Getting Divorced. People Say “I’m sorry.” Why?

[Anonymous]

They are sorry that your social standing has been forever diminished.

[Anonymous]

It’s a convention. Most people don’t care about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at some point, you loved him enough to marry him. Perhaps you made a big mistake; that is reason enough to say "I'm sorry."

A divorce is never pain/ hassle/ cost-free, no matter how much you want it, that's another reason to say "I'm sorry."

And if there are children involved, you have wrecked their lives. That's what most of us are expressing sorrow for.

It's not necessarily true that 1) their lives are wrecked or 2) if their lives are wrecked, that it was OP who wrecked them.

Then we are sorry that there were children born in a toxic relationship and they will not get a happy intact family with two doting biological parents who love each other. Obviously the kids were born out of sex between two people who grew to resent each other. Yeah, sucks for them.

Worse is that their parent is clueless and self obsessed enough to start a thread about it.

[Anonymous]

They're sorry the marriage didn't last. They're sorry you have to deal with the paperwork of divorcing someone (and possibly the high costs). They're sorry you have to deal with a move, or someone moving out. Change can be hard. Just smile and say "Thanks! This is for the best, and I'm happy to be single again."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because no matter what reason, it's a pain to go through the divorce process, no?

If you don't anyone to feel sorry for you, just indicate that it's the best decision for you. If someone tells me they're getting divorced without adding some qualifier or extra tidbit like that, I'd say sorry too.

No, it does not have to be a pain. I felt that divorce was easy. The marriage was horrible.

I hate it when people say this. It is astonishing they don't realize 1 person wanted the divorce and is far from sorry.

I say: "I'm not sorry. Why are you?" It shuts this crap right down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's good that you can see it that way. People are trying to be nice. For most people, divorce represents a sad event, so that's why people say that they are sorry to hear it.

If divorce was sad, people would not get divorced. This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

I usually say "I'm sorry. Or congrats?"

[Anonymous]

Because nobody goes into a marriage expecting to get divorced. Presumably, you once loved him. It is unfortunate, and therefore people articulate that as “I’m sorry.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because at some point, you loved him enough to marry him. Perhaps you made a big mistake; that is reason enough to say "I'm sorry."

A divorce is never pain/ hassle/ cost-free, no matter how much you want it, that's another reason to say "I'm sorry."

And if there are children involved, you have wrecked their lives. That's what most of us are expressing sorrow for.

This is so untrue.

You know what wrecks lives? People staying in a bad marriage and modeling that behavior for their kids so when they grow up to be adults they too end up in a miserable marriage and think they have to suffer through life.

My kids say they are confused why people say "sorry" when they find out their parents are divorced. My kids' response to other kids is this: "Obviously, you don't want our parents to get divorced, but really it is not bad at all."

My kids are great.

I hardly speak to my still married parents with whom I had to endure growing up in a toxic environment with constant tension and fighting and who taught me to accept bad behavior from men that made me end up in a bad marriage myself. At 40, I stopped caring and started the divorce process. I am 100 times better off than being married...and so are my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because no matter what reason, it's a pain to go through the divorce process, no?

If you don't anyone to feel sorry for you, just indicate that it's the best decision for you. If someone tells me they're getting divorced without adding some qualifier or extra tidbit like that, I'd say sorry too.

No, it does not have to be a pain. I felt that divorce was easy. The marriage was horrible.

I hate it when people say this. It is astonishing they don't realize 1 person wanted the divorce and is far from sorry.

I say: "I'm not sorry. Why are you?" It shuts this crap right down.

That’s a pretty hostile response to someone just trying to be nice. Yikes. I bet it sure does shut them right down. Why be so abrasive to someone who hasn’t done anything other than try to be nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are sorry that your social standing has been forever diminished.

I don't think marriage gave any social standing whatsoever. I literally do not understand what people are talking about when they say this. I was married a decade. I so no benefit of marriage. I feel no different divorced. Nothing lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at some point, you loved him enough to marry him. Perhaps you made a big mistake; that is reason enough to say "I'm sorry."

A divorce is never pain/ hassle/ cost-free, no matter how much you want it, that's another reason to say "I'm sorry."

And if there are children involved, you have wrecked their lives. That's what most of us are expressing sorrow for.

This is so untrue.

You know what wrecks lives? People staying in a bad marriage and modeling that behavior for their kids so when they grow up to be adults they too end up in a miserable marriage and think they have to suffer through life.

My kids say they are confused why people say "sorry" when they find out their parents are divorced. My kids' response to other kids is this: "Obviously, you don't want our parents to get divorced, but really it is not bad at all."

My kids are great.

I hardly speak to my still married parents with whom I had to endure growing up in a toxic environment with constant tension and fighting and who taught me to accept bad behavior from men that made me end up in a bad marriage myself. At 40, I stopped caring and started the divorce process. I am 100 times better off than being married...and so are my kids.

Maybe their friends are saying sorry because they endured a toxic relationship in their parents and now don’t have a model of a healthy relationship to aspire towards as they grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually say "I'm sorry. Or congrats?"

This is the right thing to say, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because no matter what reason, it's a pain to go through the divorce process, no?

If you don't anyone to feel sorry for you, just indicate that it's the best decision for you. If someone tells me they're getting divorced without adding some qualifier or extra tidbit like that, I'd say sorry too.

No, it does not have to be a pain. I felt that divorce was easy. The marriage was horrible.

I hate it when people say this. It is astonishing they don't realize 1 person wanted the divorce and is far from sorry.

I say: "I'm not sorry. Why are you?" It shuts this crap right down.

That’s a pretty hostile response to someone just trying to be nice. Yikes. I bet it sure does shut them right down. Why be so abrasive to someone who hasn’t done anything other than try to be nice?

I don't think it is "nice" to say "I'm sorry."

[Anonymous]

Interpret however you like -- they may be sorry your married ended, or sorry you suffered from a bad pick for so long, or sorry you are going the the PITA that a divorce is logistically, and so on.