asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goes to way beyond tacky.

It doesn't become more true if you keep repeating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

Feel free to voice your objection by not having your child attend such “tacky” beach trip. It’s better for everyone involved and you’ll get the much needed mental relief.

My kids would not be going due to the lack of supervision. They are strong pool swimmers but not strong ocean swimmers.

Are your kids 17?

Yes one is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

Feel free to voice your objection by not having your child attend such “tacky” beach trip. It’s better for everyone involved and you’ll get the much needed mental relief.

My kids would not be going due to the lack of supervision. They are strong pool swimmers but not strong ocean swimmers.

Well, I guess that would be too bad. But your current 4 yr old is going to change a lot in the next 13 years.

My kid is an older teen and certified lifeguard but pool and ocean are very different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

No that’s not the case. Son did all the inviting and i an sure teens will be organizing themselves. Op will just oversee.

In the subject OP said hosting.

[Anonymous]

I would prefer to contribute for my teen to attend this than to hear the OP host complain about all the work and money she spent to host 7 teens.

That's way more tacky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

No that’s not the case. Son did all the inviting and i an sure teens will be organizing themselves. Op will just oversee.

In the subject OP said hosting.

So where in the rule book does it say the host must always cover all costs in every circumstance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

Feel free to voice your objection by not having your child attend such “tacky” beach trip. It’s better for everyone involved and you’ll get the much needed mental relief.

My kids would not be going due to the lack of supervision. They are strong pool swimmers but not strong ocean swimmers.

Well, I guess that would be too bad. But your current 4 yr old is going to change a lot in the next 13 years.

My kid is an older teen and certified lifeguard but pool and ocean are very different

It's ok to sit things out if they don't work for you. Nobody is begging your kid to go to this event they were never invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

Feel free to voice your objection by not having your child attend such “tacky” beach trip. It’s better for everyone involved and you’ll get the much needed mental relief.

My kids would not be going due to the lack of supervision. They are strong pool swimmers but not strong ocean swimmers.

Well, I guess that would be too bad. But your current 4 yr old is going to change a lot in the next 13 years.

My kid is an older teen and certified lifeguard but pool and ocean are very different

It's ok to sit things out if they don't work for you. Nobody is begging your kid to go to this event they were never invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

Because OP is a chaperone, not a host.

They are the host. They are inviting the kids to their home, having them stay at their home and organizing it all/supervising.

Feel free to voice your objection by not having your child attend such “tacky” beach trip. It’s better for everyone involved and you’ll get the much needed mental relief.

My kids would not be going due to the lack of supervision. They are strong pool swimmers but not strong ocean swimmers.

Are your kids 17?

Yes one is.

Are they ever going to be allowed to go to the beach without you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were talking last night and I’d love a third-party perspective.

Our 17-year-old son is planning to have around 7 friends stay at our beach house for five nights this summer, and we’re more than happy to host. I’ll plan on having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the boys (and probably ordering pizza one night), plus having snacks around etc… though I’m sure the boys will also grab food when they’re out.

My question is: would it be tacky to ask each parent to Venmo a small amount to help cover food for the week? If so, how much I am leaning towards yes. DH brought it up- I wouldn’t think twice about covering it if it were a one-time thing, but last summer we had kids in and out nearly every weekend. I love having the kids there and am always happy to have extra kids around so I don’t want this to imply any different.

Haven't read through this entire thread, but I think it's how you present this to the other parents.

If you basically say my kid wants to have friends stay at the beach house, we are fine with that and us parents will be there just to make sure the kids don't do anything stupid (but aren't really there in full hosting capacity), but the parents will be out doing their own thing a bunch of the time...it's basically the equivalent of beach week (but without the craziness associated with beach week). You are giving them a free house, but everything else is on the kids to figure out. You don't have to ask for any contribution, but you make it clear to your kid that the group needs to go to the grocery store and buy their food, figure out their own entertainment, etc.

Hate to say it...but if you present as kind of "reluctant" hosts, I think you will still have a ton of appreciative parents letting their kid get access to a beach house for 5 days for free. Definitely, don't ask for anyone to Venmo you money...but again, make it clear to your kid that you also don't plan to do much except be an adult presence.