Baby Now or Wait 2 Years?

[Anonymous]

For those of you saying start now, I can't honestly imagine having a newborn in the middle of an intensive CRNA program. That sounds like a nightmare.

Would you considered postponing your CRNA if you got pregnant now or in a year?

I feel like that saying, "You can have it all, but not all at once" is appropriate here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am fine with having 1 or 2 and adopting if needed. Like I previously stated, I am well aware of the risks, but they are greatly overblown. Women of any age can have complications. Yes, 35 and had increased risks, but it's not as bad as some of you are making seem. I'm in very good health, and I have worked with many women who have had children as late as their 40's. I've also had 3 sets of couple friend who started at 32-35, and had 2-3 in the span of 1.5 - 5 years. My closest friend had her children at 34 and got pregnant with her second at 8 months old. It can happen.

you sound like an arrogant know-it-all. if you don't want to get pregnant then don't. nobody cares, really.

I agree. And OP, spoiler alert: there is never a perfectly "right time". Some things you can't plan right down to a T

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people won't have trouble having kids at 35-39. Problem is you don't know if you're most people.

I'd do some testing with my OB. They can tell you a decent amount through some simple bloodwork in terms of whether or not you're looking like an early fertility decliner. No guarantees though in any case.

Agree with this.

Also, if he's anxious to start sooner rather than later, is he willing to be the default parent while you're still in school? Will you be able to afford lots of help? Do you have family around who could help? My sister is having her third right now while getting her MBA and working at a (more than) full time, very demanding job and her DH is out of town for work quite a bit. She makes it work but depends incredibly heavily on my parents and her MIL to help her. If she and her husband didn't have that help, she couldn't manage the MBA program or the job.

Op here. This is part of my concern. My DH doesn't travel, but he works 50 hour weeks. We live close to his parents, but I don't want to treat my MIL as my personal babysitter. She raised her own children, and is not fair I make her raise mine. DH will be present, but with his hours, I doubt he will be Rhee as mic has he plans to be there. We can afford the help, but I'm worried about leaving a newborn in the hands of a babysitter. I can take maternity leave with my current job, but I will still be a full-time student. I wouldn't mind having a child now, but I don't feel I have enough of a support system.

your support system is as good as it is ever going to get. many do with less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people won't have trouble having kids at 35-39. Problem is you don't know if you're most people.

I'd do some testing with my OB. They can tell you a decent amount through some simple bloodwork in terms of whether or not you're looking like an early fertility decliner. No guarantees though in any case.

Agree with this.

Also, if he's anxious to start sooner rather than later, is he willing to be the default parent while you're still in school? Will you be able to afford lots of help? Do you have family around who could help? My sister is having her third right now while getting her MBA and working at a (more than) full time, very demanding job and her DH is out of town for work quite a bit. She makes it work but depends incredibly heavily on my parents and her MIL to help her. If she and her husband didn't have that help, she couldn't manage the MBA program or the job.

Op here. This is part of my concern. My DH doesn't travel, but he works 50 hour weeks. We live close to his parents, but I don't want to treat my MIL as my personal babysitter. She raised her own children, and is not fair I make her raise mine. DH will be present, but with his hours, I doubt he will be Rhee as mic has he plans to be there. We can afford the help, but I'm worried about leaving a newborn in the hands of a babysitter. I can take maternity leave with my current job, but I will still be a full-time student. I wouldn't mind having a child now, but I don't feel I have enough of a support system.

You guys are nowhere near ready to have a baby. I don't think you're even ready to TTC. You need to get on the same page about life priorities. Some things to think about:

What kind of job will you be seeking after you finish school? I don't know what CNRA hours are like. Is it shift work? Do you work days or nights? Do you work 3 12s or 4 10s or banker's hours?

