Getting Divorced. People Say “I’m sorry.” Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone says “I’m sorry”. I say “you’re sorry you can’t too?

The reality is most marriages are terrible.

I know of 1 out of 10 that are good. Some are good enough. But most are not good at all, no physical abuse/cheating (that they know)/ alcoholism so they stay married.

The reality is most my friend must stay married due to $ and they are just making the best of a bad situation.

If you said that to me, I’d laugh in your face and tell you, “I have no desire to divorce. I love my husband, we’re a good team, and I tuck my kids in every night.” It would be fine for you to say, “Please don’t be sorry for me; this was for the best.” But if you try to imply that my marriage would be better off as a failure like yours, I would have no issue setting you straight.

You sound like a terrible person to be married to so most likely I would be saying to your H and he and I would agree.

Also we both were always there and still are more so than most men and Mom’s quite frankly.

You seem too defensive about your marriage to truly be happy.

You’re one of those martyrs that wear your terrible marriage like a badge of honor not because your happy but because you “took vows” or some other ancient reason .

No one forced you to "take vows" if doing so is such an "ancient" practice.

You do you. I know divorce is best for some people, and good for you if it was best for you. But yes, I'm sorry that your marriage failed--I'm sorry for the pain and difficulty that led up to that decision.

Feel free to respond to "I'm sorry" with "Please don't be sorry for me--this is what's best for me, and I'm happy." That's great. But if you try to project your unhappiness and failure on to me with the "You're sorry you can't, too" line, you will get a smile and the straightforward truth from me. I won't accept your projection. My marriage is happy, it's best for me and my family, and I don't care how at peace you are with your decision--our interaction will only make me go home and be even more happy and grateful that I have a good husband and that I'm with my kids each and every day.

I’m sorry you are so bitter. I’m sorry your vow has you locked into something that makes you this unhappy.

I’m sorry you think staying is always better even though it makes you so incredibly awful. I won’t accept your projection.

I have a great ex H, I have great kids, we have an amazing life I think people are jealous we can afford 2 amazing homes and top educations for our family. People like you are jealous of divorced people who worked it out and you have to hang their hat on ”marriage is hard work” “everyone has hard time” to validate your decision to stay.

I’m with my kids every day (when they are not at college).

Your seething with jealousy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say "I'm sorry" because obviously you once had a dream of a life with someone if you married them, and that dream has died. It's not to say it's a bad decision, rather, sorry that the situation you had hoped for didn't' work out as planned.

Lol most people dream of marriage died 3 years in, staying or leaving does not change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say "I'm sorry" because obviously you once had a dream of a life with someone if you married them, and that dream has died. It's not to say it's a bad decision, rather, sorry that the situation you had hoped for didn't' work out as planned.

Again, not everyone marries for a "dream" of a specific life.

Well, do they marry with a hope to be able to go through a divorce? are they like, I can’t wait to get married so I can get divorced it’s gonna be awesome? I love this man and I can’t wait to divorce him!

Do they dream of being married to a man child?
Do they dream of a wife who gives them pity sex once a month,
Do they dream of the actual life they have? Nope.

Life comes at you fast. It’s rarely what you dreamed of.

[Anonymous]

OP, -- it is a failure

though you are not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

It’s not polite or civil. It’s an ill-bread response.

How did we come to someone arguing that a simple “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” to someone announcing the end of their marriage is impolite, un-civil, and a sign of ill breeding? (Or ill bread)

Because it is and it’s been explained over and over. Don’t say sorry, it’s rude.

A well educated person knows to not say sorry to something that is not bad.

This is hilarious. So, does this mean I should send a condolence card to my friend who is getting married? If the point of marriage is to do it so you can then go on to have a beautiful divorce later that friends and strangers alike should congratulate you on? Please go on

What up with the black and white thinking.

If someone is at UVA and then transfers to UMCP do you say sorry, no, you’re glad they found a place they like better.

I’m going to UVA, congratulations!
How’s UVA? Oh I’m at Md now I didn’t really like UVA.
Oh best wishes go Terps.

