asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m hosting an almost identical trip this summer. Food costs for seven 17-18 year old athletes for 6 days are no joke! (And I’m no I’m not rich - I just have family house I can get free access to for the week). The kids are already talking about the lobster boil they want to have and the steaks they want to grill…

My plan was to tell my kid to tell his friends that I’m going to stock up on basic food but they should bring cash if they want to go out or buy fancy food to cook. If parents want to Venmo me something that would certainly be appreciated but I’m not going to ask.

I wouldn’t ask for money either but I would leave it up to the teens if they want to go get lobster. I have a feeling they will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they guests?

If so, yes, tacky to ask for money.

But, those parents should be offering up front, what can we send our teen with? Can we send/give you money.

If I had a beach house and could host friends, I would. I would not proactively charge anyone.

They appear to be guests of the son. So let the money talk go through him to his guests. It's not like he has a job and can afford to feed them all week.

Perhaps, but these are minors and OP and husband are supervising. I would pay for normal meals and household supplies for the stay and expect them to come up as a group for extras like lobster.

Do you often have a group of 17yr olds at your beach house or is this just a super hypothetical for your 6yr old?

Nah, she’s thinks she’s generous because she bought a meal for the daughter’s friend at Chuck E Cheese.

I’d pay for a large group for a day, like having a party. I’d pay for one friend to join a family vacation, although if my kid was going I’d insist I pay his share.

But a group of nearly adults for a week, no, they have to pitch in, plan their groceries, and cook for themselves. I’d help, but they are not entitled to a butler and a maid. I agree at that age it’s the teens inviting friends over, it’s a good lesson to have your teen let the others know how much to contribute.

I don’t understand the concept of whoever invites pays. The default is everyone pays their share, unless it’s mentioned explicitly otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they guests?

If so, yes, tacky to ask for money.

But, those parents should be offering up front, what can we send our teen with? Can we send/give you money.

If I had a beach house and could host friends, I would. I would not proactively charge anyone.

They appear to be guests of the son. So let the money talk go through him to his guests. It's not like he has a job and can afford to feed them all week.

Perhaps, but these are minors and OP and husband are supervising. I would pay for normal meals and household supplies for the stay and expect them to come up as a group for extras like lobster.

Do you often have a group of 17yr olds at your beach house or is this just a super hypothetical for your 6yr old?

Nah, she’s thinks she’s generous because she bought a meal for the daughter’s friend at Chuck E Cheese.

I’d pay for a large group for a day, like having a party. I’d pay for one friend to join a family vacation, although if my kid was going I’d insist I pay his share.

But a group of nearly adults for a week, no, they have to pitch in, plan their groceries, and cook for themselves. I’d help, but they are not entitled to a butler and a maid. I agree at that age it’s the teens inviting friends over, it’s a good lesson to have your teen let the others know how much to contribute.

I don’t understand the concept of whoever invites pays. The default is everyone pays their share, unless it’s mentioned explicitly otherwise.

I actually love this.
I have a 16 yo so I'm kind of still at that stage of gracious me let me venmo some money post haste!
But better (and 16 yo could do well at this and get some practice) is to send the teen with their debit card and let them figure it out. It's great practice for a group of teens.

One might always pay and one might never pay. One might step up and plan and split! They need to learn this for college. Some of them will start to be takers and some will feel taken advantage of. They will learn how to be adults!

(and even that's no guarantee... so many threads on here about adults splitting vacations and meals and lots of resentment! It seems we never get it right)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 17 year olds with cars, possibly part time jobs, soon to be living independently? Your son and his friends should be coordinating their own meals that fit within their budgets, whether it’s getting groceries and cooking or eating some meals out. Maybe you guys can host dinner the first and last nights, but expecting you to plan/pay for meals for 7 kids for a week is ridiculous.

I don’t know where most of these posters are coming from. I grew up in a very wealthy area where kids frequently hosted trips at their beach or ski cabins. By age 17, there would be zero expectation of the parents providing food for a large group trip like this.

Mom to 3 girl scouts here, totally agree. I hope boys would do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they guests?

If so, yes, tacky to ask for money.

But, those parents should be offering up front, what can we send our teen with? Can we send/give you money.

If I had a beach house and could host friends, I would. I would not proactively charge anyone.

They appear to be guests of the son. So let the money talk go through him to his guests. It's not like he has a job and can afford to feed them all week.

Perhaps, but these are minors and OP and husband are supervising. I would pay for normal meals and household supplies for the stay and expect them to come up as a group for extras like lobster.

Do you often have a group of 17yr olds at your beach house or is this just a super hypothetical for your 6yr old?

Nah, she’s thinks she’s generous because she bought a meal for the daughter’s friend at Chuck E Cheese.

I’d pay for a large group for a day, like having a party. I’d pay for one friend to join a family vacation, although if my kid was going I’d insist I pay his share.

But a group of nearly adults for a week, no, they have to pitch in, plan their groceries, and cook for themselves. I’d help, but they are not entitled to a butler and a maid. I agree at that age it’s the teens inviting friends over, it’s a good lesson to have your teen let the others know how much to contribute.

