Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are the two of you friends with each other? It sounds like you are not compatible as friends and you are both kind of rude to each other and push each other's buttons.

Hush. All women are fake friends

sadly, this is kind of true

Sad for you maybe.

Yeah well I'm a guy but I grew up with 5 sisters so I notice things

I am not a fake friend. Maybe fifty percent of women are.

+1

I'm not a fake friend and neither are my female friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel strongly that there are times where you communicate verbally and not in writing and this was one of those times.

Orally. OP did communicate verbally, with words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now we are obligated to agree with everything anyone says or else it’s a racist microaggression?

Geez I miss the 90s when everyone wasn’t so high-strung and constantly looking for ways to be offended.

Remember when friendly debates could simply end in “Whatever” and then everyone moved on? Sigh.

It isn't about agreeing with everything. It's fine if you disagree with me. But when someone else says the exact same thing 5 mins later, it makes you wonder, "why didn't she believe me?"

DP - I get that. But in this example, the man said his wife, a POC, had that experience the OP described. Is it a microagression or objectively changing her mind based on more facts/experiences?

Why does she need more facts/experiences beyond those of her friend, who works in this field?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its wild that she disagreed with you, for so many reasons, but since you said this has happened before - I would guess its just her difficult personality type.

?

So now anyone who disagrees has a difficult personality?

Ya know, sometimes people are just dumb. Or clueless. That doesn’t mean they are difficult.

And sometimes facts don’t dictate a right or wrong answer, meaning different opinions are fine.

What on earth are you blabbering about? OP stated a FACT. A well known fact, at that. This wasn't a matter of opinion. And frankly, OP's knowledge of the topic should be worth far more than one person's anecdote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its wild that she disagreed with you, for so many reasons, but since you said this has happened before - I would guess its just her difficult personality type.

?

So now anyone who disagrees has a difficult personality?

Ya know, sometimes people are just dumb. Or clueless. That doesn’t mean they are difficult.

And sometimes facts don’t dictate a right or wrong answer, meaning different opinions are fine.

Unless this woman lives under a rock, its common knowledge that POC have a higher mortality rate when it comes to childbirth. Its a wild thing to disagree with a 1- an NP who studied this and 2- a POC who may have more insight. Some people are just contrary.

Like I said: some people are just dumb. The friend obviously doesn’t read legit news.

As to not immediately believing her friend, that could be explained by:

1. The fact she isn’t up to speed on the research, and

2. The fact that she lives in an area that isn’t racist and everyone has access to high quality healthcare.

That could all be true but when someone tells me something I don't know or think is true, I have the intellectual curiosity to try to learn more about it. Sounds like friend didn't.

Maybe.

I wasn’t there, so I don’t know how she reacted. Maybe she said something like, “No, that can’t be right.”

And that’s probably a normal reaction who is just hearing this for the first time. After all, it’s shocking to hear such a thing in 2026, right?

I mean, I doubt she reacted with, “Get outta here! What a stupid thing to suggest!”

The first part, yes, the US has abysmal childbirth mortality rates and that is shocking. But that women of color have the worst statistics is not remotely surprising, even in 2026. Where are you living? Are you one of those people who thought racism ended with the Civil War?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a “microaggresion”? Seriously? I can see how you’d be annoyed by your friend doubting you due to your line of work. But your race has nothing to do with it. Do you typically claim “microaggression” when anyone disagrees with you?

OP said the friend does this often, so I'm sure she has more to go on than just this one incident. If the friend believes other people's statements but questions OP's then yeah, she probably is engaging in microagressions. Are you a person of color? If not, I think you need to kindly shut up and give weight to OP's story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

You are.

Also, it’s not all about race. 🙄

Are you White?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are the two of you friends with each other? It sounds like you are not compatible as friends and you are both kind of rude to each other and push each other's buttons.

Hush. All women are fake friends

sadly, this is kind of true

Sad for you maybe.

Yeah well I'm a guy but I grew up with 5 sisters so I notice things

I am not a fake friend. Maybe fifty percent of women are.

+1

I'm not a fake friend and neither are my female friends

The same women can be real friends to some of interested close fawning or bullying acquaintances to others. We’re in DC after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, to provide full context:

I am a women's health NP and also a CNM. We were discussion the how dangerous birth can be. This came up due to a number of influences either dying recently or having sever complications from home births gone wrong.

