Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

I don't think that DIL was informed of the sub par accommodations until they arrived, after no doubt a rather long road trip. Would LOVE to hear the DIL's side!

To add, DIL's side: So, I don't have much time off from work, but I knew this was important to MIL, and she can be quite difficult. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't, so I decided, for my DH, that we should go to their idea of beach week. But - DH hates it, because his family was quite rotten to him growing up, and they all fall into their their old dysfunctional roles, each time they are together. It sets DH's therapy back years each time. I really need to stop convincing him he needs to attend and stop trying to please or pacify these cruel and ungrateful people. When will I learn that true family is more like mine - at the bare minimum, they love and accept you, and show it. They don't praise strangers, they enjoy and appreciate their own family. They have positive togetherness stories to share, not just about how they mistreated DH when mom and dad were checked out once again, and how they found it so very amusing. It is nice to have a positive example, and I am grateful every day. Next year, we will spend precious time off with people who actually want us around - like my family and cousins, who include us each year. We are lucky to have them!

WTF? You got all that from or you're just projecting your crap here? Start your own thread.

Lol, right???

[Anonymous]

I'm the mom/MIL planner in my family with adult kids and grandkids. No rental house is perfect, and my kids know this from doing their own planning. I'm probably the hardest to please of all of us. I think it works better when everyone has some skin in the game in terms of paying for the rental. I also think it's important to ask each family what it needs (# of bedrooms, amenities, location, timing of vacation) and using that to find appropriate rentals. Sometimes if everything else looks great, my DH and I will pay a greater share or even all of the rental. We don't supply all the TP, soaps, etc, but we do get houses with bed linens and towels provided. Also, nobody should feel obligated, especially with limited PTO. We don't vacation together every year, and we try to vary the locations somewhat. The families with kids do have a little more stress, but it's still a bit of a break with other adults to help with the kids and usually a lot of fun and good memories are made.

[Anonymous]

They are baiting you. They know you can hear the comments. Don’t let them get to you and bring you down to their level. Do your best to pretend they did t say anything and respond with something positive.

“These pots and pans are ancient, I can’t believe they don’t have newer ones here”

“Oh, you reminded me: I saw the most fabulous recipe the other day. Let me see if I can pull it up. I can make it on Sunday, it’s easy and the kids will like it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

Ripped a new one? For sharing an opinion on lack of sleep due to curtains? Ok, we see the problem here, thank you.

Entitlement? For wanting to be able to sleep on vacation? OP, maybe switch rooms and see how you like the lack of sleep.

Ok I shouldn't have used that language but, the point is they could have complained privately to each other and acknowledged that the parents were trying to do the right thing. Life isn't perfect and it sounds like they were the only ones complaining. I hope they decide not to join op next year.

Me too - because by not accepting DIL, OP is telling (OP's son) what they knew all along - they don't accept him, either.

OP, your son isn't stupid, and he is no longer a little boy. Time to change your thinking - or lack of.

Or how about the son and dil grow up and instead of being passive aggressive just tell the parents that they would rather rent somewhere on their own close by...but then they wouldn't be getting free stuff so they passively complain about it. Maybe they like the free stuff but, also want to complain about things too. How would they like it if they tried to make a beautiful meal and everyone was nit picking.

Op is human with flaws just like son/dil. Sometimes things don't turn out perfect but, if you try and fail it doesn't mean it was totally worthless experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

Disney with a 3 year old is no fun. Too young for many rides and still so little as to need constant babying. Much better to wait until 7+ years.

I had the time of my life taking my daughter to Disney when she was 3.

Me too! But even if it wasn’t the best vacation, you’d better believe I would put on a smile and express appreciation for my in laws who graciously paid for that vacation.

Sometimes free isn't really free. We have so little vacation time, it's more precious than money.

So don’t go on vacations you don’t want to go on.

[Anonymous]

If you are going on the trip you are going on the trip and you should be a good sport about it. Vacation rentals aren’t always perfect and I get that traveling with kids is really hard… I did it this summer, but you should be considerate of the people around you. You don’t have to go on the vacation and you can rent a separate house if that works better but if you are agreeing to go hang out with your family you should at least make an effort to enjoy yourself and be conscious of the fact that your parents are extremely excited to spend time with their child. Bad curtains that let in light are so annoying, I get it! But, also, there is no need to complain to everyone about every little thing. It comes off as rude and it’s really no fun being around someone that’s always looking for the negative in things.

