Getting Divorced. People Say “I’m sorry.” Why?

[Anonymous]

It's just a way to fill awkwardness. A standard response. Not that deep. Just say don't be and move on

[Anonymous]

Um, because you stood up in front of us and made vows to one another that you failed to keep? I’m sorry for your failure, just as I would be sorry if you failed to get into the college you wanted, or you to make the Olympic team and had been training for it, or failed the bar exam, or failed to get a job you wanted, or failed to get the house you wanted. You let it be known that you wanted something and failed to achieve it, so…I’m sorry.

Failure happens, and it’s part of life. I’m sorry—I’ve been through failure and I know what it’s like. You have my sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at some point, you loved him enough to marry him. Perhaps you made a big mistake; that is reason enough to say "I'm sorry."

A divorce is never pain/ hassle/ cost-free, no matter how much you want it, that's another reason to say "I'm sorry."

And if there are children involved, you have wrecked their lives. That's what most of us are expressing sorrow for.

It's not necessarily true that 1) their lives are wrecked or 2) if their lives are wrecked, that it was OP who wrecked them.

Sorry, but it pretty much is true, at least temporarily.

[Anonymous]

People say "I'm sorry" at a divorce for the same reason they say "Congratulations" at a wedding, even if the two people aren't a good match. The assumption is that divorce is a sad or upsetting event and that a wedding is a happy event.

[Anonymous]

Do you really not understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be obtuse-they mean they are sorry your marriage didn’t work out (which you surely know!)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a way to fill awkwardness. A standard response. Not that deep. Just say don't be and move on

I don’t think this is true at all. When I say it, I actually mean I am sorry for any and all pain that surrounds the decision, what the person is going through now, the chaos, the turmoil. I’m not feeling awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at some point, you loved him enough to marry him. Perhaps you made a big mistake; that is reason enough to say "I'm sorry."

A divorce is never pain/ hassle/ cost-free, no matter how much you want it, that's another reason to say "I'm sorry."

And if there are children involved, you have wrecked their lives. That's what most of us are expressing sorrow for.

+1.

This forum needs to stop with the whole divorce wrecks kids lives / shatters them / rips their world apart. Seriously just stop. I’m the child of a divorced couple. My dad was awful and my mom made the right decision to leave and I was just fine with everything. And here I am sitting in my beautiful house with an awesome career and a fantastic husband and kids of my own, so I turned out just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because at some point, you loved him enough to marry him. Perhaps you made a big mistake; that is reason enough to say "I'm sorry."

A divorce is never pain/ hassle/ cost-free, no matter how much you want it, that's another reason to say "I'm sorry."

And if there are children involved, you have wrecked their lives. That's what most of us are expressing sorrow for.

+1.

This forum needs to stop with the whole divorce wrecks kids lives / shatters them / rips their world apart. Seriously just stop. I’m the child of a divorced couple. My dad was awful and my mom made the right decision to leave and I was just fine with everything. And here I am sitting in my beautiful house with an awesome career and a fantastic husband and kids of my own, so I turned out just fine.

I’m sorry your parents’ marriage and your father were awful.

[Anonymous]

They're sorry that something that you clearly wanted and once had high hopes for is crashing and bursting into flames.

Don't be obtuse. Say it's for the best and move on.

[Anonymous]

It's just a reaction. My divorce was a good thing, and my ex is one of my best friends now. So I always approach people getting divorced with asking them if they wanted congratulations or condolences because it's different for everyone, or a mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say "I'm sorry," not because I'm sorry they're getting divorced (because, like with you, it may not be a sad thing for them), but because I'm sorry that there was so much sadness/pain in the past that lead to this.

+1
A good way to head the sauce is to say “I am happy to tell you that I’m getting a divorce.”

[Anonymous]

I try to read the room when people tell me they're getting divorced, some people are sad about their marriage crumbling, but for a few people, I've been able to tell they're happy/relieved and have said "congratulations!" and they welcomed that with a big smile and a "thank you, I feel really good about this" or something similar.

[Anonymous]

OP: you sound low EQ. There’s a zillion reasons why people say “I’m sorry” instead of “Congrats!” when a divorce is announced.

[Anonymous]

Because it's a failed marriage. Even if it was necessary its a loss on both sides. I wouldn't read too much into it.