Husband leaves room to talk to MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahahahah my brother’s wife is just like OP and we have very very similar issues. When in the past I wrote about her (SIL) everyone thought that I needed to stay out of their relationship and that I was a nightmare.
Now it’s all different with this OP.... why?
I agree!!! OP is crazy and if my DH wanted to be part of every conversation and visit witt my family I would not allow it and would have never married him in the first place.
The truth is that unfortunately some men just want peace and will give in to an abusive wife just like OP and my SIL

I agree you do need to stay out of someone else's marriage. Why do you feel it is your place to get involces in another person's marriage? What was an example of something your SIL did that's like me? Did you ever make the effort to include your SIL? Do you just focus on your brother and exclude her and make her feel like the outsider. It's SIL and MIL's like you who I can't stand who expect to still be #1 in their son's/brother's life and can't accept that he has a wife and still wants to exclude her.

That is my brother and I see him maybe 4-5 times twice a year. We probably talk once every two weeks and he has to do it when his wife is not around. She is crazy just like you. Why are you so insecure?
My brother chose to stay with his wife because they have a daughter together and thinks he can change his wife (I am sure that’s not going to happen... fingers crossed)

I don’t get involved in his marriage (except when she attacks me personally). I used to include her in everything, but i should be allowed to also see my brother without her (not in secret). OP, you and my SIL should get together... you would make a formidable couple.
If your situation is anything like ours, I can promise you that EVERYONE (friends and family) think you are crazy and feel horrible for your husband. We think SIL is just stupid and mean... if I were you, I would try to change fast and show everyone that you can be a decent human being

You said you used to include her and then you stopped well that is pretty telling. She is probably wondering why you stopped including her.

In our case she was not so obviously crazy at the beginning and I was very neutral to her, but because she was my brother’s gf and then wife, I made extra efforts to be nice, include her etc. we live far away from each other so we were never close.
For the past couple of years she either became crazy or more likely showed who she really was. She is controlling, mean, judgemental and just really crazy. As of now, I am not talking to her anymore and I want nothing to do with her. She can abuse my brother, but she won’t do that to me.
For what is worth, she was part of all our whatsup chats in the past and she decided to leave them all (and made my brother do the same)... so yes... now she is not part of our conversations. Before you ask, she decided to get out of our conversations because wanted to focus on her daughter... whatever.... she is crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahahahah my brother’s wife is just like OP and we have very very similar issues. When in the past I wrote about her (SIL) everyone thought that I needed to stay out of their relationship and that I was a nightmare.
Now it’s all different with this OP.... why?
I agree!!! OP is crazy and if my DH wanted to be part of every conversation and visit witt my family I would not allow it and would have never married him in the first place.
The truth is that unfortunately some men just want peace and will give in to an abusive wife just like OP and my SIL

I agree you do need to stay out of someone else's marriage. Why do you feel it is your place to get involces in another person's marriage? What was an example of something your SIL did that's like me? Did you ever make the effort to include your SIL? Do you just focus on your brother and exclude her and make her feel like the outsider. It's SIL and MIL's like you who I can't stand who expect to still be #1 in their son's/brother's life and can't accept that he has a wife and still wants to exclude her.

That is my brother and I see him maybe 4-5 times twice a year. We probably talk once every two weeks and he has to do it when his wife is not around. She is crazy just like you. Why are you so insecure?
My brother chose to stay with his wife because they have a daughter together and thinks he can change his wife (I am sure that’s not going to happen... fingers crossed)

I don’t get involved in his marriage (except when she attacks me personally). I used to include her in everything, but i should be allowed to also see my brother without her (not in secret). OP, you and my SIL should get together... you would make a formidable couple.
If your situation is anything like ours, I can promise you that EVERYONE (friends and family) think you are crazy and feel horrible for your husband. We think SIL is just stupid and mean... if I were you, I would try to change fast and show everyone that you can be a decent human being

You said you used to include her and then you stopped well that is pretty telling. She is probably wondering why you stopped including her.