When you have children, what kind of maternity leave do you want to take? 6-8 weeks at least is standard for medical reasons, 12 weeks is covered by FMLA at qualified employers. What kind of paternity leave will your DH take? Will he be the kind of dad who takes a couple days off and then is happy to go back to work or will he stay home with you and the baby for a month? What kind of parenting division of labor do you want? Assuming that the "Breastfeeding nursing moms" thread is also you, it sounds like you are prioritizing a parenting style that involves a super-baby who falls asleep on their own, never whines, and requires very little of you. Where is your husband in all of that? Will he take the baby to the doctor? Will he cover sick days? Will he do pick up and drop off at whatever childcare y'all agree on? And what about childcare? Will you find daycare? If so, your work hours are pretty important. I know of very few daycares that were able to accommodate my RN best friend's schedule and her husband wasn't reliably able to do either end, so they had to get a nanny. You mention local family. What is your current relationship with them and to what extent do they want to be involved in your childcare plans?

I would strongly advise that you and your husband sit down and come up with some very specific answers to these questions before you pull the goalie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's never a perfect time to start a family, OP. It may not feel that way, but it's true.

If you aren't starting school for another year, why not start trying now? If nothing happens after a few months of trying, you can always reevaluate. If it happens right away, you'd have an almost-1 year old by the time the program started and an almost 3- year old by the time you graduate. That's much different than having a newborn. You won't have any spare time, but it's certainly doable.

I'm if Op got pregnant now, she will have a newborn when starting school. I don't understand how you got a 1 year old. Is she has school in a year ( let's say next fall), and gets pregnant now, she will deliver in August or September. That's having a newborn while stating school, like she said.

+1. She will have a baby, not a 1 year old.

PP here. I must've misread the OP. I thought she said she was starting school a year from now.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you want three, I'd get going. It's not likely that you'll have difficulty but guess what, it wasn't likely that I would but here I am, diagnosed with DOR and struggling to conceive a 2nd at age 33. Hindsight may be 20/20 but I sure do wish I would have started sooner. Though if you are open to adoption, I suppose it less of a concern.

[Anonymous]

I started trying to have a baby when I was 33 but didn't get give birth until one week before I turned 35 so it could be a long process. Took 8 months to get pregnant which is not unusual. Had a missed miscarriage and D&C at 9 weeks. After one period got pregnant right away.

So it could easily happen that if you start trying at 35 you could easily take until 37 to give birth. I think saying that you could have a baby at 35, 37 and 38 is a bit crazy. And this isn't even taking into account if you happen to have a difficult or special needs Baby and aren't really ready for a second according to your timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's never a perfect time to start a family, OP. It may not feel that way, but it's true.

If you aren't starting school for another year, why not start trying now? If nothing happens after a few months of trying, you can always reevaluate. If it happens right away, you'd have an almost-1 year old by the time the program started and an almost 3- year old by the time you graduate. That's much different than having a newborn. You won't have any spare time, but it's certainly doable.

I'm if Op got pregnant now, she will have a newborn when starting school. I don't understand how you got a 1 year old. Is she has school in a year ( let's say next fall), and gets pregnant now, she will deliver in August or September. That's having a newborn while stating school, like she said.

+1. She will have a baby, not a 1 year old.

PP here. I must've misread the OP. I thought she said she was starting school a year from now.

PP again. Clearly my brain has stopped working for the day. I don't know how I got so off track with the timing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to diagnose that OP does not want to get pregnant at all and is feeling immense pressure from DH.

OP, someone asked you questions about your DH. Is he an involved guy? Will he be the default parent? (Though truth be told you have no way to know for sure until you see him in action.) Do you have plenty of money?

With the way you are feeling, the above questions are critical and it's difficult to give advice without it.

Op here. I definitely want kids. I've always wanted to be a mother. I answered in another post that my DH is involved, but works 50 hours a week. We can afford outside care, but I worry about leaving a young baby with a babysitter. I start my program fall 2018, so I will have a very young baby if I get pregnant now. My other thought was to get pregnant at 34 while in my second year, and deliver baby around graduation time. That will leave me with 1-2 years to build up my new career before trying for a second baby.

