Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parenting board talks a lot about natural consequences for dealing with children's misbehavior. This seems like an obvious natural consequence of having an affair - your betrayed spouse might tell the other betrayed spouse.

Yes, it does, but only if you treat your spouse as a misbehaving child.

You don't think adults should be held accountable for their actions? You think that only applies to children? Wtf?

You are not holding them accountable. You are involving "another adult". That's wtf. Is the next step to contact their HR?

The "other adult" is directly involved. It's not reporting them to their boss lol.

The "other adult" is the AP's spouse who, you are hoping, will impose the "natural consequences" along with you as your spouse-kids' playdate went too far.

Oh, I am sure you'll report them to the boss. Maybe they will suspend them or give them a detention?

If it's an inappropriate workplace relationship, why not?

Why are you so concerned about protecting a cheater?

I am not concerned about protecting a cheater, becuase OP's actions are not directed at the cheater.

I don't see a justification for the need to involve the other spouse. I think it's much more humiliating for that person when it comes from anyone other than the cheater themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Nope, you're pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Nope, you're pathetic.

Enjoy inviting drama into your life. It's not the last one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

And you're pathetic. You want to keep your spouse's affair a secret because you're too weak to leave them even though they cheat on you. You have to make up wild facts like AP's spouse is an abuser, to try to make your point. That ought to tell you something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

And you're pathetic. You want to keep your spouse's affair a secret because you're too weak to leave them even though they cheat on you. You have to make up wild facts like AP's spouse is an abuser, to try to make your point. That ought to tell you something.

You like this word. Find, we are all pathetic here Keep un-pathetically emailing strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parenting board talks a lot about natural consequences for dealing with children's misbehavior. This seems like an obvious natural consequence of having an affair - your betrayed spouse might tell the other betrayed spouse.

Yes, it does, but only if you treat your spouse as a misbehaving child.

You don't think adults should be held accountable for their actions? You think that only applies to children? Wtf?

You are not holding them accountable. You are involving "another adult". That's wtf. Is the next step to contact their HR?

The "other adult" is directly involved. It's not reporting them to their boss lol.

The "other adult" is the AP's spouse who, you are hoping, will impose the "natural consequences" along with you as your spouse-kids' playdate went too far.

Oh, I am sure you'll report them to the boss. Maybe they will suspend them or give them a detention?

If it's an inappropriate workplace relationship, why not?

Why are you so concerned about protecting a cheater?

I am not concerned about protecting a cheater, becuase OP's actions are not directed at the cheater.

I don't see a justification for the need to involve the other spouse. I think it's much more humiliating for that person when it comes from anyone other than the cheater themselves.

You are protecting the AP. No one cares what you think is humiliating - being cheated on is humiliating. Finding out privately is hardly more humiliating than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parenting board talks a lot about natural consequences for dealing with children's misbehavior. This seems like an obvious natural consequence of having an affair - your betrayed spouse might tell the other betrayed spouse.

Yes, it does, but only if you treat your spouse as a misbehaving child.

You don't think adults should be held accountable for their actions? You think that only applies to children? Wtf?

You are not holding them accountable. You are involving "another adult". That's wtf. Is the next step to contact their HR?

The "other adult" is directly involved. It's not reporting them to their boss lol.

The "other adult" is the AP's spouse who, you are hoping, will impose the "natural consequences" along with you as your spouse-kids' playdate went too far.

Oh, I am sure you'll report them to the boss. Maybe they will suspend them or give them a detention?

If it's an inappropriate workplace relationship, why not?

Why are you so concerned about protecting a cheater?

I am not concerned about protecting a cheater, becuase OP's actions are not directed at the cheater.

I don't see a justification for the need to involve the other spouse. I think it's much more humiliating for that person when it comes from anyone other than the cheater themselves.

You are protecting the AP. No one cares what you think is humiliating - being cheated on is humiliating. Finding out privately is hardly more humiliating than that.

Yes, we have established that what matters is what OP cares about.

[Anonymous]

A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parenting board talks a lot about natural consequences for dealing with children's misbehavior. This seems like an obvious natural consequence of having an affair - your betrayed spouse might tell the other betrayed spouse.

Yes, it does, but only if you treat your spouse as a misbehaving child.

You don't think adults should be held accountable for their actions? You think that only applies to children? Wtf?

You are not holding them accountable. You are involving "another adult". That's wtf. Is the next step to contact their HR?

The "other adult" is directly involved. It's not reporting them to their boss lol.

The "other adult" is the AP's spouse who, you are hoping, will impose the "natural consequences" along with you as your spouse-kids' playdate went too far.

Oh, I am sure you'll report them to the boss. Maybe they will suspend them or give them a detention?

If it's an inappropriate workplace relationship, why not?

Why are you so concerned about protecting a cheater?

I am not concerned about protecting a cheater, becuase OP's actions are not directed at the cheater.

I don't see a justification for the need to involve the other spouse. I think it's much more humiliating for that person when it comes from anyone other than the cheater themselves.

Too bad. That’s on the cheater not on the person that gave you the information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

Actually, they use the word they more than they use the word I.

I’m sorry that you can’t be a good person. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you in your childhood that brought you to this point in the world.

None of us need capes to be a normal, caring and compassionate human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

And many others would. If you are fine with staying with a cheater, just ignore the information and keep your head in the sand. Don't shoot the messenger because you have no self respect

It's people like you who fall the hardest when life get messy. And it always gets messy. I often wonder what it's like living in a black & white world that you must protect by hurling meaningless insults at people you don't know.

New poster. People who tell the truth “fall the hardest when life gets messy?” You saying this is laughable- it’s the ultimate irony that someone who would prefer to live in denial than know the truth about their marriage and partner would say this. No, life gets hard for those that are so immature and have such little respect for themselves that they can’t cope with the truth about their spouse. And you dare bring kids into this? You are modeling low self esteem and hiding things. There’s a reason that people talk about generational trauma, sounds like you are a big proponent.

Sometimes taking the hard road is more mature and self respecting than cutting ties, taking the nuclear option and burning an entire family and all the involved lives to the ground.

It’s easy to see here who has never faced difficult times by the fact they think they will never face them, and seem to know the “perfect” answer of what they would do.

That’s not what you are advocating. You are advocating keeping secrets for liars and cheaters. If a couple wants to stay together after an affair, that’s their business. I’m not judging that. And again, you are laughable with your “difficult times” BS. Everyone on here has faced difficult times in life. You aren’t special by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, you are as basic as one of the Real Housewives. Haven’t they all cheated or been cheated on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.