds of reasons.

It would be nice if the kid could come, or wanted to come, but this just won't matter.

[Anonymous]

This is a real question, not snark: if it's such a huge disruption for a player to miss a single tournament then what happens if they are injured, have strep throat, etc. Also-if the culture really is this rigid I would be concerned about pressure to return to the game or season too soon after concussion or possible concussion.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it wasn't the sister's choice.
Maybe she feels just as disappointed as the OP.
But maybe the sister employs a parenting style that is geared more towards offering guidance rather than insisting obedience now that her son is a teenager and maybe the sister empowered her 14 year-old son to make his own choice.
Or maybe it was a reluctant choice by the sister.
Maybe she mentioned it and the son objected and it ultimately became a bone of contention between the sister and her son.
Maybe his pouting or pleading or anger or animosity was so overwhelming the sister said the heck with it and would rather have her contentious brat not attend than show up surly and ruin her sister's big day.
There are a lot of things to consider.
Maybe it wasn't as cut and dry of a choice as the OP insinuates.

[Anonymous]

Maybe family should take priority over a sports game.

By not attending the wedding, the message that is being sent is - 'what I want to do, as a 14 yo, takes priority over any family event'. never mind that the marriage is likely 'forever' and the sports will fizzle out by HS graduation.

I think this teaches selfishness on the part of this kid (and all kids where family events are trumped by sports).

These kids will grow up and will find themselves choosing going out with their friends over being with a girl/guy they are interested in, leaving their girlfriends or SOs behind because it's all about 'me' right?

It sends a wrong message to the kid that their interests take priority over family.

But maybe, family isn't as important to the OPs sister as her son's game.