3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't push potty training on my son and he was trained by 3.5. He's 8 now and wears a pull up at night no big deal. My 2 year old is still in diapers. I'm doing the same with him and not forcing the potty. Less stress for everyone.

Sounds pretty stress free right until he gets invited to a sleepover or someone sees his pull-ups. Kids actually get embarrassed by those things even if you don't feel weird about having a kid in diapers way past the norm. Do the kid a favor.

He wears jammies at sleepovers. Wearing a pull up is no big deal for him I've never made it an issue. We don't live our lives to impress others or seek acceptance.

8??

So, the fear of having an 8 year old in a pullup is exactly what caused me to make sure that hell or highwater, we started potty training before 2.5. Maybe some people don't mind, that's great, but I would mind. I have clear memories of being 8.

I also have clear memories of being 8, and being a serial bedwetter. I remember changing and cleaning my wet sheets every night, and I remember my parents trying every bedwetting alarm or product to train me out of it. I remember feeling like crap about it a lot of the time. Frankly, I wish someone had just let me wear a pull up until I grew out of it.

Aw, PP. night wetting has come a long way since we grew up (unlike this first poster who is obnoxious). pediatricians understand that this is a hormonal thing, and also genetic, and can take kids until 10 or 11 to grow out of bed wetting. i'm sorry you felt like crap about it, that sucks. my DD is 7.5 and is wet 6 out of 7 nights (DH's family all wet the bed). thankfully DD has a healthy self esteem and we don't make a big deal of it.

I made the shocked face above - am I the PP you're calling obnoxious?

If so, it's not my intent - let me be clearer here.

If a kid has a bedwetting issue, sure, wear a pullup. No problem and definitely don't shame the kid for it. But to not TRY to night train in some fashion, and just use pullups until... the kid starts staying dry by her/himself even if third grade or later... that is not a path I am personally willing to take with my children. And the potty training book I used (oh crap potty training) suggests that bedwetting issues occur more often when the child begins the potty training process too late. Who knows if that's legit, but I'd rather deal with the accidents than risk it!

yes, it's you to whom i am talking. both of my kids were out of daytime diapers by 26 months. i have tried nightraining my oldest three times. it just doesn't work and i'd rather we all get sleep then get up and change sheets every night and have her feeling shame and guilt like the PP before me because she has NO CONTROL over this. but go on your merry, high horse way and pat yourself on the back for a job that you think is better done than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't push potty training on my son and he was trained by 3.5. He's 8 now and wears a pull up at night no big deal. My 2 year old is still in diapers. I'm doing the same with him and not forcing the potty. Less stress for everyone.

Sounds pretty stress free right until he gets invited to a sleepover or someone sees his pull-ups. Kids actually get embarrassed by those things even if you don't feel weird about having a kid in diapers way past the norm. Do the kid a favor.

He wears jammies at sleepovers. Wearing a pull up is no big deal for him I've never made it an issue. We don't live our lives to impress others or seek acceptance.

8??

So, the fear of having an 8 year old in a pullup is exactly what caused me to make sure that hell or highwater, we started potty training before 2.5. Maybe some people don't mind, that's great, but I would mind. I have clear memories of being 8.

I also have clear memories of being 8, and being a serial bedwetter. I remember changing and cleaning my wet sheets every night, and I remember my parents trying every bedwetting alarm or product to train me out of it. I remember feeling like crap about it a lot of the time. Frankly, I wish someone had just let me wear a pull up until I grew out of it.

Aw, PP. night wetting has come a long way since we grew up (unlike this first poster who is obnoxious). pediatricians understand that this is a hormonal thing, and also genetic, and can take kids until 10 or 11 to grow out of bed wetting. i'm sorry you felt like crap about it, that sucks. my DD is 7.5 and is wet 6 out of 7 nights (DH's family all wet the bed). thankfully DD has a healthy self esteem and we don't make a big deal of it.

I made the shocked face above - am I the PP you're calling obnoxious?

If so, it's not my intent - let me be clearer here.

