Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?

[Anonymous]

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I’m sorry that happened to you but I’m not your husband and my husband isn’t you. Relationships are complicated and sometimes people can find a way to get past hurt and forgive each other without getting “revenge.” There simply isn’t a path forward for my marriage if my husband stooped to “revenge cheating.” He has his own line as well I’m sure. It’s not really about who deserves what; at that point it would just be a relationship that had run its course. That happens. Sometimes life sucks like that.

You’re projecting your situation on total strangers to let out some of your impotent rage about your circumstances. This doesn’t make much difference in my life, but it seems unhealthy for you.

I’m a NP and I am not projecting because I have never been cheated on or cheated. In my professional life, I am very familiar with affairs and their impact on relationships. If I was your DH and read your posts I would run.

People do make terrible choices (and an affair is a series of terrible choices, not a mistake like buying whole milk instead of 2%), but it’s what they do when those choices are exposed that indicates whether they can become safe partners. All of your posts are focused on how you deserve to be treated, despite betraying and traumatizing your spouse. PP is right that you clearly have not truly taken accountability for your actions, and it also seems clear that you have no real understanding for the pain you inflicted. I would bet you have done no real work (like therapy, reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair, being open with phone and social media, etc.) to make yourself a safe partner, and that makes you a very bad bet for not having another affair.

LOL, no one needs to show “accountability” and “understanding” to a bunch of histrionic losers on an internet message board. What happens in a marriage and the boundaries people draw are between them alone.

You and pp are clearly NOT mental health professionals, just people who get off on judging strangers. I think there are quite a few of you on this board who are particularly agitated by “adultery” and love bashing anyone who mentions it.

And I can’t lie, I’m a little amused at how aghast you are about a situation where you have literally 0 knowledge or details. You are weaving a story in your mind with no help from me and seem VERY invested.

You put your situation on an anonymous message board. Of course people are going to comment. That’s why you posted. It’s also probably why you cheat.

At least try for some level of self-awareness.

Are YOU self aware? Do you know why you have done so much colouring in between the lines? I suspect, but don’t know, that you are angry and bitter with someone else. I’ve given very, very few details on purpose and the responses have inserted a lot on their own. It’s pretty interesting.

DP. Ok please explain it again:

You had an intense emotional affair that your DH discovered and forgave.

You proclaim you could never forgive him if he also had an affair.

Is that right

I actually didn’t say that, I said the marriage would probably be over. And… it probably would, right? If hurting each other and taking revenge back and forth and escalating became a continuous component of the marriage, I’m not interested. No bad feelings necessary.

As it was DH even apologized to me and admitted that he had ignored me and taken me for granted for a long time. And then we moved forward. This is all clearly very infuriating to some of you and that’s just sort of funny to me. Other people are going to run their marriages how they want. Deal with it.

I think the issue is that “revenge” is being used a bit loosely here to mean just giving yourself permission to take the same liberties your spouse did. Not necessarily to hurt the other spouse.

+1. If you cheated on me. It is not cheating when I sleep with someone else. The marriage and vow of fidelity was broken by the person who first cheated. To cheat and expect your spouse to owe you continued fidelity is a mind-boggling narcissistic feat.

If you are hurt by my sleeping with someone else after you cheated, you really need therapy to examine your lack of empathy and sense of equity.

I chose to treat my marriage as an equal partnership, and I am not going to invest energy in my marriage in a way that is mot matched by my spouse. If spouse can't maintain fidelity, then I don't have an obligation to either. It's not revenge, it's equality.

This is supposing that sleeping around is something I've given up as a favor or as part of a negotiation with my spouse. I don't think everyone view monogamy like eating their vegetables; I certainly don't. I conduct myself in a way that aligns with my values; I don't scamper off to mistreat people the second I am mistreated. If I can't have the healthy, monogamous relationship that I desire with my spouse, then I'll exit the relationship. But I won't start mistreating them to make things "equal."

Because you’re not that interested in sex. (Which is ok.)

That's a very weird (and incorrect) assumption to make. My spouse did have an affair. And we have lots and lots of sex. I'm just not having it with someone who isn't my spouse.

you’re saying if the PERFECT scenario arose, you’d say no out of some notion of the sanctity of monogamy?

What exactly is the “perfect” scenario? Opportunities for sex with an attractive person don’t just fall into married people’s laps, no matter what people on this forum claim.

Trust me, sometimes they do. It’s surprising and thrilling when it happens.

