Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men and women are physically different

They participate in the sex act differently

Thus different standards are reasonable.

Is this because the shape of the organs are different, and that determines their ability to use their head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope my daughters have more partners than I did and start younger.

I married the first guy I slept with and didn't lose it til I was well over 19.

What's wrong with 19? There's no magic number. Relax. Life is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men and women are physically different

They participate in the sex act differently

Thus different standards are reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men and women are physically different

They participate in the sex act differently

Thus different standards are reasonable.

Thanks for more poetic stanzas. You are the most recognizable troll on DCUM. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men and women are physically different

They participate in the sex act differently

Thus different standards are reasonable.

This is a vastly outdated myth. The truth is that men and women are more similar than they are different. Some people are naturally polygamous; they belong with each other. Others are naturally monogamous; they also belong together. Problems arise when a monogamous person and a non-monogamous one try to make it work and make everyone miserable in the process.

The truth is that there are no magic numbers. It's not chemistry. It's emotional. The key to make it work is honesty, a trait vastly absent across DCUM, so everybody please to try to develop a sense of humor.

One outcome of participating in this thread on and off during the day is that it's brought DH and myself closer because we agree that you're wrong.

[Anonymous]

Physical differences
Brain chemistry differences
Hormonal differences
Reproductive differences.

I mean how crazy is it to deny that mothers birth babies and that men inseminate women.

And that's a big big difference if ask me!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As many or as few as my daughter (or my son, for that matter) wanted to have while staying safe and healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. In our family, we don't slut-shame.

so 100 would be ok if she felt safe and healthy?

Sure. Honestly, I think 100 wouldn't even be that high if you end up marrying late like late thirties, early forties. Some people have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the one.

At those ridiculously highly fictional numbers, it's obviously a person who needs Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: http://www.slaafws.org/

Growing up in DC in the 1980s, I've known an handful of men and women like this. They're always tortured. They're either driven by repetition compulsion or some other affliction. Almost all want a solid, loving relationship with someone who really cares about them. Nobody wants to be used, certainly not seriously.

However, I honestly think you're being disingenuous in your post and that you'd never consider LTRs with anyone of that description.

Some people see sex as an enjoyable way to get some necessary physical release and don't view every partner as a potential ltr. Just a little FYI.

If you honestly believe this tell your partner, get tested on a regular basis and use a condom every single time you have sex.

BTW, this approach doesn't work well with very many women. If you want one reaction, watch Carmen Diaz's character's response to being called a "fuck buddy" by Tom Cruise's character in "Vanilla Sky."

I haven't seen this movie but I've never been crushed when a guy I fancied didn't want anything serious. They seldom do in college anyway. Most people just want to have some fun and then gossip to their friends afterwards It doesn't have to be a big deal.

That's another thing. I don't think many people just want to compare sexual experiences around the breakfast table the day afterward. That's a myth perpetuated by "Sex and the City" and shows like that.

Here's what my friends and I heard more of: "Oh, I met this terrific guy. We're going out Friday, and if it works out, I'll introduce you to him."
Occasionally, we heard something like this: "I slept with X and he didn't call back. What went wrong?"
Then, we'd all commiserate about it and help her through it until she met someone else.

Um, ok. You do get that other people, who are not you and your friends, exist, right? Because my friends and I had those conversations frequently, and I never watched SATC.

Oooh, who's having a bad day on DCUM? Because it sounds like I struck a nerve. A little sensitive, are you very much? Not so happy with yourself, perhaps? Because you're the one who reacted, not me.

Stick to the topic at hand, if you're able.

I'm fine, thanks. Not quite sure where you're getting the "off topic" charge. You said you thought people never did X because you and your friends didn't. I was pointing out that my friends and I did X quite often. Calm down.

I'm calm. You're irrational. You obviously don't understand my point and I'm not interested in explaining it to you again, so get over yourself.

I get your point - you were claiming that women don't hang around and compare sex notes. You claimed your basis for this was that your friends never did that. I was pointing out that, just because you and your friends didn't do that, that doesn't mean no women did. And I pointed out that my friends and I are examples of women who do. Why so hostile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physical differences
Brain chemistry differences
Hormonal differences
Reproductive differences.

I mean how crazy is it to deny that mothers birth babies and that men inseminate women.

And that's a big big difference if ask me!

Citation please. And the fact that I gestate doesn't seem relevant to how I experience sex.

[Anonymous]

I had 1 sexual partner before I married. So my total #is 2. I have NEVER had an orgasm with either of my two lovers. I can only orgasm from masturbation -- either b/c I have a mental block or b/c my lovers don't know what they are doing. I am not sure. I focused only on emotional connection/love and thus only 2 people. Now I am 40 and what a HUGE regret in my life. I will teach my daughter that sometimes fun sex just for the pure physicality of it is OK. I will give her books to read about sexual pleasure, orgasm, taking responsibility for your own sexual pleasure, and be very open about sex (opposite of how I grew up). I still think a connection with the man is important and expectations should be clarified up front. Nonethless, I would HATE for her to repeat my life/mistakes.