I was mentioning that the US has a high mat mortality rate for a developed country and the rate is higher among women of color. She said that she didn't think that was true.

The man who interjected mentioned how his wife is also a WOC and he has seen how medical bias is a real thing and he can see how it would lead to negative things happening.


I didn't want to go into detail at first for privacy, but at this point, if she sees this, she will already know it's me.

NP: To OP, I was on your side before and now I definitely am. Doesn't everyone know the bolded?

Yes, the bolded is common knowledge, but I get skeptical of some of the associated statistics, especially when looking at DC stats. I would not go along with attributing the entire increase to healthcare worker biases or healthcare worker racism. Healthcare access, obesity and other comorbidities, especially wholly untreated ones, etc.
I’m not sure what exactly the friend was disagreeing with, but it gets grayer than the bolded.

I thought a microaggression was, almost by definition, not a slight from a friend but a coworker or stranger.

Huh? Why on earth would you think that? Other than hopefully friends wouldn't do such things to their friends. But anyone can commit a microagression, including a white person married to a person of color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would never speak to you again.

+1

My friend (a white woman) has done this to me (a white woman) and I would never NEVER accuse her of micro aggression or whatever you think it is. You’re nuts!!

And you're nuts because you clearly don't know what a micro-aggression is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are the two of you friends with each other? It sounds like you are not compatible as friends and you are both kind of rude to each other and push each other's buttons.

Hush. All women are fake friends

sadly, this is kind of true

Sad for you maybe.

Yeah well I'm a guy but I grew up with 5 sisters so I notice things

I am not a fake friend. Maybe fifty percent of women are.

+1

I'm not a fake friend and neither are my female friends

The same women can be real friends to some of interested close fawning or bullying acquaintances to others. We’re in DC after all.

*”and” not “of”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

You are.

Also, it’s not all about race. 🙄

+1

Yo literally just accused your friend - YOUR FRIEND - of racism. Why the heck would she want to continue a friendship with someone who thinks she’s racist when she knows she’s not.

I'm a White woman and I am so unbelievably annoyed by you stupid PPs who are likely also White women. You don't think FRIENDS can say racist things to their friends, especially if you're talking about something small, which is what OP was getting at? Wait wait, tell me how many Black friends you have. Tell me how many Black neighbors you have. You people are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its wild that she disagreed with you, for so many reasons, but since you said this has happened before - I would guess its just her difficult personality type.

?

So now anyone who disagrees has a difficult personality?

Ya know, sometimes people are just dumb. Or clueless. That doesn’t mean they are difficult.

And sometimes facts don’t dictate a right or wrong answer, meaning different opinions are fine.

Unless this woman lives under a rock, its common knowledge that POC have a higher mortality rate when it comes to childbirth. Its a wild thing to disagree with a 1- an NP who studied this and 2- a POC who may have more insight. Some people are just contrary.

Like I said: some people are just dumb. The friend obviously doesn’t read legit news.

As to not immediately believing her friend, that could be explained by:

1. The fact she isn’t up to speed on the research, and

2. The fact that she lives in an area that isn’t racist and everyone has access to high quality healthcare.

What area might that be 🤣🤣🤣

Montgomery County…where uninsured women of color deliver babies at Holy Cross, a high quality hospital, without issue…and the county’s politics skew super-liberal and millions are invested annually to combat racism and prioritize DEI, etc.

2026 in MoCo is pretty fair and balanced.

I'm going to sit back and wait for the comments from the POC who live in MoCo...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

+1. Liberal white women are the worst. I’m surprised you came to ask this question on DCUM. From now on, OP, you can really only trust other people of color to understand these dynamics (and I do appreciate the 47 year old white male here as well). Never bring these topics up in white spaces because they will gaslight you to hell and back.

For what it's worth, I'm a liberal white woman and I posted that I think OP is right. I'm also disgusted by some of the comments. I truly thought I'd find better on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

Whew, Lord! That is csnty af. Unsolicited advice is always criticism. Don't criticize if you don't need to. If you're angry, and you need to get it off your chest to clear the air, then own that. If you're not, then STFU and MYOB.

So you wouldn't want a friend to tell you if you said or did something that offended them? Talk about being a c*nt.