They fell into my lap several times when I was married. I regret the opportunities I didn't take at the time. My faithfulness amounted to nothing.

PP. having done some things I’m not proud of I would say your faithfulness was it’s own reward.

Where is the reward? If you mean, I get to claim the high moral ground and say I never cheated, looking back, that meant something to me at the time. Later on, it doesn't. I just wasted way to many years in a marriage I should have ended long before and those missed opportunities I now count as a loss.

We all tell ourselves stories after the fact. You are telling yourself this story that you had "missed opportunities" when in reality... they were probably not that great.

That's fair but, I'm pretty sure some of them would have been really great.

So go out and have some hot sex now! If you had opportunities before you can have them again. Enjoy the fact that you didn't lose your integrity in the marriage and didn't drag some third person into a psychodrama with your wife. Enjoy your life for what it is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

When my husband cheated, my high school sweetheart was newly single. He gets in touch every few years with some kind of special memory. I blocked him on SM to remove the temptation to reach out to him.

And to be honest, I wasn't too concerned about my husband's feelings at that time. But I knew that affairs are selfish, short-sighted, and destructive. Why would I do that to myself or to my imaginary AP? The endorphins would be brief, but the consequences would be long.

Ten years later, I know I made the right decision. If I want to be with someone else, I'll open my marriage, end my marriage, or work through those feelings some other way. But cheating is just a short term high with long-lasting harm.

I get what you’re saying but I don’t think anyone would consider a one night fling with a hot ex to be “cheating” in that scenario. And leveling the playing field could have real psychological benefits for some. I’m just talking about a fling, not a full on affair.

Only a guy thinks like that.

Women are emotional creatures.
If you're a woman and you do it ONE TIME specifically for revenge, then getting your rocks off is going to end up feeling empty & unfulfilling, and you'll STILL be consumed with him cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, opening it up is not an option…spouse won’t go for it. Wants me 100% committed to making things work. In addition, I have the need now to get away with something behind their back to even the score.

And no, I don’t want to look at divorce until the kids are gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, my issue is the kids are a big part of my life. I want to spend time with them every single day until they are in college…I can get over the anger of the betrayal( temporarily at least) by engaging in a few long term flings myself. And maybe with time I can forgive.

I would rather not get divorced now and share custody. So my solution is to have my fun on the side( secretly) and hold things together. The revenge fling is giving me enough of a dopamine high that I can fake that everything is fine for now and it pacifies my anger.

I didn’t ask to be in this predicament. But it’s the best I can do to hold things together.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to lose my integrity to get my revenge. I will get it in a settlement.

But why lie about it? If you are staying for the kids, just have an open marriage. Whatever.

Or is it the lying that makes you feel good?

So he gets to dictate all terms of your new marriage? The old marriage died when he betrayed you. If you stay you will be building a new one (which may end up to be a better one) and that takes time. You can’t just magically begin to trust him again just b/c he says he’s sorry. It’s not fair to expect you to process the betrayal, basically be forced into staying b/c of the kids AND trust him again all in a matter of weeks or months. What do YOU need to be able to move forward? Do you need him to feel the same pain of betrayal so you feel understood? Most men divorce when their wives cheat - they can’t handle that pain. Too humiliating.

IMHO if you really feel like you have to stay for the kids, then do what YOU need to do to move forward. You don’t owe him honesty until he’s earned your trust back.

[Anonymous]

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OP here, opening it up is not an option…spouse won’t go for it. Wants me 100% committed to making things work. In addition, I have the need now to get away with something behind their back to even the score.

And no, I don’t want to look at divorce until the kids are gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, my issue is the kids are a big part of my life. I want to spend time with them every single day until they are in college…I can get over the anger of the betrayal( temporarily at least) by engaging in a few long term flings myself. And maybe with time I can forgive.

I would rather not get divorced now and share custody. So my solution is to have my fun on the side( secretly) and hold things together. The revenge fling is giving me enough of a dopamine high that I can fake that everything is fine for now and it pacifies my anger.

I didn’t ask to be in this predicament. But it’s the best I can do to hold things together.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to lose my integrity to get my revenge. I will get it in a settlement.

But why lie about it? If you are staying for the kids, just have an open marriage. Whatever.

Or is it the lying that makes you feel good?

