Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

I think the problem is that you need to pick better friends.
And so does she.
Friends don't do stuff like this to one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not a microaggression.

Yes, it is. OP, I think it's perfectly fine to let your friend know how you feel, especially if this is a pattern rather than a one-off. But you should have told her right then and there. Not later, via text. That's kinda lame.

So any disagreements between friends who are not both white are mico-aggressive in nature?

Disagreement isn’t a microaggression. People of different races disagree all the time, and that’s normal. The issue in the original example wasn’t disagreement; it was credibility. The OP, a Black woman, shared something based on her education and career experience, and wasn’t believed. The same information was accepted once a white man validated it.

My guess is that friend would have conceded based on any random stranger having interrupted (which is weird in itself) and realized she must be wrong.

Which again, is something that WOC and women in general experience way too often. Why do you need some stranger to validate what this person said to you. Why do you believe the stranger to be more credible than your close friend? Honestly, the fact that so many people here insist this isn't a microagrssion is crazy. Not believing POC when they tell you their experience and how it made them feel is a microaggression in itself.

[Anonymous]

No, I agree with you - but I would have just ghosted her instead of confronting her.
I know, it’s bad not to call out micro aggressions, I do it at work, but not in personal life unless it’s something I witnessed versus being the victim.
But she is not going to change.

[Anonymous]

This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, to provide full context:

I am a women's health NP and also a CNM. We were discussion the how dangerous birth can be. This came up due to a number of influences either dying recently or having sever complications from home births gone wrong.

I was mentioning that the US has a high mat mortality rate for a developed country and the rate is higher among women of color. She said that she didn't think that was true.

The man who interjected mentioned how his wife is also a WOC and he has seen how medical bias is a real thing and he can see how it would lead to negative things happening.


I didn't want to go into detail at first for privacy, but at this point, if she sees this, she will already know it's me.

NPs always have an inflated opinion of themselves.

Ad hominem attacks are the refuge of those who have no real argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your right, not overreacting.

Don’t be freinds with racist women.

+1
You'll eventually get fed up but if you want to prolong the disappointment, it might be the only way to learn. It took me way too long to realize that putting up with the little bits of racist remarks no matter if they are clueless to the racism and 9 out of 10 whites would not find it racist, the comments add up and disrespectful behavior wont be far behind. Clear your attention/effort/time with dismissive people, for people who respect you as a person.

[Anonymous]

I doubt she even believed the guy at the other table. She was probably embarrassed that you were causing enough of a scene that someone else intervened and just agreed to keep the peace. You seem exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

I think the problem is that you need to pick better friends.
And so does she.
Friends don't do stuff like this to one another.

This. Both parties are not behaving the way friends should behave toward each other. Is this an actual friendship or one of convenience or a forced one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1!! This is never a good place to ask about racism, it is all but non-existent to the avid posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think OP was rude to share her feelings. OP if I were your friend I would want to know, and apologize. She sounds too defensive and lacking in accountability.

OP sounds extremely defensive. If she had simply said, it upset me that you believed a stranger over me, that would be one thing. But to call this a micro-agression AND rattle off her credentials is massively defensive. OP is looking to be offended based on race.

😩🤣🤣🤣😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I doubt she even believed the guy at the other table. She was probably embarrassed that you were causing enough of a scene that someone else intervened and just agreed to keep the peace. You seem exhausting.

This, you both sound exhausting. It's not a good combination. Both of you need new friends and probably need to look at your own behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, to provide full context:

I am a women's health NP and also a CNM. We were discussion the how dangerous birth can be. This came up due to a number of influences either dying recently or having sever complications from home births gone wrong.

I was mentioning that the US has a high mat mortality rate for a developed country and the rate is higher among women of color. She said that she didn't think that was true.

The man who interjected mentioned how his wife is also a WOC and he has seen how medical bias is a real thing and he can see how it would lead to negative things happening.


I didn't want to go into detail at first for privacy, but at this point, if she sees this, she will already know it's me.

Well now that we know the full story, this is common sense. Of course people who are discriminated against will have poor health outcomes when they have to rely on medical professionals of other races or origins.

[Anonymous]

So he's not just a white man, he's a white man who has experience married to a WOC. The story is not exactly as how you originally described. Its not as if he tried to mansplain, he gave her perspective from a real life scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I doubt she even believed the guy at the other table. She was probably embarrassed that you were causing enough of a scene that someone else intervened and just agreed to keep the peace. You seem exhausting.

OP here, no scene was made. We were talking at normal volumes and we weren't upset. It was a friendly conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's not just a white man, he's a white man who has experience married to a WOC. The story is not exactly as how you originally described. Its not as if he tried to mansplain, he gave her perspective from a real life scenario.

And the perspective coming from the real life WOC in front of her wasn't sufficient?