What would you say “oh I’m so sorry, what happened… you had dreams of being a cavalier. Condolences. “
No you would NEVER say that

How’s Mary?
Oh we got divorced.
Oh I didn’t hear how are the kids doing I haven’t seen them in so long.

Its like you guys need social skills classes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone says “I’m sorry”. I say “you’re sorry you can’t too?

The reality is most marriages are terrible.

I know of 1 out of 10 that are good. Some are good enough. But most are not good at all, no physical abuse/cheating (that they know)/ alcoholism so they stay married.

The reality is most my friend must stay married due to $ and they are just making the best of a bad situation.

If you said that to me, I’d laugh in your face and tell you, “I have no desire to divorce. I love my husband, we’re a good team, and I tuck my kids in every night.” It would be fine for you to say, “Please don’t be sorry for me; this was for the best.” But if you try to imply that my marriage would be better off as a failure like yours, I would have no issue setting you straight.

You sound like a terrible person to be married to so most likely I would be saying to your H and he and I would agree.

Also we both were always there and still are more so than most men and Mom’s quite frankly.

You seem too defensive about your marriage to truly be happy.

You’re one of those martyrs that wear your terrible marriage like a badge of honor not because your happy but because you “took vows” or some other ancient reason .

No one forced you to "take vows" if doing so is such an "ancient" practice.

You do you. I know divorce is best for some people, and good for you if it was best for you. But yes, I'm sorry that your marriage failed--I'm sorry for the pain and difficulty that led up to that decision.

Feel free to respond to "I'm sorry" with "Please don't be sorry for me--this is what's best for me, and I'm happy." That's great. But if you try to project your unhappiness and failure on to me with the "You're sorry you can't, too" line, you will get a smile and the straightforward truth from me. I won't accept your projection. My marriage is happy, it's best for me and my family, and I don't care how at peace you are with your decision--our interaction will only make me go home and be even more happy and grateful that I have a good husband and that I'm with my kids each and every day.

I’m sorry you are so bitter. I’m sorry your vow has you locked into something that makes you this unhappy.

I’m sorry you think staying is always better even though it makes you so incredibly awful. I won’t accept your projection.

I have a great ex H, I have great kids, we have an amazing life I think people are jealous we can afford 2 amazing homes and top educations for our family. People like you are jealous of divorced people who worked it out and you have to hang their hat on ”marriage is hard work” “everyone has hard time” to validate your decision to stay.

I’m with my kids every day (when they are not at college).

Your seething with jealousy

You sound so secure! I’m sorry for your failed marriage. Mine isn’t hard work, I’m just blessed and I love that my kids will never have to wonder how to split time during the holidays. Good luck navigating yours. How are your tinder dates going? Hope you find someone semi-decent in the near future from the pool of duds you have to choose from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

It’s not polite or civil. It’s an ill-bread response.

NP. Do you mean "bred"?

Voice 2 text

As I remind my elementary school kid, be sure to check your work before you hit Submit.

[Anonymous]

This is a weird thread.

[Anonymous]

Look, I don’t know if you’re happy your parents died or happy you got divorced or happy that your house burned down. If I hear that your mom died, or you got divorced, or your house burned down, I will always say, so sorry to hear this news. If you find me unspeakably rude or ill-“bread” for this, well, it’s no wonder we aren’t really friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone says “I’m sorry”. I say “you’re sorry you can’t too?

The reality is most marriages are terrible.

I know of 1 out of 10 that are good. Some are good enough. But most are not good at all, no physical abuse/cheating (that they know)/ alcoholism so they stay married.

The reality is most my friend must stay married due to $ and they are just making the best of a bad situation.

If you said that to me, I’d laugh in your face and tell you, “I have no desire to divorce. I love my husband, we’re a good team, and I tuck my kids in every night.” It would be fine for you to say, “Please don’t be sorry for me; this was for the best.” But if you try to imply that my marriage would be better off as a failure like yours, I would have no issue setting you straight.

