Baby Now or Wait 2 Years?

[Anonymous]

I am new to this forum and not sure where to post. I just turned 33 and contemplating having my first child now, or waiting until I'm 35. Im a nurse, and will be going back in a year for my CRNA. The program is a two year intensive program, and I will be working part-time, too. My DH really wants to try for a baby now, but I am not sure about having a newborn, work, and school at the same time. It's seems very overwhelming to me. My hope was to wait until I am 35 and out of school. I can coordinate getting pregnant and then delivering after graduation, that way I wouldn't need to take maternity leave a few months into a new job. We want 2, maybe 3, close in age. If I can have it work, I would love to have them at 35 and 37, and maybe 38 if we have a third. We met when I was 30 ( he was 32), married at 32 and 34, and I wish we can have more time as a married couple before having children. He's anxious to get started. What would you do? Am I being unrealistic with my expectations?

[Anonymous]

It gets harder to get pregnant with every passing year. More risks, too. After 35, yours will be listed as a "geriatric pregnancy".

[Anonymous]

Start now, especially if you want 2-3. I'm surprised as a nurse that you aren't informed about fertility.

[Anonymous]

Most people won't have trouble having kids at 35-39. Problem is you don't know if you're most people.

I'd do some testing with my OB. They can tell you a decent amount through some simple bloodwork in terms of whether or not you're looking like an early fertility decliner. No guarantees though in any case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start now, especially if you want 2-3. I'm surprised as a nurse that you aren't informed about fertility.

Op here. I am well aware that it gets harder to have a child after 35, but many women do. As a nurse, I've seen many healthy pregnancies, with the moms being as old as 42. We are in a generation where many women are having their children later. Having a child after 35 increases risks, but every complications can happen with any age. I am not going to be scared into those statistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start now, especially if you want 2-3. I'm surprised as a nurse that you aren't informed about fertility.

+1. If you definitely know you want children, you absolutely should not risk waiting.

[Anonymous]

I think the terror of declining fertility is a little overblown on these boards, but if you think you'll want three there's no good reason to wait until 35 to get started. Not because all your eggs dry up on the eve of your 35th birthday, but because it's healthiest to give your body time to recover between pregnancies (the WHO recommends at least 2-3 years between pregnancies to protect maternal health, reduce premature birth and infant and child mortality).

Starting your family at 35 isn't a big deal, but finishing at 43 might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am new to this forum and not sure where to post. I just turned 33 and contemplating having my first child now, or waiting until I'm 35. Im a nurse, and will be going back in a year for my CRNA. The program is a two year intensive program, and I will be working part-time, too. My DH really wants to try for a baby now, but I am not sure about having a newborn, work, and school at the same time. It's seems very overwhelming to me. My hope was to wait until I am 35 and out of school. I can coordinate getting pregnant and then delivering after graduation, that way I wouldn't need to take maternity leave a few months into a new job. We want 2, maybe 3, close in age. If I can have it work, I would love to have them at 35 and 37, and maybe 38 if we have a third. We met when I was 30 ( he was 32), married at 32 and 34, and I wish we can have more time as a married couple before having children. He's anxious to get started. What would you do? Am I being unrealistic with my expectations?

Yes. To matter of factly say "I want to have a kid at 35, 37 and 38" shows that you have unrealistic expectations about how this process goes.

Also, did you make a post about "breastfeeding nursing moms"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the terror of declining fertility is a little overblown on these boards, but if you think you'll want three there's no good reason to wait until 35 to get started. Not because all your eggs dry up on the eve of your 35th birthday, but because it's healthiest to give your body time to recover between pregnancies (the WHO recommends at least 2-3 years between pregnancies to protect maternal health, reduce premature birth and infant and child mortality).

Starting your family at 35 isn't a big deal, but finishing at 43 might be.

AND that's assuming you don't encounter any unexpected fertility issues, or have miscarriages (increased risk with advanced maternal age), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the terror of declining fertility is a little overblown on these boards, but if you think you'll want three there's no good reason to wait until 35 to get started. Not because all your eggs dry up on the eve of your 35th birthday, but because it's healthiest to give your body time to recover between pregnancies (the WHO recommends at least 2-3 years between pregnancies to protect maternal health, reduce premature birth and infant and child mortality).

Starting your family at 35 isn't a big deal, but finishing at 43 might be.

I agree with this post. It's not that being 35 is some huge problem, but I do think packing three pregnancies into 3-4 years is not a great idea for anyone at any age.

Nothing magical is going to happen between 33 and 35 in terms of you being able to carry a healthy pregnancy, that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

You're a nurse, you should know that your fertility is plummeting as we speak, literally.

So get going now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people won't have trouble having kids at 35-39. Problem is you don't know if you're most people.

I'd do some testing with my OB. They can tell you a decent amount through some simple bloodwork in terms of whether or not you're looking like an early fertility decliner. No guarantees though in any case.

Agree with this.

Also, if he's anxious to start sooner rather than later, is he willing to be the default parent while you're still in school? Will you be able to afford lots of help? Do you have family around who could help? My sister is having her third right now while getting her MBA and working at a (more than) full time, very demanding job and her DH is out of town for work quite a bit. She makes it work but depends incredibly heavily on my parents and her MIL to help her. If she and her husband didn't have that help, she couldn't manage the MBA program or the job.

[Anonymous]

eh, I think you can wait like 1 year to start trying, then you can be pregnant when you're finishing your program. I had my first and only at 42 with no complications, the risks are real, but its not like you turn 35 and everything deteriorates immediately, its gradual, and 40 is a more realistic age to really start paying attention to the statistics. I got lucky.

[Anonymous]

There's never a perfect time to start a family, OP. It may not feel that way, but it's true.

If you aren't starting school for another year, why not start trying now? If nothing happens after a few months of trying, you can always reevaluate. If it happens right away, you'd have an almost-1 year old by the time the program started and an almost 3- year old by the time you graduate. That's much different than having a newborn. You won't have any spare time, but it's certainly doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the terror of declining fertility is a little overblown on these boards, but if you think you'll want three there's no good reason to wait until 35 to get started. Not because all your eggs dry up on the eve of your 35th birthday, but because it's healthiest to give your body time to recover between pregnancies (the WHO recommends at least 2-3 years between pregnancies to protect maternal health, reduce premature birth and infant and child mortality).

Starting your family at 35 isn't a big deal, but finishing at 43 might be.

I agree with this post. It's not that being 35 is some huge problem, but I do think packing three pregnancies into 3-4 years is not a great idea for anyone at any age.

Nothing magical is going to happen between 33 and 35 in terms of you being able to carry a healthy pregnancy, that's for sure.

Except that if you start trying and DO run into unexpected issues or setbacks...there's a big difference between starting to seek fertility assistance at 37 than 35.