Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

Ok then a public service announcement to all DCUM women: if you aren't having regular sex with your husband, you should assume he is getting it someplace else.

I seriously can't believe any grown woman would not know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

Ok then a public service announcement to all DCUM women: if you aren't having regular sex with your husband, you should assume he is getting it someplace else.

I seriously can't believe any grown woman would not know this.

You know not all women follow DCUM right?
Some men want to do the right things when there are challenges in the relationship (in all matters, not just this situation). Maybe those men are not on here but definitely see them in real life.
Still, why not just talk to your wife and get explicit consent? She has a right to make her own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

Ok then a public service announcement to all DCUM women: if you aren't having regular sex with your husband, you should assume he is getting it someplace else.

I seriously can't believe any grown woman would not know this.

You know not all women follow DCUM right?
Some men want to do the right things when there are challenges in the relationship (in all matters, not just this situation). Maybe those men are not on here but definitely see them in real life.
Still, why not just talk to your wife and get explicit consent? She has a right to make her own decisions.

His wife has already made her own decision: she wants to remain married while not having sex. And such decisions have obvious consequences. I admire a man who goes through the significant effort to find an affair partner in order to provide his wife exactly what she wants (a sexless marriage).

[Anonymous]

I have to assume that there are marriages where people get along and do a good job parenting but that the sex life is non-existent due to one spouses desire or lack of desire. The lack of a sex life will create tension and disrupt the marriage but an affair can relieve the tension and the marriage can move along with both spouses "happy" when it comes to their sex life. If it works for both of them then who am I to judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

I am the PP you are responding too. Are you married? Have you been married to someone for two decades, the last decade we have had sex between 10-20x a year, in a good year. And dwindling. You act like we can just sit down and have a rational discussion: hey honey, I'd like to sleep with Cindy. You are cool with it? Great! See you later, don't wait up!

Instead, this conversation would only lead to more tears, more suspicion, more likely to divorce and screw up the family. So I pass on your radical honesty.

Listen, just have a good sexual and intimate relationship with your spouse and you won't have to worry about being in this position.

[Anonymous]

Because having an affair is fun/exciting only because you are not supposed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

I am the PP you are responding too. Are you married? Have you been married to someone for two decades, the last decade we have had sex between 10-20x a year, in a good year. And dwindling. You act like we can just sit down and have a rational discussion: hey honey, I'd like to sleep with Cindy. You are cool with it? Great! See you later, don't wait up!

Instead, this conversation would only lead to more tears, more suspicion, more likely to divorce and screw up the family. So I pass on your radical honesty.

Listen, just have a good sexual and intimate relationship with your spouse and you won't have to worry about being in this position.

So what is the EXACT math when the partner who is being "denied" gets to step out on the marriage? Less than once a month? Once a quarter? Once every two weeks? We need cutoffs!!!

[Anonymous]

+1

Also, I’m the pp who writes that you should get consent from your wives. I’m writing because you asked:
Married for 28years. Have been both sides of the issue and can tell you mature people deal with it as 2 people as opposed to making unilateral decisions.
You don’t want to talk to your wife because you want to have your cake and eat it too. Just selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because having an affair is fun/exciting only because you are not supposed to.

Another way of phrasing: "Because being a terrible human being is fun/exciting only because you like being an awful person."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

I am the PP you are responding too. Are you married? Have you been married to someone for two decades, the last decade we have had sex between 10-20x a year, in a good year. And dwindling. You act like we can just sit down and have a rational discussion: hey honey, I'd like to sleep with Cindy. You are cool with it? Great! See you later, don't wait up!

Instead, this conversation would only lead to more tears, more suspicion, more likely to divorce and screw up the family. So I pass on your radical honesty.

Listen, just have a good sexual and intimate relationship with your spouse and you won't have to worry about being in this position.

So what is the EXACT math when the partner who is being "denied" gets to step out on the marriage? Less than once a month? Once a quarter? Once every two weeks? We need cutoffs!!!

