Husband leaves room to talk to MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
Wait, do you actually tell your children spefically talk to me about marital issues you have? You would be fine with your child bashing their spouse. I just don't understand why you would want to play middle man and get in the middle of drama in someone else's marriage.

My children can talk to me about whatever they wish, marital issues included. There is no middleman between me and my children.

Anonymous wrote:
Anyways in my post I stated I would like our marital issues to stay between us and you turn around and say that you wouldn't mind your son talking to you about his spouse. When that comment literally had nothing to do with my point. I wasn't asking if his mom is ok with it that's not the point I don't give a shit if his mom encourages my DH to talk about our marital issues I don't like it and out of respect for our marriage I want our issues to stay between us. What if you find out your son's wife doesn't like it you would still encourage it? It isn't about if his mom likes it or not it is about if me as his wife wants her marital issues aired

If you don't want your DH to talk to his parents about your marital issues, take it up with him. He's the one who has to agree not to discuss it with his parents.

That's literally what I originally said was that I am going to tell my DH not to go to his parents about our marital issues and you turned around and said my children can talk to me about their marital issues like ok... your point is?

But by listening to your kid's marital problems you are automatically putting yourself in the middle of someone else's marital issues. That's literally the definition of being "in the middle" when I listen to two friends/family members talk about their relationship/marital issues I become the middle person. I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell your children talk about it with your spouse.

I would definitely be pretty pissed if my MIL indulged DH in him talking to her about our personal issues.

Why can’t your husband talk to someone (mother, sibling, friend) about marital issues? Should he just keep everything for himself? I sometimes complain to my parents air friends about something my husband does and I am sure my husband complains to his family and friends about me on occasion too... it’s normal

Because once you go to a biased party it taints their view of the other spouse. Even after they makeup the family/friend that they complained to won't forget what they said. Also I'm not saying he can't go to other people to complain about issues in his life in general but yes I have a right to ask my husband not to disclose what happens in our marriage because that involves me. Maybe I prefer to keep the happenings in our marriage not public knowledge and to stay between us. When you drag other people into your marriage in terms of complaining about your spouse that's how drama and issues take place.

Why should their view of the other spouse be untainted?

You have a right to ask your husband anything, and he has a right to listen or not. It's very weird that you think you can control what is said about you and by whom.

+1 yes OP, you are controlling and abusive. Some men may not be as close to their moms as your husband is, but some are. You may not like this and maybe many women may not like this, but you can’t decide about his relationship with his mom. It’s their relationship. You can decided what type of relationship you want to have with your own parents and in-laws, but that’s it. Your husband has a close relationship with his mom and that’s it. You are controlling and abusive if you want to change that or you want to know everything and be part of every conversation and dinner.
You are wrong here... not your DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wait, do you actually tell your children spefically talk to me about marital issues you have? You would be fine with your child bashing their spouse. I just don't understand why you would want to play middle man and get in the middle of drama in someone else's marriage.

My children can talk to me about whatever they wish, marital issues included. There is no middleman between me and my children.

Anonymous wrote:
Anyways in my post I stated I would like our marital issues to stay between us and you turn around and say that you wouldn't mind your son talking to you about his spouse. When that comment literally had nothing to do with my point. I wasn't asking if his mom is ok with it that's not the point I don't give a shit if his mom encourages my DH to talk about our marital issues I don't like it and out of respect for our marriage I want our issues to stay between us. What if you find out your son's wife doesn't like it you would still encourage it? It isn't about if his mom likes it or not it is about if me as his wife wants her marital issues aired

If you don't want your DH to talk to his parents about your marital issues, take it up with him. He's the one who has to agree not to discuss it with his parents.

That's literally what I originally said was that I am going to tell my DH not to go to his parents about our marital issues and you turned around and said my children can talk to me about their marital issues like ok... your point is?

But by listening to your kid's marital problems you are automatically putting yourself in the middle of someone else's marital issues. That's literally the definition of being "in the middle" when I listen to two friends/family members talk about their relationship/marital issues I become the middle person. I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell your children talk about it with your spouse.

I would definitely be pretty pissed if my MIL indulged DH in him talking to her about our personal issues.

Why can’t your husband talk to someone (mother, sibling, friend) about marital issues? Should he just keep everything for himself? I sometimes complain to my parents air friends about something my husband does and I am sure my husband complains to his family and friends about me on occasion too... it’s normal

Because once you go to a biased party it taints their view of the other spouse. Even after they makeup the family/friend that they complained to won't forget what they said. Also I'm not saying he can't go to other people to complain about issues in his life in general but yes I have a right to ask my husband not to disclose what happens in our marriage because that involves me. Maybe I prefer to keep the happenings in our marriage not public knowledge and to stay between us. When you drag other people into your marriage in terms of complaining about your spouse that's how drama and issues take place.

Why should their view of the other spouse be untainted?

You have a right to ask your husband anything, and he has a right to listen or not. It's very weird that you think you can control what is said about you and by whom.

+1 yes OP, you are controlling and abusive. Some men may not be as close to their moms as your husband is, but some are. You may not like this and maybe many women may not like this, but you can’t decide about his relationship with his mom. It’s their relationship. You can decided what type of relationship you want to have with your own parents and in-laws, but that’s it. Your husband has a close relationship with his mom and that’s it. You are controlling and abusive if you want to change that or you want to know everything and be part of every conversation and dinner.
You are wrong here... not your DH

Sorry but that's simply not true. There are plenty of men who can't cut the cord after marriage from their mother and who can't stand up to their mother on behalf of their wife. It's not as simple as well he can talk to his mom as often as he wants and to object makes you controlling and abusive, it's often deeper than that where it can effect the marriage. If he is talking to his mom constantly during times when he and his wife are supposed to be having quality time together.


Or when he tells his mom details about his marriage. Or goes to his mom about issues instead of his wife. Those issues are very real and can effect a marriage. Mommy's boys are not cute and I have seen where it does create issues in a marriage where the wife is always second to mommy. You mention many women may not like this but if many women don't like it don't you notice a common denominator here, maybe there is a reason many women don't like it they can't all be wrong.

[Anonymous]

18 pages long, and almost half the posts belong to the OP's arguing back and forth. Wow, what's a nightmare!