Getting Divorced. People Say “I’m sorry.” Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a single, middle-aged man, this thread is why I have interest in dating divorced women - too much baggage.

yea, because the married women don't seem to have any baggage, they defer to spiritual or legal authority... that' totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a single, middle-aged man, this thread is why I have interest in dating divorced women - too much baggage.

You are single, never married and middle aged... lol and you have no baggage. Do you really need to throw softballs like that?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

It’s not polite or civil. It’s an ill-bread response.

How did we come to someone arguing that a simple “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” to someone announcing the end of their marriage is impolite, un-civil, and a sign of ill breeding? (Or ill bread)

Because it is and it’s been explained over and over. Don’t say sorry, it’s rude.

A well educated person knows to not say sorry to something that is not bad.

This is hilarious. So, does this mean I should send a condolence card to my friend who is getting married? If the point of marriage is to do it so you can then go on to have a beautiful divorce later that friends and strangers alike should congratulate you on? Please go on

What up with the black and white thinking.

If someone is at UVA and then transfers to UMCP do you say sorry, no, you’re glad they found a place they like better.

I’m going to UVA, congratulations!
How’s UVA? Oh I’m at Md now I didn’t really like UVA.
Oh best wishes go Terps.

What would you say “oh I’m so sorry, what happened… you had dreams of being a cavalier. Condolences. “
No you would NEVER say that

How’s Mary?
Oh we got divorced.
Oh I didn’t hear how are the kids doing I haven’t seen them in so long.

Its like you guys need social skills classes

Why would you need to ask how the kids are doing? I thought this process was easy for them and they were so happy about it. And if someone said “I was at UVA for a year but didn’t like it so I transferred to Old Dominion” I’d say “oh I’m sorry to hear you didn’t like it. How’s ODU treating you?”

And the fact you say you are sorry they are at Old Dominion show you have a low EQ and you think lesser of Old Dominion.

If they said I’m no longer at UVA I transferred to Harvard, would you say sorry.

Yes. “Oh, I’m sorry UVA wasn’t what you hoped it would be, but I’m so glad you are at Harvard! How is it going?”

I mean, you either opted to be at UVA from the get-go for presumably sound reasons (you married him because you loved him and though it was right), or you failed to get into Harvard the first time (you couldn’t get the ring from your true love, you you settled and are now back with your true love), so…

Are you seriously sorty I’m going to Harvard, lol that crazy talk. I only did UVA for 1 semester because I had to defer my admissions due to my ACL surgery,

Don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know.

I’m sorry you had to defer your admissions due to your ACL surgery! SORRY!

I’m also sorry for your failed marriage.

I’m sorry Bob is screwing his secretary and you don’t have enough of an education to leave and support yourself!

Aww, I’m home for the holidays with my beautiful family. DH and I have great jobs. I have a master’s degree and make well into the six figures. Looking forward to being surrounded by loved ones this holiday. I hope you can find some peace. I’m sorry for your failed marriage.

Well, PP, you sound terrible.

What’s terrible is that the PP I am responding to said that when people dare to say they’re sorry to hear of her divorce, that she replies, “You’re sorry you can’t get one?” Um…

If someone says they are sorry for your divorce and that doesn’t sit well with you, by all means, say something like: “Please don’t be sorry—I am happy and relieved.” Don’t project and hyper-defensively say outright that they are jealous that they “can’t get a divorce, too” WTF. Read her actual posts.

If she said that to me, I would have absolutely no problem setting her straight, and here we are.

Can you get a divorce?

Could I if I wanted to? Absolutely. Do I want to? Nope! I’m sorry that bothers you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a single, middle-aged man, this thread is why I have interest in dating divorced women - too much baggage.

yea, because the married women don't seem to have any baggage, they defer to spiritual or legal authority... that' totally normal.

It’s funny, but you still haven’t managed to tell us how anyone can have a legally binding marriage that is not presided over by a judge or by a priest/rabbi/pastor/etc. We’re still waiting! I mean, if you were legally married with a ceremony performed by, like, the Kool-Aid Man, do tell us all about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

No one ever said divorce isn’t sometimes for the best, but it is literally a failure of upholding the vows you made. It’s the breaking of vows. Whether the vows were made in a courthouse, a church, or a synagogue, marriage is a binding contract until death—unless it fails and is broken by divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so disingenuous. They say it because your marriage failed and they’re trying to be polite.

Don’t be such an ass. If you want to let people know you’re happy and it’s for the best, then say that. But how could people possibly know that unless you told them?!

Come on. I can’t stand when people like you throw basic civility back in people’s faces. They’re trying to be nice and polite but you want even more. You want people to be able to read your mind and anticipate your needs moment to moment. You know that’s supremely unrealistic right?

