Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there done that in our extended family. In hindsight it would have been a far better strategy to sell the beach house you own OP. Explain it is due to financial hardships and go back to staying in your dad's house when you visit.

Your dad is going to be convinced by your sister that it would be so great if the sisters each have a house by the beach so they can stay close. So yours will be paid for by you, while your sister will inherit the beach house. Guarantee this will happen if you keep your house.

Yes.

And what nobody has mentioned yet on this post is that there is a certain ratio at play here. Old men and (not so old?) women. Your sister's presence may be helping everybody's inheritance a lot more than you realize. Do you really think Dad wants to do his own laundry and eat at the diner alone? That could be a $2M problem.

Your post is forcing me to disclose my sister is in fact a lazy slob. She is not his caretaker by any stretch. And another thing, she’s not there more than us, we actually have a home nearby. It’s just her visits are more frequent and now sometimes secretive. And again, her and BIL’s demeanor is that they own the joint. Even if the inheritance is split equally it’s bothersome that she and broke BIL think and act like they own it.

So wait, she’s a lazy slob who is getting her act together enough to oversee renovations…hmm. Okay, Op.

Try again. Sister is directing them. Not paying a cent.

[Anonymous]

Op has a right to be concerned. I've often seen the favorite child get the vacation house to keep it in the family. Also parents also think an unsuccessful child should be given more money. I'd assume this is what her dad is planning. But is all of that worth losing a sibling over? Life isn't fair.

Op should be more concerned over her dad remarrying and a step mom really getting 100% and then only leaving it to her kids. Then op would really have something to complain about. Happened on both sides of my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned she’s whispering in your Dad’s ear to change the will, OP?

I really have no idea what to think. Possibly? But acting like the owner and making demands is really bothersome too. I think they have a well you already have a beach house, so this is ours entitled demeanor. Does that make sense?

I get it op. And alot of this is also probably because your mom is gone now. Your sister is stepping up into the “woman of the house” role, and that’s probably a tough dynamic to watch.

Yep. Even though it isn't hers to Lord over.

Op, as you can see dcum will tell you to stop being selfish and be OK with your sister taking over what (likely) isn't hers.

Talk to your dad and find out what his plans are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op has a right to be concerned. I've often seen the favorite child get the vacation house to keep it in the family. Also parents also think an unsuccessful child should be given more money. I'd assume this is what her dad is planning. But is all of that worth losing a sibling over? Life isn't fair.

Op should be more concerned over her dad remarrying and a step mom really getting 100% and then only leaving it to her kids. Then op would really have something to complain about. Happened on both sides of my family.

Touche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your dad about getting it moved into a trust now. I trusted my family and got completely shafted. Trust no one. Except a funded trust. Getting an irrevocable trust doc isn't enough either. Need to deed home to the trust too.

Wow. Why would dad do that now? Don't you think if he wanted to, he would have already set that up?

No. 100% of people with a trust previously had no trust until they decided to get one.

[Anonymous]

How old is your father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

For the sake of additional context: She has no skill set and outside of the job she was fired from after college, she's never worked in her life. She's frankly a layabout. And I'm only sharing that to dispel the notion that she's some home improvement guru my professionally successful dad needs around to show him a thing or two.

You’ve complained about her many times. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there done that in our extended family. In hindsight it would have been a far better strategy to sell the beach house you own OP. Explain it is due to financial hardships and go back to staying in your dad's house when you visit.

Your dad is going to be convinced by your sister that it would be so great if the sisters each have a house by the beach so they can stay close. So yours will be paid for by you, while your sister will inherit the beach house. Guarantee this will happen if you keep your house.

Yes.

And what nobody has mentioned yet on this post is that there is a certain ratio at play here. Old men and (not so old?) women. Your sister's presence may be helping everybody's inheritance a lot more than you realize. Do you really think Dad wants to do his own laundry and eat at the diner alone? That could be a $2M problem.

