asking for money for hosting teens tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I would call it “tacky” but I do think if you’re going to ask someone to pay, you need to tell them when you invite. The only clear breach of etiquette here imo is inviting someone and then LATER telling/asking them to contribute $X.

If my kid were invited to this I would send her with money and instructions to offer to take everyone out to eat at least once and/or do a grocery run. I would be…well, not quite taken aback by a straight request, and I would just send it immediately, but I do think doing it after you invite is not ideal.

Yes this 100 percent. I grew up poor and if we got asked for a contribution of $100 or so it would have been a significant factor in deciding if I could do something like this. I am always super mindful of this when making plans/invitations. You need to train your kid to do the same.

Why are these answers so idiotic? If you can’t afford $100 in groceries and you’re 17, go get a JOB! You’ll make that much in one day waiting tables. There’s no shame in being poor, but you can’t afford to also be entitled. Even if you’re not poor, get a job at that age regardless to learn the value of money, how to deal with people and build future workplace skills.

There is a difference between a family having a food budget and adding another $100. As the host you offer food, and it doesn't need to be lobster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely tacky to ask for money, however, I would set expectations from the beginning. Tell the parents that the kids will be eating breakfast at the house daily but they'll probably be doing lunch or dinner outside. That way, you are not on the hook for 3 meals a day and it's reasonable. high schoolers should have their own money for eating out. Nothing fancy, but they should be able to cover a slice of pizza on the boardwalk. Also, if the parents have some good etiquette, none of these kids should be showing up empty handed either. If my kid was invited, I would definitely tell him to buy pizza for everyone in the house once during his stay, and/or I would send him with a hostess gift.

Wtf with the hostess gift! No, I don’t want your cheap scented candles that will go straight into the trash. I want you as a parent to make my life easier accommodating 7 teens for a week. How generous of you to advice your kid to get his own slice of pizza for lunch! Maybe my idea of vacation doesn’t include doing groceries and cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner for ten people. On top of that from my own money. Wow at the insane level of entitlement. Have you hosted a large group for extended time before? If not, just shut up.

If you don't want to host, don't but you make the choice. You also choose to invite that many kids. You are the entitled one.

[Anonymous]

I would be embarrassed to ask for money. Maybe it’s a cultural thing (Asian American), but I would not ask children over if I could not provide for them. And I have a teenaged college athlete so I am familiar with how much they consume. But still. Just go to Costco and stock up. If the boys go out, that’ll be their responsibility, but anything they eat at my house is on my dime.

[Anonymous]

I’m always happy to contribute and I think most parents want to. Asking for money is tacky though. If you really want people to contribute, I’d do a grocery list in a Google sheet and ask people to sign up to bring things. It’s annoying to have to buy and pack groceries to send but as a parent, I’d still gladly do it knowing that my kid will be eating there all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be embarrassed to ask for money. Maybe it’s a cultural thing (Asian American), but I would not ask children over if I could not provide for them. And I have a teenaged college athlete so I am familiar with how much they consume. But still. Just go to Costco and stock up. If the boys go out, that’ll be their responsibility, but anything they eat at my house is on my dime.

I agree with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you invite someone somewhere you are responsible for paying. Its tacky to do otherwise.

I would frame it as teaching responsibility. Send a group chat to the parents and say you want to relax this year and give the boys more responsibility. Say you have tasked your son with coming up with a grocery list with his friends and dividing the cost of food and cooking/cleaning responsibilities.

Ok choosy beggar. Have some self respect instead of fishing desperately for a handout.

Sorry but it’s not who invites pays. People invite coworkers to join for lunch, friends invite each other to drinks, movies, outings without the ridiculous expectation that whoever invites is responsible for paying for everything. Wondering what your social life looks like with this silly attitude. I bet you don’t get invited twice and people avoid you like plague, because your reputation as a choosy beggar is solidified.

It’s fine to be generous and pay for everything, it’s fine to tell your guests what the expectations are. It doesn’t mean it’s tacky.

