Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

Ok, that's fair and thank you for adding the context. I will say that some people are just kind of like this with people they know. Like my mom acts like your friend until she hears it from someone other than me, and my mom and I are of the same race and gender. I do see how you would take it that way if you are a POC and your friend is white and the third party was white, but it's not necessarily the case. It may hurt your friend to be perceived as basically racist for it.

[Anonymous]

Not everything is about race
I would ditch you - you are toxic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

Ok, that's fair and thank you for adding the context. I will say that some people are just kind of like this with people they know. Like my mom acts like your friend until she hears it from someone other than me, and my mom and I are of the same race and gender. I do see how you would take it that way if you are a POC and your friend is white and the third party was white, but it's not necessarily the case. It may hurt your friend to be perceived as basically racist for it.

1000% I don't know your age OP, but this is definitely a generational thing to that the 50+ women in my family do. It drives me insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everything is about race
I would ditch you - you are toxic

Agree. OP is toxic. If I received that text, I would cut her off as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not a microaggression.

Yes, it is. OP, I think it's perfectly fine to let your friend know how you feel, especially if this is a pattern rather than a one-off. But you should have told her right then and there. Not later, via text. That's kinda lame.

So any disagreements between friends who are not both white are mico-aggressive in nature?

Disagreement isn’t a microaggression. People of different races disagree all the time, and that’s normal. The issue in the original example wasn’t disagreement; it was credibility. The OP, a Black woman, shared something based on her education and career experience, and wasn’t believed. The same information was accepted once a white man validated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think OP was rude to share her feelings. OP if I were your friend I would want to know, and apologize. She sounds too defensive and lacking in accountability.

OP sounds extremely defensive. If she had simply said, it upset me that you believed a stranger over me, that would be one thing. But to call this a micro-agression AND rattle off her credentials is massively defensive. OP is looking to be offended based on race.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

[Anonymous]

Your right, not overreacting.

Don’t be freinds with racist women.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree this is a microaggression, but why would you want to continue a friendship with someone who does this regularly? As a Black woman myself, I do not understand this.

[Anonymous]

Op here, to provide full context:

I am a women's health NP and also a CNM. We were discussion the how dangerous birth can be. This came up due to a number of influences either dying recently or having sever complications from home births gone wrong.

I was mentioning that the US has a high mat mortality rate for a developed country and the rate is higher among women of color. She said that she didn't think that was true.

The man who interjected mentioned how his wife is also a WOC and he has seen how medical bias is a real thing and he can see how it would lead to negative things happening.


I didn't want to go into detail at first for privacy, but at this point, if she sees this, she will already know it's me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not a microaggression.

Yes, it is. OP, I think it's perfectly fine to let your friend know how you feel, especially if this is a pattern rather than a one-off. But you should have told her right then and there. Not later, via text. That's kinda lame.

So any disagreements between friends who are not both white are mico-aggressive in nature?

Disagreement isn’t a microaggression. People of different races disagree all the time, and that’s normal. The issue in the original example wasn’t disagreement; it was credibility. The OP, a Black woman, shared something based on her education and career experience, and wasn’t believed. The same information was accepted once a white man validated it.

My guess is that friend would have conceded based on any random stranger having interrupted (which is weird in itself) and realized she must be wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds pushy, arrogant, and less intelligent or qualified than she believes she is. The friend probably realized that.

Not everything is about racism. Sometimes someone, like OP, is just full of themselves and arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, to provide full context:

I am a women's health NP and also a CNM. We were discussion the how dangerous birth can be. This came up due to a number of influences either dying recently or having sever complications from home births gone wrong.

I was mentioning that the US has a high mat mortality rate for a developed country and the rate is higher among women of color. She said that she didn't think that was true.

The man who interjected mentioned how his wife is also a WOC and he has seen how medical bias is a real thing and he can see how it would lead to negative things happening.


I didn't want to go into detail at first for privacy, but at this point, if she sees this, she will already know it's me.

NPs always have an inflated opinion of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, some people don't want to be friends with know-it-alls who are pushy and assume everything is about race. It doesn't mean you're wrong, but I'd consider how you come off to your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not a microaggression.

Yes, it is. OP, I think it's perfectly fine to let your friend know how you feel, especially if this is a pattern rather than a one-off. But you should have told her right then and there. Not later, via text. That's kinda lame.

So any disagreements between friends who are not both white are mico-aggressive in nature?

Disagreement isn’t a microaggression. People of different races disagree all the time, and that’s normal. The issue in the original example wasn’t disagreement; it was credibility. The OP, a Black woman, shared something based on her education and career experience, and wasn’t believed. The same information was accepted once a white man validated it.

My guess is that friend would have conceded based on any random stranger having interrupted (which is weird in itself) and realized she must be wrong.

We can guess all day about hypotheticals. What happened was that she didn’t believe her, but did believe him.

That credibility gap is the issue.