In our case she was not so obviously crazy at the beginning and I was very neutral to her, but because she was my brother’s gf and then wife, I made extra efforts to be nice, include her etc. we live far away from each other so we were never close.
For the past couple of years she either became crazy or more likely showed who she really was. She is controlling, mean, judgemental and just really crazy. As of now, I am not talking to her anymore and I want nothing to do with her. She can abuse my brother, but she won’t do that to me.
For what is worth, she was part of all our whatsup chats in the past and she decided to leave them all (and made my brother do the same)... so yes... now she is not part of our conversations. Before you ask, she decided to get out of our conversations because wanted to focus on her daughter... whatever.... she is crazy

Also, as long as my mom and I are completely out of my brother’s life (and his friends before us) she is happy and nicer to my brother... it’s better this way... in the end my brother is a grown man and I can’t deal with his horrible wife anymore. If and when they divorce, I will be there for him of course, but for now I want nothing to do with them (which unfortunately includes my niece too)

[Anonymous]

What happens when you call her and invite her to lunch?

[Anonymous]

One thing is clear OP.. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahahahah my brother’s wife is just like OP and we have very very similar issues. When in the past I wrote about her (SIL) everyone thought that I needed to stay out of their relationship and that I was a nightmare.
Now it’s all different with this OP.... why?
I agree!!! OP is crazy and if my DH wanted to be part of every conversation and visit witt my family I would not allow it and would have never married him in the first place.
The truth is that unfortunately some men just want peace and will give in to an abusive wife just like OP and my SIL

I agree you do need to stay out of someone else's marriage. Why do you feel it is your place to get involces in another person's marriage? What was an example of something your SIL did that's like me? Did you ever make the effort to include your SIL? Do you just focus on your brother and exclude her and make her feel like the outsider. It's SIL and MIL's like you who I can't stand who expect to still be #1 in their son's/brother's life and can't accept that he has a wife and still wants to exclude her.

That is my brother and I see him maybe 4-5 times twice a year. We probably talk once every two weeks and he has to do it when his wife is not around. She is crazy just like you. Why are you so insecure?
My brother chose to stay with his wife because they have a daughter together and thinks he can change his wife (I am sure that’s not going to happen... fingers crossed)

I don’t get involved in his marriage (except when she attacks me personally). I used to include her in everything, but i should be allowed to also see my brother without her (not in secret). OP, you and my SIL should get together... you would make a formidable couple.
If your situation is anything like ours, I can promise you that EVERYONE (friends and family) think you are crazy and feel horrible for your husband. We think SIL is just stupid and mean... if I were you, I would try to change fast and show everyone that you can be a decent human being

Also I forgot to add I certainly never attacked my mil so I'm nothing like your SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP does your husband have red hair and do you guys really have an 11 month old named Archie and is your MILs name Elizabeth??? Hmmmmm

MIL Elizabeth? Duh thats the grandma in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband leaves the room when he talks to his parents. I do the same. We've been married 20 years. I don't think it's a big deal.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

soexcited123 wrote:But why do you guys feel weird about talking to your family in front of your own spouse? Again it's about being transparent in a relationship. If my husband told his family things he couldn't tell me that would be odd. To address the answer some people gave such as the other party not beinf aware other people can hear if someone is married I assume they are probably in the same room so I act accordingly. Not to mention if im married we are all family why would my in laws tells my husband something and expect him not to tell me? A little odd. When my dad's mom called growing up he never left the room because there weren't secrets and my mom spoke to her mil also. Shouldn't the husband be including his wife in his conversations with his mom after all its her family now too.

It would not be odd, it would be completely normal. You sound really merged with your husband in an unhealthy way. Please remind yourself that he is and will forever remain a physically and mentally separate person from you.

No you are not all family. Your husband is certainly family to his parents in a way that you aren't. Accept it. He is also not family to your parents in a way that you are.

No, the husband should not be including his wife in his conversations with his mom. He can if he wants to, in conversations of his choosing. Again, he has and will always have a separate relationship with his mother, to which you are not a party.