You sound like a terrible person to be married to so most likely I would be saying to your H and he and I would agree.

Also we both were always there and still are more so than most men and Mom’s quite frankly.

You seem too defensive about your marriage to truly be happy.

You’re one of those martyrs that wear your terrible marriage like a badge of honor not because your happy but because you “took vows” or some other ancient reason .

No one forced you to "take vows" if doing so is such an "ancient" practice.

You do you. I know divorce is best for some people, and good for you if it was best for you. But yes, I'm sorry that your marriage failed--I'm sorry for the pain and difficulty that led up to that decision.

Feel free to respond to "I'm sorry" with "Please don't be sorry for me--this is what's best for me, and I'm happy." That's great. But if you try to project your unhappiness and failure on to me with the "You're sorry you can't, too" line, you will get a smile and the straightforward truth from me. I won't accept your projection. My marriage is happy, it's best for me and my family, and I don't care how at peace you are with your decision--our interaction will only make me go home and be even more happy and grateful that I have a good husband and that I'm with my kids each and every day.

I’m sorry you are so bitter. I’m sorry your vow has you locked into something that makes you this unhappy.

I’m sorry you think staying is always better even though it makes you so incredibly awful. I won’t accept your projection.

I have a great ex H, I have great kids, we have an amazing life I think people are jealous we can afford 2 amazing homes and top educations for our family. People like you are jealous of divorced people who worked it out and you have to hang their hat on ”marriage is hard work” “everyone has hard time” to validate your decision to stay.

I’m with my kids every day (when they are not at college).

Your seething with jealousy

NP here but why would someone seethe in jealousy that they don’t have an unhappy marriage that is leading to divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

It’s not polite or civil. It’s an ill-bread response.

How did we come to someone arguing that a simple “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” to someone announcing the end of their marriage is impolite, un-civil, and a sign of ill breeding? (Or ill bread)

Because it is and it’s been explained over and over. Don’t say sorry, it’s rude.

A well educated person knows to not say sorry to something that is not bad.

This is hilarious. So, does this mean I should send a condolence card to my friend who is getting married? If the point of marriage is to do it so you can then go on to have a beautiful divorce later that friends and strangers alike should congratulate you on? Please go on

What up with the black and white thinking.

If someone is at UVA and then transfers to UMCP do you say sorry, no, you’re glad they found a place they like better.

I’m going to UVA, congratulations!
How’s UVA? Oh I’m at Md now I didn’t really like UVA.
Oh best wishes go Terps.

What would you say “oh I’m so sorry, what happened… you had dreams of being a cavalier. Condolences. “
No you would NEVER say that

How’s Mary?
Oh we got divorced.
Oh I didn’t hear how are the kids doing I haven’t seen them in so long.

Its like you guys need social skills classes

Why would you need to ask how the kids are doing? I thought this process was easy for them and they were so happy about it. And if someone said “I was at UVA for a year but didn’t like it so I transferred to Old Dominion” I’d say “oh I’m sorry to hear you didn’t like it. How’s ODU treating you?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

It’s not polite or civil. It’s an ill-bread response.

How did we come to someone arguing that a simple “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” to someone announcing the end of their marriage is impolite, un-civil, and a sign of ill breeding? (Or ill bread)

Because it is and it’s been explained over and over. Don’t say sorry, it’s rude.

A well educated person knows to not say sorry to something that is not bad.

This is hilarious. So, does this mean I should send a condolence card to my friend who is getting married? If the point of marriage is to do it so you can then go on to have a beautiful divorce later that friends and strangers alike should congratulate you on? Please go on

What up with the black and white thinking.

If someone is at UVA and then transfers to UMCP do you say sorry, no, you’re glad they found a place they like better.

I’m going to UVA, congratulations!
How’s UVA? Oh I’m at Md now I didn’t really like UVA.
Oh best wishes go Terps.

What would you say “oh I’m so sorry, what happened… you had dreams of being a cavalier. Condolences. “
No you would NEVER say that

How’s Mary?
Oh we got divorced.
Oh I didn’t hear how are the kids doing I haven’t seen them in so long.