I am sorry if I come across as a know it all. I asked because I was hoping to get first hand accounts of personal situations where you guys had similar situations, and how it worked out. That's really my main question. If having a child while working and going to school is reasonable? I know the risks after 35, and was a little annoyed by the snarky " you should know because you're a nurse" comments. I am aware of the risks, but that's not my question. My question, to moms who have had children, is will it be easier to wait until after school to start a family. I am feeling pressured by my DH and family to have a baby now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you saying start now, I can't honestly imagine having a newborn in the middle of an intensive CRNA program. That sounds like a nightmare.

Would you considered postponing your CRNA if you got pregnant now or in a year?

I feel like that saying, "You can have it all, but not all at once" is appropriate here.

Op here. I am eager to get my career started. I do not want to postpone school. I would rather postpone having a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to diagnose that OP does not want to get pregnant at all and is feeling immense pressure from DH.

OP, someone asked you questions about your DH. Is he an involved guy? Will he be the default parent? (Though truth be told you have no way to know for sure until you see him in action.) Do you have plenty of money?

With the way you are feeling, the above questions are critical and it's difficult to give advice without it.

Op here. I definitely want kids. I've always wanted to be a mother. I answered in another post that my DH is involved, but works 50 hours a week. We can afford outside care, but I worry about leaving a young baby with a babysitter. I start my program fall 2018, so I will have a very young baby if I get pregnant now. My other thought was to get pregnant at 34 while in my second year, and deliver baby around graduation time. That will leave me with 1-2 years to build up my new career before trying for a second baby.

I am sorry if I come across as a know it all. I asked because I was hoping to get first hand accounts of personal situations where you guys had similar situations, and how it worked out. That's really my main question. If having a child while working and going to school is reasonable? I know the risks after 35, and was a little annoyed by the snarky " you should know because you're a nurse" comments. I am aware of the risks, but that's not my question. My question, to moms who have had children, is will it be easier to wait until after school to start a family. I am feeling pressured by my DH and family to have a baby now.

I have a 7yo and a 4 month old. I work 30h/week at my paying job and am in a MSW program that has a 20h/week internship component. Internship started when baby was 2 months old. I was on maternity leave from my other job for another month after that but at internship 2 days a week. MSW program is online, which is the only way that it works.

It would be logistically easier for everyone if you were done with school when you had the baby. For you it would probably be physically easier if you were done with school before you got pregnant, particularly if you are working while in school. My situation has worked ONLY because my husband works a straight 40h/week office job where he is able to telework as needed. If he worked long hours (50+) or had to be on site all the time with a long commute, it would not work as I am currently working 5 10-hour days at 2 different jobs, one of them that is emotionally draining and pays nothing. I will also say that the difference for me between being pregnant at 28 and being pregnant at 35 was pretty severe. With my first baby, I was exhausted for the first trimester but otherwise felt like superwoman. With my second, I was nauseous for the first trimester and exhausted until she was born at almost 42 weeks. Do not underestimate your own capacity.

What you are describing is not impossible, and if it is all necessary, you will figure it out, but speaking as someone who just went through a similar process, I do not recommend it if you can figure out literally any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to diagnose that OP does not want to get pregnant at all and is feeling immense pressure from DH.

OP, someone asked you questions about your DH. Is he an involved guy? Will he be the default parent? (Though truth be told you have no way to know for sure until you see him in action.) Do you have plenty of money?

With the way you are feeling, the above questions are critical and it's difficult to give advice without it.

Op here. I definitely want kids. I've always wanted to be a mother. I answered in another post that my DH is involved, but works 50 hours a week. We can afford outside care, but I worry about leaving a young baby with a babysitter. I start my program fall 2018, so I will have a very young baby if I get pregnant now. My other thought was to get pregnant at 34 while in my second year, and deliver baby around graduation time. That will leave me with 1-2 years to build up my new career before trying for a second baby.

I am sorry if I come across as a know it all. I asked because I was hoping to get first hand accounts of personal situations where you guys had similar situations, and how it worked out. That's really my main question. If having a child while working and going to school is reasonable? I know the risks after 35, and was a little annoyed by the snarky " you should know because you're a nurse" comments. I am aware of the risks, but that's not my question. My question, to moms who have had children, is will it be easier to wait until after school to start a family. I am feeling pressured by my DH and family to have a baby now.

