Baby Now or Wait 2 Years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for all the responses. It was nice getting first hand accounts from people who know what a CRNA does, and understands how intensive the program will be. My DH I feel wants kids because of the outside pressure ( family and friend getting pregnant). I don't think he realizes how hard it will be with a baby. We talked and decided that waiting to try in a year for my second year of school is the best option. I will try and coordinate with graduation, so I won't have to take a maternity leave so quickly at a new job. I want 2, maybe 3. He said 4 but I don't think that will happen. If only 2, spreading it out 2-3 between children is a better option for our careers.

I think this is very smart OP. The hysteria here over two years is astonishing.

Also, baby one is big wakeup call. So it will be good to have your ducks in a row before you have that child. You will have a much better understanding of your family dynamics then.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is talking about fertility. As a doc I can tell you that there is NO WAY to do a CRNA with a newborn. And work part time?? Haha. You can have it all. Just not at the same time. Sorry, OP.

+1. Another poster in the medical field. Wait until the second year or after your graduate. 34-35 is not that old to wait. Judging by some of the ignorant post on here, many do not have none to little knowledge of what goes on during a medical program. You can't, and won't, be able to do a CRNA. Save your sanity and wait. Get school of the way while strengthening your marriage, and then have kids. Many on this board are telling you to start now, but that is bad advice. Don't have a child before you're ready for one. Good luck, op. You will have a great career ahead of you, and I hope, the children you want, when you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is talking about fertility. As a doc I can tell you that there is NO WAY to do a CRNA with a newborn. And work part time?? Haha. You can have it all. Just not at the same time. Sorry, OP.

+1. Another poster in the medical field. Wait until the second year or after your graduate. 34-35 is not that old to wait. Judging by some of the ignorant post on here, many do not have none to little knowledge of what goes on during a medical program. You can't, and won't, be able to do a CRNA. Save your sanity and wait. Get school of the way while strengthening your marriage, and then have kids. Many on this board are telling you to start now, but that is bad advice. Don't have a child before you're ready for one. Good luck, op. You will have a great career ahead of you, and I hope, the children you want, when you want.

yeah... except that frustrating her husband's desire to have children is not exactly strengthening marriage...

it may all work out but it's funny clearly OP sees immediate obstacles and then just assumes there will be no obstacles to her plans in the future and everything is going to be much simpler and easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is talking about fertility. As a doc I can tell you that there is NO WAY to do a CRNA with a newborn. And work part time?? Haha. You can have it all. Just not at the same time. Sorry, OP.

+1. Another poster in the medical field. Wait until the second year or after your graduate. 34-35 is not that old to wait. Judging by some of the ignorant post on here, many do not have none to little knowledge of what goes on during a medical program. You can't, and won't, be able to do a CRNA. Save your sanity and wait. Get school of the way while strengthening your marriage, and then have kids. Many on this board are telling you to start now, but that is bad advice. Don't have a child before you're ready for one. Good luck, op. You will have a great career ahead of you, and I hope, the children you want, when you want.

I'm honestly curious, what do you say to people who are desperately ready for one but can't have one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. 3 years may be seem like a long time time, but there are many couples who get pregnant sooner than that. I love my husband and we honestly sync up on everything except when to have kids. At first, he said late 30's, and now wants them now or in a year. It's the pressure of our families and all of our friends getting pregnant, and telling us we need to start. We came to a decision that waiting a year will be the best choice.

Yes, I said kids are hard now, but I do what them. Being realistic, I can't do work and school with a baby. School trumps baby right now. I am more than willing to have a nanny while working, but now while having work and school.

Yes, I got my eggs frozen at 19 as a precaution. I've had check ups and I'm fine. That may change, but it may not. I am not going to live my life in fear. The worse thing someone can do is have a child out of fear or before they're ready. It's a humans being, not an accessory.

I am well aware of the job risks while pregnant. I am fine with it.

Eggs frozen 15+ years prior are REALLY unlikely to be usable. Technology has improved immensely in the last 5 years, but it likely won't benefit your eggs.

That's a really interesting choice for a 19 year old to make. Did you pay for it, or did a family member? Were you donating eggs and added on freezing some for yourself? I'm just curious about the situation that led to that choice at 19, it's unusual.