Your post is forcing me to disclose my sister is in fact a lazy slob. She is not his caretaker by any stretch. And another thing, she’s not there more than us, we actually have a home nearby. It’s just her visits are more frequent and now sometimes secretive. And again, her and BIL’s demeanor is that they own the joint. Even if the inheritance is split equally it’s bothersome that she and broke BIL think and act like they own it.

If her visits are more frequent than yours, then isn't she actually there more than you? And if she's staying with your father while you stay in your own home, isn't she actually spending more time with your father than you are?

I can understand the discomfort if they are acting like they own the place. I wonder if you might be misunderstanding how she is acting, since it seems like you are getting a story over the phone from your father rather than directly from your sister.

[Anonymous]

If your dad is in his 70s or 80s, then he could do worse than a pair of kids living with him helping him go through the tribulations of getting older. Is that something you plan to do yourself?

If they are grifting and not providing help, or drug addicts, that's a different situation. But if they genuinely are fond of him and are trying to help him and he is happy having them around, then living the rest of his life in his own home with his family taking care of him is not a bad deal at that price, I'm sorry to say. We are spending $600K on nursing home for my parents until they die, it's not cheap.

You continue to refuse to identify how old your father is, you've been asked a million times through this thread. If he's only 60 that's one thing, but if the home has been in the family 50 years, it seems more likely that he's in his 80s and that your reports to this thread that he is in excellent mental and physical shape are perhaps overly optimistic.

[Anonymous]

Two thoughts:

First: She probably feels like she no longer has to send "coordinating" texts about going to the house if the brother lives on the west coast and you have your own place nearby. From her POV, it probably feels intrusive if there's no real need for coordination (other than YOU are used to getting this information).

Second: What will you do if your father leaves the beach house to all three of you and she refuses to sell b/c she loves going there? Seems like she'll have a nice house she can use as often as she wants, but cannot sell without splitting the proceeds. From her POV you own a one-third share, but she's just continuing to go there like before. Would you try to force a sale?

[Anonymous]

$5 says everyone else in the family (including dad) thinks OP is an insufferable asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two thoughts:

First: She probably feels like she no longer has to send "coordinating" texts about going to the house if the brother lives on the west coast and you have your own place nearby. From her POV, it probably feels intrusive if there's no real need for coordination (other than YOU are used to getting this information).

Second: What will you do if your father leaves the beach house to all three of you and she refuses to sell b/c she loves going there? Seems like she'll have a nice house she can use as often as she wants, but cannot sell without splitting the proceeds. From her POV you own a one-third share, but she's just continuing to go there like before. Would you try to force a sale?

Thinking about my own previous post a little more ... For question 2, as a minority owner you could just force a sale w/ a partition lawsuit. This works in your favor if it's after the fact ... but against you in conversations with dad.

Your sister can say to him: "OP will definitely just force a sale if you leave it to all three of us ... after all she already bought her own place nearby. So the only way to keep it in the family is to leave it to me ..."

[Anonymous]

You have to talk to your father about what his intentions are with his properties and financial assets.

Depending on his age and his health, he may have to use up a lot of his assets if he needs something like memory care for dementia in a nursing for many years. So it’s possible that neither you or your siblings will be inheriting the beach house (or much else), if it has to be sold to pay for nursing home care or round-the-clock home health aides and medical bills.

Don’t live your life so close to the financial edge where you need an inheritance to pay for your lifestyle. You sound desperate for the money.

[Anonymous]

Why does she need to send you texts about visiting a place that you do not own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to talk to your father about what his intentions are with his properties and financial assets.

Depending on his age and his health, he may have to use up a lot of his assets if he needs something like memory care for dementia in a nursing for many years. So it’s possible that neither you or your siblings will be inheriting the beach house (or much else), if it has to be sold to pay for nursing home care or round-the-clock home health aides and medical bills.

Don’t live your life so close to the financial edge where you need an inheritance to pay for your lifestyle. You sound desperate for the money.

This. Having just gone through this with a parent, a million dollar asset can be gone in a few years if you need quality, skilled round the clock healthcare. In this day and age, anyone beyond a multi-multi millionaire counting on an inheritance is really taking a gamble. Fund your own life style and don’t count on anyone having anything left for you.