I don’t understand the concept of whoever invites pays. The default is everyone pays their share, unless it’s mentioned explicitly otherwise.

I actually love this.
I have a 16 yo so I'm kind of still at that stage of gracious me let me venmo some money post haste!
But better (and 16 yo could do well at this and get some practice) is to send the teen with their debit card and let them figure it out. It's great practice for a group of teens.

One might always pay and one might never pay. One might step up and plan and split! They need to learn this for college. Some of them will start to be takers and some will feel taken advantage of. They will learn how to be adults!

(and even that's no guarantee... so many threads on here about adults splitting vacations and meals and lots of resentment! It seems we never get it right)

This is one thing Girl Scouts tends to do better than boy scouts, at least in my family's case. The Girl Scouts started this in 5th or 6th grade for all their camping trips. They make a meal plan and then need to list out ingredients and quantities and for within a budget. They weren't great at estimating quantities in 5th grade, but by high school did pretty well. My nephews in Boy scouts have more parents cooking and shopping on their trips.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely tacky to ask for money, however, I would set expectations from the beginning. Tell the parents that the kids will be eating breakfast at the house daily but they'll probably be doing lunch or dinner outside. That way, you are not on the hook for 3 meals a day and it's reasonable. high schoolers should have their own money for eating out. Nothing fancy, but they should be able to cover a slice of pizza on the boardwalk. Also, if the parents have some good etiquette, none of these kids should be showing up empty handed either. If my kid was invited, I would definitely tell him to buy pizza for everyone in the house once during his stay, and/or I would send him with a hostess gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

I think that is tacky, sorry. I would think it was tacky even if you were not rich (hosting means hosting, not running a hostel where they pay for their food), but I think it's insanely tacky coming from someone with a beach house. If you think it's going to be a hardship to feed that many boys, you should have said DS could bring 3 or 4 friends, not 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

I think that is tacky, sorry. I would think it was tacky even if you were not rich (hosting means hosting, not running a hostel where they pay for their food), but I think it's insanely tacky coming from someone with a beach house. If you think it's going to be a hardship to feed that many boys, you should have said DS could bring 3 or 4 friends, not 7.

Sorry but this is incredibly dumb. The kid wants to invite 7 friends, likely because it’s more fun, and he’s the sociable type. The point is not telling him he’s not allowed to invite that many, the question is how to navigate the situation with 7 friends coming over for a week.

OP can let the parents know all meals are outside and the friends should bring money, and alternatively kids can choose to do their own groceries, or pool money for shared groceries. They can choose what works for them. That not tacky and is giving them options.

I think it’s actually tacky to complain about it when the OP is doing the friends and their parents a favor in the form of free housing. If I’d hear parents grumbled, that’s low class and their kid is disinvited. Have fun spending time with mom and dad at 17 when the boy crew is having fun on the beach and grilling stakes in the evenings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Yes this 100 percent. I grew up poor and if we got asked for a contribution of $100 or so it would have been a significant factor in deciding if I could do something like this. I am always super mindful of this when making plans/invitations. You need to train your kid to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Yes this 100 percent. I grew up poor and if we got asked for a contribution of $100 or so it would have been a significant factor in deciding if I could do something like this. I am always super mindful of this when making plans/invitations. You need to train your kid to do the same.

Why are these answers so idiotic? If you can’t afford $100 in groceries and you’re 17, go get a JOB! You’ll make that much in one day waiting tables. There’s no shame in being poor, but you can’t afford to also be entitled. Even if you’re not poor, get a job at that age regardless to learn the value of money, how to deal with people and build future workplace skills.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Some of you are ridiculous. I wouldn't bat an eye if the person inviting my kid asked for money contributions when they're hosting 7 kids!!!

If my kid was the only kid invited, it would be stranger but I would still be happy to contribute.

They're getting a beach trip in exchange!!!! We don't take that for granted.

[Anonymous]

Wackos be walked out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely tacky to ask for money, however, I would set expectations from the beginning. Tell the parents that the kids will be eating breakfast at the house daily but they'll probably be doing lunch or dinner outside. That way, you are not on the hook for 3 meals a day and it's reasonable. high schoolers should have their own money for eating out. Nothing fancy, but they should be able to cover a slice of pizza on the boardwalk. Also, if the parents have some good etiquette, none of these kids should be showing up empty handed either. If my kid was invited, I would definitely tell him to buy pizza for everyone in the house once during his stay, and/or I would send him with a hostess gift.

Wtf with the hostess gift! No, I don’t want your cheap scented candles that will go straight into the trash. I want you as a parent to make my life easier accommodating 7 teens for a week. How generous of you to advice your kid to get his own slice of pizza for lunch! Maybe my idea of vacation doesn’t include doing groceries and cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for ten people. On top of that from my own money. Wow at the insane level of entitlement. Have you hosted a large group for extended time before? If not, just shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, very tacky. Supposedly, you can afford a huge beach house but not food for the kids? Rich people are the cheapest.

Lol for real. Why invite them if you can't afford to host them?

[Anonymous]

If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.