There's something going on here I can't quite put my finger on... are you just a hyper-vigilant "everything needs to be perfect/I need to be prepared for any situation" type? In your heart of hearts, does children excite you, or is it something you want because you think you'd regret it later if you don't?

[Anonymous]

If you don't think you'll be able to do a CRNA while having a baby, I also don't think you'll be able to do it during pregnancy. I know you've been a nanny so you can relate to the work children are, but pregnancy is seriously exhausting at different phases - like fall asleep on your feet tired after a full night of rest. Especially if you'll be in clinical rounds during your pregnancy, I just caution you that your one-year timeline might not be a good compromise, and make sure your husband isn't going to be angry if it comes around and you don't think you can handle both at the same time (especially if working -- no way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. 3 years may be seem like a long time time, but there are many couples who get pregnant sooner than that. I love my husband and we honestly sync up on everything except when to have kids. At first, he said late 30's, and now wants them now or in a year. It's the pressure of our families and all of our friends getting pregnant, and telling us we need to start. We came to a decision that waiting a year will be the best choice.

Yes, I said kids are hard now, but I do what them. Being realistic, I can't do work and school with a baby. School trumps baby right now. I am more than willing to have a nanny while working, but now while having work and school.

Yes, I got my eggs frozen at 19 as a precaution. I've had check ups and I'm fine. That may change, but it may not. I am not going to live my life in fear. The worse thing someone can do is have a child out of fear or before they're ready. It's a humans being, not an accessory.

I am well aware of the job risks while pregnant. I am fine with it.

Eggs frozen 15+ years prior are REALLY unlikely to be usable. Technology has improved immensely in the last 5 years, but it likely won't benefit your eggs.

That's a really interesting choice for a 19 year old to make. Did you pay for it, or did a family member? Were you donating eggs and added on freezing some for yourself? I'm just curious about the situation that led to that choice at 19, it's unusual.

There's something going on here I can't quite put my finger on... are you just a hyper-vigilant "everything needs to be perfect/I need to be prepared for any situation" type? In your heart of hearts, does children excite you, or is it something you want because you think you'd regret it later if you don't?

+1. Make whatever choice you guys are comfortable with / know that whatever it is, you guys will have to live with it...but you should definitely have this information. It is highly unlikely that those eggs are anything more than useless at this point.

I agree there is something off here...it doesn't make sense that someone who was worried enough about fertility concerns to freeze her eggs at 19 (an EXTREMELY unusual move; I don't think anyone who isn't facing some sort of cancer treatment or health-related diagnosis would even consider this) is now in her mid-30s and casually saying eh, I'll wait a few years. Does not add up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't think you'll be able to do a CRNA while having a baby, I also don't think you'll be able to do it during pregnancy. I know you've been a nanny so you can relate to the work children are, but pregnancy is seriously exhausting at different phases - like fall asleep on your feet tired after a full night of rest. Especially if you'll be in clinical rounds during your pregnancy, I just caution you that your one-year timeline might not be a good compromise, and make sure your husband isn't going to be angry if it comes around and you don't think you can handle both at the same time (especially if working -- no way).

Yes, I would definitely agree with this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I give you props for continuing to come and reply. It has made this thread really interesting and a good discussion. I guarantee you there are people reading who have similar questions as you do and this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Since we're talking anecdotes, here's mine. I met my husband at 33, engaged at 34, married at 35. We started trying immediately, but it took about 9 months to get pregnant. Had her right when I turned 37. Got pregnant on the first try at 38, but he was premature (32 weeks) and has severe medical problems. If he had been healthy, I would have had a third as I was closing in on 41, but it's not gonna happen now.

My point is that if you start having kids now, you can easily have your 3 if you want them. If you wait until 35, 36 to start, then I would temper your expectations now and start planning for 2, unless you want to be well into your 40's having kids.

Good luck, it sounds like you've already made a decision- I hope it works out well for you, and good luck with school!

