Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As many or as few as my daughter (or my son, for that matter) wanted to have while staying safe and healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. In our family, we don't slut-shame.

so 100 would be ok if she felt safe and healthy?

Sure. Honestly, I think 100 wouldn't even be that high if you end up marrying late like late thirties, early forties. Some people have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the one.

At those ridiculously highly fictional numbers, it's obviously a person who needs Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: http://www.slaafws.org/

Growing up in DC in the 1980s, I've known an handful of men and women like this. They're always tortured. They're either driven by repetition compulsion or some other affliction. Almost all want a solid, loving relationship with someone who really cares about them. Nobody wants to be used, certainly not seriously.

However, I honestly think you're being disingenuous in your post and that you'd never consider LTRs with anyone of that description.

Some people see sex as an enjoyable way to get some necessary physical release and don't view every partner as a potential ltr. Just a little FYI.

Another flip response by a non-parent who doesn't take the call of the question seriously. I bet you haven't had sex in months yourself.

Grow up.

Parent of a daughter here, and I completely agree that sex can absolutely be only about physical release. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you're safe. What's wrong with that?

As long as you tell your partner at the outset, get tested, and use condoms, absolutely nothing. However, if you cheat on another monogamous partner without telling that person in advance so that s/he can opt out, then in Dan Savage's words, you're a CPOS, as opposed to a monogamish partner who gave the other partner prior notice.

Huh? Who's talking about cheating? Of course cheating is wrong.

[Anonymous]

The choices my children make with their adult sex lives is none of my business. If you care, you are a creepy pervert. WTF?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The choices my children make with their adult sex lives is none of my business. If you care, you are a creepy pervert. WTF?!

+1

[Anonymous]

Why would you care, OP?!! It's none of your business what your daughter does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about oxytocin release?

We now know that in females sexual activity releases oxytocin and creates pair bond feelings.

to those who say 100 partners is ok - what about the tendency for women to bond to their partners?

Bond / break / bond / break

Is that healthy?

This is a very good point!! Biology affects our emotions. This is why men can have so many partners and not feel anything. Women are biologically wired differently then men. All the sexual freedom in the world can not change this. The more partners a woman has the more likely she will have emotional baggage.

I say again -- this is bullshit. Oxytocin doesn't work that way. It generates good feelings, but you don't imprint on the first cock you have. Women are not baby ducks. Humans don't operate on instinct that way.

[Anonymous]

I hope my daughters have more partners than I did and start younger.

I married the first guy I slept with and didn't lose it til I was well over 19.

[Anonymous]

Oxytocin is not specifically a "sex hormone." It's a social hormone. Petting a dog causes the release of oxytocin. Hugging a friend causes a release of oxytocin. Breast feeding a baby causes a release of oxytocin. Yet we don't encourage people to only pet one dog in their lives or to not pet too many dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many or as few as my daughter (or my son, for that matter) wanted to have while staying safe and healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. In our family, we don't slut-shame.

so 100 would be ok if she felt safe and healthy?

Sure. Honestly, I think 100 wouldn't even be that high if you end up marrying late like late thirties, early forties. Some people have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the one.

At those ridiculously highly fictional numbers, it's obviously a person who needs Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: http://www.slaafws.org/

Growing up in DC in the 1980s, I've known an handful of men and women like this. They're always tortured. They're either driven by repetition compulsion or some other affliction. Almost all want a solid, loving relationship with someone who really cares about them. Nobody wants to be used, certainly not seriously.

However, I honestly think you're being disingenuous in your post and that you'd never consider LTRs with anyone of that description.

Some people see sex as an enjoyable way to get some necessary physical release and don't view every partner as a potential ltr. Just a little FYI.

If you honestly believe this tell your partner, get tested on a regular basis and use a condom every single time you have sex.

BTW, this approach doesn't work well with very many women. If you want one reaction, watch Carmen Diaz's character's response to being called a "fuck buddy" by Tom Cruise's character in "Vanilla Sky."

I haven't seen this movie but I've never been crushed when a guy I fancied didn't want anything serious. They seldom do in college anyway. Most people just want to have some fun and then gossip to their friends afterwards It doesn't have to be a big deal.

That's another thing. I don't think many people just want to compare sexual experiences around the breakfast table the day afterward. That's a myth perpetuated by "Sex and the City" and shows like that.

Here's what my friends and I heard more of: "Oh, I met this terrific guy. We're going out Friday, and if it works out, I'll introduce you to him."
Occasionally, we heard something like this: "I slept with X and he didn't call back. What went wrong?"
Then, we'd all commiserate about it and help her through it until she met someone else.

Um, ok. You do get that other people, who are not you and your friends, exist, right? Because my friends and I had those conversations frequently, and I never watched SATC.

Oooh, who's having a bad day on DCUM? Because it sounds like I struck a nerve. A little sensitive, are you very much? Not so happy with yourself, perhaps? Because you're the one who reacted, not me.

Stick to the topic at hand, if you're able.

I'm fine, thanks. Not quite sure where you're getting the "off topic" charge. You said you thought people never did X because you and your friends didn't. I was pointing out that my friends and I did X quite often. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I have to say that it is really crazy to me that some are saying there's something wrong with having double digit numbers in your early twenties. IMO, whether you have a "high" number or not mostly depends on luck and when you met your future husband.

Would you feel the same about your sons?

I don't have any sons, but I wouldn't feel the same about sons. I would like their numbers to be higher. Not much higher, but higher, as, say, 4-8.

