Baby Now or Wait 2 Years?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry if I missed this, but how old is your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just think this sounds like so many women who think they have it all figured out, then post on this board two years later about being exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. We do not support working families in this country at all, so yes, the burdens of pregnancy and the early days of babies will be on her.

New marriage, new (intense) career, new babies all at once? Good luck to you, OP. I side with those who say that this is a lot to put on a new marriage. I also suggest that you try to remain flexible.

Op here. I have been with my husband for 3 years, and we have a very strong marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry if I missed this, but how old is your husband?

35.

[Anonymous]

Why does your husband want to start now? You mentioned he wanted 3 - 4, not 2.

It's all fine and well for us to talk about this in a vacuum of if it's a good decision for *you*, but your husband has an opinion too. It sounds like that's really the rub here - you wouldn't be asking if you both were on board with waiting. Although it sounds like you came to a compromise of waiting 13 months - which has its own risks (bedrest at the end of your program, early delivery, etc).

I've seen men leave women because they aren't aligned on children and timing. A couple of situations where the woman kept putting it off, and the man was secretly wondering if she was ever going to want to actually have the kids, or if the excuses/new jobs/etc were a way to delay and hope it didn't actually happen.

I think it'd be worth it to dig into it and make sure your husband doesn't doubt your commitment to kids. A really worst-case scenario is ending up divorced 18 months into your program because you're super-stressed at the 13 month mark and won't agree to TTC then, and he is over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think this sounds like so many women who think they have it all figured out, then post on this board two years later about being exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. We do not support working families in this country at all, so yes, the burdens of pregnancy and the early days of babies will be on her.

New marriage, new (intense) career, new babies all at once? Good luck to you, OP. I side with those who say that this is a lot to put on a new marriage. I also suggest that you try to remain flexible.

Op here. I have been with my husband for 3 years, and we have a very strong marriage.

Been with him 3 years - how long married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think this sounds like so many women who think they have it all figured out, then post on this board two years later about being exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. We do not support working families in this country at all, so yes, the burdens of pregnancy and the early days of babies will be on her.

New marriage, new (intense) career, new babies all at once? Good luck to you, OP. I side with those who say that this is a lot to put on a new marriage. I also suggest that you try to remain flexible.

Op here. I have been with my husband for 3 years, and we have a very strong marriage.

Your arrogance is boundless. You are really tempting fate here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think this sounds like so many women who think they have it all figured out, then post on this board two years later about being exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. We do not support working families in this country at all, so yes, the burdens of pregnancy and the early days of babies will be on her.

New marriage, new (intense) career, new babies all at once? Good luck to you, OP. I side with those who say that this is a lot to put on a new marriage. I also suggest that you try to remain flexible.

Op here. I have been with my husband for 3 years, and we have a very strong marriage.

3(!) years?! Ok wow. You know you're pretty much still in the honeymoon/getting to know each other period right? Wow that is not what I was picturing when I read earlier parts of this thread. Ok you guys need to have a serious talk about what you both want; you're thinking you can have it all your way and unfortunately...you can't. That's just how it is. Honestly your husband's work schedule is easy now versus how it will be once he's a partner. Assuming no fertility issues (something NO ONE can assume, and people who definitely want children are pretty ill-advised to tempt fate on), if you 2 go on to have multiple children in your late 30s...something is going to have to give. And hate to say it but...your husband's partner-track law career is not going to be it. You will be handling a lot of the parenting on your own - and of course you can hire help but if your concern is not wanting to leave your babies with childcare providers how will that change in several years?? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think this sounds like so many women who think they have it all figured out, then post on this board two years later about being exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. We do not support working families in this country at all, so yes, the burdens of pregnancy and the early days of babies will be on her.

New marriage, new (intense) career, new babies all at once? Good luck to you, OP. I side with those who say that this is a lot to put on a new marriage. I also suggest that you try to remain flexible.

Op here. I have been with my husband for 3 years, and we have a very strong marriage.

ummm you have no idea what kind of marriage you have. that remains to be determined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are going to be 35 when you finish this program. Then you plan to work full time while having three babies in rapid succession? Or take time off, and then go back to work full time 6-7 years later?

I don't really understand how this will work. If you already had a child, or were only planning to have one or two, this would all make sense. As it is, how will you build up any experience working with three maternity leaves? And then you have a technical degree, which is less marketable as time without a job goes by.

I know you are thinking that lots of women work and have children, but most do not have three in quick succession when they first enter the workforce in their field. Those who do often struggle.

My vote is child now, start classes, try to make it work. Or, wait and go back to school when you're at least halfway done having kids.