For OP: I think the number for my daughter should be at least 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mothers: How many sex partners would you want your daughters to have prior to marriage?

How many is too many? Is there too many? At what age should they start having sex?

Honestly - what advice would you give your daughter if she asked you for it and insisted on you giving her a concrete number?

Hmm. I can only base it from my experiences. I would say not to start having sex before 17. I think at a younger age it is too easy to get derailed and wrapped up in that relationship, unable to function solo. However, waiting until college can be dicey because it is more of a hookup culture and I think less likely the guy will really know/care about you as a person as the high school boyfriend would.

Hard to give max or min because I could imagine DD getting married between 25-35 and that being typical. Ten years is a big span in terms of partners. So I would say 4 or 5 partners before marriage should be enough idea to know what is out there but I think knowing what you like and taking control of your sexuality so to speak is important. My mom made sex sound like this scary thing ...and I think going too far that direction is wrong. A healthy marriage should have a vibrant sex life so I don't want to teach my kids it is this bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 1 sexual partner before I married. So my total #is 2. I have NEVER had an orgasm with either of my two lovers. I can only orgasm from masturbation -- either b/c I have a mental block or b/c my lovers don't know what they are doing. I am not sure. I focused only on emotional connection/love and thus only 2 people. Now I am 40 and what a HUGE regret in my life. I will teach my daughter that sometimes fun sex just for the pure physicality of it is OK. I will give her books to read about sexual pleasure, orgasm, taking responsibility for your own sexual pleasure, and be very open about sex (opposite of how I grew up). I still think a connection with the man is important and expectations should be clarified up front. Nonethless, I would HATE for her to repeat my life/mistakes.

For OP: I think the number for my daughter should be at least 10.

OH NO! I only ever have had 1 sexual partner. My DH. And we both were virgins when we married. I orgasm all the time because we have opened up about sex. We educated ourselves and experimented. You can say that my sex life is smoking hot!

Based on your logic though, my daughter should sleep with at least 20 men. And considering that she is in HS and has other things to worry about, maybe she can schedule it such that she can have sex with a few of them on the same day to save time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had 1 sexual partner before I married. So my total #is 2. I have NEVER had an orgasm with either of my two lovers. I can only orgasm from masturbation -- either b/c I have a mental block or b/c my lovers don't know what they are doing. I am not sure. I focused only on emotional connection/love and thus only 2 people. Now I am 40 and what a HUGE regret in my life. I will teach my daughter that sometimes fun sex just for the pure physicality of it is OK. I will give her books to read about sexual pleasure, orgasm, taking responsibility for your own sexual pleasure, and be very open about sex (opposite of how I grew up). I still think a connection with the man is important and expectations should be clarified up front. Nonethless, I would HATE for her to repeat my life/mistakes.

For OP: I think the number for my daughter should be at least 10.

OH NO! I only ever have had 1 sexual partner. My DH. And we both were virgins when we married. I orgasm all the time because we have opened up about sex. We educated ourselves and experimented. You can say that my sex life is smoking hot!

Based on your logic though, my daughter should sleep with at least 20 men. And considering that she is in HS and has other things to worry about, maybe she can schedule it such that she can have sex with a few of them on the same day to save time?

You're being dramatic. PP is talking about her ow experience.

[Anonymous]

No more than 5.

[Anonymous]

Ideally, 0, for both my daughter and son. I don't think you need more than one sexual partner to have a positive and healthy sex life. In a perfect world, you wouldn't have to kiss any frogs before you found your prince/princess! All the same I am not going to lose my shit if my kids live their own lives and make their own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physical differences
Brain chemistry differences
Hormonal differences
Reproductive differences.

I mean how crazy is it to deny that mothers birth babies and that men inseminate women.

And that's a big big difference if ask me!

Citation please. And the fact that I gestate doesn't seem relevant to how I experience sex.

There is no citation needed for something that everyone already knows.

Yes, because you carry eggs and gestate makes an enormous difference in the sexual experience - aside from being the penetrated vs the penetrator.

The potential consequences of each sexual encounter for a female are significantly higher than they are for a male.

Even if we have gotten better with our contraceptives, the hard wiring is in place from thousands of years and it won't change in two or three generations.

Its like this:

Person A has 10 coins and Person B has 1000 coins. Should person A and person B enter in a 50/50 coin toss - winner take all?

Of course not.

Females have much more to lose/gain from a sexual experience than a man does.

We all know men and women are different. We all know that there are physical differences and real differences in our design and purpose


Would you create two machines with different parts designed to do different things and give them the same exact software?

Of course not.

PS I'm not arguing against equality in general, etc. I am arguing against this notion that somehow men and women are identical in every way.