Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, she shouldn't have to go, and she doesn't need any reason. She certainly doesn't need to convince you. You're a big boy, no reason you can't go alone. At first I was thinking you were going to say that she's demanding that you don't go since she might need help. Glad that's not the case. You need to be there - at your brother's wedding. But for you to be able to go enjoy not only the wedding but as you said, the weekend of wedding festivities is quite a luxury. Go. Enjoy. But I can't believe you are such a jerk as to expect DW to be planning to go too because it's important to you.

He should be allowed to take the toddler

First poster here - yeah he can take the toddler. It's his child too, so yes. However, Dad is going to be very busy with the wedding weekend and he's going to need to pass off the toddler to someone else. Dad, have you thought this through? And a 2 year old is unlikely to cooperate as a ring bearer. Unlikely anyway. Too young.

+1
In normal circumstances, I'd say he should be able to take the toddler. But he's going to be busy, and I'm guessing so are his other family members. Who will watch the toddler during the ceremony? Is he going to want to leave the reception early because the toddler needs to go to bed? His parents and siblings aren't going to do this--they want to participate in the wedding, too. I'd say he goes by himself and has a great time.

[Anonymous]

I can only eyeroll at OP. I would say you take the toddler to the wedding and have fun figuring all that out since you think it won’t be a problem. But if you do take the toddler please let us know how that all goes. But as a PP pointed out, the wedding seems like it’s 3 days before Christmas. That’s absurd to have you and the toddler gone on Christmas. If it’s the week before Christmas, you and toddler go to the wedding for The Weekend and fly home. If your parents want to see the baby then they can fly out during Christmas and you guys.

Part of being a parent is advocating for your child. You are not doing that by expecting your 6 week old child to get on a plane in the middle of flu season. That’s just irresponsible parenting. My sister had a big graduation ceremony across the country. My DS was 6 weeks at the time of the graduation. I wanted to go, and I was on the fence about going. My DH stepped up and was a RESPONSIBLE parent who advocated for his child and said “you shouldn’t take DS on the plane that young when he hasn’t had his vaccines”.

Be a brother and go to the wedding. Have fun, drink be merry.
Be a parent and advocate for your child and tell your family it just isn’t safe for the baby to go.
Be a husband and tell your family your wife won’t be up for a big flight and big ceremonies with lots of people.

Go apologize to your wife, you are clearly in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I've been your defender in this thread a lot but I just looked at the calendar and xmas is on a tuesday. Apart from all of this wtf was your sibling thinking scheduling a wedding three days before christmas???????

Seriously? That's insane.

Not to mention, that is one of the worst times of the year to fly. Tone of people, everyone stressed, flight delays because of weather...yuck. Is everyone else local? because that is the only way this would be even close to acceptable.

[Anonymous]

A wedding is not the place for grandparents to bond with their grandchildren. Have them come for a visit in a January. Bring lots of newborn photos. Leave the family at home and hurry back before Santa.

Plus, you two year old will not remember the wedding. If you bring the two year old, YOU will barely remember the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for a little perspective. My brother is getting married 6 weeks after my wife’s due date (toward the end of this year.) We also have a son who will be almost 2 at the time. The wedding is a 3 hour flight away. I am the best man in the wedding and so will be somewhat busy during the weekend of the wedding with various wedding party obligations. My wife is already saying that she doesn’t think she will be up for traveling 6 weeks after giving birth. She keeps bringing up how she will still be recovering (she had a natural birth with our first and recovered very quickly), she had low milk supply so we supplemented with formula the first time around, probably will do the same with this coming LO, so she is also complaining about having to pack bottles and formula and sterilizing them and pumping to try to get her supply up. I get that it’ll be a lot of work to travel with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. However, I am a little frustrated because people do it all the time. And if it were her sibling getting married I know she would suck it up and go 100%.

Another thing she has mentioned is that she feels like she won’t have much help with the kids at the wedding because I am the best man. I told her I will make sure I am able to help her a lot, and especially my parents will help her but she wasn’t happy about that and in fact doesn’t want their help. She doesn’t like them and that is no secret. So I believe that she is using these excuses to get out of letting my parents see their grandchildren. Either way, I was curious what you all think. Is it reasonable for her to be saying months in advance that she probably won’t be attending my brothers wedding? (Which means my kids won’t get to attend it either? My brother has also invited my son to be the ring bearer but my wife wants me to tell him no. Again, I believe this is to limit my parents access more than anything.)