Why? Why do you feel differently about women's numbers vs men's ?

Huh? For the same reason I would like my sons but not my daughters to be over 6 feet tall. What works for one doesn't work for the other. It's different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I have to say that it is really crazy to me that some are saying there's something wrong with having double digit numbers in your early twenties. IMO, whether you have a "high" number or not mostly depends on luck and when you met your future husband.

Would you feel the same about your sons?

I don't have any sons, but I wouldn't feel the same about sons. I would like their numbers to be higher. Not much higher, but higher, as, say, 4-8.

Why? Why do you feel differently about women's numbers vs men's ?

Huh? For the same reason I would like my sons but not my daughters to be over 6 feet tall. What works for one doesn't work for the other. It's different.

Why is it different? It's sad that you would praise your son but demoralize your daughter for the same thing. This is what's wrong with society and why some men treat women like shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I have to say that it is really crazy to me that some are saying there's something wrong with having double digit numbers in your early twenties. IMO, whether you have a "high" number or not mostly depends on luck and when you met your future husband.

Would you feel the same about your sons?

I don't have any sons, but I wouldn't feel the same about sons. I would like their numbers to be higher. Not much higher, but higher, as, say, 4-8.

Why? Why do you feel differently about women's numbers vs men's ?

Huh? For the same reason I would like my sons but not my daughters to be over 6 feet tall. What works for one doesn't work for the other. It's different.

You understand that you are sexist, right?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:2-5
Start 17-19

What do you think when other posters say that basically infinity is ok?

Not PP, but I think if you have a problem with how many people my daughter has fucked, then you need to push off. Not every woman has to live her life hoping for attention from you.

If a woman has had "too many partners," by your estimation, then go find someone else to date.

Why do you think I am trying to date your daughter?

Why so angry?

LMAO. Not pp, but YOU seem the one angry about daughters and sex partners. Unhealthily obsessed. Get some help.

Why do I seem angry?

I'm just asking questions.

Seems like some folks are bringing their own guilt to this conversation and acting overly defensive. Especially revealing when they get all ad hominem.

It's so annoying when someone is nasty and judgmental and then calls other people "gulty" or "defensive" for responding to their nastiness with anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-5
Start 17-19

What do you think when other posters say that basically infinity is ok?

Not PP, but I think if you have a problem with how many people my daughter has fucked, then you need to push off. Not every woman has to live her life hoping for attention from you.

If a woman has had "too many partners," by your estimation, then go find someone else to date.

Why do you think I am trying to date your daughter?

Why so angry?

LMAO. Not pp, but YOU seem the one angry about daughters and sex partners. Unhealthily obsessed. Get some help.

Why do I seem angry?

I'm just asking questions.

Seems like some folks are bringing their own guilt to this conversation and acting overly defensive. Especially revealing when they get all ad hominem.

It's so annoying when someone is nasty and judgmental and then calls other people "gulty" or "defensive" for responding to their nastiness with anger.

+1

[Anonymous]

Men and women are physically different

They participate in the sex act differently

Thus different standards are reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many or as few as my daughter (or my son, for that matter) wanted to have while staying safe and healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. In our family, we don't slut-shame.

so 100 would be ok if she felt safe and healthy?

Sure. Honestly, I think 100 wouldn't even be that high if you end up marrying late like late thirties, early forties. Some people have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the one.

At those ridiculously highly fictional numbers, it's obviously a person who needs Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: http://www.slaafws.org/

Growing up in DC in the 1980s, I've known an handful of men and women like this. They're always tortured. They're either driven by repetition compulsion or some other affliction. Almost all want a solid, loving relationship with someone who really cares about them. Nobody wants to be used, certainly not seriously.

However, I honestly think you're being disingenuous in your post and that you'd never consider LTRs with anyone of that description.

Some people see sex as an enjoyable way to get some necessary physical release and don't view every partner as a potential ltr. Just a little FYI.

If you honestly believe this tell your partner, get tested on a regular basis and use a condom every single time you have sex.

BTW, this approach doesn't work well with very many women. If you want one reaction, watch Carmen Diaz's character's response to being called a "fuck buddy" by Tom Cruise's character in "Vanilla Sky."

I haven't seen this movie but I've never been crushed when a guy I fancied didn't want anything serious. They seldom do in college anyway. Most people just want to have some fun and then gossip to their friends afterwards It doesn't have to be a big deal.

That's another thing. I don't think many people just want to compare sexual experiences around the breakfast table the day afterward. That's a myth perpetuated by "Sex and the City" and shows like that.

Here's what my friends and I heard more of: "Oh, I met this terrific guy. We're going out Friday, and if it works out, I'll introduce you to him."
Occasionally, we heard something like this: "I slept with X and he didn't call back. What went wrong?"
Then, we'd all commiserate about it and help her through it until she met someone else.

Um, ok. You do get that other people, who are not you and your friends, exist, right? Because my friends and I had those conversations frequently, and I never watched SATC.

Oooh, who's having a bad day on DCUM? Because it sounds like I struck a nerve. A little sensitive, are you very much? Not so happy with yourself, perhaps? Because you're the one who reacted, not me.

Stick to the topic at hand, if you're able.

I'm fine, thanks. Not quite sure where you're getting the "off topic" charge. You said you thought people never did X because you and your friends didn't. I was pointing out that my friends and I did X quite often. Calm down.

I'm calm. You're irrational. You obviously don't understand my point and I'm not interested in explaining it to you again, so get over yourself.