Its like you guys need social skills classes

Again, some more: honey, we were there. We were there at your wedding. I know you’d like to conveniently forget like you didn’t stand up in front of a hundred friends and family members and take vows that you would be with this person forever, but you did. No amount of gaslighting will make that untrue. What’s done is done. You wanted to marry this man, and you wanted us to celebrate you every step of the way—and we did! We looked at the ring, we helped you plan, we threw you a shower, we had a fun bachelorette, we stood up with you on the day of, we watched you dance and eat cake and kiss.

We’re sorry your marriage failed. We were witness to what you asked us to witness: your vows of forever. We are SORRY that it didn’t work out. But we’re not going to pretend like you didn’t ask us to come and celebrate your marriage. You get to write your future, and we support that. But we’re not stupid, nor are we blind, nor can you change the past.

We are sorry for you. We wish you well on your path forward. Hopefully you will, at some point, get past denial and actually process this so that you don’t feel compelled to try to gaslight and lie to yourself and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say "I'm sorry" because obviously you once had a dream of a life with someone if you married them, and that dream has died. It's not to say it's a bad decision, rather, sorry that the situation you had hoped for didn't' work out as planned.

Again, not everyone marries for a "dream" of a specific life.

Well, do they marry with a hope to be able to go through a divorce? are they like, I can’t wait to get married so I can get divorced it’s gonna be awesome? I love this man and I can’t wait to divorce him!

Do they dream of being married to a man child?
Do they dream of a wife who gives them pity sex once a month,
Do they dream of the actual life they have? Nope.

Life comes at you fast. It’s rarely what you dreamed of.

Right, and I’m sorry your life threw you those curveballs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone says “I’m sorry”. I say “you’re sorry you can’t too?

The reality is most marriages are terrible.

I know of 1 out of 10 that are good. Some are good enough. But most are not good at all, no physical abuse/cheating (that they know)/ alcoholism so they stay married.

The reality is most my friend must stay married due to $ and they are just making the best of a bad situation.

If you said that to me, I’d laugh in your face and tell you, “I have no desire to divorce. I love my husband, we’re a good team, and I tuck my kids in every night.” It would be fine for you to say, “Please don’t be sorry for me; this was for the best.” But if you try to imply that my marriage would be better off as a failure like yours, I would have no issue setting you straight.

You sound like a terrible person to be married to so most likely I would be saying to your H and he and I would agree.

Also we both were always there and still are more so than most men and Mom’s quite frankly.

You seem too defensive about your marriage to truly be happy.

You’re one of those martyrs that wear your terrible marriage like a badge of honor not because your happy but because you “took vows” or some other ancient reason .

No one forced you to "take vows" if doing so is such an "ancient" practice.

You do you. I know divorce is best for some people, and good for you if it was best for you. But yes, I'm sorry that your marriage failed--I'm sorry for the pain and difficulty that led up to that decision.

Feel free to respond to "I'm sorry" with "Please don't be sorry for me--this is what's best for me, and I'm happy." That's great. But if you try to project your unhappiness and failure on to me with the "You're sorry you can't, too" line, you will get a smile and the straightforward truth from me. I won't accept your projection. My marriage is happy, it's best for me and my family, and I don't care how at peace you are with your decision--our interaction will only make me go home and be even more happy and grateful that I have a good husband and that I'm with my kids each and every day.

I’m sorry you are so bitter. I’m sorry your vow has you locked into something that makes you this unhappy.

I’m sorry you think staying is always better even though it makes you so incredibly awful. I won’t accept your projection.

I have a great ex H, I have great kids, we have an amazing life I think people are jealous we can afford 2 amazing homes and top educations for our family. People like you are jealous of divorced people who worked it out and you have to hang their hat on ”marriage is hard work” “everyone has hard time” to validate your decision to stay.

I’m with my kids every day (when they are not at college).

Your seething with jealousy

I think you mean “you’re.” Brush up on the plural vs. the possessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

+ a million.