This quote caught my eye because it makes me so mad for your wife. You didn't give birth so how do you really know how quickly she bounced back? Second, I doubt your two year old and six week old baby will really care that they missed their uncle's wedding. If you must, take the two year old and go to the wedding. Leave you wife at home so she can recover in peace and bond with your new child.

[Anonymous]

this thread is already 13 pages in 2 hours?? this must be a record. I had to check if it was a bump from last year, my word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks like your wife doesn't like your brother or even your parents.

I get that she's already tired and will be even more tired when the baby's here but I think she's being unreasonable.

Can't you get help there? Like a sitter ? Or someone that would accompany you to the wedding, a sitter or friend, that can help out and stay at the hotel or family home while you enjoy the wedding ?

This. If she would do it for her side of the family then she needs to do it for your side of the family. It is part of being a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It looks like your wife doesn't like your brother or even your parents.

I get that she's already tired and will be even more tired when the baby's here but I think she's being unreasonable.

Can't you get help there? Like a sitter ? Or someone that would accompany you to the wedding, a sitter or friend, that can help out and stay at the hotel or family home while you enjoy the wedding ?

This. If she would do it for her side of the family then she needs to do it for your side of the family. It is part of being a family.

You're taking his assumption that she would "do it" for her family. But unless she traveled 6 weeks after having her first kid to spend the entire holidays at an event she wasn't interested in while wrangling a toddler for her family, you have no way of knowing it's true. Certainly just sounds like whining on OP's part.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the replies but I wonder if OP is a troll. I wouldn’t take a 6 week old on a flight unless it was an emergency and it’s completely unreasonable to expect your wife to do this while recovering from childbirth and having to care for a 2 year old for the weekend. I can’t even imagine my husband and I having the conversation because we would BOTH intuitively know it wasn’t reasonable so it wouldn’t be happening. If this post is for real I would try to take 2 year old yourself and see if your parents can help cover the responsibilities. It’ll be good for your wife to have a break with the baby (the second one is hard), she can bond with baby and your family can enjoy the other kid.

[Anonymous]

Op here- Man you guys are fast. And again, I appreciate the feedback.

I know that I am biased, but my wife is absolutely unreasonable in her deep dislike for my parents. The background on that is nothing special or salacious. My dad has been great and friendly with her, and until not too long ago they had a pretty solid relationship. The issues began between her and my mother. My wife feels my mom has never been kind or friendly or welcoming to her. She just isn’t a very outgoing and friendly person. I think of it more as a personality clash. So my wife has never been fond of my mother (and perhaps my mother has never been fond of wife either?) The real problems began when my wife was pregnant with our first and my mom made some critical comments about what my wife.(what she was eating, being lazy, etc) The biggest offender was a comment about how wife drank alcohol before finding out she was pregnant and that she might have caused some serious deformities or cognitive problems for our baby.. Long story short my mother refused to apologize, denied saying anything offensive and it has snowballed from there. My wife says my mom makes passive aggressive comments to her every time she sees her, and now my dad has started getting involved. The last time we saw them my dad raised his voice at my wife and called her cruel and insensitive. There have been a number of other very small things crop up but they aren’t worth mentioning for the purposes of this thread. All of this to me, is just my wife being way over sensitive and because she has never liked my mother, she won’t cut her any slack or give her a break. My parents are good people who love their grandchildren. They are not abusive or dangerous.

I guess I should also add that part of why this situation has become what it is (according to my wife) is because I initially defended my mom over her when the original criticisms were made and continually supported and advocated for my mom and parents throughout her first pregnancy and after. I would argue that I was advocating for myself and my own perspective. Wife and I probably need some marriage counseling to fully move past this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking for a little perspective. My brother is getting married 6 weeks after my wife’s due date (toward the end of this year.) We also have a son who will be almost 2 at the time. The wedding is a 3 hour flight away. I am the best man in the wedding and so will be somewhat busy during the weekend of the wedding with various wedding party obligations. My wife is already saying that she doesn’t think she will be up for traveling 6 weeks after giving birth. She keeps bringing up how she will still be recovering (she had a natural birth with our first and recovered very quickly), she had low milk supply so we supplemented with formula the first time around, probably will do the same with this coming LO, so she is also complaining about having to pack bottles and formula and sterilizing them and pumping to try to get her supply up. I get that it’ll be a lot of work to travel with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. However, I am a little frustrated because people do it all the time. And if it were her sibling getting married I know she would suck it up and go 100%.