If a kid has a bedwetting issue, sure, wear a pullup. No problem and definitely don't shame the kid for it. But to not TRY to night train in some fashion, and just use pullups until... the kid starts staying dry by her/himself even if third grade or later... that is not a path I am personally willing to take with my children. And the potty training book I used (oh crap potty training) suggests that bedwetting issues occur more often when the child begins the potty training process too late. Who knows if that's legit, but I'd rather deal with the accidents than risk it!

yes, it's you to whom i am talking. both of my kids were out of daytime diapers by 26 months. i have tried nightraining my oldest three times. it just doesn't work and i'd rather we all get sleep then get up and change sheets every night and have her feeling shame and guilt like the PP before me because she has NO CONTROL over this. but go on your merry, high horse way and pat yourself on the back for a job that you think is better done than others.

Uhhh.... didn't I just explain that I agree that if it's not working, sure, go ahead and do what works? My beef is with those who never even try to train. I'm not even there yet, my DD could be not night-trainable too! I think having an 8 year old child in pullups is worth taking some actions to try to avoid if you can, but of course you can't always! That was really all I was getting at.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who still wet the bed at age 8 (what a distinguishing characteristic). I wasn't objecting to the idea of potty training at age 2.5. I have 2 kids, both of whom day trained easily between 2.5 and 3. Both of them tried night training; it took pretty easily with one, the other...not so much. And so he remains in a pull up at night at age 5. We give it a chance periodically, but if it doesn't work, no problem.

I was reacting to the googly eyed shock post, where you said you "fear" having an 8 year old in pull up, and the one before that, saying that the mom should "do the kid a favor" by getting him out of pull ups. My point was that I was that kid, and I would have preferred the pull ups. And I was disagreeing with the underlying premise of both posts- that bedwetting issues are caused by lazy parenting. Believe me, my parents tried it all. Do you all really think the mom of the 8 year old never tried to get him to use the toilet at night?

Also, I disagree that there's a clear link between relatively late training and bed wetting issues. In fact, it may go the other way, as discussed here. http://www.babble.com/toddler/dangers-potty-training-early/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who still wet the bed at age 8 (what a distinguishing characteristic). I wasn't objecting to the idea of potty training at age 2.5. I have 2 kids, both of whom day trained easily between 2.5 and 3. Both of them tried night training; it took pretty easily with one, the other...not so much. And so he remains in a pull up at night at age 5. We give it a chance periodically, but if it doesn't work, no problem.

I was reacting to the googly eyed shock post, where you said you "fear" having an 8 year old in pull up, and the one before that, saying that the mom should "do the kid a favor" by getting him out of pull ups. My point was that I was that kid, and I would have preferred the pull ups. And I was disagreeing with the underlying premise of both posts- that bedwetting issues are caused by lazy parenting. Believe me, my parents tried it all. Do you all really think the mom of the 8 year old never tried to get him to use the toilet at night?

Also, I disagree that there's a clear link between relatively late training and bed wetting issues. In fact, it may go the other way, as discussed here. http://www.babble.com/toddler/dangers-potty-training-early/

I am the "fear" google-eyes poster. And actually, yes, the poster I was responding to did seem to have a very laissez-faire attitude towards training, which provoked my shock face. If parents try, and it doesn't work, I don't judge! And I certainly don't ASSUME that the parents are lazy about it unless they give me a reason to think so (such as saying "my 8 year old's in pullups, I just thought it would be easier not to ever make an issue of it" as PP did). I apologize if my fear offends you, but to be clear, my fear is that I will have caused my child a hardship such as not being night trained by age 8 if I do not give them the opportunity to start potty training early. It appears you disagree that it is even possible that parenting could exacerbate this, and it's great that that is not the case in your situation - but I do believe it plays a role. Sounds like you're doing it right, try it every now and then and not make a big deal if it doesn't work. That's exactly how I plan to do it when we get there.

I tend to agree with the notion, however, that the availability of disposables makes it easier for kids to ignore body cues for longer, makes it harder for parents to actually do the training, and just overall pushes the boundary beyond what is natural. It's great that they also make it easier for the kid not to have shame over things they can't control--but I think this is something I wanted to be proactive about, partly out of fear that I would cause my child a problem that he/she would not otherwise have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who still wet the bed at age 8 (what a distinguishing characteristic). I wasn't objecting to the idea of potty training at age 2.5. I have 2 kids, both of whom day trained easily between 2.5 and 3. Both of them tried night training; it took pretty easily with one, the other...not so much. And so he remains in a pull up at night at age 5. We give it a chance periodically, but if it doesn't work, no problem.