[Anonymous]

We went on an extended family beach trip much like this this year. My parents paid for the beach house for the week and the adult kids (me and my spouse and my siblings and their spouses) took turns paying for food/household items and we all took turns cooking/cleaning/doing childcare. No, it wasn’t perfect. No, it wasn’t a relaxing vacation for us w young kids. But no beach rental house for 12 people would be perfect and no vacation w little kids plus extended family members would be relaxing! I would never have complained about the accommodations in front of my parents. That’s so rude.

We have 2 young kids and yes, it’s hard to travel w them in general. We have limited vacation time so I get that using it on the beach trip is sacrificing the possibility of going on a vacation w just our nuclear family. But OP’s son and DIL decided to come on this trip, did they not? If they didn’t want to use their vacation time and $$ to go stay at the beach w extended family in a rental that isn’t luxurious, then no one forced them to attend.

Op, I think you should not say anything while on the trip. Just ignore their rude comments and change the subject. Remain positive and focus on the positives: being w your kids and grandkids. Hopefully your positivity will rub off on them. If you go again next year and they come again, I think you should talk to them before the trip about the accommodations and say you noticed they complained a lot last time so you want to make sure they know they are not obligated to come if the accommodations aren’t to their liking. Don’t bring it up now bc it’ll potentially spoil this years trip but definitely talk to them about their complaints I’m advance of next years trip to try to avoid a repeat of the complaining.

[Anonymous]

The complaining is rude and wrong. Period.

But we have no clue if DIL and Son received a guilt trip to come since apparently they “haven’t come since before Covid.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you are generous to pay for the week at the beach.

I can't imagine them spontaneously clarifying that it's a trip (it is, btw). Are you making a big deal about having paid for "a vacation" and expecting a week of non stop gratitude? How young are any kids? It's can be a lot of work at the beach with kids in a rental.

OP here. The comments are to each other, but “in public” if that makes sense, like when we’re all out in the main room when we were all setting up on the first day. Like one person would ask who brought hand soap for the bathrooms and one of them would make a comment. Or they say things like look at these ancient pots and pans, which yes is true but again, what do you expect?

This isn't their thing. Don't invite them next year.

I felt the same about DH's family cabin. I loved the location but it was somewhere else to do the same thing. Haul everything in, set up. Cook and clean there. Pack everything up, clean the cabin. Haul it all home and put it away. It wasn't a vacation for me.

[Anonymous]

I am wondering if they were making inside jokes to each other. It doesn't sound like you know them very well.

[Anonymous]

As this thread progresses, I feel compassion toward the son and daughter-in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you are generous to pay for the week at the beach.

I can't imagine them spontaneously clarifying that it's a trip (it is, btw). Are you making a big deal about having paid for "a vacation" and expecting a week of non stop gratitude? How young are any kids? It's can be a lot of work at the beach with kids in a rental.

OP here. The comments are to each other, but “in public” if that makes sense, like when we’re all out in the main room when we were all setting up on the first day. Like one person would ask who brought hand soap for the bathrooms and one of them would make a comment. Or they say things like look at these ancient pots and pans, which yes is true but again, what do you expect?

This isn't their thing. Don't invite them next year.

I felt the same about DH's family cabin. I loved the location but it was somewhere else to do the same thing. Haul everything in, set up. Cook and clean there. Pack everything up, clean the cabin. Haul it all home and put it away. It wasn't a vacation for me.

Exactly. It's stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you guilt and pressure them about coming on your beach vacation and then expect them to be grateful for it?
When I'm on PTO I'd like to have it be my choice or have some perks that makes it worth my while.
If your son doesn't want to visit you of his own volition, there's not much you can do about it. He's a jerk, but then, maybe so are you.

+1. This sounds eerily similar (including word choice and sentence structure) to the long thread about the mother who was soooooo hurt because one of her adult kids decided a year in advance that they, their spouse and kids wanted to go on vacation to the mountains instead of her beach house and wanted us all to tell her “what is so wroooooong with my beautiful beach house?” She also made repeated references to how it was free for the kids and that the parents paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear yo.u -- on the other hamd ,there are tons of posts here in which kids feel presured to use their limited vacation time (which may be a lot more precious to them than rental money) to honor your request

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

You sound old, and like a MIL.