[Anonymous]

I skipped ahead of a lot of the responses, so sorry if I'm missing something, but I'll give you my 2 cents from a different (but also very intense) profession. Employers will (generally) look at hiring you as a long term investment. So the fact that you are going to take 12 weeks of maternity leave a few months after being hired is not a big deal, overall. On the other hand, it is a lot easier to get hired (at least in my field (law)), when you follow the normal recruitment flow--by which I mean, you get a job after school. So, trying to time leave after school could work, but if you plan to take more than 12 weeks off, it may be hard to find an employer who is looking to hire outside the normal time frame. (I think a lot of employers would be delay a start date by a few months for the right candidate though). One thing I was suprised by is that, at least in big law, if you have back to back pregnancies (which I count as 2 kids in 2 years or so), the odds of people taking you seriously seems to dip. NOT ALWAYS! But people get used to you in wind up or wind down mode, or in pumping all the time or tired from sleep training so maybe not in killing it at work mode. So having 3 kids in 4 years--aside from whether or not it ends up being possible for you--may affect the way your employer perceives you. Just something to consider, not something that should sway your work/family choices.

I thought my classmates who had kids in law school were crazy, but actually I see how smart they were in hindsight. (Though I do like my maternity leave to be paid, so tradeoffs).

Ultimately, I think you need to weigh how badly you want to have 2-3 kids v. how badly you want to start your program now (as opposed to in, say, a few years). Imagine yourself in 20 years, looking back, if things don't go perfectly, which scenario would you prefer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. 3 years may be seem like a long time time, but there are many couples who get pregnant sooner than that. I love my husband and we honestly sync up on everything except when to have kids. At first, he said late 30's, and now wants them now or in a year. It's the pressure of our families and all of our friends getting pregnant, and telling us we need to start. We came to a decision that waiting a year will be the best choice.

Yes, I said kids are hard now, but I do what them. Being realistic, I can't do work and school with a baby. School trumps baby right now. I am more than willing to have a nanny while working, but now while having work and school.

Yes, I got my eggs frozen at 19 as a precaution. I've had check ups and I'm fine. That may change, but it may not. I am not going to live my life in fear. The worse thing someone can do is have a child out of fear or before they're ready. It's a humans being, not an accessory.

I am well aware of the job risks while pregnant. I am fine with it.

Eggs frozen 15+ years prior are REALLY unlikely to be usable. Technology has improved immensely in the last 5 years, but it likely won't benefit your eggs.

That's a really interesting choice for a 19 year old to make. Did you pay for it, or did a family member? Were you donating eggs and added on freezing some for yourself? I'm just curious about the situation that led to that choice at 19, it's unusual.

There's something going on here I can't quite put my finger on... are you just a hyper-vigilant "everything needs to be perfect/I need to be prepared for any situation" type? In your heart of hearts, does children excite you, or is it something you want because you think you'd regret it later if you don't?

+1. Make whatever choice you guys are comfortable with / know that whatever it is, you guys will have to live with it...but you should definitely have this information. It is highly unlikely that those eggs are anything more than useless at this point.

I agree there is something off here...it doesn't make sense that someone who was worried enough about fertility concerns to freeze her eggs at 19 (an EXTREMELY unusual move; I don't think anyone who isn't facing some sort of cancer treatment or health-related diagnosis would even consider this) is now in her mid-30s and casually saying eh, I'll wait a few years. Does not add up

Op here. I said in a couple other posts that I got my eggs frozen afer finding out two of my aunts had issues. One found out she had ovarian cancer while pregnant, and the other had endometriosis at a young age. I've always wanted children, and felt it was the best choice.

[Anonymous]

^^...right, exactly. So what I'm saying is that based on that, your current cavalier attitude doesn't make any sense.

Unless you somehow were under the impression that having those old frozen eggs is some sort of guarantee, in which case just want to make sure that you're aware there's slim to no chance they're of any value to you now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^...right, exactly. So what I'm saying is that based on that, your current cavalier attitude doesn't make any sense.

Unless you somehow were under the impression that having those old frozen eggs is some sort of guarantee, in which case just want to make sure that you're aware there's slim to no chance they're of any value to you now

+1
OP, what people are saying is that there is a big disconnect between someone being so concerned about their fertility at 19 (!!) to actually freeze eggs and the very same person being so relaxed about fertility at a much older age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start now, especially if you want 2-3. I'm surprised as a nurse that you aren't informed about fertility.

Op here. I am well aware that it gets harder to have a child after 35, but many women do. As a nurse, I've seen many healthy pregnancies, with the moms being as old as 42. We are in a generation where many women are having their children later. Having a child after 35 increases risks, but every complications can happen with any age. I am not going to be scared into those statistics.

Than why the hell are you on here asking for opinions?

Get a dog. You're not mature enough to be a mother.