So he gets to dictate all terms of your new marriage? The old marriage died when he betrayed you. If you stay you will be building a new one (which may end up to be a better one) and that takes time. You can’t just magically begin to trust him again just b/c he says he’s sorry. It’s not fair to expect you to process the betrayal, basically be forced into staying b/c of the kids AND trust him again all in a matter of weeks or months. What do YOU need to be able to move forward? Do you need him to feel the same pain of betrayal so you feel understood? Most men divorce when their wives cheat - they can’t handle that pain. Too humiliating.

IMHO if you really feel like you have to stay for the kids, then do what YOU need to do to move forward. You don’t owe him honesty until he’s earned your trust back.

I really doubt that OP had an open, honest conversation with her DH about their “new marriage.” She is a cheater, just like him, except she thinks it’s ok because he did it first. That’s the level of emotional maturity she and many of the posters here seem to have.

[Anonymous]

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OP here, opening it up is not an option…spouse won’t go for it. Wants me 100% committed to making things work. In addition, I have the need now to get away with something behind their back to even the score.

And no, I don’t want to look at divorce until the kids are gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, my issue is the kids are a big part of my life. I want to spend time with them every single day until they are in college…I can get over the anger of the betrayal( temporarily at least) by engaging in a few long term flings myself. And maybe with time I can forgive.

I would rather not get divorced now and share custody. So my solution is to have my fun on the side( secretly) and hold things together. The revenge fling is giving me enough of a dopamine high that I can fake that everything is fine for now and it pacifies my anger.

I didn’t ask to be in this predicament. But it’s the best I can do to hold things together.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to lose my integrity to get my revenge. I will get it in a settlement.

But why lie about it? If you are staying for the kids, just have an open marriage. Whatever.

Or is it the lying that makes you feel good?

So he gets to dictate all terms of your new marriage? The old marriage died when he betrayed you. If you stay you will be building a new one (which may end up to be a better one) and that takes time. You can’t just magically begin to trust him again just b/c he says he’s sorry. It’s not fair to expect you to process the betrayal, basically be forced into staying b/c of the kids AND trust him again all in a matter of weeks or months. What do YOU need to be able to move forward? Do you need him to feel the same pain of betrayal so you feel understood? Most men divorce when their wives cheat - they can’t handle that pain. Too humiliating.

IMHO if you really feel like you have to stay for the kids, then do what YOU need to do to move forward. You don’t owe him honesty until he’s earned your trust back.

When someone cheats the monogamous contract is broken. Cheater and victim spouse then need to negotiate new sexual terms for the marriage. The victim spouse may or may not be willing to agree to continued monogamy.

When someone cheats, they also break whatever trust existed and any obligation to be honest. That also needs to be negotiated.

Actions have consequences - cheaters have to realize that in having broken monogamy, trust and honesty, their victim spouse may choose no longer to extend those courtesies to the cheater spouse.

Honesty and trust is earned in a relationship. The cheater spouse has no right to demand that the victim spouse extend those immediately.

A cheater spouse who does that is really demanding an unequal relationship - you must give me what I didn't give you. Doing this is a form of DARVO - our relationship is breaking up because YOU, victim spouse, won't be committed to it. it is reversing victim and offender.

Cheating breaks the marital contract, and it is normal that the victim spouse needs a period of time to process what happened, watch the perpetrator spouses behavior, acceptance of responsibility and process of making amends. That period of time can be months or years, during which time there may or may not be a commitment to monogamy.

Many may criticize a victim spouse who openly or secretly refuses continued monogamy but, honestly, what do you expect? The cheater, having lowered the bar in the marriage, can't really expect the victim spouse to hew to a standard the cheater him/herself was unable or unwilling to meet.

For me, my cheater DH's expectation that I would continue to have sex with him and be monogamous with him felt very controlling and relied on getting me to continue to have sex with him as a function of my economic situation and possible custody outcomes - not exactly fully consensual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, opening it up is not an option…spouse won’t go for it. Wants me 100% committed to making things work. In addition, I have the need now to get away with something behind their back to even the score.

And no, I don’t want to look at divorce until the kids are gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, my issue is the kids are a big part of my life. I want to spend time with them every single day until they are in college…I can get over the anger of the betrayal( temporarily at least) by engaging in a few long term flings myself. And maybe with time I can forgive.

I would rather not get divorced now and share custody. So my solution is to have my fun on the side( secretly) and hold things together. The revenge fling is giving me enough of a dopamine high that I can fake that everything is fine for now and it pacifies my anger.

I didn’t ask to be in this predicament. But it’s the best I can do to hold things together.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to lose my integrity to get my revenge. I will get it in a settlement.