It’s not polite or civil. It’s an ill-bread response.

How did we come to someone arguing that a simple “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” to someone announcing the end of their marriage is impolite, un-civil, and a sign of ill breeding? (Or ill bread)

Because it is and it’s been explained over and over. Don’t say sorry, it’s rude.

A well educated person knows to not say sorry to something that is not bad.

This is hilarious. So, does this mean I should send a condolence card to my friend who is getting married? If the point of marriage is to do it so you can then go on to have a beautiful divorce later that friends and strangers alike should congratulate you on? Please go on

What up with the black and white thinking.

If someone is at UVA and then transfers to UMCP do you say sorry, no, you’re glad they found a place they like better.

I’m going to UVA, congratulations!
How’s UVA? Oh I’m at Md now I didn’t really like UVA.
Oh best wishes go Terps.

What would you say “oh I’m so sorry, what happened… you had dreams of being a cavalier. Condolences. “
No you would NEVER say that

How’s Mary?
Oh we got divorced.
Oh I didn’t hear how are the kids doing I haven’t seen them in so long.

Its like you guys need social skills classes

Why would you need to ask how the kids are doing? I thought this process was easy for them and they were so happy about it. And if someone said “I was at UVA for a year but didn’t like it so I transferred to Old Dominion” I’d say “oh I’m sorry to hear you didn’t like it. How’s ODU treating you?”

And the fact you say you are sorry they are at Old Dominion show you have a low EQ and you think lesser of Old Dominion.

If they said I’m no longer at UVA I transferred to Harvard, would you say sorry.

Yes. “Oh, I’m sorry UVA wasn’t what you hoped it would be, but I’m so glad you are at Harvard! How is it going?”

I mean, you either opted to be at UVA from the get-go for presumably sound reasons (you married him because you loved him and though it was right), or you failed to get into Harvard the first time (you couldn’t get the ring from your true love, you you settled and are now back with your true love), so…

Are you seriously sorty I’m going to Harvard, lol that crazy talk. I only did UVA for 1 semester because I had to defer my admissions due to my ACL surgery,

Don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know.

I’m sorry you had to defer your admissions due to your ACL surgery! SORRY!

I’m also sorry for your failed marriage.

I’m sorry Bob is screwing his secretary and you don’t have enough of an education to leave and support yourself!

Aww, I’m home for the holidays with my beautiful family. DH and I have great jobs. I have a master’s degree and make well into the six figures. Looking forward to being surrounded by loved ones this holiday. I hope you can find some peace. I’m sorry for your failed marriage.

Well, PP, you sound terrible.

What’s terrible is that the PP I am responding to said that when people dare to say they’re sorry to hear of her divorce, that she replies, “You’re sorry you can’t get one?” Um…

If someone says they are sorry for your divorce and that doesn’t sit well with you, by all means, say something like: “Please don’t be sorry—I am happy and relieved.” Don’t project and hyper-defensively say outright that they are jealous that they “can’t get a divorce, too” WTF. Read her actual posts.

If she said that to me, I would have absolutely no problem setting her straight, and here we are.

Can you get a divorce?

Could I if I wanted to? Absolutely. Do I want to? Nope! I’m sorry that bothers you?

It doesn't bother me. Does it bother you I asked, you seem triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

No one ever said divorce isn’t sometimes for the best, but it is literally a failure of upholding the vows you made. It’s the breaking of vows. Whether the vows were made in a courthouse, a church, or a synagogue, marriage is a binding contract until death—unless it fails and is broken by divorce.

No it isn't no more than not having sex with your H is a "breakdown of the vows" of to "have an hold".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

No one ever said divorce isn’t sometimes for the best, but it is literally a failure of upholding the vows you made. It’s the breaking of vows. Whether the vows were made in a courthouse, a church, or a synagogue, marriage is a binding contract until death—unless it fails and is broken by divorce.

Many here have said divorce isn't sometimes for the best and the rest of your long sentence pretty much says that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a single, middle-aged man, this thread is why I have interest in dating divorced women - too much baggage.

yea, because the married women don't seem to have any baggage, they defer to spiritual or legal authority... that' totally normal.

It’s funny, but you still haven’t managed to tell us how anyone can have a legally binding marriage that is not presided over by a judge or by a priest/rabbi/pastor/etc. We’re still waiting! I mean, if you were legally married with a ceremony performed by, like, the Kool-Aid Man, do tell us all about it.

Yes marriages are often performed by the Kool-Aid Brother or the Kool-Air-Frat brother, or the daughter who went online and got some certificate to perform a marriage.

