Continually get asked if I’m my son’s grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t do fillers. I don’t dye my hair. I’m 43 and luckily do not need to at this point. I haven’t even decided whether I will once the gray shows up. But here’s what I do know: whatever choices I make about what I will or will not do about my appearance? I will own those choices and live those choices. I won’t make a decision and then expect the entire world to celebrate or accept me—because it never will! The world hasn’t magically changed to become always-accepting of me when I decided to be a working mom, or when I decided to breastfeed and pump at work, or when I decided never to wear skinny jeans or other trends that don’t suit the body that I have accepted.

I already decided several years ago that I was done with high heels except for special occasions, and I was done with bras with underwire. And yes, if I worked super hard, I could lose the 20 pounds that any fashion designer would say I need to lose in order to look good/fit perfectly into their close. I’m sure I could do things that would help me conform to beauty and fashion standards that I don’t choose to do. And thus I don’t spend time staring at Vogue and wishing I were a size 2 with perfectly manicured nails and highlights in my hair and fillers in my face, because I’ve decided not to run that particular race. I make my choices and I live them. I don’t make my choices and then act like the entire world should applaud me all the time and treat me as if I AM a Vogue model.

Lol over here criticizing people who choose to go gray when you’re 20 pounds over weight. That will age you and make you look way worse than some gray hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

I get that you’re really fixated on this. But read the original post I think that’s more of what this is about. Everyone’s going on this woman’s appearance or age, but really, this dude was just not paying attention.

PP who pasted the link and I'm a NP to this thread so I'm not fixated, but I do think it's fascinating how isolated I am, and perhaps you too, when it comes to the reality of first time motherhood for most American women. Among the top 10 counties for oldest first time moms are three DC-area counties -- Falls Church, Arlington and Alexandria. All with averages of 30 or 31yo! I get that the OP's situation is more likely just a guy who was making small talk and wasn't really paying attention, but he wasn't way off base.

Given that, op would have needed to be a preteen mother to fit. If 10 years is not so far off base.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t do fillers. I don’t dye my hair. I’m 43 and luckily do not need to at this point. I haven’t even decided whether I will once the gray shows up. But here’s what I do know: whatever choices I make about what I will or will not do about my appearance? I will own those choices and live those choices. I won’t make a decision and then expect the entire world to celebrate or accept me—because it never will! The world hasn’t magically changed to become always-accepting of me when I decided to be a working mom, or when I decided to breastfeed and pump at work, or when I decided never to wear skinny jeans or other trends that don’t suit the body that I have accepted.

I already decided several years ago that I was done with high heels except for special occasions, and I was done with bras with underwire. And yes, if I worked super hard, I could lose the 20 pounds that any fashion designer would say I need to lose in order to look good/fit perfectly into their close. I’m sure I could do things that would help me conform to beauty and fashion standards that I don’t choose to do. And thus I don’t spend time staring at Vogue and wishing I were a size 2 with perfectly manicured nails and highlights in my hair and fillers in my face, because I’ve decided not to run that particular race. I make my choices and I live them. I don’t make my choices and then act like the entire world should applaud me all the time and treat me as if I AM a Vogue model.

Lol over here criticizing people who choose to go gray when you’re 20 pounds over weight. That will age you and make you look way worse than some gray hair.

She was slyly saying she’d be a waif if she tried. I can’t figure out if it’s a steady sense of self or overconfidence. Don’t care either way. Of someone assumed she was the grandmother of a 20 year old snerk might be miffed…or laugh. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are bothered by this because it triggered something in you: are you unhappy with how you look/present? Do you wish you could change that? I get being annoyed but you seem to imply this happens more than once.

No one wants to be called grandma…unless they are a great grandma. Get real.

The psycholodrama folks are trying to make this into us comical.

Np. Fact is op could be a grandma. Since hen is it an insult? Just laugh and say nope he is my son?

40 year olds are not commonly grandparents.

In much of America you rarely see 40 year old parents but 40 something grandparents are common.

Maybe later 40s. 43 would be pushing it. Regardless, if you look at the original post the man was not super dialed in socially to begin with.