Ok but I need some precise numbers from you in order to give the exact math. How much actual sex are you having today? In the general population, a normal sex life would be once or twice per week. Now consider your relationship history: how much sex were you having while dating and earlier in the marriage?

Next, consider how often do YOU initiate? How often does he reject you? How often does he initiate? How often do you reject him?

Given these inputs, I can compute whether or now he gets to step out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1

Also, I’m the pp who writes that you should get consent from your wives. I’m writing because you asked:
Married for 28years. Have been both sides of the issue and can tell you mature people deal with it as 2 people as opposed to making unilateral decisions.
You don’t want to talk to your wife because you want to have your cake and eat it too. Just selfish.

What is there to deal with? I have had 20+ conversations about the sex drive disparity, what can I do to make it better, how can we solve this together, and it always, always, reverts to 1x per month or so. There is no conversation that leads to permission, only more tears and struggles. I am happy for you that you and your spouse have successfully negotiated varying disparities. I have tried, we haven't, I am enjoying sexual touch again, won't apologize for it, and I didn't ask for this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1

Also, I’m the pp who writes that you should get consent from your wives. I’m writing because you asked:
Married for 28years. Have been both sides of the issue and can tell you mature people deal with it as 2 people as opposed to making unilateral decisions.
You don’t want to talk to your wife because you want to have your cake and eat it too. Just selfish.

And what should be the consequence of a unilateral decision to not have sex?

[Anonymous]

Why do people think that its so easy for married men to attract women who are interested in having sex with them WITHOUT telling lies or giving up money? It's hard enough for the older single men.

It's not abouQt having a conversation with your spouse and then every one is happy. When the reality sets in about how difficult it is to get regular sex outside the marriage, the men will realize what a raw deal consent is. This also accounts for the sex at home comments. Very few men can manage to get enough affair sex to be fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

I am the PP you are responding too. Are you married? Have you been married to someone for two decades, the last decade we have had sex between 10-20x a year, in a good year. And dwindling. You act like we can just sit down and have a rational discussion: hey honey, I'd like to sleep with Cindy. You are cool with it? Great! See you later, don't wait up!

Instead, this conversation would only lead to more tears, more suspicion, more likely to divorce and screw up the family. So I pass on your radical honesty.

Listen, just have a good sexual and intimate relationship with your spouse and you won't have to worry about being in this position.

So what is the EXACT math when the partner who is being "denied" gets to step out on the marriage? Less than once a month? Once a quarter? Once every two weeks? We need cutoffs!!!

I think years of no sex warrants an affair without judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

I am the PP you are responding too. Are you married? Have you been married to someone for two decades, the last decade we have had sex between 10-20x a year, in a good year. And dwindling. You act like we can just sit down and have a rational discussion: hey honey, I'd like to sleep with Cindy. You are cool with it? Great! See you later, don't wait up!

Instead, this conversation would only lead to more tears, more suspicion, more likely to divorce and screw up the family. So I pass on your radical honesty.

Listen, just have a good sexual and intimate relationship with your spouse and you won't have to worry about being in this position.

So what is the EXACT math when the partner who is being "denied" gets to step out on the marriage? Less than once a month? Once a quarter? Once every two weeks? We need cutoffs!!!

Ok but I need some precise numbers from you in order to give the exact math. How much actual sex are you having today? In the general population, a normal sex life would be once or twice per week. Now consider your relationship history: how much sex were you having while dating and earlier in the marriage?

Next, consider how often do YOU initiate? How often does he reject you? How often does he initiate? How often do you reject him?

Given these inputs, I can compute whether or now he gets to step out.

Oh so it's an algebraic formula?
A= #times per week while dating
B= #times per week in last year
X=number of times female initiates
Y=number of times male initiates

So maybe its (Y-X)/(B-A) ?

OR MAYBE YOU COULD USE YOUR WORDS AND GET A DIVORCE YOU DONKEY