But like what would they talk about that is so secret he couldn't tell his own wife? I have yet to see specific examples. If he is telling his mom about HIS personal issues and not telling me that's a boundary issue and a comminication issue like why would he tell her over me. If anything his issues effect me a lot more since he lives with me im with him everyday and we are married. Yes legally in laws do become family once married.

You don't need specific examples. I mean if someone gave you examples, all you'd do is argue.

He can talk to his mother as much as he likes and about whatever he likes. It's not a boundary issue, a boundary issue is you trying to get in the middle of mother and son.

I disagree so a son should talk to his mother 5x a day or when he is spending quality time with his wife and you wouldn't describe that as a boundary issue? There is such a thing as cutting the cord. Nope I also disagree not aboht whatever he wants because if he is talking about our marital issues that is about me so therefore I do have a say what he discusses involving our marriage. Yes again how is it not a boundary issue when mil is specificity telling my DH to exclude me from family dinners 2x a month? You really think it's acceptable for DH to oblige to this request of his mothers and put her first and say to me his wife sorry hunny I'm going to go have dinner with my actual family 2x a month and you're never invited?

You honestly don't see at all where there is lack of boundaries with my MIL. You read on here all the time that there needs to be boundaries with MILs and its important for the husband to put his wife first. But nope not in this thread. Its perfectly acceptable for mom to call 50x a day and to exclude his wife on a consistent basis and I just have to accept it because his mom doesn't have any boundary issues just me. Maybe I should head over to DWIL message board because here we just promote momma boy behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

soexcited123 wrote:But why do you guys feel weird about talking to your family in front of your own spouse? Again it's about being transparent in a relationship. If my husband told his family things he couldn't tell me that would be odd. To address the answer some people gave such as the other party not beinf aware other people can hear if someone is married I assume they are probably in the same room so I act accordingly. Not to mention if im married we are all family why would my in laws tells my husband something and expect him not to tell me? A little odd. When my dad's mom called growing up he never left the room because there weren't secrets and my mom spoke to her mil also. Shouldn't the husband be including his wife in his conversations with his mom after all its her family now too.

It would not be odd, it would be completely normal. You sound really merged with your husband in an unhealthy way. Please remind yourself that he is and will forever remain a physically and mentally separate person from you.

No you are not all family. Your husband is certainly family to his parents in a way that you aren't. Accept it. He is also not family to your parents in a way that you are.

No, the husband should not be including his wife in his conversations with his mom. He can if he wants to, in conversations of his choosing. Again, he has and will always have a separate relationship with his mother, to which you are not a party.

But like what would they talk about that is so secret he couldn't tell his own wife? I have yet to see specific examples. If he is telling his mom about HIS personal issues and not telling me that's a boundary issue and a comminication issue like why would he tell her over me. If anything his issues effect me a lot more since he lives with me im with him everyday and we are married. Yes legally in laws do become family once married.

You don't need specific examples. I mean if someone gave you examples, all you'd do is argue.

He can talk to his mother as much as he likes and about whatever he likes. It's not a boundary issue, a boundary issue is you trying to get in the middle of mother and son.

I disagree so a son should talk to his mother 5x a day or when he is spending quality time with his wife and you wouldn't describe that as a boundary issue? There is such a thing as cutting the cord. Nope I also disagree not aboht whatever he wants because if he is talking about our marital issues that is about me so therefore I do have a say what he discusses involving our marriage. Yes again how is it not a boundary issue when mil is specificity telling my DH to exclude me from family dinners 2x a month? You really think it's acceptable for DH to oblige to this request of his mothers and put her first and say to me his wife sorry hunny I'm going to go have dinner with my actual family 2x a month and you're never invited?

You honestly don't see at all where there is lack of boundaries with my MIL. You read on here all the time that there needs to be boundaries with MILs and its important for the husband to put his wife first. But nope not in this thread. Its perfectly acceptable for mom to call 50x a day and to exclude his wife on a consistent basis and I just have to accept it because his mom doesn't have any boundary issues just me. Maybe I should head over to DWIL message board because here we just promote momma boy behavior.