You're wrong. There are many, many parts of the country where the average age for women having their first child is 22: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html And if you know anything about averages, there will be a lot of families where the mom is younger than 22. A 43yo grandma may be uncommon in the DC area but it's not at all atypical in some areas.

I get that you’re really fixated on this. But read the original post I think that’s more of what this is about. Everyone’s going on this woman’s appearance or age, but really, this dude was just not paying attention.

PP who pasted the link and I'm a NP to this thread so I'm not fixated, but I do think it's fascinating how isolated I am, and perhaps you too, when it comes to the reality of first time motherhood for most American women. Among the top 10 counties for oldest first time moms are three DC-area counties -- Falls Church, Arlington and Alexandria. All with averages of 30 or 31yo! I get that the OP's situation is more likely just a guy who was making small talk and wasn't really paying attention, but he wasn't way off base.

Interestingly, Falls Church and Alexandria are not counties, they are tiny little cities that are also wealthier than the average. This is a socioeconomic thing, PP. Wealthier, more educated women ACROSS THE COUNTRY have children later. My well educated friends in Ohio had their kids in their 30s, while the ones who didn't go to college had their children in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t do fillers. I don’t dye my hair. I’m 43 and luckily do not need to at this point. I haven’t even decided whether I will once the gray shows up. But here’s what I do know: whatever choices I make about what I will or will not do about my appearance? I will own those choices and live those choices. I won’t make a decision and then expect the entire world to celebrate or accept me—because it never will! The world hasn’t magically changed to become always-accepting of me when I decided to be a working mom, or when I decided to breastfeed and pump at work, or when I decided never to wear skinny jeans or other trends that don’t suit the body that I have accepted.

I already decided several years ago that I was done with high heels except for special occasions, and I was done with bras with underwire. And yes, if I worked super hard, I could lose the 20 pounds that any fashion designer would say I need to lose in order to look good/fit perfectly into their close. I’m sure I could do things that would help me conform to beauty and fashion standards that I don’t choose to do. And thus I don’t spend time staring at Vogue and wishing I were a size 2 with perfectly manicured nails and highlights in my hair and fillers in my face, because I’ve decided not to run that particular race. I make my choices and I live them. I don’t make my choices and then act like the entire world should applaud me all the time and treat me as if I AM a Vogue model.

Lol over here criticizing people who choose to go gray when you’re 20 pounds over weight. That will age you and make you look way worse than some gray hair.

I’m not 20 pounds overweight per BMI, I’m 20 pounds over what any casting director or fashion designer would have me be; there’s a difference. At any rate, I don’t write wah wah wah posts about how no casting director will look my way. I own my choices and I live my life without caring what others think. I don’t say I don’t care and then whine and complain like OP. If you are going to “embrace the gray” then…embrace it. Stop the hypocritical whining about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t do fillers. I don’t dye my hair. I’m 43 and luckily do not need to at this point. I haven’t even decided whether I will once the gray shows up. But here’s what I do know: whatever choices I make about what I will or will not do about my appearance? I will own those choices and live those choices. I won’t make a decision and then expect the entire world to celebrate or accept me—because it never will! The world hasn’t magically changed to become always-accepting of me when I decided to be a working mom, or when I decided to breastfeed and pump at work, or when I decided never to wear skinny jeans or other trends that don’t suit the body that I have accepted.

I already decided several years ago that I was done with high heels except for special occasions, and I was done with bras with underwire. And yes, if I worked super hard, I could lose the 20 pounds that any fashion designer would say I need to lose in order to look good/fit perfectly into their close. I’m sure I could do things that would help me conform to beauty and fashion standards that I don’t choose to do. And thus I don’t spend time staring at Vogue and wishing I were a size 2 with perfectly manicured nails and highlights in my hair and fillers in my face, because I’ve decided not to run that particular race. I make my choices and I live them. I don’t make my choices and then act like the entire world should applaud me all the time and treat me as if I AM a Vogue model.