But why lie about it? If you are staying for the kids, just have an open marriage. Whatever.

Or is it the lying that makes you feel good?

So he gets to dictate all terms of your new marriage? The old marriage died when he betrayed you. If you stay you will be building a new one (which may end up to be a better one) and that takes time. You can’t just magically begin to trust him again just b/c he says he’s sorry. It’s not fair to expect you to process the betrayal, basically be forced into staying b/c of the kids AND trust him again all in a matter of weeks or months. What do YOU need to be able to move forward? Do you need him to feel the same pain of betrayal so you feel understood? Most men divorce when their wives cheat - they can’t handle that pain. Too humiliating.

IMHO if you really feel like you have to stay for the kids, then do what YOU need to do to move forward. You don’t owe him honesty until he’s earned your trust back.

When someone cheats the monogamous contract is broken. Cheater and victim spouse then need to negotiate new sexual terms for the marriage. The victim spouse may or may not be willing to agree to continued monogamy.

When someone cheats, they also break whatever trust existed and any obligation to be honest. That also needs to be negotiated.

Actions have consequences - cheaters have to realize that in having broken monogamy, trust and honesty, their victim spouse may choose no longer to extend those courtesies to the cheater spouse.

Honesty and trust is earned in a relationship. The cheater spouse has no right to demand that the victim spouse extend those immediately.

A cheater spouse who does that is really demanding an unequal relationship - you must give me what I didn't give you. Doing this is a form of DARVO - our relationship is breaking up because YOU, victim spouse, won't be committed to it. it is reversing victim and offender.

Cheating breaks the marital contract, and it is normal that the victim spouse needs a period of time to process what happened, watch the perpetrator spouses behavior, acceptance of responsibility and process of making amends. That period of time can be months or years, during which time there may or may not be a commitment to monogamy.

Many may criticize a victim spouse who openly or secretly refuses continued monogamy but, honestly, what do you expect? The cheater, having lowered the bar in the marriage, can't really expect the victim spouse to hew to a standard the cheater him/herself was unable or unwilling to meet.

For me, my cheater DH's expectation that I would continue to have sex with him and be monogamous with him felt very controlling and relied on getting me to continue to have sex with him as a function of my economic situation and possible custody outcomes - not exactly fully consensual.

TL;DR: he did it first!

That’s not how first grade worked and it’s not how marriage works either.

[Anonymous]

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I’m sorry that happened to you but I’m not your husband and my husband isn’t you. Relationships are complicated and sometimes people can find a way to get past hurt and forgive each other without getting “revenge.” There simply isn’t a path forward for my marriage if my husband stooped to “revenge cheating.” He has his own line as well I’m sure. It’s not really about who deserves what; at that point it would just be a relationship that had run its course. That happens. Sometimes life sucks like that.

You’re projecting your situation on total strangers to let out some of your impotent rage about your circumstances. This doesn’t make much difference in my life, but it seems unhealthy for you.

I’m a NP and I am not projecting because I have never been cheated on or cheated. In my professional life, I am very familiar with affairs and their impact on relationships. If I was your DH and read your posts I would run.

People do make terrible choices (and an affair is a series of terrible choices, not a mistake like buying whole milk instead of 2%), but it’s what they do when those choices are exposed that indicates whether they can become safe partners. All of your posts are focused on how you deserve to be treated, despite betraying and traumatizing your spouse. PP is right that you clearly have not truly taken accountability for your actions, and it also seems clear that you have no real understanding for the pain you inflicted. I would bet you have done no real work (like therapy, reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair, being open with phone and social media, etc.) to make yourself a safe partner, and that makes you a very bad bet for not having another affair.

LOL, no one needs to show “accountability” and “understanding” to a bunch of histrionic losers on an internet message board. What happens in a marriage and the boundaries people draw are between them alone.

You and pp are clearly NOT mental health professionals, just people who get off on judging strangers. I think there are quite a few of you on this board who are particularly agitated by “adultery” and love bashing anyone who mentions it.

And I can’t lie, I’m a little amused at how aghast you are about a situation where you have literally 0 knowledge or details. You are weaving a story in your mind with no help from me and seem VERY invested.

You put your situation on an anonymous message board. Of course people are going to comment. That’s why you posted. It’s also probably why you cheat.

At least try for some level of self-awareness.