Nobody needs to “frame” anything or present it in a more palatable way when OP is generously offering her house to the group. Geez, some people have no shame.

Going out to lunch is OUT and the consensus on this thread is that kids should have to pay for meals out. Would you have someone over at your house and ask them to pay you? I agree that you can set expectations about something being potluck or what people can contribute, but you do not ask them to pay when you have them over, even on vacation.

By your argument asking kids to bring money for eating out is ok. Asking them to bring food like for a potluck is also ok. Buying the groceries in the hometown and loading them in the car for the destination is also ok. But you draw a line at buying the groceries from the store nearby the beach house. You’re not making any sense.

Nobody is asking for money, OP is just saying they need to figure out food on their own which can be a combination eating out and cooking for themselves. Saying this is tacky is just part of silly cultural norms, mostly immigrant, that put an oversized emphasis on saving face and making “good impressions”. Frankly that’s quite insulting to the OP and show a lack of respect for her effort, which is very substantial.

Parents biatching about what others do, without lifting a finger is off putting. In OPs situation, just disinvite the disrespectful family and keep the people that appreciate her effort.

Curious how you define hosting? It’s not immigrant cultural norms—it’s pretty standard—not sure why you homed in on that??? Odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m always happy to contribute and I think most parents want to. Asking for money is tacky though. If you really want people to contribute, I’d do a grocery list in a Google sheet and ask people to sign up to bring things. It’s annoying to have to buy and pack groceries to send but as a parent, I’d still gladly do it knowing that my kid will be eating there all week.

It’s not about money, choosy beggar, it’s about sharing the effort as a group. I guess you’re the mom that makes Google spreadsheets. To be fair, that’s more embarrassing than asking teens to buy what they want to eat, but you do you. It’s dumb, but don’t let that stop you from doing it next time you’re hosting seven for a week, which will never happen anyways, because as we all know choosy beggar generosity is very limited.

The rest of us sane people will take the teens to the grocery store in the first day, everyone puts in the cart what they want to eat and in the end divide the bill fairly. No need to “gladly” bring groceries from home, no expectation for you to send scented candles and aromatic oils, or to have your kid treat everyone with frozen pizza one of the nights to show their appreciation, or to set up a Google spreadsheet trying to figure out who wants what cereal in the morning.

It’s obvious you’ve never done a hosting like this, so it’s funny how you have all these cumbersome ideas and suggestions on how the host should run her house on top of judging and badmouthing her as tacky. If you want to see low class, cheap, trashy and tacky, look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Happy to contribute and I wouldn't bat an eye if I was asked to chip in so my kid could go to the beach with 7 of their friends!!!!

I think most of you are being performative in your manners.

[Anonymous]

Tacky.

One of the joys of owning a vacation home is being a gracious host. Provide food for the home. Expect the teens to go out and pay for their own things outside of the home. Also expect some of them to bring their own snacks.

If a parent asked to contribute I would tell them to send food their child wants to share. I would not accept actual payment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy to contribute and I wouldn't bat an eye if I was asked to chip in so my kid could go to the beach with 7 of their friends!!!!

I think most of you are being performative in your manners.

+1

What teen wouldn’t be thrilled to spend a week at the beach with a large group of friends? It doesn’t matter if someone has a beach house or if the group rents. OPs providing room accommodations is worth thousands, yet some would still complain she doesn’t pay for all the food. Thats quite jarring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tacky.

One of the joys of owning a vacation home is being a gracious host. Provide food for the home. Expect the teens to go out and pay for their own things outside of the home. Also expect some of them to bring their own snacks.

If a parent asked to contribute I would tell them to send food their child wants to share. I would not accept actual payment.

Key words from the choosy beggar are “if” and “would”. She’s never done anything for others but if she would, she’d be very generous. Unlike OP who actually does something for her son’s friends, but is tacky because she’s not doing an all inclusive vacation.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re completely shunned socially in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy to contribute and I wouldn't bat an eye if I was asked to chip in so my kid could go to the beach with 7 of their friends!!!!

I think most of you are being performative in your manners.

Exactly! +1