Lol over here criticizing people who choose to go gray when you’re 20 pounds over weight. That will age you and make you look way worse than some gray hair.

I’m not 20 pounds overweight per BMI, I’m 20 pounds over what any casting director or fashion designer would have me be; there’s a difference. At any rate, I don’t write wah wah wah posts about how no casting director will look my way. I own my choices and I live my life without caring what others think. I don’t say I don’t care and then whine and complain like OP. If you are going to “embrace the gray” then…embrace it. Stop the hypocritical whining about it.[/quote

]

So you’re 20 pounds over weight got it. You sound super secure in your choices though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t do fillers. I don’t dye my hair. I’m 43 and luckily do not need to at this point. I haven’t even decided whether I will once the gray shows up. But here’s what I do know: whatever choices I make about what I will or will not do about my appearance? I will own those choices and live those choices. I won’t make a decision and then expect the entire world to celebrate or accept me—because it never will! The world hasn’t magically changed to become always-accepting of me when I decided to be a working mom, or when I decided to breastfeed and pump at work, or when I decided never to wear skinny jeans or other trends that don’t suit the body that I have accepted.

I already decided several years ago that I was done with high heels except for special occasions, and I was done with bras with underwire. And yes, if I worked super hard, I could lose the 20 pounds that any fashion designer would say I need to lose in order to look good/fit perfectly into their close. I’m sure I could do things that would help me conform to beauty and fashion standards that I don’t choose to do. And thus I don’t spend time staring at Vogue and wishing I were a size 2 with perfectly manicured nails and highlights in my hair and fillers in my face, because I’ve decided not to run that particular race. I make my choices and I live them. I don’t make my choices and then act like the entire world should applaud me all the time and treat me as if I AM a Vogue model.

Lol over here criticizing people who choose to go gray when you’re 20 pounds over weight. That will age you and make you look way worse than some gray hair.

I’m not 20 pounds overweight per BMI, I’m 20 pounds over what any casting director or fashion designer would have me be; there’s a difference. At any rate, I don’t write wah wah wah posts about how no casting director will look my way. I own my choices and I live my life without caring what others think. I don’t say I don’t care and then whine and complain like OP. If you are going to “embrace the gray” then…embrace it. Stop the hypocritical whining about it.[/quote

]

So you’re 20 pounds over weight got it. You sound super secure in your choices though.

Actually being super thin makes you look older. A little weight helps keep the face plump like a youngster. After 50 the thin ones start looking rather haggard But then that’s when they start messing with their face and when things get really interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

I mean clearly they are since they’re not the ones sobbing about being mistaken for grannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

I mean clearly they are since they’re not the ones sobbing about being mistaken for grannies.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this. You’re old enough to potentially be the grandmother. This is the same as a 20 y/o mom hearing about her “sister/brother” at a restaurant in DC. So what, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This just happened. My son (3y) and I are at a diner eating breakfast. The guests in front of us left and as they were leaving, struck up conversation with my son. He said he had a great-niece and said I had to ensure I do everything for her (misgendering my son). He said it a couple of times so it wasn’t an error. I didn’t correct - it happens often because he has soft features and my son didn’t hear it. If he had, I would have said something for my son’s sake.

Anyway, then he asked my son if I was his grandma and said he has to listen to Grandma and no pouting or complaining. To be clear, my son was eating his food and no tantrums at all, stayed in his seat the whole time eating his food so that was just a general comment. It’s just frustrating and happens enough that it makes me wonder if other people think it but don’t say it.

I’m 42, turning 43 this year. I get that I got an older start but it’s demoralizing to be assumed to be my son’s grandmother. I usually don’t correct the person bc that’s more embarrassing and I just want the conversation to end. Am I alone in this? Does it ever end?