You haven't managed to tell us how the rando friend with some online certificate to perform a marriage ceremony is an "authority" on whether somebody can divorce or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

No one ever said divorce isn’t sometimes for the best, but it is literally a failure of upholding the vows you made. It’s the breaking of vows. Whether the vows were made in a courthouse, a church, or a synagogue, marriage is a binding contract until death—unless it fails and is broken by divorce.

Many here have said divorce isn't sometimes for the best and the rest of your long sentence pretty much says that too.

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a single, middle-aged man, this thread is why I have interest in dating divorced women - too much baggage.

yea, because the married women don't seem to have any baggage, they defer to spiritual or legal authority... that' totally normal.

It’s funny, but you still haven’t managed to tell us how anyone can have a legally binding marriage that is not presided over by a judge or by a priest/rabbi/pastor/etc. We’re still waiting! I mean, if you were legally married with a ceremony performed by, like, the Kool-Aid Man, do tell us all about it.

Yes marriages are often performed by the Kool-Aid Brother or the Kool-Air-Frat brother, or the daughter who went online and got some certificate to perform a marriage.

You haven't managed to tell us how the rando friend with some online certificate to perform a marriage ceremony is an "authority" on whether somebody can divorce or not.

Oh hi! Thank you so much for asking. The answer is because not all states accept online licensees, and many states require that you have to show documentation of your affiliation with the Life Church at the office when you register for a marriage license. I’m so glad I could educate you today! Here, for example, are the Life Church requirements for Maryland alone:
https://www.ulc.org/wedding-laws/maryland

So you see, even if your officiant is ordained online, they still have to comply with the laws of the state for it to be legally binding. So as I said, A LEGAL AUTHORITY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a single, middle-aged man, this thread is why I have interest in dating divorced women - too much baggage.

yea, because the married women don't seem to have any baggage, they defer to spiritual or legal authority... that' totally normal.

It’s funny, but you still haven’t managed to tell us how anyone can have a legally binding marriage that is not presided over by a judge or by a priest/rabbi/pastor/etc. We’re still waiting! I mean, if you were legally married with a ceremony performed by, like, the Kool-Aid Man, do tell us all about it.

Yes marriages are often performed by the Kool-Aid Brother or the Kool-Air-Frat brother, or the daughter who went online and got some certificate to perform a marriage.

You haven't managed to tell us how the rando friend with some online certificate to perform a marriage ceremony is an "authority" on whether somebody can divorce or not.

Oh hi! Thank you so much for asking. The answer is because not all states accept online licensees, and many states require that you have to show documentation of your affiliation with the Life Church at the office when you register for a marriage license. I’m so glad I could educate you today! Here, for example, are the Life Church requirements for Maryland alone:
https://www.ulc.org/wedding-laws/maryland

So you see, even if your officiant is ordained online, they still have to comply with the laws of the state for it to be legally binding. So as I said, A LEGAL AUTHORITY!

Your link doesn’t use the word authority once. They are not authorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

No one ever said divorce isn’t sometimes for the best, but it is literally a failure of upholding the vows you made. It’s the breaking of vows. Whether the vows were made in a courthouse, a church, or a synagogue, marriage is a binding contract until death—unless it fails and is broken by divorce.

That’s nonsense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting divorced. When I tell people this they say, “I’m so sorry.” But honestly, I don’t feel bad. This is the best decision I have made since marrying my STBX. My life is going to be so much more peaceful than it has been in years. No more putting up with narcissistic/borderline abuse. Just want it done. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me. Why do people say they that?

Because your marriage FAILED.

The state of being married is neither a success or failure.

If two companies enter into a merger deal and it falls apart, was it a success or a failure?
If someone trains for the Olympics and doesn’t make the team, was it a failure (however admirable and worthwhile in the attempt itself)?
If you take the bar exam and do not pass, is it a success or a failure?

When you take solemn vows that are legally binding and do not keep them, that is a failed marriage.

I agree with you that a successful marriage isn’t just a marriage that endures; but yes, a divorce is a failed marriage. Really do deal with it.

Was it a failure when Beyonce went solo?
If an athlete qualified for the Olympics or NBA or NFL but chose a different path, was it a failure?
If you go to law school but decide to not take the bar exam and do something else because law is not your thing, and then create a company you sell for $15 M and retire at 45 are you a failure (this actually happened to my friend) but since you won't believe me... what if you go to med school but end up being a comedian on the "hangover"... success or failure?

When you get married and it doesn't work out, sometimes its for the best and you have greater things to look forward to it's not a failure it's a blessing

No one ever said divorce isn’t sometimes for the best, but it is literally a failure of upholding the vows you made. It’s the breaking of vows. Whether the vows were made in a courthouse, a church, or a synagogue, marriage is a binding contract until death—unless it fails and is broken by divorce.

That’s nonsense

So a marriage that ends in divorce…succeeded? Talk about nonsense.