This all sounds possible before the pregnancy or child exists, and then you discover that your life is much less your own than you ever thought possible, unless you have lots of money to hire help.

OP has the money but doesn't feel like leaving a baby with a caregiver. also her husband works a lot and, since she used to be a nanny, she knows babies are too much work. but this will all be very different in two years.

Op here. You're right. I did say having a child while going working and going for my CRNA will be too difficult. I am realistic enough to know that it's hard to have a baby, and I don't want to take that on while in school. I want to enjoy my baby, not hire a nanny to be the caregiver while I'm always gone.

Then when will you start working? Will your degree still be valuable if you are a SAHM for some time right after you get it? Otherwise, won't you need a nanny/daycare anyway?

Exactly. This is what I'm not understanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just think this sounds like so many women who think they have it all figured out, then post on this board two years later about being exhausted and overwhelmed and depressed. We do not support working families in this country at all, so yes, the burdens of pregnancy and the early days of babies will be on her.

New marriage, new (intense) career, new babies all at once? Good luck to you, OP. I side with those who say that this is a lot to put on a new marriage. I also suggest that you try to remain flexible.

Op here. I have been with my husband for 3 years, and we have a very strong marriage.

ummm you have no idea what kind of marriage you have. that remains to be determined.

+1 million. Cannot emphasize this enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Childfree 33 year old here. I mention that because I am in no way a baby-pusher. But I think it's insane that you'd wait if you know for sure you want kids, and especially that you want 2 - 3.

The CRNA program will be there later if it's too hard with a newborn or while pregnant.

Just because you're open to adoption doesn't mean it's always a possibility. Adopting a healthy infant gets harder every year as unwanted pregnancy drops, and many children that are slightly older but physically healthy may have serious emotional trauma from the circumstances that led to them being placed for adoption at a slightly older age. How will you react if you can't pursue your career because of health or emotional needs of your children, whether biological or adopted?

I'm a big believer in putting having kids first ahead of career once you know you want them. Not to mention, every year you delay having children is a year less of their lives you'll get to enjoy when you are older.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who freezes eggs at 19?!

Op here. I found out two of my aunts had fetid it's issues. One was pregnant when they discovered ovarian cancer. The second had endometriosis at a young age. It was a preventive measure because I knew I always wanted children.

Wait. And this (on top of your age) doesn't scare you at all??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is talking about fertility. As a doc I can tell you that there is NO WAY to do a CRNA with a newborn. And work part time?? Haha. You can have it all. Just not at the same time. Sorry, OP.

+1. Op, don't listen to half of the people on this thread. I read through the responses and I don't think they understand what a CRNA program entails. My sister is a CRNA. It is a very difficult program to go through. There in no way you can have a young baby and do it. I strongly encourage you to wait or go with the plan to get pregnant your second year and time it with graduation. You will likely fail if you have a baby now and have to raise a newborn and toddler throughout the duration of school.

+2

They tell you during CRNA orientation that those who succeed are the ones whose lives are stable in all other aspects. It's the kind of program that leads to divorces/breakups and problems in other aspects of your life if you're not prepared. The work is also not ideal for a pregnant woman (given the exposure risks from anesthesia gases and drugs, radiation, and the patients themselves [infections, moving dead weight], and so on).

Is this a concern, OP?

[Anonymous]

Op here. 3 years may be seem like a long time time, but there are many couples who get pregnant sooner than that. I love my husband and we honestly sync up on everything except when to have kids. At first, he said late 30's, and now wants them now or in a year. It's the pressure of our families and all of our friends getting pregnant, and telling us we need to start. We came to a decision that waiting a year will be the best choice.

Yes, I said kids are hard now, but I do what them. Being realistic, I can't do work and school with a baby. School trumps baby right now. I am more than willing to have a nanny while working, but now while having work and school.

Yes, I got my eggs frozen at 19 as a precaution. I've had check ups and I'm fine. That may change, but it may not. I am not going to live my life in fear. The worse thing someone can do is have a child out of fear or before they're ready. It's a humans being, not an accessory.

I am well aware of the job risks while pregnant. I am fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who freezes eggs at 19?!

Op here. I found out two of my aunts had fetid it's issues. One was pregnant when they discovered ovarian cancer. The second had endometriosis at a young age. It was a preventive measure because I knew I always wanted children.

Wait. And this (on top of your age) doesn't scare you at all??

Calm down. She is 34, not 50. It's her damn life. If she doesn't want kids right now, that's her choice. I think she is smart. Why have a kid only to maybe resent them if she can't accomplish her dream?