I'm tempted to say start now. I don't know if the CRNA has the same hours as a nurse but I have many friends who are mothers who love being nurses because the hours can be very flexible. I don't know if I would want to be ramping up into a new career at the same time I was having babies. Would it be a disaster to postpone your advanced degree? How much would it matter if you didn't start that until age 40? In the end, you would still get both (career and family) and you might enjoy the time when the kids are younger because you wouldn't have that additional stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you saying start now, I can't honestly imagine having a newborn in the middle of an intensive CRNA program. That sounds like a nightmare.

Would you considered postponing your CRNA if you got pregnant now or in a year?

I feel like that saying, "You can have it all, but not all at once" is appropriate here.

Op here. I am eager to get my career started. I do not want to postpone school. I would rather postpone having a baby.

NP. Then you have your answer. See how it goes with school and maybe you'll be open to having a child your second year in the program. Or maybe you'll realize that it's better to wait until you graduate and start your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to diagnose that OP does not want to get pregnant at all and is feeling immense pressure from DH.

OP, someone asked you questions about your DH. Is he an involved guy? Will he be the default parent? (Though truth be told you have no way to know for sure until you see him in action.) Do you have plenty of money?

With the way you are feeling, the above questions are critical and it's difficult to give advice without it.

Op here. I definitely want kids. I've always wanted to be a mother. I answered in another post that my DH is involved, but works 50 hours a week. We can afford outside care, but I worry about leaving a young baby with a babysitter. I start my program fall 2018, so I will have a very young baby if I get pregnant now. My other thought was to get pregnant at 34 while in my second year, and deliver baby around graduation time. That will leave me with 1-2 years to build up my new career before trying for a second baby.

I am sorry if I come across as a know it all. I asked because I was hoping to get first hand accounts of personal situations where you guys had similar situations, and how it worked out. That's really my main question. If having a child while working and going to school is reasonable? I know the risks after 35, and was a little annoyed by the snarky " you should know because you're a nurse" comments. I am aware of the risks, but that's not my question. My question, to moms who have had children, is will it be easier to wait until after school to start a family. I am feeling pressured by my DH and family to have a baby now.

I took a year off a graduate program to have a baby and stay home with her for a year. I was in a JD/PhD program and it was very intense. When I was pregnant, I had to take the bar exam in two states and finish my MPhil research which was not pleasant. I was 33 and was very lucky to get pregnant right away. The university had a wonderful daycare that I brought DD to for the next two years while I finished my dissertation and teaching. She was three when I graduated.

I have no family (I was an only child of a single mother who has passed away) and neither does DH really.

I am very happy I had our baby when I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to diagnose that OP does not want to get pregnant at all and is feeling immense pressure from DH.

OP, someone asked you questions about your DH. Is he an involved guy? Will he be the default parent? (Though truth be told you have no way to know for sure until you see him in action.) Do you have plenty of money?

With the way you are feeling, the above questions are critical and it's difficult to give advice without it.

Op here. I definitely want kids. I've always wanted to be a mother. I answered in another post that my DH is involved, but works 50 hours a week. We can afford outside care, but I worry about leaving a young baby with a babysitter. I start my program fall 2018, so I will have a very young baby if I get pregnant now. My other thought was to get pregnant at 34 while in my second year, and deliver baby around graduation time. That will leave me with 1-2 years to build up my new career before trying for a second baby.

I am sorry if I come across as a know it all. I asked because I was hoping to get first hand accounts of personal situations where you guys had similar
situations, and how it worked out. That's really my main question. If having a child while working and going to school is reasonable? I know the risks after 35, and was a little annoyed by the snarky " you should know because you're a nurse" comments. I am aware of the risks, but that's not my question. My question, to moms who have had children, is will it be easier to wait until after school to start a family. I am feeling pressured by my DH and family to have a baby now.

Well would it be easier for your schooling if you delay? YES absolutely. But it comes at a cost because something may become harder if you delay too long and that is your chance of conceiving.