Also i forgot to add you mention im coming between a mother and a son well what about his mom coming between her son and his wife? By excluding me isn't she doing just that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you call her and invite her to lunch?

Since she works odd hours it's usually on the weekends and I'll call/text her a couple days before for like a Saturday and say DH and I would like to get lunch with you and she will either ignore it or just call DH later to finalize plans but I imagine it would kill her to actually text me herself. I invited her out to lunch when DH was away one weekend for work and she just said she is going out with her daughter didn't even think to invite me. Not saying she has to everytime she goes out with her daughter obviously but since i reached out it would have been nice knowing I was sitting home alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ahahahah my brother’s wife is just like OP and we have very very similar issues. When in the past I wrote about her (SIL) everyone thought that I needed to stay out of their relationship and that I was a nightmare.
Now it’s all different with this OP.... why?
I agree!!! OP is crazy and if my DH wanted to be part of every conversation and visit witt my family I would not allow it and would have never married him in the first place.
The truth is that unfortunately some men just want peace and will give in to an abusive wife just like OP and my SIL

I agree you do need to stay out of someone else's marriage. Why do you feel it is your place to get involces in another person's marriage? What was an example of something your SIL did that's like me? Did you ever make the effort to include your SIL? Do you just focus on your brother and exclude her and make her feel like the outsider. It's SIL and MIL's like you who I can't stand who expect to still be #1 in their son's/brother's life and can't accept that he has a wife and still wants to exclude her.

That is my brother and I see him maybe 4-5 times twice a year. We probably talk once every two weeks and he has to do it when his wife is not around. She is crazy just like you. Why are you so insecure?
My brother chose to stay with his wife because they have a daughter together and thinks he can change his wife (I am sure that’s not going to happen... fingers crossed)

I don’t get involved in his marriage (except when she attacks me personally). I used to include her in everything, but i should be allowed to also see my brother without her (not in secret). OP, you and my SIL should get together... you would make a formidable couple.
If your situation is anything like ours, I can promise you that EVERYONE (friends and family) think you are crazy and feel horrible for your husband. We think SIL is just stupid and mean... if I were you, I would try to change fast and show everyone that you can be a decent human being

You said you used to include her and then you stopped well that is pretty telling. She is probably wondering why you stopped including her.

In our case she was not so obviously crazy at the beginning and I was very neutral to her, but because she was my brother’s gf and then wife, I made extra efforts to be nice, include her etc. we live far away from each other so we were never close.
For the past couple of years she either became crazy or more likely showed who she really was. She is controlling, mean, judgemental and just really crazy. As of now, I am not talking to her anymore and I want nothing to do with her. She can abuse my brother, but she won’t do that to me.
For what is worth, she was part of all our whatsup chats in the past and she decided to leave them all (and made my brother do the same)... so yes... now she is not part of our conversations. Before you ask, she decided to get out of our conversations because wanted to focus on her daughter... whatever.... she is crazy

I love how in cases like these the wording is over oh the bitch of the wife made him do it. Your brother has a mind of his own and unless she was holding a gun to his hand he wasn't forced. He is a grown man and those to do it. You can't always default to automatically blaming his wife for his own actions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's very telling you have been together 15 years, but only married the last 2.

What does that have to do with anything? If anything the fact that we been together so long is a good thing.

It's not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait is OP the same nutjob who is convinced that once they are married everything is always the two of them. No relationships with family can exist unless both are included. She posted recently but maybe now has a username

Yes I was just thinking the same thing

I really feel like this is it. Who's going to ask Jeff?

Not sure why Jeff would care. This troll is, once again, keeping you all busy and engaged page after page after page, and at a time when so many of us are bored out of our skulls. Win-win!

[Anonymous]

It drives me batty listening to other’s calls. Good for DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's very telling you have been together 15 years, but only married the last 2.

What does that have to do with anything? If anything the fact that we been together so long is a good thing.

It's not

How do you figure? He did marry me and has been with me all these years doesn't that day something?