I was reacting to the googly eyed shock post, where you said you "fear" having an 8 year old in pull up, and the one before that, saying that the mom should "do the kid a favor" by getting him out of pull ups. My point was that I was that kid, and I would have preferred the pull ups. And I was disagreeing with the underlying premise of both posts- that bedwetting issues are caused by lazy parenting. Believe me, my parents tried it all. Do you all really think the mom of the 8 year old never tried to get him to use the toilet at night?

Also, I disagree that there's a clear link between relatively late training and bed wetting issues. In fact, it may go the other way, as discussed here. http://www.babble.com/toddler/dangers-potty-training-early/

I am the "fear" google-eyes poster. And actually, yes, the poster I was responding to did seem to have a very laissez-faire attitude towards training, which provoked my shock face. If parents try, and it doesn't work, I don't judge! And I certainly don't ASSUME that the parents are lazy about it unless they give me a reason to think so (such as saying "my 8 year old's in pullups, I just thought it would be easier not to ever make an issue of it" as PP did). I apologize if my fear offends you, but to be clear, my fear is that I will have caused my child a hardship such as not being night trained by age 8 if I do not give them the opportunity to start potty training early. It appears you disagree that it is even possible that parenting could exacerbate this, and it's great that that is not the case in your situation - but I do believe it plays a role. Sounds like you're doing it right, try it every now and then and not make a big deal if it doesn't work. That's exactly how I plan to do it when we get there.

I tend to agree with the notion, however, that the availability of disposables makes it easier for kids to ignore body cues for longer, makes it harder for parents to actually do the training, and just overall pushes the boundary beyond what is natural. It's great that they also make it easier for the kid not to have shame over things they can't control--but I think this is something I wanted to be proactive about, partly out of fear that I would cause my child a problem that he/she would not otherwise have.

Lol. Well, I guess I should have know what I was in for in responding to a post on this topic. In truth, I don't see much difference between what I have done and what the mom of the 8 year old has done. I would characterize myself as laissez-faire to be sure.

There's no need to read between the lines here- what I believe is what I said in my prior post- the link between bedwetting and early vs. late training is not clear. The link was to an article by the pediatric urologist who wrote It's No Accident, explaining why he believes early training leads to withholding and constipation, which in turn leads to problems like bedwetting. I understand there is literature to the contrary. I'm not a doctor, and I think that perhaps the truth lies somewhere in between- different kids benefit from different approaches. Which is why with potty training, as with many other things, I try to be relaxed and read my children as we go along, rather than adhering to the belief that there is one way for parents to be "doing it right". But, thanks for the praise, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Both my kids night-trained before I potty-trained them. From my limited personal experience, and what I've read, staying dry through the night is a biological issue, not a training one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So you've trained two children, and you know everything now, huh?

My son trained at 3.5. That's when he was ready. We tried at 2.75, with an experienced day care worker who had trained literally dozens of children and said he would be no problem. Two weeks later, she gave up and told us to send in the diapers, that he simply wasn't ready. I tried again at 3 and 3.3, then at 3.5, we were done within a week.

I have many, many friends with boys who said their boys trained right at 3, and that no amount of cajoling worked earlier, but it was easy at 3. I had another friend whose child stubbornly refused to train until 4. My niece was another stubborn trainer. Her brother trained easily, she was a nightmare.

It depends so much on the kid.

My son was the same way except I was at home with him so I never switched back to diapers. He would use the bathroom when I sent him but if I didn't remind him, he would poop and pee in his pants and not care one little bit about it. I remember many, many moms (of girls mostly) telling me that once he had to clean up the mess, he would start using the toilet. Ha! He FINALLY started going to the bathroom on his own around 3 and a half years old for pee. It was around 4 years old when he finally would use the toilet for poop. That was the longest year and a bit more of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who still wet the bed at age 8 (what a distinguishing characteristic). I wasn't objecting to the idea of potty training at age 2.5. I have 2 kids, both of whom day trained easily between 2.5 and 3. Both of them tried night training; it took pretty easily with one, the other...not so much. And so he remains in a pull up at night at age 5. We give it a chance periodically, but if it doesn't work, no problem.