Are YOU self aware? Do you know why you have done so much colouring in between the lines? I suspect, but don’t know, that you are angry and bitter with someone else. I’ve given very, very few details on purpose and the responses have inserted a lot on their own. It’s pretty interesting.

DP. Ok please explain it again:

You had an intense emotional affair that your DH discovered and forgave.

You proclaim you could never forgive him if he also had an affair.

Is that right

I actually didn’t say that, I said the marriage would probably be over. And… it probably would, right? If hurting each other and taking revenge back and forth and escalating became a continuous component of the marriage, I’m not interested. No bad feelings necessary.

As it was DH even apologized to me and admitted that he had ignored me and taken me for granted for a long time. And then we moved forward. This is all clearly very infuriating to some of you and that’s just sort of funny to me. Other people are going to run their marriages how they want. Deal with it.

I think the issue is that “revenge” is being used a bit loosely here to mean just giving yourself permission to take the same liberties your spouse did. Not necessarily to hurt the other spouse.

+1. If you cheated on me. It is not cheating when I sleep with someone else. The marriage and vow of fidelity was broken by the person who first cheated. To cheat and expect your spouse to owe you continued fidelity is a mind-boggling narcissistic feat.

If you are hurt by my sleeping with someone else after you cheated, you really need therapy to examine your lack of empathy and sense of equity.

I chose to treat my marriage as an equal partnership, and I am not going to invest energy in my marriage in a way that is mot matched by my spouse. If spouse can't maintain fidelity, then I don't have an obligation to either. It's not revenge, it's equality.

This is supposing that sleeping around is something I've given up as a favor or as part of a negotiation with my spouse. I don't think everyone view monogamy like eating their vegetables; I certainly don't. I conduct myself in a way that aligns with my values; I don't scamper off to mistreat people the second I am mistreated. If I can't have the healthy, monogamous relationship that I desire with my spouse, then I'll exit the relationship. But I won't start mistreating them to make things "equal."

Because you’re not that interested in sex. (Which is ok.)

That's a very weird (and incorrect) assumption to make. My spouse did have an affair. And we have lots and lots of sex. I'm just not having it with someone who isn't my spouse.

you’re saying if the PERFECT scenario arose, you’d say no out of some notion of the sanctity of monogamy?

What exactly is the “perfect” scenario? Opportunities for sex with an attractive person don’t just fall into married people’s laps, no matter what people on this forum claim.

Trust me, sometimes they do. It’s surprising and thrilling when it happens.

They fell into my lap several times when I was married. I regret the opportunities I didn't take at the time. My faithfulness amounted to nothing.

PP. having done some things I’m not proud of I would say your faithfulness was it’s own reward.

Where is the reward? If you mean, I get to claim the high moral ground and say I never cheated, looking back, that meant something to me at the time. Later on, it doesn't. I just wasted way to many years in a marriage I should have ended long before and those missed opportunities I now count as a loss.

PP you’re responding to. The other posters already pointed out that your real problem was the bad marriage. My only add is that the moral high ground is a benefit you might not feel or think of, but knowing you’re in a moral abyss is something that you always know about yourself.

[Anonymous]

When my ex wife cheated the idea of a revenge affair never crossed my mind as I was totally focused on ending the marriage and not stooping to her level. When the divorce was final I was surprised by how many married women make themselves available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

When my husband cheated, my high school sweetheart was newly single. He gets in touch every few years with some kind of special memory. I blocked him on SM to remove the temptation to reach out to him.

And to be honest, I wasn't too concerned about my husband's feelings at that time. But I knew that affairs are selfish, short-sighted, and destructive. Why would I do that to myself or to my imaginary AP? The endorphins would be brief, but the consequences would be long.

Ten years later, I know I made the right decision. If I want to be with someone else, I'll open my marriage, end my marriage, or work through those feelings some other way. But cheating is just a short term high with long-lasting harm.

I get what you’re saying but I don’t think anyone would consider a one night fling with a hot ex to be “cheating” in that scenario. And leveling the playing field could have real psychological benefits for some. I’m just talking about a fling, not a full on affair.

Only a guy thinks like that.

Women are emotional creatures.
If you're a woman and you do it ONE TIME specifically for revenge, then getting your rocks off is going to end up feeling empty & unfulfilling, and you'll STILL be consumed with him cheating.

Nope. I’m a woman and I wrote that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, opening it up is not an option…spouse won’t go for it. Wants me 100% committed to making things work. In addition, I have the need now to get away with something behind their back to even the score.

