Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

+1. Liberal white women are the worst. I’m surprised you came to ask this question on DCUM. From now on, OP, you can really only trust other people of color to understand these dynamics (and I do appreciate the 47 year old white male here as well). Never bring these topics up in white spaces because they will gaslight you to hell and back.

For what it's worth, I'm a liberal white woman and I posted that I think OP is right. I'm also disgusted by some of the comments. I truly thought I'd find better on DCUM.

I'm a pp white woman and agree that the white women need to stop talking because they're digging a deeper hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the average age of the women responding on this thread? I have to assume this is skewing older because these responses are bananas.

I'm 46 and I agree - I am honestly shocked at these responses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would be annoyed at your friend too. BUT you basically told your friend that you thinks she is racist. That's a really loaded accusation to make, especially when there are other possible explanations. For instance, maybe she still believes she is right, but didn't want to argue with a stranger who inserted himself in your conversation (weird).

If I had a friend who accused me of racism, I would feel mortified. I would apolgzie and certainly reflect on my behavior. Probably wouldn't be able to move forward though because I would feel to anxious to be around you.

Accusing a white person of being racist or accusing them of micro aggressions has now become a moral transgression. It is kind of like telling your friend that she is liar or a thief. The topic has become so loaded that it is difficult to engage in an honest conversation.

I'm sorry, WHAT? Did you literally just say that because it is so, so awful to point out to someone that what they said was racist, we should just NOT do that because it'll hurt their feelings more than it would hurt a person of color to hear the statement? Are you for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

Same! It always seems that women and especially WOC are supposed to address everything perfectly. That takes so much energy and gets exhausting. Don't listen to the haters, OP. It was an aggression and you said what you needed to say.

Op used the race card and if she has this victim mentality then she has much bigger problems to worry about in the future. She might not have any good friends out of her race and her victim mentality would make her more angry and entitled.

I'm sorry, has this thread been taken over by trolls? Who are the people responding to this? What the actual f^@% are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP… now you know the average white woman is going to freak out at the slightest whiff of her racial bias being called out. Here you have 9 pages of women in complete denial that a white woman could possibly commit a micro aggression against a friend. So hopefully that at least explains your friend’s reaction! Ha!

In reality there is nothing wrong with saying how you feel and how something came across. I would want to know if my friend felt this way, and I would seek to understand why. Unfortunately that does not seem to be the instinct for everyone or even most people.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

Same! It always seems that women and especially WOC are supposed to address everything perfectly. That takes so much energy and gets exhausting. Don't listen to the haters, OP. It was an aggression and you said what you needed to say.

She doesn’t need to address it at all, because her friend literally did nothing wrong except disagree with the OP. Everything else is conjecture and speculation invented by the OP. If these exercises are exhausting then by all means OP should not engage these thoughts, or stop being friends.

You don't "disagree" with people over facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

I would love to know how all the women gaslighting OP feel when someone discredits their professional opinion or life experience. Guessing since they all want OP to toughen up, they must not care at all when they are disrespected

If I had to guess, the women gaslighting OP aren't professionals and don't have much life experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a POC lawyer, JD joint MBA from NYU, lead counsel in dozens of federal trials. I can't tell you how many times clients were skeptical of my advice until a 25 y.o. white associate confirmed what I had just said.

I'm a female lawyer, JD, LLM from Georgetown, Honors SLIP and DOJ attorney and I experienced the same for being a woman. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I were a WOC. Honestly, shame on most of you posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

+1. Liberal white women are the worst. I’m surprised you came to ask this question on DCUM. From now on, OP, you can really only trust other people of color to understand these dynamics (and I do appreciate the 47 year old white male here as well). Never bring these topics up in white spaces because they will gaslight you to hell and back.

Hey, I'm a liberal white woman, and I agreed with OP above. I also agree with you, however, that most liberal white women are the worst. Just not me.

Well, what I meant was, “not all white liberal women,” which I hope was implied. As a woman of color I certainly have absolute gem white liberal women friends- it’s just not the norm and I certainly don’t trust most white people in general (while also acknowledging how amazing some are!). I just don’t think DCUM is a place where a woman of color should come for advice on microaggressions and race/power dynamics. Especially when it’s clear that the majority of people who are gaslighting her are clearly white.

As a liberal white woman, I'm sorry about the reception OP received here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what you are asking. You sent the text, she said it wasn't like that. What can you do next? Either believe that isn't the place she is coming from, or pull back from the friendship.

+1.

What is this text supposed to achieve? It's either she gets it or she doesn't. Trust your instincts. If you think her arguments on POC issues are usually unreasonable and dismissive, let the friendship go.

It sounds like OP was giving her friend a chance to get it with the text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

As a white woman I find your post abhorrent. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yay! As a WOC, it is so nice to see people actually have our back for a change. 💕😍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you assuming that your friend was not acting in good faith when she disagreed with you?

OP here,
Because she regularly hand waves and dismisses things that I say to her. She hears the same thing from someone else and suddenly she believes it. I will apologize for my rudeness, but I was just kind of over it in the moment and shouldn't have lashed out.

You seem obsessed OP. If you can’t let small things go, then good luck.

Yes, silly little OP for being upset at her friend's small racism. She should just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

+100.
WW, especially mothers, owe infinite care, forgiveness, patience, selflessness, emotional labor, actual labor, to absolutely everyone around us, in our home of course, but to our neighbors, at kids’ schools, in the office. Everyone gets the spoils and the promotions, we get second-guessing of our intentions, morals, abilities. I would have zero patience for OP’s paranoid opinions of her friend that escalated into a sad tantrum.

Lol. So you mean you are patient and selfless to other white people you are related to. Yeah sorry, that doesn't excuse your racism.

Huh? What racism did you get from my reply? Did you read racism in my being over everyone’s demanding BS? Do you always write “so you mean” and repeat the first fifth of what someone wrote, then indict them for not mentioning the other four fifths? Not smart.

Did you read your own post? Talking about how patient you are with everyone except WOC who challenge your self perceptions?

lol no. Right now, I’m patient with you. You’re twisting my words to shove guilt and doubt. Nothing says I’m patient with everyone but WOC. You have a problem, and I won’t carry it for you.

Not the PP you're arguing with but just stop. You sound worse every time you respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No idea if you are overreacting, but you sound like a PITA, and I would stop being friends with you.

Do you always think your friends are PITAs when they tell you how they feel?