husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

It is her body, and should she decide to abort she will have to deal with consequences of A possible divorce. My DH would strongly consider divorcing me if I aborted a child he wanted. OP should prepare herself for that.

Mine would too. I don't think my husband can continue living with me knowing that I terminated the child he wanted. Maybe he would try to put an effort to keep the family together, but I don't think it is going to work long term. OP should prepare for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

FFS. Using the pill or an IUD is hardly playing Russian roulette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

I agree. If OP is unhappy that her husband has changed his mind, she should have divorced him the first time he had wanted a child. In 11 years she’d made no move to have her tubes tied. I wonder if they’d ever discussed future pregnancies. If we’re saying it’s only her choice, she should have been more proactive about preventing a pregnancy. You don’t get to play Russian roulette and then act shocked when things don’t go your way. Having the right to choose to abort means you take full responsibility for all your actions. OP isn’t a rape victim or in an abusive relationship.

JFC she was using birth control. You act like she just winged it and figured what the hell. The vast majority of women simply use birth control and don't have their tubes tied. What a crock of crap you're trying to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was your failed birth control an IUD? If so, you'll have to have it removed regardless of what you decide. Removal commonly- but not always- causes a miscarriage. I'd start there, this could end up being a non-issue, then your DH gets a vasectomy.

If she doesn't want anymore children, she can and should get her tubes tied. She doesn't get a say in her DH getting a vasectomy.

I don't disagree. I'm in a healthy relationship, so happy and on the same page about no kids it would be a vasectomy 100 percent since it is by far the easier option, but there is a lot going on here so if he isn't down for that she should get her tubes tied despite it being major surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

I am thinking the same thing. I am pro-choice, but this is a different situation. I think husband should have a choice too. Is there a procedure where the surrogate mother can carry transplanted cells, so husband can have a baby he wants? Of course this will result in divorce and money will be split 50/50; OP might be even paying a support to her husband, ads he will be the one with 1.5 child and she will be with .5 child care.

There is no such procedure.

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever provide an update or add to the thread?

if not, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OP ever provide an update or add to the thread?

if not, troll.

Yes, she did.
OR, gee, maybe she's talking with her husband and not listening to you a-holes calling her a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

NP, and no, it’s her body. The father should be consulted, but he’s not at risk of death if the pregnancy or birth goes wrong. The USA has the highest maternal death rate among developed countries, which is scandalous considering the wealth of its inhabitants. No woman should put herself at risk if she does not truly want her child. It’s not the man’s fight here.

These are FACTS. There is risk to pregnancy and childbirth that men cannot suffer from. Their preferences therefore cannot have equal weight as their wives’s.

+100 My pregnancy almost killed me. Not something any man has the equal right to decide about. I had birth trauma, almost didn't make it past breastfeeding and had severe PPD. My marriage didn't survive the child, because I realized I married a narcissistic a**. No man has the ability to decide for me that I'll put myself through all that again or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

You obviously have some issues that you are projecting onto OP and into this situation.

Absolutely, the husband has a say here.

NP, and no, it’s her body. The father should be consulted, but he’s not at risk of death if the pregnancy or birth goes wrong. The USA has the highest maternal death rate among developed countries, which is scandalous considering the wealth of its inhabitants. No woman should put herself at risk if she does not truly want her child. It’s not the man’s fight here.

These are FACTS. There is risk to pregnancy and childbirth that men cannot suffer from. Their preferences therefore cannot have equal weight as their wives’s.

+100 My pregnancy almost killed me. Not something any man has the equal right to decide about. I had birth trauma, almost didn't make it past breastfeeding and had severe PPD. My marriage didn't survive the child, because I realized I married a narcissistic a**. No man has the ability to decide for me that I'll put myself through all that again or worse.

Oh! And I am super pro-choice for all as well as anti-abortion for myself. However, given everything that I went through, if I got pregnant, I have no idea what my choice would be. But it's mine to make.

[Anonymous]

Note for readers. Everyone should have this conversation wit their spouse or significant other before getting pregnant. If you’re not on the same page, sterilization or two forms of birth control are essential. The failure rates for any one form of birth control are too high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

+1000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Oy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand the whole “my body my choice” thing. Really, I do. But in a situation like this it really is just a little more complicated. Is it really fair to say that the husband’s opinion should not count at all, ever? Really?

In this situation? Yes. Because again, OP has to consent to carrying a child and she does not. No matter how you spin your anti-choice arguments, OP is the one to make the decision here because IT’S HER BODY.

Isn't it an implied consent when you agree to have a sex with a man who has no vasectomy and you have not permanent BC in place? Any reasonable human would assume it might result in pregnancy. She already made her decision by using HER BODY during the sex.

TT

That's not how Pro Choice works.

Stop shaming her!

You are completely wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no middle ground, I’m afraid. One or potentially all of you is going to be unhappy no matter how your proceed. Contact a divorce lawyer and a family therapist today. You’re going to need both. Good luck!

This. This is your body so ultimately you get to decide to have the baby or not.

The baby has a body also. There are two bodies here.

Nope. 1) There is no baby. Just a clump of cells. 2) The woman has to consent to carrying those cells and in this case the woman does not. The woman’s choice will ALWAYS come first. ALWAYS.

DP. I am very pro-choice and agree with you that it is ultimately OP’s decision whether to continue this pregnancy. What happens after that is not entirely in her control, though. Her husband would be entirely within his rights to file for divorce over this, and OP would be powerless to stop it. If OP’s daughter ever found out about it, she may have her own feelings about OP’s choice that could affect her relationship with OP. So while the ultimate decision is OP’s, I think it’s important for her to be realistic about how the various scenarios might play out as part of her decision-making.

Both of those scenarios are far superior to OP being forced to have a second, unwanted child and for said child to enter into a world having been so unwanted.

Unless you are OP, you don’t know that choosing to have the baby would be worse than the alternatives. Part of being pro-choice is accepting that it’s OP’s choice to make, whether it’s the same one you think you would make or not.

Exactly. Glad you agree. OP has said she wants an abortion. So posting comments that she should continue with the pregnancy, that it’s her husband and daughters decision as well, are inappropriate and uncalled for.

OP has stated she wants to terminate AND have her DH be onboard and not divorce or have any consequence for her decision to terminate. However, she doesn't get both. I think many posters are pointing out that each choice (to have or not) has consequences beyond the immediate decision. For example, If she and her DH divorce, the financial hit to her DC may be similar to "sharing the pot".

Quit making things up. OP has said none of the bold. Try reading what OP wrote and stop bringing your anti-choice agenda into this thread.

+!00

Agree too. It's more like OP took husband at his word, and he's flipped. That's jarring for anyone, not that she wants him on board with "her agenda." She thought "they" had an agenda.

OP’s husband already changed his mind once about having kids (hence the 11yo), so it’s a little ridiculous for her to claim she never could have imagined he would change his mind again.

Taking him at his word/promise is not ridiculous. It's sad to me that he would flip on that. Whether he would really like another child or not, he did promise her. And he's now going back on that. That's a huge promise to break. You should be able to believe that he meant what he said, hence her reason for telling him. So not only is he breaking his promise, he's staking the entire marriage on his ability to break that promise. This is why I think the marriage is doomed.

There’s a difference between agreeing not to try for another child, and deciding to terminate an existing pregnancy. I am completely pro-choice, and I have taken permanent measures to avoid getting pregnant again, but if I turned out to be the 1 in 1000 for whom it failed, I don’t know that I could bring myself to have an abortion. I’m not the only person who feels that way, and OP’s husband may be another.