I was reacting to the googly eyed shock post, where you said you "fear" having an 8 year old in pull up, and the one before that, saying that the mom should "do the kid a favor" by getting him out of pull ups. My point was that I was that kid, and I would have preferred the pull ups. And I was disagreeing with the underlying premise of both posts- that bedwetting issues are caused by lazy parenting. Believe me, my parents tried it all. Do you all really think the mom of the 8 year old never tried to get him to use the toilet at night?

Also, I disagree that there's a clear link between relatively late training and bed wetting issues. In fact, it may go the other way, as discussed here. http://www.babble.com/toddler/dangers-potty-training-early/

I am the "fear" google-eyes poster. And actually, yes, the poster I was responding to did seem to have a very laissez-faire attitude towards training, which provoked my shock face. If parents try, and it doesn't work, I don't judge! And I certainly don't ASSUME that the parents are lazy about it unless they give me a reason to think so (such as saying "my 8 year old's in pullups, I just thought it would be easier not to ever make an issue of it" as PP did). I apologize if my fear offends you, but to be clear, my fear is that I will have caused my child a hardship such as not being night trained by age 8 if I do not give them the opportunity to start potty training early. It appears you disagree that it is even possible that parenting could exacerbate this, and it's great that that is not the case in your situation - but I do believe it plays a role. Sounds like you're doing it right, try it every now and then and not make a big deal if it doesn't work. That's exactly how I plan to do it when we get there.

I tend to agree with the notion, however, that the availability of disposables makes it easier for kids to ignore body cues for longer, makes it harder for parents to actually do the training, and just overall pushes the boundary beyond what is natural. It's great that they also make it easier for the kid not to have shame over things they can't control--but I think this is something I wanted to be proactive about, partly out of fear that I would cause my child a problem that he/she would not otherwise have.

Lol. Well, I guess I should have know what I was in for in responding to a post on this topic. In truth, I don't see much difference between what I have done and what the mom of the 8 year old has done. I would characterize myself as laissez-faire to be sure.

There's no need to read between the lines here- what I believe is what I said in my prior post- the link between bedwetting and early vs. late training is not clear. The link was to an article by the pediatric urologist who wrote It's No Accident, explaining why he believes early training leads to withholding and constipation, which in turn leads to problems like bedwetting. I understand there is literature to the contrary. I'm not a doctor, and I think that perhaps the truth lies somewhere in between- different kids benefit from different approaches. Which is why with potty training, as with many other things, I try to be relaxed and read my children as we go along, rather than adhering to the belief that there is one way for parents to be "doing it right". But, thanks for the praise, I guess.

Yeah I honestly don't think we disagree much if at all. I think I should just avoid using the emoticons because they come off as judgier than I intend them! I just boggled at the casual "oh, my 8 year old's in a pullup - whatevz." Maybe I interpreted that post wrong, but that's why I wigged out about it. To the extent your response was intended to make me feel guilty for that, it definitely succeeded!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it is because I wanted them to learn to read first so they can read on the toilet. We're a zero screen time house.

Lmao perfect DCUM response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people feel the need to respond to an anonymous troll who is asking you to defend how you handled potty training your child?
Don't feed the troll - she's not asking for any advice here, she's just looking to work everyone up into a lather and sitting back enjoying her popcorn.

Probably while sitting on a potty....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids night-trained before I potty-trained them. From my limited personal experience, and what I've read, staying dry through the night is a biological issue, not a training one.

Biological?

[Anonymous]

Some kids have anxiety disorders or oppositional personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my kids night-trained before I potty-trained them. From my limited personal experience, and what I've read, staying dry through the night is a biological issue, not a training one.

Biological?

The ability to hold urine all night while sleeping is based on certain neurological developments, which are not the same as the ones involved in knowing when to use the potty and being able to hold urine until reaching the potty during the day.

[Anonymous]

Omg why do people freak out over little things. They sell pull ups for older kids in every store. Obviously its more common than you think. Everyone parents differently. People love to be critics. No wonder so many people are in therapy. Hypocritical overbearing parents setting artificial goals to fulfill their shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

People are way too judgmental. It really doesn’t matter if a kid is potty trained at 2 or 4. That’s not something they will be putting on their college application. Nighttime accidents are super common, absolutely nothing wrong with a kid who takes longer to stay dry at night. I’ve known 10 year olds who still have accidents. Really not a big deal.