Another thing she has mentioned is that she feels like she won’t have much help with the kids at the wedding because I am the best man. I told her I will make sure I am able to help her a lot, and especially my parents will help her but she wasn’t happy about that and in fact doesn’t want their help. She doesn’t like them and that is no secret. So I believe that she is using these excuses to get out of letting my parents see their grandchildren. Either way, I was curious what you all think. Is it reasonable for her to be saying months in advance that she probably won’t be attending my brothers wedding? (Which means my kids won’t get to attend it either? My brother has also invited my son to be the ring bearer but my wife wants me to tell him no. Again, I believe this is to limit my parents access more than anything.)

This quote caught my eye because it makes me so mad for your wife. You didn't give birth so how do you really know how quickly she bounced back? Second, I doubt your two year old and six week old baby will really care that they missed their uncle's wedding. If you must, take the two year old and go to the wedding. Leave you wife at home so she can recover in peace and bond with your new child.

+1

I just love it how he speaks for his wife about how easy the whole thing was for his wife, when meanwhile she had huge problems with at least one part of being a new mom - feeding. And now he expects her to try to nurse effectively in a strange place among strange people when she couldn't do it easily the first time, while also pumping and also dealing with formula. Nursing, pumping and dealing with formula for a new baby (while trying to recover from birth too) is a full time job even without a toddler to feed and bathe and entertain. Even in your own home where everything is set up just the way you need it. I really feel bad for her. Maybe having OP out of the house for some time will actually help her relax a lot more - I can't imagine that someone so demanding is easy to live with.

And nothing about OP's post made it seem that he's even remotely concerned about whether the two year old would care to be there or not or what is best for him. It's all just about the OP, what he wants, and what his parents want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Man you guys are fast. And again, I appreciate the feedback.

I know that I am biased, but my wife is absolutely unreasonable in her deep dislike for my parents. The background on that is nothing special or salacious. My dad has been great and friendly with her, and until not too long ago they had a pretty solid relationship. The issues began between her and my mother. My wife feels my mom has never been kind or friendly or welcoming to her. She just isn’t a very outgoing and friendly person. I think of it more as a personality clash. So my wife has never been fond of my mother (and perhaps my mother has never been fond of wife either?) The real problems began when my wife was pregnant with our first and my mom made some critical comments about what my wife.(what she was eating, being lazy, etc) The biggest offender was a comment about how wife drank alcohol before finding out she was pregnant and that she might have caused some serious deformities or cognitive problems for our baby.. Long story short my mother refused to apologize, denied saying anything offensive and it has snowballed from there. My wife says my mom makes passive aggressive comments to her every time she sees her, and now my dad has started getting involved. The last time we saw them my dad raised his voice at my wife and called her cruel and insensitive. There have been a number of other very small things crop up but they aren’t worth mentioning for the purposes of this thread. All of this to me, is just my wife being way over sensitive and because she has never liked my mother, she won’t cut her any slack or give her a break. My parents are good people who love their grandchildren. They are not abusive or dangerous.

I guess I should also add that part of why this situation has become what it is (according to my wife) is because I initially defended my mom over her when the original criticisms were made and continually supported and advocated for my mom and parents throughout her first pregnancy and after. I would argue that I was advocating for myself and my own perspective. Wife and I probably need some marriage counseling to fully move past this.

OMG.

[Anonymous]

Traveling in December means flu season and risk of long delays due to snow and other flight delays. With an infant, two year old, sleep deprived and recovering from delivery?

No way.

[Anonymous]

god i hope this is a troll!

your mom criticized your wife during pregnancy, calling her lazy, and you defended your mother? wtf???

i feel so sorry for your wife.

go and take the toddler with you.

[Anonymous]

Op again-

I would also like to add, if my wife ultimately does not make the trip, I will not be staying through Christmas. We would only stay longer through Christmas if our nuclear family traveled together. And it’s not as much of a burden as you guys are imagining. My wife has her parents and siblings/friends of her own in this city so we would be splitting the time between her people and my people. And we would even be sleeping at her brother’s house, not my parents.