Baby Now or Wait 2 Years?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

Ok then why did you ask us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

So what is your question, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

Ok then why did you ask us?

+1. If you're only going to hear what you want to hear, not sure why you bothered consulting other people.

And yes of course it can. I will tell you that for me, someone who absolutely rly knew I wanted children, "it can happen" would not have been reassuring enough for me.

Bottom line is this: I think you will find a lot more people who regret waiting too long than those who regret having children "too soon", particularly if you contain that to 'within the context of a loving happy marriage where both parenteds want kids'. You are the one who has to live with your decision, though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

Ok then why did you ask us?

Exactly. Why are you posting OP?

You very clearly don't want to get pregnant right now. Which is completely fine. Don't get pregnant. I agree with you, chances are on your side everything will work out for you and yes lots of people have kids back-to-back-to-back.

Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

That's not in question. Of course it can happen. You can also get pregnant when you have a newborn -- that doesn't mean it's safe or smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's never a perfect time to start a family, OP. It may not feel that way, but it's true.

If you aren't starting school for another year, why not start trying now? If nothing happens after a few months of trying, you can always reevaluate. If it happens right away, you'd have an almost-1 year old by the time the program started and an almost 3- year old by the time you graduate. That's much different than having a newborn. You won't have any spare time, but it's certainly doable.

I'm if Op got pregnant now, she will have a newborn when starting school. I don't understand how you got a 1 year old. Is she has school in a year ( let's say next fall), and gets pregnant now, she will deliver in August or September. That's having a newborn while stating school, like she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

Uh, ok, then why did you post here?

And yes women of any age can have complications. The difference is that if you're 32 and encounter issues, you have MUCH more time & hope and more options than if you are 37 and in the same scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

That's not in question. Of course it can happen. You can also get pregnant when you have a newborn -- that doesn't mean it's safe or smart.

+1. I would also encourage you to do a lot more research into the adoption process and how difficult and time consuming (not to mention $$) it is. You throw in the idea of "being fine with adopting if needed" in a very offhand, flippant manner that tells me you have little comprehension of this

[Anonymous]

I'm going to diagnose that OP does not want to get pregnant at all and is feeling immense pressure from DH.

OP, someone asked you questions about your DH. Is he an involved guy? Will he be the default parent? (Though truth be told you have no way to know for sure until you see him in action.) Do you have plenty of money?

With the way you are feeling, the above questions are critical and it's difficult to give advice without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

Adoption is a lot more complicated and time consuming than you seem to think. It's not like you can just go to Walmart and pick up a baby while you're getting paper towels or whatever at age 38.

This forum skews toward older women who statistically have a harder time getting pregnant. I had my first at 28 after being off birth control for 3 whole weeks. Started TTC #2 when #1 was 18 months old and spent the next year and a half having miscarriage after unexplained miscarriage (3 total).

The word for your stories above is "anecdata." It sounds scientific but it's not. It's just stories of people you know and their experiences.

Perhaps you could compromise at waiting a year and change and then TTC. It'll still take almost a year between when you decide to do that and when the baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people won't have trouble having kids at 35-39. Problem is you don't know if you're most people.

I'd do some testing with my OB. They can tell you a decent amount through some simple bloodwork in terms of whether or not you're looking like an early fertility decliner. No guarantees though in any case.

Agree with this.

Also, if he's anxious to start sooner rather than later, is he willing to be the default parent while you're still in school? Will you be able to afford lots of help? Do you have family around who could help? My sister is having her third right now while getting her MBA and working at a (more than) full time, very demanding job and her DH is out of town for work quite a bit. She makes it work but depends incredibly heavily on my parents and her MIL to help her. If she and her husband didn't have that help, she couldn't manage the MBA program or the job.

Op here. This is part of my concern. My DH doesn't travel, but he works 50 hour weeks. We live close to his parents, but I don't want to treat my MIL as my personal babysitter. She raised her own children, and is not fair I make her raise mine. DH will be present, but with his hours, I doubt he will be Rhee as mic has he plans to be there. We can afford the help, but I'm worried about leaving a newborn in the hands of a babysitter. I can take maternity leave with my current job, but I will still be a full-time student. I wouldn't mind having a child now, but I don't feel I have enough of a support system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

Adoption is a lot more complicated and time consuming than you seem to think. It's not like you can just go to Walmart and pick up a baby while you're getting paper towels or whatever at age 38.

This forum skews toward older women who statistically have a harder time getting pregnant. I had my first at 28 after being off birth control for 3 whole weeks. Started TTC #2 when #1 was 18 months old and spent the next year and a half having miscarriage after unexplained miscarriage (3 total).

The word for your stories above is "anecdata." It sounds scientific but it's not. It's just stories of people you know and their experiences.

Perhaps you could compromise at waiting a year and change and then TTC. It'll still take almost a year between when you decide to do that and when the baby arrives.

PP here. All of that aside, it's almost never "a good time" to have a baby. I had my first when it seemed like it was "a good time" and it ended up being a terrible time for me professionally. I had my second when it seemed like the worst time imaginable (I work full time, am in school part time, have a part time job related to school, and an older child to care for) and it's been fine. You never know how it's gonna shake down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

you sound like an arrogant know-it-all. if you don't want to get pregnant then don't. nobody cares, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's never a perfect time to start a family, OP. It may not feel that way, but it's true.

If you aren't starting school for another year, why not start trying now? If nothing happens after a few months of trying, you can always reevaluate. If it happens right away, you'd have an almost-1 year old by the time the program started and an almost 3- year old by the time you graduate. That's much different than having a newborn. You won't have any spare time, but it's certainly doable.

I'm if Op got pregnant now, she will have a newborn when starting school. I don't understand how you got a 1 year old. Is she has school in a year ( let's say next fall), and gets pregnant now, she will deliver in August or September. That's having a newborn while stating school, like she said.

+1. She will have a baby, not a 1 year old.