And no, I don’t want to look at divorce until the kids are gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, my issue is the kids are a big part of my life. I want to spend time with them every single day until they are in college…I can get over the anger of the betrayal( temporarily at least) by engaging in a few long term flings myself. And maybe with time I can forgive.

I would rather not get divorced now and share custody. So my solution is to have my fun on the side( secretly) and hold things together. The revenge fling is giving me enough of a dopamine high that I can fake that everything is fine for now and it pacifies my anger.

I didn’t ask to be in this predicament. But it’s the best I can do to hold things together.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not going to lose my integrity to get my revenge. I will get it in a settlement.

But why lie about it? If you are staying for the kids, just have an open marriage. Whatever.

Or is it the lying that makes you feel good?

So he gets to dictate all terms of your new marriage? The old marriage died when he betrayed you. If you stay you will be building a new one (which may end up to be a better one) and that takes time. You can’t just magically begin to trust him again just b/c he says he’s sorry. It’s not fair to expect you to process the betrayal, basically be forced into staying b/c of the kids AND trust him again all in a matter of weeks or months. What do YOU need to be able to move forward? Do you need him to feel the same pain of betrayal so you feel understood? Most men divorce when their wives cheat - they can’t handle that pain. Too humiliating.

IMHO if you really feel like you have to stay for the kids, then do what YOU need to do to move forward. You don’t owe him honesty until he’s earned your trust back.

Oh, ewww... Honesty is for YOU, because you're an honest person. It's not some sort of bonus that needs to be earned. You're either honest or you're not. If you are, cheating and other dishonest behaviors are off the menu. If you're not, no amount of someone else being trustworthy is going to make you more honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

When my husband cheated, my high school sweetheart was newly single. He gets in touch every few years with some kind of special memory. I blocked him on SM to remove the temptation to reach out to him.

And to be honest, I wasn't too concerned about my husband's feelings at that time. But I knew that affairs are selfish, short-sighted, and destructive. Why would I do that to myself or to my imaginary AP? The endorphins would be brief, but the consequences would be long.

Ten years later, I know I made the right decision. If I want to be with someone else, I'll open my marriage, end my marriage, or work through those feelings some other way. But cheating is just a short term high with long-lasting harm.

I get what you’re saying but I don’t think anyone would consider a one night fling with a hot ex to be “cheating” in that scenario. And leveling the playing field could have real psychological benefits for some. I’m just talking about a fling, not a full on affair.

Only a guy thinks like that.

Women are emotional creatures.
If you're a woman and you do it ONE TIME specifically for revenge, then getting your rocks off is going to end up feeling empty & unfulfilling, and you'll STILL be consumed with him cheating.

Nope. I’m a woman and I wrote that.

PP who posted upthread about regrets. I agree that women can and do feel this way too but also agree there can be the empty and unfulfilling aspect afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my ex wife cheated the idea of a revenge affair never crossed my mind as I was totally focused on ending the marriage and not stooping to her level. When the divorce was final I was surprised by how many married women make themselves available.

Yep. So many cheating wives. They literally throw themselves at men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my ex wife cheated the idea of a revenge affair never crossed my mind as I was totally focused on ending the marriage and not stooping to her level. When the divorce was final I was surprised by how many married women make themselves available.

Yep. So many cheating wives. They literally throw themselves at men.

I really hope this is not true. Women speak so highly of themselves particularly married women. I just can't imagine that many married women cheat. Maybe 5% I doubt more than that.

[Anonymous]

If you define cheating as when feeling and emotions are involved, married women cheat more than married men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my ex wife cheated the idea of a revenge affair never crossed my mind as I was totally focused on ending the marriage and not stooping to her level. When the divorce was final I was surprised by how many married women make themselves available.

Yep. So many cheating wives. They literally throw themselves at men.

I really hope this is not true. Women speak so highly of themselves particularly married women. I just can't imagine that many married women cheat. Maybe 5% I doubt more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my ex wife cheated the idea of a revenge affair never crossed my mind as I was totally focused on ending the marriage and not stooping to her level. When the divorce was final I was surprised by how many married women make themselves available.

Yep. So many cheating wives. They literally throw themselves at men.

I really hope this is not true. Women speak so highly of themselves particularly married women. I just can't imagine that many married women cheat. Maybe 5% I doubt more than that.

According to Katie Couric Media, 13-15% of married women cheat. That’s a pretty big number, men are over 20%.