Respectfully, this is a reality of waiting so long to have kids. You can not actually have it all. Maybe you can share this with the other women on here who pretend there are no risks and it is perfectly normal to wait until late 30s if not age 40 for kids. No, it's not normal. You will be the "old mom" who is mistaken for grandma. You won't be as physical and fun. You will likely miss seeing your grandkids grow up, if not never see them be born. Risk, risk, risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you dressing like, do you take care of yourself like do you have lots of gray, wrinkles etc? Things like salon and Botox can help. Nowadays women in their 40s look like 30s because of new treatments that weren't around 10 years ago

Dressing "hip" does not make you look younger, it makes you look like a really insecure old grandma who raided a teen girl's closet, see Sarah Jessica Parker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snerk. This happens EVERY time with my friends who choose to go gray. They don’t just make the choice, they make a huge freaking deal about how THEY are aging gracefully and celebrating their natural beauty and not conforming to the patriarchy and blah blah blah. It’s all talk until someone mistakes them for a grandma or whatever, and then they’re all distraught.

I was on vacation with a group of women, all in our 40s. One friend was mistaken as the tour guide at a landmark we were visiting, because “one of these things doesn’t look like the others.” She was so mad and went on and on.
.
The thing about aging gracefully is that you actually have to be graceful about it. The thing about not caring about conforming to society’s beauty standards is you actually have to not care.

Make your choice, but own it and practice what you preach.

This... my MIL has looked 60+ since she was in her 40s, mostly a combo of not dying her hair, getting a 'zero maintenance' super short haircut, and wearing zero makeup or skin care. If that's how you feel most comfortable that's awesome! But that's also not how a lot of women decide to look at that age so you can't be surprised if the assumption is that you are older.
I feel the same way if someone keeps their boy toddler's hair long and dresses them in gender neutral clothing... shouldn't be offended if someone assumes he is a girl.

Man some people find it really upsetting if women don’t conform. “Snerk” poster you arent fooling anyone with your dyed hair and fillers.

Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t do fillers. I don’t dye my hair. I’m 43 and luckily do not need to at this point. I haven’t even decided whether I will once the gray shows up. But here’s what I do know: whatever choices I make about what I will or will not do about my appearance? I will own those choices and live those choices. I won’t make a decision and then expect the entire world to celebrate or accept me—because it never will! The world hasn’t magically changed to become always-accepting of me when I decided to be a working mom, or when I decided to breastfeed and pump at work, or when I decided never to wear skinny jeans or other trends that don’t suit the body that I have accepted.

I already decided several years ago that I was done with high heels except for special occasions, and I was done with bras with underwire. And yes, if I worked super hard, I could lose the 20 pounds that any fashion designer would say I need to lose in order to look good/fit perfectly into their close. I’m sure I could do things that would help me conform to beauty and fashion standards that I don’t choose to do. And thus I don’t spend time staring at Vogue and wishing I were a size 2 with perfectly manicured nails and highlights in my hair and fillers in my face, because I’ve decided not to run that particular race. I make my choices and I live them. I don’t make my choices and then act like the entire world should applaud me all the time and treat me as if I AM a Vogue model.

Lol over here criticizing people who choose to go gray when you’re 20 pounds over weight. That will age you and make you look way worse than some gray hair.

I’m not 20 pounds overweight per BMI, I’m 20 pounds over what any casting director or fashion designer would have me be; there’s a difference. At any rate, I don’t write wah wah wah posts about how no casting director will look my way. I own my choices and I live my life without caring what others think. I don’t say I don’t care and then whine and complain like OP. If you are going to “embrace the gray” then…embrace it. Stop the hypocritical whining about it.

Why are you being such a seaward to the OP? You’ve written a novella on this topic, far outpacing her. Own that.

And honestly, you’re chubby and presumptuous as hell. I don’t think you minus 20 pounds would lead Edward Enniful to beg you to be his September issue model.

[Anonymous]

Having kids 15 years after you’re supposed to has consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having kids 15 years after you’re supposed to has consequences.

15 years after? She had a kid at 39 according to her OP. Lots of women have babies in their late 30s. Granted it’s usually a last baby when you already have older kids, or in a 2nd marriage, but still - look how many kids Michelle Duggar had age 35+ and even 40+.

I suspect OP does look older than her age in some ways, and that’s causing certain comments. But she’s not going to come back to this thread so it’s all just speculation at this point.